A Cry in the Dark
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: ONe of the rangers lives is changed forever. Can he come to terms with it and move on? Mentions of suicide.
1. Terror has a New Face

**Title: A Cry in the Dark **  
**Chapter 1 … Terror has a new Face**

**Summary:** A serial rapist is on the loose targeting male police officers and has now settled his sights on one of the Rangers. Will they stop him in time before he carries out his dark plan? Who will pay the ultimate price?

This is a piece of fan fiction. It is written for pleasure and not for profit. The characters of Walker, Alex, Trivette, Gage, Sydney belong to CBS, Paramount & whoever else owns them. All other characters are my own. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.

NOTE: This story deals with a very sensitive subject and I hope I can discuss it in tact and tell a story at the same time. If you want to flame please do so in a private email!

"See anything?" Captain Reynolds called out to one of his deputy's.

"Not yet sir," he called back in the darkness. He continued to flash his light in the darkness in hopes finding the victim.

"Over here," someone called out frantically.

Captain Reynolds and the man beside him rushed forwards in the dark to the spot he saw numerous pairs of dancing flashlights. He arrived there and winced as he looked down at he horrible sight before him. "Is he alive?"

"Barely," one of the men said feeling the victim's neck. "How many is that now?"

"Too many," Captain Reynolds sighed. "Call an ambulance and I want this area cordoned off."

"Can you believe we are getting married in one week?" Gage asked with a large smile as he sat at the edge of Sydney's desk.

"No," she teased.

"Hey," he said with a frown as Walker and Trivette walked in. They both noticed the looks on their faces and knew something had happened.

"What?" Gage asked quickly.

"Another rape victim was found," Walker sighed.

"How many is that?" Sydney asked in horror.

"Five so far," Walker said in a huff. "Five young police officers kidnapped, brutally beaten and raped."

"That is just so disgusting," Sydney said softly. "I can't even imagine…"

"Yeah no kidding. Did they get any clues this time?" Gage asked.

"No. Everything was the same as the others," Walker said reading the file before him. "All beaten with a blunt instrument, hands tied behind their back. Blindfolded and gagged with duct tape and in their underwear. They were carried to the site in a plastic bag and then dumped by the river in the same spot. No prints, no DNA and no clue as to why they are being targeted."

"Other than this guy hates cops," Gage muttered.

"And knows when they'll be alone," Trivette added. "All of them capable fighters apparently taken by surprise. Each victim said they were attacked by two men in masks and then taken to a dark van. They were tied up and blindfolded and never saw anything else. The voices they can't identify and there were no distinct sounds or smells to tell them where they were being held. They were beaten up, stripped and then the deed was done. Each was missing for about 24 hours and then a phone call was made telling the police where the body might be."

"Any serial rapists that got out recently?" Sydney asked softly.

"None that targeted male victims," Walker said firmly. "It's like he just appeared out of thin air."

Sydney studied Walker's face and noticed something different when the said his last sentence. He looked at Gage in a way that made her get a sick feeling inside. Since this case started she had feared that he might be a target as well. He fit the profile on all counts except one. The rapist targeted only beat cops, nothing higher and no rangers. Yet. She tried to push the feeling away but as she looked up at her handsome fiancée the feeling started to grow.

"So what now?" Sydney asked again.

"Now we wait for the lab results to come back and try to do our best to stop this guy. All beat cops have been put on alert but I'm thinking of doing the same for us," Walker said firmly.

"Us?" Gage asked in surprise. "Walker he's targeting beat cops."

"Doesn't hurt to be prepared," Walker said firmly. He looked at the look on his friend's face and sighed. "This is not open to debate. I…" he started as the phone rang. "Hello Mr. Mayor…"

And that signaled it was time fore everyone to get back to work. Two hours later it was getting dark and time for everyone to get going.

"So what time is your personal shower tonight?" Gage asked Sydney as they walked to her car.

"7pm," she smiled.

"Will you model for me what you get?" He asked with a large smile, to which she smacked him on the shoulder. "No."

"Hey," he laughed in protest. "I am serious."

"And where are you taking him for his stag?" Sydney asked Walker.

"Mud wrestl…" Trivette started only to have Walker smack him on the shoulder.

"What?" Trivette laughed. "Fine," he huffed. "We are going to shoot pool at the pool hall."

"I see," Sydney smiled.

"And where are you guys going?" Gage asked.

"Mud wrestling," she teased.

"Very funny," he said dryly. He pulled her into his arms and firmly kissed her on the lips. "See you later. Love you."

"Okay. I love you too," she whispered as she kissed him back. Gage watched her leave and then turned back to Walker and Trivette. "I'll see you guys in half an hour. I have to pick up that spare bike part," Gage said as he walked to his bike.

"Want us to wait?" Walker asked in concern.

"Nope," he said with a smile. "Go there all the time. He's open late," Gage said as he headed for the bike. He got on and was soon well on his way to the shop to pick up the spare part he ordered. But when he arrived there he found it almost deserted. He never noticed he dark van across the street, watching him intently. Just waiting.

"There he is," one of the masked figures said to the other. "Right on time like we were told."

"Get ready."

Gage got off his bike and headed around the back as the van came over to his side and stopped by his bike. The two large men got out and headed around the back, one on either side to take their unsuspecting victim.

"Hello?" Gage called out. "Anyone here?" Strange they are closed early, he said inside. They never close early.

"Yeah we are," came a voice behind him.

He quickly turned around to see a large dark figure with a lead pipe in his hand. "Uh yeah right," he said with a smile knowing he could easily take the lone man before him. But before he could react the one he never saw moved quickly out of the darkness and struck him hard on the back of the head. He cried out as his body fell face first to the ground. The man the struck him again on the back and he was down, breathing hard and gasping for air.

"Help…" Gage called out in futility as he was struck again in the side. His mind started to race in panic as he remembered that each male cop was attacked by two men in black before being kidnapped and…

"Time to party pretty boy," one of them said grabbing a handful of hair before smashing his face to the cold ground. Gage's chest heaved for air as he lay helpless before his two attackers, his eyes started to water from fear and pain and his heart was racing so fast he was sure the pounding in his ears would make them burst. He tried to get back up but was pushed back down and felt his hands grabbed and forced meanly behind his back and then tightly tied together with rope. He was pulled to his knees and then to his feet. He lightly swayed before his captors as they smiled back at him evilly.

"Who are y…" he started only to have one of them slap a piece of duct tape over his mouth to keep him quiet. Gage protested the gag but knew it was in vain. The man grabbed him by the arm and dragged him towards the dark and waiting van. "Hope you had no plans for the rest of your life," one of them said meanly as they forced him into the dark van and then sealed him inside. Gage struggled against the man and even managed to kick one in the gut. But as the van started to pull away he knew he was trapped. The man just picked himself up and headed into the front seat, laughing at his helpless state.

"You don't look so tough now _cop,_" one of them taunted.

Gage lay on his side in the back of the dark van breathing hard into the gag. He pulled against the ropes until they cut into his hands but he didn't care. He had to get free. Images of the other male rape victims danced in his head and terrified him to death. This can't be happening he said inside. This is something else, he told himself. They just and want money or something. But no matter what he told himself inside he knew he was in for a terrifying night.

The van drove for what seemed like hours to Gage and then finally stopped. One of the men got in the back and knelt down beside him. He pulled out a heavy dark cloth and proceeded to blindfold him with it. Gage tried to fight the darkness but it was a wasted effort as he felt the dark cloth tied behind his head. "Time to go," one of them said as they dragged him out of the van.

Gage pulled against his attacker in protest but received a blow to the back and quickly subsided. He remembered the other victims failed to pay attention to their surroundings and so tried to focus on the things he heard and smelt. But sadly his brain just flashed ugly images of the victims into his mind and everything went blank. HELP ME! His mind yelled in horror. Someone please help me! Sydney help me!

"Welcome to the party _ranger_," one of them snided up close to his ear.

Sydney looked up from one of the gifts she was opening and stopped.

"What is it?" Alex asked softly.

Sydney turned to her with a sheepish smile. "Ever since this case started I get the jitters thinking about those men and the fact that Gage…"

"Sort of fits the profile?" Alex asked in concern.

"Yeah. Silly right?"

"To be concerned about someone we love is never silly," Alex said touching her hand. "He's with Walker tonight. He'll be okay."

"I know," she said forcing a weak smile. "I just get the feeling something is wrong. You know like the bond that you and Walker have, you always know when the other is in trouble? Well it's kinda like that," she explained. "Or it's pre-wedding jitters," she lightly laughed.

"If you're concerned call him when you are done," Alex said.

"No he'll think I'm checking up on him," Sydney insisted. "I'll see him tonight. I'm sure he is okay. He's with Walker right?"

"Maybe he's in the shower," Trivette said to Walker as Walker listened to empty rings on the other end of phone.

"Yeah maybe," Walker said slowly. "Let's go over and pick him up."

"Okay," Trivette said putting his jacket on.

They headed to Walker's truck as he started to get a sick feeling in his stomach. Something is wrong, he told himself as he started up his truck and headed for Gage's apartment.

"I know that silence," Trivette said firmly. "What's wrong?"

"Not sure yet," Walker said firmly. "But I hope Gage is okay."

Gage felt warmth hitting him as he was taken into the building. Where the hell am I, he asked himself in fear?

"Welcome Ranger Gage," a taunting voice said to him.

Gage cursed the darkness as it hindered his alertness but he knew he was in a medium sized building because of the echo and that the man was slowly walking around him.

"I have been watching you for some time now," he continued his slow taunt as he walked up behind Gage. "Can you guess why you're here?"

Watching me? What? Gage felt the man's body press against his from behind and felt his heart start to race faster. This can't be happening, he said inside. Please tell me this is not happening. Oh god please don't let his happen…

"I bet you're telling yourself right now that this can't be happening," he laughed in a low tone as he walked to the other side of Gage. "Well it is and it's real."

Gage tried to focus on his voice but his heart was beating so fast that his eardrums were echoing the loud tones. But when the man leaned in close again he smelt something funny. What is that, he asked himself? His thoughts were quickly broken by the man did next.

"You're a handsome man Francis," the man said leaning in close. "And you're mine." And before Gage could react he grabbed his groin and started to fondle. "All mine to play with."

Gage pulled back in horror but was held fast from behind by two strong men. He yelled into the gag but all that escaped were sad muffled sounds. He shook his head no in protest but the man just laughed and continued. HELP ME! Oh god someone please help me…help me…someone…oh my g….

"Yes ranger Gage you have been brought here for one single purpose," he said leaning in close once again. "Because I have a hunger that needs to be satisfied. Only you can do that."

HELP ME! Gage's mind raced in terror. He felt himself starting to throw up at the man's touching but knew if he did he'd just choke thanks to the gag over his mouth. He felt the man start to stroke his trembling face and knew he was going to throw up.

"So young and handsome," he said evilly. "So mine to destroy."

Gage turned his head away in protest and tried to fight the tears of horror now flooding his closed eyes. He felt the blindfold getting wet but didn't care. This can't be happening, he said to himself. Please tell…oh man I'm going to throw up…

"Feeling sick?" The man laughed, seeming to read his tormented thoughts. Gage shook his head yes and the man ripped the gag off and bent him over. Gage didn't hesitate to throw up and finally sagged to his knees from weakness. He fought back the dry heaves as he felt his lungs starting to burn. "Why…are…you doing…this…to me…?" He begged in torment.

"Because I want to. I have wanted to for some time. I think from the first time I met you," the man said meanly.

Met me? I know this sicko? Oh man he said in a dead panic, who the hell is he? How long has he been watching me? This can't be hap…

The man grabbed a handful of blond hair and jerked his head painfully back. "And when I am done, _Ranger Gage_, I will own you. I will own your life and your thoughts. You will forever be mine."

"You'll…never…own me…" Gage insisted weakly.

"I admire your resistance," the man taunted. "Will make my domination over you that much more satisfying."

"Please don't do this…" Gage begged. "I'm getting…married…next week…"

"Not any more," he laughed. "After what I do she'll hate you for sure. Then you'll be alone. Like me!" He yelled as he pulled Gage up by his hair and let him stand on his own feet again. "Like I said before _Francis_ I now own you. All of you."

"Walker were is he?" Trivette asked in a small panic.

"Let's go and check the bike shop," Walker said quickly. They both hurried to his truck and were once again on their way to find their friend; Walker's bad feeling continuing to grow. They reached the bike shop to find it deserted and no one around.

"So much for being open late," Trivette mused. "Look there's his bike."

"I have a bad feeling about this," Walker said getting out of his truck, followed by his partner. They hurried up to Gage's bike to find it cold. "He's been gone from here some time."

"Damn it!" Trivette cursed. "Check the back." They both hurried to the back only to find the shop closed. Trivette studied the ground and called to Walker. "Look at this," he said pointing to the scuffle and the small spot of blood. Walker got out his phone and called for the forensic team. "I guess I should call Sydney," he said looking at Trivette. "I just can't believe this," he said softly. "Not Gage."

"You think it might be…" Trivette started in horror. "Oh Walker tell me you don't think…"

"I don't know yet," Walker said firmly. "I just have that really bad feeling."

"I hate it when you get that feeling," Trivette said firmly. "Means something very bad is going to happen."

"Feeling better?" The man continued to taunt Gage as he slowly walked around him. Gage shook his head no but continued to slightly tremble and cry into the blindfold. This can't be real, he kept telling himself over and over again.

"I know you're afraid," the man said firmly. "I can see your fear," he said touching the wet blindfold. "You have no need to cry – yet!" He laughed. "I can also smell your fear," he whispered in Gage's ear. "And soon I will taste it. Soon I will taste all you have to offer me."

"Why are you doing this?" Gage asked in a dead whisper. "Why…" he started as his voice broke.

"Very simple really," he taunted in his other ear. "_Because I can_."

"You'll never get away with this," Gage said trying to sound brave, but knew when his voice cracked again it betrayed him, like the beads of sweat starting to run down his face.

"I have so far," he smiled. "You'll be no different. Except…"

Gage didn't even want to know _'the except'_ part. All he knew was he if he this man carried out his evil plan it would kill him. He knew his life would be forever over if he was raped. The word caused his heart to race and his stomach to sicken once again. I'll never survive this, he said inside. Please let me die before that happens, he begged in anguish. Please!

"Aren't you going to ask 'except what'?" The man asked firmly.

Gage said nothing, only stood shaking before his captor.

"I said ask me except what!" The man yelled in his face. When Gage still said nothing he received a hard blow to his mouth making his lower lip split and bleed. "Ask me or I'll…"

"Except…what…" Gage finally mumbled.

"Very good," the man snided. "Except I won't be returning you in 24 hours," he said leaning in close. "You see you're special to me because you have always defied me, always tried to show me up in some way. Well now is my chance to get even. Show you who's really in charge. Put you in your place," he whispered. "I am going to keep you as long as I can and when I do let you go I'll always know where you are how I can get you."

Defy you? What the hell? Who is he? Show him up? I must know him? Who would want to do this to me? Gage felt his body start to shake harder and try as he might to stop his eyes from watering felt the material over them dampen even more. Please don't let this happen.

"I know you're afraid Francis. I thrive on that fear."

"I'm not afraid of you," Gage lied.

"Now I will take a bet on that one," the man said coming closer once again. "I'm willing to bet that each time the darkness will engulf you, the terror in your mind takes over what little sanity you have left, and pushes it aside. I'm willing to bet that each time you wake up, whatever willpower you think you might enjoy weakens each time you check yourself to make sure you're still in tact," he said in his face. "And each time you close your eye's I'm willing to bet it's my voice you hear beside you. When you're alone with your thoughts, it's my dark future that awaits you," the man taunted in slow sentences.

Gage heard his words and knew them to be true. If he does what he says he's going to I'll never be the same. My life will be over. "You might break my body but you'll never break me and you'll never own me!" Gage spat in a shaky voice. He moved his head back and brought it forward and head butted his captor meanly in the face. He was then grabbed by the two men and held firmly in their grip.

"Damn you!" The man yelled out as he tried to stop his nose from bleeding. He walked up to Gage and punched him meanly in the stomach. The men held him fast as he sustained another blow to his already bruised mid-section. He sagged in their arms by the third blow and the men let him fall to the ground, breathing strained breaths.

"That was not a wise move my young captive," the man said standing over him. "Not wise at all."

"Go…to hell…" Gage spat between breaths.

"I have already been there," he said bending down to him. "Now it's time for you to have a taste of hell." The man looked up at the two men that stood before him. "Ready to have some _real_ fun?"

Gage heard the words and felt his body start to shake once again. Oh god please let me die now, he prayed in anguish. Please don't let this happen. Sydney help me!

"Walker?" Sydney asked with a frown as she answered her cell phone. "What's going on?"

Walker looked at Trivette and sighed heavily. "Sydney I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. Gage has been um…"

"What Walker?" She asked quickly making Alex snap to attention. "What about Gage?"

"Gage is missing. He's been kidnapped Sydney."

**Dear readers, this is my first Walker fic. I know it's a deep subject but again I hope I can deal with it in a sensitive way and yet tell a story. Please let me know if I should continue or not? Again any flames please send in a private email. Thanks!**


	2. What Are Little Boys Made Of?

****

Title: A Cry in the Dark   
Chapter 2 … What are Little Boys made of?

(Caution – violent parts) 

*Note: to all who have reviewed and sent encouraging emails so far WOW! To be honest I expected a lot of flames and negative comments. So a HUGE thanks to all of you for encouraging me to continue, to which I will! Yes this subject is tough be we read so many stories of female rape and the consequences but we never see it from the other perspective, the male perspective, how they would deal with this. This story will attempt to do that. So again thanks so much. I hope you all continue to review and show your appreciation for this story. Thanks!!*

Gage lay on the floor trying to piece together all the things his kidnapper was saying. Watching me? Defied him? Arrogant? Wanting me since we met? That last thought made him even sicker. To think that someone he met could have these thoughts was too much to even comprehend. He thought back to all the people he came in contact with in the hopes that he would remember one he was rude to or defied. Sadly as his kidnapper laughed louder thoughts of fear pushed aside sense and reasoning, taking over what little sanity he had left. The thought of what lay ahead for him covered him with such terror he felt himself frozen, unable to move, even breathing was difficult. He can't do this, Gage said inside his anguished mind. It'll kill me. And if it doesn't Sydney's rejection will kill me. Please god let me die now, he begged in sorrow. But his tormentor's evil words brought him crashing back to the sad reality he was still in, the nightmare that he was forced to life during the day.

"So to keep true to form Ranger Gage," the gruff voice said as he stood back up. "It's time to strip you down to what really matters."

"Please don't do this," Gage begged in anguish. His mind immediately started to race with horrible images and he felt his heart starting to race. 

"Boys if you please," the man said in evil delight. 

Gage felt the two men starting to pull his motorcycle boots off and kicked at one clipping them in the jaw, snapping their head back, sending them to the floor, cursing loudly. The second man lunged at him and he kneed him wherever he could sending him flying backward onto the floor.

"Alright fine," the man in charge said angrily. "Perhaps you want a more intimate setting. Take him to the room. I'll have the pleasure of stripping him myself."

"No…" Gage yelled out as he was hauled up and dragged into the back room. "If he moves, shoot him," one of them said angrily as they cut the ropes that bound him. Gage however didn't care and even with the blindfold took a swing at one of them when his hands were free. He was about to yank the blindfold off when he heard a trigger being cocked in his ear. 

"Faster than a speeding bullet _Ranger_?" The man taunted. "Take your jacket off."

"No," Gage said firmly. The other man picked himself back up and hit him in the back of the head. He roughly yanked Gage's jacket from him and then pushed him forwards. He felt himself being held once again as the man in charge walked into the room. 

"Are you behaving Francis?" The man taunted.

"Who the hell are you?" Gage yelled in frustration.

"Oh even with my voice disguised you don't recognize me do you?" The man said leaning in close. "Pity."

"Why are you doing this?" Gage asked sadly.

"Time to take those clothes off," the man said meanly. "See with the others I would usually beat them first so that what they had to experience would be less painful. But with you…" he said taking Gage's jaw in his hand harshly. "You I want to enjoy. I want to take my time and…" he started only to have Gage spit at him. "Come now Francis you're behaving like such a spoiled brat."

"Who the hell are you?" Gage yelled in anger and fear. 

"I am a friend," the man said putting his cheek on Gage's. "Soon the only one you'll ever have."

Gage jerked his head away in anger only to have the man lightly slap him on the cheek and then laugh. Oh Syd you have to find me in time. You have to get me before he does what he…oh man can't…I'll never survive…I'll never…HELP ME! 

"Why don't you show me some of that arrogant attitude you always seem to carry around with you on the job," the man taunted. "You know the Ranger Gage who is always so sure of himself?"

The job? He has seen me on the job? I was arrogant to him? Who the hell is this guy?

"No?" The man laughed at his silence. "Save it for another time then," he continued his taunt. 

"Why do you want to do this to me?" Gage asked in a small voice. 

"Because you stole something from me!" The man spat in anger.

"What?" Gage asked in fear. 

"I'm not going to tell you just yet," the man snided. He pulled out a long buck knife and pressed it against Gage's cheek. "This blade is going to hurt you Francis," he said softly. "So if you behave it'll be less painful."

"Please don't do this," Gage begged in sorrow. 

The man just laughed as he grabbed the top of Gage's shirt with one hand and used the knife to cut a slit all the way down to the waist. He patted Gage on his firm muscular chest and smiled. "You keep yourself well," he smiled evilly. "Thanks so much for saving this for me."

He can't be doing this, Gage said as the man started to slowly rub his hand over his chest. The man went and retrieved some more rope and told his men to bring Gage's hands in front. Gage tried to pull back but received another blow to the back of his head and quickly subsided. 

"You fight more than the rest," the man said in annoyance. "That is very annoying."

Gage felt the rope being wound tighter and tighter around his captive wrists and felt beads of sweat starting to run into the dark blindfold. His heart started to race once again and his body started to tremble. He knew he was supposed to fight but this time shock locked him in place and fear held him still while he was subdued. Finally he pulled against the tight ropes that bound his wrists but there was too much and the knots too tight, he was trapped. Probably for good.

"Put him there," the man directed the ones holding Gage. The dragged him to a center beam and then tied him to it with a few coils of rope around his now bare chest and arms. Gage tried to fight but with his hands bound and his body already going into deeper shock he lost the battle and was immobilized. Once the ropes were secure and the men stepped back he tried to pull himself free. His hands wouldn't reach up far enough to take the blindfold off, as the coils ensured they stayed down. 

"Thank you boys, you may leave us now," the man in charge smiled. "I want to watch for a bit," he said leaning back on the bed and watching Gage struggle in futility. "I could watch this all night Francis," he mocked. "In fact I just might do that. But first there is one more piece of clothing that needs to be taken from you…"

********

Sydney slammed her phone shut and rushed into another room away from the surprised looks of the women that saw her reaction to whatever the person on the other end of the line had told her.

"Sydney what's wrong?" Alex asked quickly. "What's happened?"

"It's Gage…he's uh…he's…" she said turning to her friend in a panic. And then before she could stop them tears automatically welled. "He's been kidnapped…" she whispered. 

"What?" Alex asked in shock. 

"Walker um…he uh told me…" she tried. Her mind was in such a panic that it failed to send the right words to her mouth to actually form sentences. "Walker's coming here…" she finally managed. "Oh Alex…that feeling…that…that feeling was real…and I…I ignored it…" she said finally breaking down.

Alex took Sydney into her arms and hugged her tightly. "Gage is a good fighter and is strong, he'll be okay. Walker will find him."

"What if…I mean this case and Gage…what if he was kidnapped by the rapist?" She asked in horror. "What if Walker doesn't find him in time…Alex I…" she said looking up at her friend. "What if Gage is…"

"Let's try to think that he'll be found before anything like that can happen okay?" Alex asked softly. "Is Walker on his way over?" Sydney nodded her head yes. Alex helped her sit down on the bed of her friend and went to talk to the ladies in the living room. After she had told them she came back to see Sydney who had for the most part composed herself. 

"We have to find him," she said in a firm voice. "And I have to be strong for him. No…matter…what…" she said in sorrow. "I have to be strong."

"Whatever does happen you'll both get through it," Alex said softly.

"Oh Alex what if he…I mean we are supposed to be getting married in…what then?" She asked, her voice breaking again.

"Let's talk to Walker before any assumptions are made okay?"

"Oh Alex wherever he is right now I pray he remembers I still love him and always will."

"He knows that honey," she said softly. "And that will give him the strength he needs."

********  
Gage tried to focus on the happiness he had with Sydney and how much her love meant to him. He loved her more than life itself and in a heartbeat would give himself up for her. But right now as the man continued to touch him all he felt was fear and terror. He had wondered how the others felt, what made them so terrified that they couldn't even remember certain small details. He feared the same was happening. The man's ugly touches once again broke him from his thoughts

"Please don't do this," Gage begged as the man started unzip his jeans. "Just…just…don't do this," he begged in torment.

"Francis my boy," he said in a low mocking tone. "Time to grow up a bit don't you think?"

"Look if you let me go now I won't say a thing…please…just don't do this…" he finished in a sad whisper. He pulled and strained against the ropes but in the end he lost as he felt cool air hitting his now exposed legs. 

"Black boxers," the man smiled. "My favorite." He moved his finger and started to play with the waistband of his underwear, taunting him.

Gage felt shivers starting to cover his almost naked body and knew he was trembling harder.

"Are you cold Francis?" The man asked in concern. "Let me put some more heat on for you."

Gage heard him leave the room and strained to pull the blindfold off. "Have…to…" he said in anger as he tried to pull against the tight ropes. He felt them start to get sticky and knew he had cut into his wrists from pulling. But he didn't care; he had to get free. His heart was racing once again as he heard heavy footsteps coming back in his direction. He strained against the ropes that bound his chest and only gave up when he felt a hand on his chest stopping him.

"Going somewhere?" The man mocked, making him stop his useless attempts. "Didn't think so."

The man walked back to his spot on the old bed and sat down in front of a helpless Gage once again. "It should get warmer in here," he said with a smile. 

"Why do you want to hurt me?" Gage asked in a small voice. "Whatever I did I'm sorry…just don't do this."

"Sorry?" The man asked with a laugh. "I don't believe you Francis," he said firmly. He got up and walked to Gage and stood inches from him. "You were never sorry for anything you did!" And without warning he meanly backhanded Gage on the face. The second hit split his lower lip open once again, making blood run down his chin. "I am going to make you sorry. I'll show you what it's like to be really sorry!" He yelled as he hit him in the side. Once more and Gage was lightly gasping for air, tasting the blood from his lips swishing around with his saliva. He had no choice but to swallow it, making himself even sicker. After his beating he leaned up against the pole and tried to focus his mind like Walker taught him. Take it off the pain and concentrate on healing. It wasn't working. All he kept seeing was the pictures of the other officers that were found and wondered if he'd end up in the same situation. 

"You are very quiet now Francis," the man said softly.

And why the hell does he keep using my first name? 

"What do you want me to say?" Gage asked firmly, trying to calm the shaking in his voice. 

"I guess talk is cheap right?" The man said in a whisper as he stood next to Gage. "I have to go and check on something for a bit. If you promise to behave and not yell out I won't gag you. Okay?"

Gage said nothing.

"You know your defiance is really starting to piss me off."

"Then let me go," Gage said in a soft tone, not wanting to provoke another beating. 

"Not just yet," the man said firmly. "Your stay here has just begun. Now do you promise?" The man asked in a firm tone.

"Yes," Gage resigned in defeat. 

"Good boy," the man said happily. "I'll be right back." 

Gage heard him leave and felt his body involuntarily sag against the beam he was firmly tied to. He tried once again to bend his head to his hands to take the blindfold off but his fingers just couldn't each. He cursed in frustration and tried again. Still nothing. By the third time sweat started to drip down his forehead and rested in the folds of the material around his eyes. I have to get out of here, he told himself. But how? And how does he know me? Who is this guy?

He slumped back against the pole in defeat. His thoughts then turned to the one person still giving him a bit of strength to endure the hell he was in, his fiancé, Sydney. I know she loves me, he firmly said. But she loves me now. What if something happens to me? Will she still love me then? Is my life with her forever ruined because of…oh man he can't do this to me…he can't…Gage's mind raced in terror as he was forced to recall the details of how the other officers were found. He remembered the pictures and remembered how went and threw up after seeing the first two sets of pictures, never telling Sydney he did though. Syd you have to hear me, you have to find me in time. Please help me, his mind yelled in anguish. HELP ME!

********

"How is she?" Walker asked Alex as he walked into the apartment the shower had been in.

"Not well," Sydney said walking out of the small bedroom. "Any word?" She asked softly.

"No sorry," Walker said with a heavy sigh. "We are having the area canvassed but so far…nothing…"

"I see," she said turning her backs to them. And before she could stop them tears came again and she was lightly crying. "Where could he be?"

"We're trying to determine that now," Walker said.

Sydney turned to him with a tormented expression. "Walker what if that…you know the…what if he has Gage? What if…Walker it will kill him."

Walker walked up to her and put a hand on each shoulder and hugged her. "No matter what happens Gage will be okay. He's a fighter Sydney, he's got a strong mind."

"Walker if he's…ra…" she started, not even being able to say the horrible word, "he'll die. I know it," she whispered.

"For all we know it's someone else that has him," Walker said, also trying to convince himself that the very bad feeling he had was for something else. Sadly he knew it wasn't. "We have to be strong for him. Can you do that?"

"I can try," she said softly. "So what do we do now?"

"I'm going back to the crime scene to join Trivette. Go home with Alex and…"

"Walker I can't just do nothing. Let me help…please…" she begged.

Walker looked at her with a frown. "The forensic lab has put together a case file so far. It's on my desk at ranger headquarters. Why don't you and Alex get that file and try to put together anything you think the victim's had in common."

"I can do that," Sydney said trying to be brave. But inside the fear she had for the man she loved more than life itself was slowly eating away at her. In time it would finally win. 

"Okay," he said with a faint smile. "I'll call you if we find anything." He walked up to Alex and hugged her tightly. "I'll call you later."

"Bye," Alex said with a smile. She turned back to Sydney who was playing with a piece of black lace lingerie she just received. "I was going to wear this tonight," she said in sadness. "He asked me earlier and I said no…but…I was going to surprise him…" she stopped and looked at Alex as a single tear rolled down her cheek. "I'll never get the chance will I?"

"Of course you will," Alex said firmly. "Now let's go and find that case file. Perhaps we can help them narrow it down before anything happens."

"Okay," Sydney said gathering up her new things into a gift bag and bringing it with them. She walked to Alex's car like a zombie. Her hands clutched the bag so hard she had to remind herself to let go to open the car door. She felt herself lightly shaking as they drove towards the ranger office but knew once she started it would be hard to stop. They finally reached the office and walked up the stairs in silence. Sydney opened the doors and immediately her eyes rested upon his nameplate. "Oh Alex," she said in a dead whisper. "I don't think I can do this."

"Sure you can," Alex said firmly. "We'll get the files and go into another room okay?"

"Okay," Sydney said pointing to the file on Walker's desk. She looked once more at her fiancé's name sighed heavily. I love you Gage, please remember that.

********  
"Anything?" Walker asked Trivette after he got out of his truck and walked up to his partner.

"One of the neighbours thought he heard a faint cry for help but dismissed it as the TV when he heard nothing more. Other than that no one heard or saw anything."

"And the store owner? Where is he? Gage said this place stays open late?" Walker asked.

"Still trying to track him down," Trivette said firmly. They both stood in silence staring at the spot Gage's bike used to be. "Do you think the rapist has him?" Trivette asked softly.

"Yeah I do," Walker said in anguish. "We just have to find him before anything else happens."

"Think we'll get to him before…"

"I don't know Trivette," Walker sighed. "I just don't know."

"Who is this guy Walker?" Trivette asked, not really expecting an answer. "Who would want to do this?"

"I don't know but god help him if I ever find out," Walker said firmly.

********

"Boss why are you talking to this one so much?" One of the thugs asked the man in charge. 

"Because I want to," he snapped. "Ranger Gage is special to me. I have waited for this day for some time and I intend to take my time and enjoy it. Revel in his misery."

"But what if he starts to remember who you are?" The man asked.

"In his condition?" The man in charge laughed. "The only thing Ranger Gage's brain is wondering right now is if he'll have to endure the hell he knows the other's had to. Of course he will but I want to play with his fears first, toy with his mind. Show him that I am now in charge of him. Besides what business is it of yours what I say to him?" He snapped in anger. "Now go and get some food I'm hungry and I have a feeling that Francis will want something in the morning."

"We never fed the others," the thug reminded him.

"Francis is staying longer," the man in charge said sharply. "Now move your ass! And make sure you aren't seen coming back in. I know it's isolated up here but for the love of pete try to be a bit discreet."

"Right," the man sighed as he turned to leave.

The older man turned his gaze back to the room Gage was still captive in and smiled. He slowly walked back anticipating the fact that he had such a prized toy to play with. "Miss me?" The man taunted in a low voice to Gage who was still trying to struggle free. The man walked up to him and frowned. "I see you've been pulling on your ropes Francis," he said looking at the rope cuts on his chest and wrists. "You're not going to get free so try to relax."

Gage slowed in his struggling and slumped back against the beam in fatigue. His head was still aching and throbbing from the blows he sustained, he was dizzy. His stomach was sick from throwing up and wanting to still. His ribs and kidney's ached from the beating and his whole body continued to lightly shake and tremble. I have to keep my mind sharp, he told himself. But every time his kidnapper taunted him he felt himself slipping further and further into the dark realm of despair. If that happened he wouldn't be able to focus at all.

"You know I'd give anything to know what's going inside that ranger brain of yours Francis?" He asked with a laugh. "Probably telling yourself nothing will happen. That you'll be rescued in time and that I'll be arrested. Sorry dear boy that's not what will happen. You see you will suffer the same fate as the others, rest assured. But I'm going to take my time and enjoy every minute. Yes mighty Ranger Gage a humbled and broken man thanks to me."

"You'll never break me," Gage vowed in a low voice. "Never."

"Brave words," the man replied. "I have heard them before. And then I proved them all wrong."

"What do you want from me?" Gage asked in a firm tone.

"I want…"

"What the hell do you want from me?" He yelled which only received him another blow to his already bruised face.

"I said for you to keep your voice down. Now behave or I'll make you very sorry."

"Look whatever deal you want to make I'll get it done…just please don't do this…" he said in a small voice. 

"Oh I think you know I will," the man taunted. "But first," he said balling up a fist. "First let's see what little boys are made of." And with that he delivered his first blow, first of many. 


	3. Their Darkest Hour

****

Title: A Cry in the Dark   
Chapter 3 … Their Darkest Hour  
(Caution – male rape)

The man finally stepped back from Gage's beaten body and smiled. "You hold up pretty well," he mocked. "The others weren't as strong as you." 

Gage tried to push himself to a standing upright position but felt his shaky legs buckle and he sagged back down, putting strain on his bruised chest. Blood flowed from his nose and mouth and bruise marks covers the exposed areas of his chest, arms and legs. 

"Care to defy me now?" The man taunted.

"Let…me…loose and…I will," Gage managed in a weak voice as he finally pushed himself up a standing position and rested his head back against the beam. He tasted more blood from his mouth and nose and knew that if he didn't have water he'd throw up again. 

"How are you feeling?" The man asked firmly.

"You…just…beat me…" Gage wheezed. "How the…hell do you…except me to…feel…"

"Damn boy you have a mouth on you!" The man snapped in anger. 

"Let me go…and you won't…hear it…" Gage managed, trying to get his breath.

The man walked up to Gage and once again started to stroke his face. "I think I should take that blood off your face," he said softly. "Are you thirsty Francis?"

"Why do you keep calling me that?" He actually managed to state in one breath.

"It's your first name right? So why wouldn't I?" The man laughed as he turned and left the room.

Gage felt his stomach start to get queasy and rested his head back to stop the spinning. He heard soft footsteps come back in the room and stand beside him but didn't say a word. 

"Why do you want to hurt me?" Gage asked again. 

"Shhh now Ranger Gage," the man said touching his cut lips. "You don't want to provoke an argument do you?"

"No," Gage mumbled in defeat. 

"Much better," the man said pouring some alcohol on a cloth and then pressing it down firmly on top of Gage's cut and bleeding lips. Gage winced in pain the cool liquid was inflicting but knew if he said anything that he'd just endure another beating. He needed time to recover from the last one and decided not to even flinch. 

"I know this hurts," the man taunted as he pressed it down over the bruise on his cheek. "I can see your pain."

Gage said nothing.

"Impressive for now," the man said putting the cloth down. "Thirsty?"

Gage nodded his head yes. 

The man roughly shoved the bottle into mouth and forced him to take a gulp. Gage felt the alcoholic substance burn his throat and then enter his stomach. 

"Water…please…" Gage gasped as the insides of his stomach started to mix with the blood and saliva. 

"Sorry dear boy but I don't think so," the man laughed forcing him to take another swig. Gage pulled his head away only to have the liquid spray down the front of his bare chest and arms. "Not very wise," the man snapped in anger.

"I need…to throw…up…" Gage said weakly. "Please…" he begged as he felt the contents of his stomach starting to rise.

"Then puke all over yourself!" The man snapped. 

"Please…" Gage begged again.

"Fine," the man huffed as he grabbed the knife and cut through the ropes that bound him to the beam, leaving his hands still tightly bound together in front of him. 

Gage crashed to his knees as the contents that were left in his stomach came up with the blood and saliva, all over he knees and the floor. He gasped for air, coughing up dry heaves. "Water…" he begged in torment as he violently coughed again. "Please…" he tried a second time, his lungs burning. The third time he felt a cup shoved into his mouth and he happily drank it down. The cool sensation of the water soothed his throat a bit and calmed the angry waves in his stomach. The blindfold had slipped up a bit and from his position he was able to see the shoe of his captor. He made a move to edge the material up but the man grabbed his hands and pulled them back down.

"Francis do you honestly want another beating so soon?" The man snided angrily. 

"No…" Gage said as he pulled away and sagged to the floor on his side, his body lightly shaking. 

"You know you can be quite pathetic when you want to be Francis!" The man snapped angrily. 

Gage felt the burning in his lungs subsiding a bit but didn't respond. His whole body still ached from the beating he endured and his mind still flashed pictures of the other officers that were found. He lightly shook his head to try to clear them away. Help me Sydney, he begged inside. Please help me.

********

"I can't do this," Sydney said softly. She put down the file she was reading and looked at Alex with a tormented expression. "I can't just sit here and pretend this is just another case. That just another person has kidnapped Gage…" she said, her voice trailing off into a whisper. "I…"

"Sydney we are going to fi…"

"Officer Lewis the first one that was found, he had a nervous breakdown," she said as her eyes started to water. "And Officer Jenkins, he…he's in rehab right now."

"Sydney that doesn't mean tha…"

"What will happen to Gage? I mean this will destroy him…" she stopped and looked at Alex. "I guess I just have to tell myself we'll find him in time right?"

"Sydney you have to prepare yourself in case we don't," Alex said softly. 

"That's not an option," Sydney said firmly. "We have to find him in time."

Alex looked at her friends tormented face and knew to push the issue any further would be to cause more heartache than was already present. Alex looked back down at the file before her and frowned. "This is interesting."

"What is it?" Sydney asked quickly.

"Each victim said the ride to the place where they were dumped was less time then it took for them to get to the place they were held captive."

"So that means…"

"That it's somewhere isolated up in the woods," Alex said quickly.

********

"Here's something very interesting," Trivette said walking up to Walker who was bent down looking at the footprints and blood spot. 

"What is it?" He asked standing up. 

"Just got a hold of the store owner," he said looking down at his notes. "He apparently was told that he had to close because the city was going to conduct routine maintenance tonight and he couldn't be in the area."

"Maintenance?" Walker asked in surprise. "What kind of maintenance?"

"Gas inspection."

"Who issued the order?" Walker asked with a frown.

"We're checking on that now. He says he always leave a night light on so that thieves will think someone is still working there," Trivette explained.

"Worked on Gage," he said softly. He walked to the side where he guessed the other attacker waited for Gage and stopped. 

"What is it?" Trivette asked.

"Why Gage?" Walker asked turning to face his partner. "The other five were beat cops. Now Gage. He hasn't been a beat cop for years."

"I don't know Walker," Trivette said sadly. "I just hope we find him in time."

"So do I," Walker said turning to head back to his truck. 

"And if we don't?" Trivette called after him.

Walker heard the question but in truth didn't know the answer. How can I answer that, he asked himself? I don't even know if we are right in our assumptions. But try as might to dispel the notion that the rapist kidnapped Gage, the thought was there at the fore, telling him his gut feeling was right. That's the part he hated the most. Being right in a situation like this. 

  
********

"Feel any better?" The man asked Gage, who was still lying on the floor on his side. 

"No," Gage said softly. "I feel sick," he said firmly.

"That feeling will pass soon Francis," the man said stroking his arm. "Soon to be replaced by sheer terror and pain," he ended in a firm evil tone. 

Gage heard the words and felt himself shudder inwardly and outwardly.

"I'll make you a deal," the man said in a low tone. "You give yourself to me willingly and I'll put you out before I start."

Gage heard the threat and felt himself wanting to throw up again. 

"No?" The man asked in mock pity. "Okay then," he said as he grabbed Gage by the arm and pulled him to his knees. 

"No!" Gage said firmly as he tried to pull himself free. He pulled himself away from his captor and immediately his hands went to yank the blindfold off. 

"I need some help in here!" The man called out as he grabbed Gage's hands before he succeeded and held them firmly down. 

"Let…go…" Gage said as he struggled to pull himself free. 

The thug rushed into the room and grabbed Gage from behind and held him, pinning his arms down. 

"Let go!" Gage yelled in terror. 

"Sorry dear boy, can't do that," the man said getting some more rope. "Put him on the bed, face down."

"Help me…" he called out weakly. He felt his body starting to shake harder as he was dropped onto the bed and flipped onto his stomach. "Someone…please…help…" he tried as he felt himself starting to shake even harder. His heart starting to reach a critical level. 

The thug held Gage's body down while his captor firmly tied his bound hands to the headboard. Gage pulled for all he was worth against the ropes that held him. This can't be happening, he said inside his terrified mind as he felt himself trapped. Oh god this can't be happening, he said as he started to cry harder. 

"Now now Francis," the man mocked as he sat down beside his struggling body. 

He felt the man's finger starting to run up and down his side and he tried to move himself away. But with his hands firmly tied he was trapped. 

"Please…don't do…this…" be begged between sobs, gasping for air. "Please…"

"Bring me the gag," the man ordered his thug. "As much as I love the sound of you begging me it's really quite pointless. Besides I like the muffled sounds better," he said in a sickening voice. 

"Please don't do this…" Gage tried again. 

"I think you know I will," the man said firmly as the thug stomped back in the room.

"HELP M…" Gage tried in a louder voice only to have a very thick cloth stuffed between his lips and tied tightly behind his head, totally silencing him. True to his captor's words all that escaped his lips were sad muffled sounds.

"There much better," the man said slapping Gage hard on his ass. "Now I have one more thing to attend to and then we'll get started," he smiled. He watched Gage's helpless body continue to pull against the ropes and smiled meanly. "It really is a pity I'll have to give you back. But just knowing I can take you again makes it all worth while," he said as he got up and left the room.

Gage felt tears flooding his eyes as he pulled and pulled on the tight ropes. Sydney help me! His mind called out in terror. Sweat started to cover his entire body as he continued to pull uselessly on the ropes. He felt the strain on his wrists but didn't care. He had to get free before he was to experience what he felt would kill him for sure. I'll never survive this, his mind told him. Never! Sydney help me!

********

Sydney looked up from her files and looked at Alex in horror. 

"What?" Alex asked quickly.

"Gage…he uh…" she started only to have her eyes water. "He's in trouble," she whispered. "I…"

"Come here," Alex said hugging Sydney in her arms. Sydney lightly cried in her friend's embrace. "He's in trouble Alex," she whispered. "I can feel it."

Alex closed her eyes in sadness. She remembered the time Walker was held captive and beaten; she felt his pain even though they were separated. She knew what Sydney was feeling although couldn't imagine the terror Sydney felt about the knowledge that Gage might be in the hands of the rapist. 

"Alex I know he's scared right now," Sydney whispered. "So am I."

"So are we all."

*********

"I just let all the cars know about the dark van in possibly an isolated area," Walker said as he hung up his phone. 

"Wish we knew _which _area," Trivette sighed. "There's a lot of ground to cover around Dallas."

"Yeah I know," Walker sighed. "But we have to start somewhere right?"

"So why don't we start from the bike shop and head two hours towards the outskirts," Trivette suggested.

"I think that's a good idea."

Walker turned his truck and headed north out of Dallas. 

********

Gage continued to pull on the ropes not caring of the blood he felt running down his wrists from the cuts he had made. Help me Sydney he kept calling until he felt the burning in his throat returning. He heard his captors heavy footsteps as they walked back to the room and frantically tried to pull himself free once again. He called for help until he was coughing violently into the gag. 

"I hope that…" the man started and quickly stopped as he noticed all the cuts on Gage's wrists from pulling. "Francis look at the mess you have made," he said in a scolding tone. He went to the table and retrieved the bottle of alcohol and brought it back to the bed. "Now this will hurt," he said as he poured the stinging liquid on his cut and bleeding wrists.

Gage screamed into the gag but all that escaped were sad whimpers. He felt his entire body wince from the stinging sensations but his captor just laughed and poured more on until he stopped pulling. 

"Much better," the man snided as he put the bottle back on the table beside the bed. 

Gage rested his weary body into the folds of the bed he was on and tried do think on anything other than the ugly future he was destined to endure. 

"I think now it's time to partake of the goods," the man said getting up off the bed and standing beside it. 

Gage heard the man's zipper undo and felt his heart start to race and his chest start to heave. The thick gag made breathing almost impossible and his eardrums sounded like they were going to shatter at any minute. Gage mumbled into the gag for him not to do this and furiously shook his head no.

"It's okay Francis," the man snided. "I'll be gentle the _first_ time."

Oh god he prayed inside please don't let this happen. Let me die first…please…help me…Sydney…help me…his mind raced with terrified thoughts as it continued in vain to yell for help. Sydney help me!

********

Alex looked up at Sydney and frowned. "Still have that really bad feeling?" She asked softly.

"Like I want to throw up," she replied. 

"Walker will find him," Alex said squeezing her hand. 

Sydney looked up the clock and sighed heavily. "He's been missing for so long now it seems," she said in a soft sad voice. "What if…oh Alex what if he's missing for 24 hours also? What things…I mean that's so long…and…what if he has to endure it more than once? What if…" she asked as a tear escaped and ran down her cheek. "This can't be happening," she said sadly. "Tell me this isn't happening."

"Sorry honey," Alex said softly. "But it is."

Sydney looked down at the small picture of Gage in her hands, the one she retrieved from her wallet when they got into the room. "I love you so much," she whispered in anguish. "Please remember that no matter where you are."

********

Please don't do this, Gage begged over and over again in his mind. Oh god please let me pass out before I have to experience this. Please…

"Why are you still trembling Francis?" He captor mocked as he looked at Gage's shaking body. "I turned the heat up."

Gage felt himself starting to cry harder and knew he starting to hyperventilate; his body shaking uncontrollably. He gasped for air but the thick gag prevented normal air intake. He felt himself starting to throw up but knew this time the gag was not going to be removed. He forced the bile back down which only made it worse. Help me! His mind continued to in a panic. Someone help me!

"You know the others weren't as alert at you," the man snided as he walked back to the bed and sat down, his hand resting on the top of Gage's boxers. "You'll be able to share with me how this felt."

Gage tried to drown out the man's evil words and tried to think on anything else but the ugly hands touching him. But terror seized his brain and fear his thoughts and refused to let go. He pulled again on the tight ropes feeling them cutting him once again but didn't care. Help me…help me…he called and called until he knew he had finally damaged his vocal cords. He didn't care; someone had to hear him in time. At least that's what he hoped for.

"Time for some fun Francis," the man said meanly.

He felt his captor climb up onto the bed beside him. Gage started to pull harder not caring about the damage it was doing to his already damaged wrists. But there was no give, and he wasn't going anywhere. His captor had won. Life as he knew it would never be the same again. He would never be the same again. 

Oh god no, Gage prayed even harder as he felt himself really start to cry. His whole body started to shake and tremble as the man began to touch him. I cannot experience this, I cannot. How will I live with the guilt? How will I live with the shame? How will I live? Somebody please help me. Please help me. Sydney please help me. You have to help me Sydney. Please. HELP ME! His mind screamed in terror as he realized that his captor's threats were about to come true. 

"Say goodbye to your innocence _Francis_," the man said in an evil tone said as he reached for the knife and cut the waistband of his boxers. The man laughed meanly as he finally made good on his threats.

Gage broke out into a full-fledged panic attack as he felt the man start to assault him. His heart started to race and he felt the air go out of him. 

"Pity for you," was the last thing he heard as he thankfully passed out before he could experience the full terror of his captor's actions.

**Dear readers I hope that the scene between Gage and his captor didn't offend anyone. Trust me it was not my intention to offend anyone, and since I know it's a sensitive subject I tried to handle it tactfully, yet it had to portray the seriousness of the situation. And because of the nature of the story it was going to happen. I hope you won't stop reading the story because of it and also try to remember it's only fiction. But if anyone wants to flame me PLEASE DO SO IN A PRIVATE EMAIL. There is no need to offend the other readers because it doesn't sit right with you. Again I hope you'll continue to read the story and see how it develops and further strengthens the key relationships. I welcome feedback on this chapter! Thanks.**


	4. A Partner's Worst Nightmare

****

Title: A Cry in the Dark  
Chapter 4 … A Partner's Worst Nightmare   
(Caution-topic of male rape discussed)

The man finally finished his attack and moved away from Gage's unconscious form. "Was that as good for you as it was for me?" He laughed as he reached for the knife. He cut the gag from Gage's mouth and slowly cut away the ropes that had bound him to the bed but left his hands firmly tied and the blindfold secured. He roughly pulled on a pair of sweatpants to cover Gage's shame and then left the room, humming happily to himself. "He's no threat now," he laughed meanly.

Gage slowly awoke from his nightmare-like state to find himself lying on the bed in the room with his hands still tied tightly together and in total darkness. Did I imagine all that terror, he asked himself as he slowly started to sit up. But something was wrong; he knew it immediately. Something about him was different. He felt different and he knew it, he was no longer his old self, he was now a changed man, changed forever, changed for the worse he feared. The pain he started to feel was raw and burning and it was so real he knew he had been assaulted. He lay back on his side and started to cry once again.

Oh my g…Gage said as terror started to grip him again, his chest heaving sobs and starting to hyperventilate. Did he really? Did he just? He did. Oh man he really did. I can feel it, I still feel it, I still feel him. He just…He just…He couldn't even bring himself to utter the shameful words. He felt his heart starting to race again as he finally started to think about what really happened to him and immediately felt sick. He knew the man had carried out his threat because he could still feel it, could still feel his captor on him, touching him, destroying him and he knew now that life would never be the same for him ever again. I will never be the same again, he sadly realized.

I can't live with this shame, I just can't. He shook his head no as if to tell himself it didn't really happen, not wanting to believe it really happened. But it did and now there was no way he could take it back, ever. He had felt his captor's touch and wanted to believe it was just in his mind, but it wasn't, it was real, so very real. Gage lay on his side and curled into a ball and started to cry. He hugged his knees tight to his chest and didn't hold back. But the pain in the lower half of his body reminded him of what he just endure and he quickly unfolded himself to a straighter position. I can't believe a man just…just…I just can't believe it, he cried over and over again. I can't believe he actually raped me, he finally acknowledged in quiet torment. He felt his tears starting to enter the cuts on his face and lips but didn't care about the biting pain as he started to think on his sad realization.

His captor heard Gage's soft cries and came back to the small bedroom and stood in the doorway with his arms crossed against his chest and watched Gage. He felt no pity or remorse for the innocence he just destroyed and felt no shame for the young life that he just ruined.

"Welcome back Francis," the man mocked in a low tone.

"Get…away…from…me…" Gage said through sobs.

"I don't think so," the man said firmly.

"Get away from me!" Gage yelled.

"The first time is always the roughest," the man smiled. "The second time will be a bit easier."

Second time, his mind yelled in terror! There can't be a second time. Please don't let there…oh g…"Please stay away from me," Gage begged sadly.

"Why on earth would I stay away?" The man laughed as he now stood beside the bed and looked down at Gage. "Wasn't it fun for you?"

"I...can't…believe…you…just…" Gage said in gasps as he started to cry again. "I can't believe…" he couldn't finish.

"Can't believe what Gage?" The man smiled. "Made good on my threats?" He smiled. "Just followed through on what you knew was coming?" He said firmly. "The real reason I brought you here?"

"Why did you…?" Gage uttered softly. 

"You're kidding right?" The man smiled down at him. "You actually thought I'd just toy with the idea and then have you here at my mercy and not carry through?" The man asked in disbelief. "I mean with all the wanting to do this for so long. The tempting in my mind. I just couldn't let that come to nothing. And then the risk I took to bring you here? You thought you'd be rescued in time? Or that I might feel sorry for you and actually carry it to fulfilment?"

Gage nodded his head yes, as the tears just kept coming, further soaking the already wet blindfold. I can't believe he just did that, I can't believe he just did that, his brain said over and over again in anguish. How will I live with this shame and myself? How will I face Sydney? She'll hate me for sure. I know she will. 

Gage thought of Sydney and how he had failed her and he started to really cry again. Out of everyone else he felt he had failed, he failed her most of all. Oh Sydney I know you'll hate me now, he said as the bed around his head continued to get wetter from his sorrow. He tried to hold back his sadness in front of his captor, but his brain just didn't have the willpower left in it at this moment, and Gage didn't care.

"And don't think I'll take any pity on you now just because I see what it's done to you Francis," the man said meanly. "I haven't a decent bone in my body," he laughed.

"Please leave me alone," Gage begged in quiet sadness. 

"Leave you alone?" The man laughed. "Why on earth would I do that?" He asked as he looked down at Gage. "I brought you here to be with me."

"Please let me go," Gage tried again.

"Let you go?" The man laughed. 

"Please get away from me," Gage begged as the tears came again as the man sat down beside him. "Get away from me!" Gage yelled.

His captor sat down on the bed and leaned in close to Gage, totally ignoring his cries. "Shesh Francis why are you being so pathetic?" 

"Why?" Gage asked. "You just…just…." he started but was unable to finish as he just lay his head back down on the bed and stared miserably at the wall. 

"Yeah I _just_," the man said firmly, "so deal with it!" He yelled.

"Leave me alone," Gage said sadly.

"No," the man said firmly. "You know I'm not a very patient person Gage. Now if you make me angry again I'm likely to lose my patience and you know what happened the last time I lost my patience because of you!" The man spat meanly.

"I'm sorry," Gage said in sad defeat.

"That's better," the man said firmly.

"Now just because you have a few brief minutes of freedom doesn't mean you have _earned_ anything yet," the man said firmly as he grabbed an arm and hauled Gage to a sitting position totally ignoring the pain he was now forced to experience.

"Stop touching me!" Gage yelled in anger as he tried to pull himself free and lie back down. "Please…let go…" he begged sadly as he felt pain in his lower half. "It hurts…so much…"

"Shesh I just wanted to know if you wanted to use the bathroom?"

"I want to die," Gage whispered.

"Now now Francis," the man mocked. "That isn't going to happen."

Gage lay on his side and tried to calm his racing heart and trembling body. But the thoughts of what just happened to him flooded back into his mind and he started to shake once again. "Just leave me alone," Gage begged sadly. 

"Francis I…"

"Leave me alone!" He started in a yell and ended in a sob. "Hurts…so…much…" he said in sorrow.

"Well get used to it because it is going to happen again!" The man spat in anger. 

********

"Walker we just got a report of a man wearing black seen driving away in a dark van from Ed's food mart out on Highway 15."

"Pretty secluded up their," Walker said firmly.

"And not to far from the places the other victims were found," Trivette said firmly.

"Tell them to follow at a discreet distance, we're on our way," Walker said firmly. Please hold on Gage, he said inside. If you can.

********

Gage tried to ignore the pain his body was starting to emit but with each new sensation he felt himself gasping for air. He had wondered what the others felt after the fact and now was sorry that he ever ventured upon a guess. This wasn't right, he kept telling himself. This wasn't supposed to happen to me, it can't happen to me.

"Pretty humbling experience eh Francis?" The man said lightly brushing his cheek with his finger. 

"You destroyed my life," Gage whispered in torment as he jerked his head away.

"I just returned the favor," the man said angrily.

Gage heard the words but knew the man was lying. "I didn't do th…"

"Yes you did!" The man snapped. "You ruined my life and you don't even remember! But you'll remember this!"

"I'm sorry," Gage said in a light sob. "I'm…so…sorry…"

"Are you thirsty?" The man asked, changing the subject. 

Gage's throat was sore from his useless yelling so he just nodded his head yes. 

"If you try to remove the blindfold I'll take you again right now," the man said firmly.

Gage knew he wasn't bluffing so he just rested his hands in front of him and left the blindfold in tact. In truth he really didn't care about anything else except stopping the pain that was starting to grow. 

"Here drink this," the man said holding the cup to his face. Gage fumbled with his bound hands and ended up spilling the entire contents on his captor. The act triggered the mans short fuse and he slapped Gage on the cheek. "Ingrate!"

"I'm sorry," Gage said quickly. "Please let me have some water?" He asked softly.

"No!" The man spat. "You'll get nothing more now. Now it's time to get you ready for a rest before we have some more fun."

Fun? Gage felt his heart starting to race again at the man's sick idea of fun. "Please…no…more…" he said softly as he shook his head no. Anymore will kill me for sure, he said inside his anguished brain.

"Sorry dear boy but I can't help it," the man said firmly. "Not with you here like this."

Gage felt his eyes water once again but his mind and body entered a numb state. He can't do it again, he told himself. He just can't. Sydney please help me, his mind begged in torment. Please…but he stopped calling to her as he quickly realized the shame he'd have to admit to her. She's going to hate me for sure, he said inside. My life truly is over.

********

"Walker just called," Alex said hanging up her phone. "They spied a dark van north of Highway 13. They are going to check it out. Walker said just don't get your hopes up yet," Alex said softly.

Sydney got up and started to slowly pace back and forth in front of the table. "When I first met Gage," she started in a soft voice. "I really didn't like him," she smiled. "He was so arrogant and hot-headed. Maybe that's what I did like about him."

Alex smiled as she watched her friend trying to put on a brave face but knew inside she was in hell. The thought of not knowing what her fiancé was enduring was probably eating from the inside out. I can't even imagine what she's thinking right now, Alex said inside. I just pray he's found in time.

"I miss him so much," Sydney said sadly. She turned to Alex and forced a weak smile. "I still remember our first kiss. It was at your wedding. Well that was our first real kiss. I think I knew for sure then. Something about our union was just so…perfect," she finished in a whisper. "I know he worries for me but Alex…I worry about him so much. I'd never admit it but…"

"I'm worried to," Alex said softly. "You just have to be strong for him. Especially when we find him."

"That's the problem Alex," she said coming back to the table and sitting back down. "I don't know if I can be strong."

"We'll all help you."

********

"Walker the van has turned off onto a dirt road and is heading east up into the hills. There are no dwellings up there but a faint smell of wood smoke is in the air. He said they are hanging back so they don't scare him away," Trivette told Walker.

"Let's go," Walker told Trivette as he turned the truck sharply to the left and headed in the direction of the van and unmarked police car. 

********

Gage's body was so tried from the beating and sick from throwing up that he just wanted to close his eyes and go to sleep, forever. Sadly the pain he was feeling now was not letting him. He never felt pain as he was feeling and prayed he never would again.

"How come you are so quiet Francis?" The man asked snidely.

Gage didn't answer but only lay on his side trying to calm his still rapidly beating heart. His breathing had slowed somewhat but when his captor threatened with the second assault he went into a full panic mode. He was now starting to come out of it once again but feared real heart strain if it started again. 

"Please stop using my first name," Gage said blankly, no emotion left to argue or yell. 

"I like your first name. Don't tell me I'm the only one," he laughed. "Well that's too bad _Francis_," he mocked louder. 

His captor started to ramble on but Gage had heard the slip-up. Only one. Now that was a clue. Only a few people insisted on calling him by his first name even after told by him he didn't like it. Sadly his brain failed to put anything conclusive together at the present moment. He felt himself drifting in and out of consciousness but each time he moved or tried to fully straighten he was reminded that he was in pain and slumped back in his semi-bent position. This has to end soon, he said inside. Please let his end soon.

********

"Walker the van has just stopped and the unmarked car is a few yards away from a house stuck in the bush. A few lights are on and so is a wood stove."

"Tell them not to do anything until we get there," Walker told Trivette before he pushed the gas down further and sped towards the house the hoped contained his friend.

They finally reached the road that would take them up to the other car and Walker dimmed his lights. 

"There's the place," Trivette said.

********

"Bout bloody time you're back!" Gage's captor shouted to the thug who just walked in the door. 

"Sorry," he mumbled as he came into the room. 

"Where's my coke?" The man demanded angrily.

"Uh it's in the van," he said turning to leave. 

"Shesh good help is hard to find these days," the man said looking back down at Gage. He started to stroke Gage's arm and noticed him flinch under his touch. "Don't pull away again!" The man snapped. Gage sadly felt his arm being pulled back so his evil captor could continue to stroke it. "Strong arms Francis," the man said slowly. "Do you work out a lot?"

Is he really attempting to make small talk with me after what he just did? He again pulled away not caring about the slap he received. "Please me alone," he begged sadly. 

********

The thug rushed out to the van as Walker's truck pulled up and stopped. The thug saw the lights and stopped in his tracks.

"Walker I think he sees us," Trivette said quickly.

"Time to go," Walker said getting out of the truck.

The thug instead of running inside pulled out his gun and fired a shot at Walker. 

"What the hell?" The man with Gage yelled in horror. "That idiot!" He wasted no time in pulling his shoes on and going for his gun. He stuffed the gag back into Gage's mouth and yanked him to his feet despite his cries against movement. "Time to go Francis," the man said dragging him to the back door. Gage immediately felt the cold night air hitting his tire frame pumping a bit of life into his weakened body. He pulled against his captor but only received another blow to his already bruised ribs and subsided. He felt the bottoms of his feet starting to cut from the stones and twigs but all he kept thinking what that was now a chance he might be saved. 

Walker and Trivette continued the shootout with the guy until he was hit. "I'm going in," Walker said to Trivette as he ran towards the house. Once at the door they both readied themselves and pushed their way in. The main area was empty and quiet. Trivette checked on room while Walker rushed into the bedroom. "Trivette in here," he called out in a panic. Trivette arrived in the room to see Walker standing beside the bed Gage was on. "Oh man Walker," he said in horror as they looked at the cut boxers and rope. "Tell me…where the hell are they?"

"Back door," Walker said firmly. Both he and Trivette rushed to the back door. "Gage!" Walker called out.

Gage heard his name and felt his heart race once again.

"Damn you Walker," his captor mumbled under his breath. 

Gage heard Walker's name but was too busy trying to push the gag out that he failed to let the clue register. He strained to push it out and finally managed to get the thick cloth past his lips and out. "Wa-Walker," he called out weakly.

"Damn it," his captor cursed as he sustained another blow to his face. The man picked up the fallen material and stuffed it back in his mouth. "Next time you will swallow it! Now behave!"

"Walker over there," Trivette called out. Both of them hurried in the direction of their captive friend. 

Gage tried to stumbled and managed to fall to his knees taking his captor with him. The burning pain returned and he yelled into the gag. He felt his eyes water as his captor slapped him hard on the ass and felt his chest start to heave for oxygen.

"I said to behave!" The man yelled. 

Walker heard the words and felt his anger rise even further. 

The man looked up as Walker and Trivette drew closer and knew he'd never get away with his prisoner now. "Parting is such sweet sorrow," the man said in Gage's ear as he pushed him to the ground once again. "I have to go now _Francis_, but I promise I will see you soon."

Gage lay on the ground, shivering from fear and the cold. He heard his captor's footsteps running in the opposite direction that he heard Walker's voice. 

"Gage where are you?" Walker called out frantically.

Gage managed to lift his trembling arms to his mouth and pull the gag out. "Walker," he said weakly.

"Walker there," Trivette pointed to the right of them. They both raced down a bit further and stumbled upon Gage's fallen body. Walker caught his breath and Trivette gasped in horror as the flashlights revealed the ugly sight their friend was forced to show them. 

"Gage you're okay now," Walker said softly as he bent down to take the blindfold off his face.

Trivette looked around for the captor but frowned when he saw no clues. "I'll get a dog team in here," he said pulling out his phone.

"Gage can you hear me?" Walker asked softly.

"Walker help me," he said in sorrow as he held up his hands. Walker started on the knots as Trivette bent down to help. They both noticed the cuts on his wrists and Walker felt himself getting sick inside. But as he remembered the cut underwear he knew his worst fears had been confirmed. He didn't need to hear a doctor say it. "Can you stand up?" Walker asked softly.

"Yeah," Gage managed as he slowly stood up with the help of Walker and Trivette. But as he went to straighten up he felt the pain returning and immediately doubled over. "Help…me…" he said weakly. Both Walker and Trivette took an arm and started to slowly walk him to the police car. 

"I have to lie down," he said sadly. 

"Trivette bring the truck," Walker said. "And call the girls."

Walker and Trivette made it to the front of the house where the forensic team was just arriving to start their task of cataloguing the place for evidence to be used later. They helped Gage to one of the police cars and Walker helped him into the backseat and then lay on his side. He closed the door and turned to Trivette who had a horrified look on his face. 

"Walker do you think he was…"

"Yeah I do," Walker said looking away into the dark forest. "And I vow revenge on the person responsible."

********

"_See you soon Francis_," were the words that hung in the cool night air as a lone figure used the cover of darkness to escape further into the bush. A river was spotted which would stop the dogs and was crossed. "_Very soon_!"

********

"He what?" Alex half shouted, waking Sydney from her sleepy stupor.

"What? Gage? Alex what is it?" Sydney rambled off quickly.

"Walker found Gage. They are on their way to the hospital right now," she said grabbing her coat. 

"Did Walker say if…"

"He didn't give me any details. Come on let's go."

********

The ride to the hospital was pure hell for both Gage and Walker. Gage lay on his side, still trembling while Walker would glance down at him every once and awhile to make sure he was still awake. They finally arrived at the hospital and Walker brought the car to a halt. He called Dr. Adams ahead of time so he would be ready. He was an old and trusted friend and one that would ensure Gage total confidentiality. 

"We're here," Walker said softly. "Need help to get out?"

"Sure," Gage said with a blank stare. 

Dr. Adams rushed out to meet them and handed a soft blanket to Walker. Walker helped Gage pull himself from the back of the police car and immediately covered his battered body with the blanket. They had just reached the entrance with Alex and Sydney came to a screeching halt. 

"Gage!" Sydney yelled as she raced from the car towards the entrance.

Gage heard her voice and immediately his eyes filled with water. I can't face her like this, he said inside. "I want to go inside," he said in a small voice to Walker.

Sydney rushed up to him went to hug him. He felt her touch and immediately cried out in pain. 

"I think I need to see him before any of you do," Dr. Adams said firmly as they made their way into the emergency room. Sydney finally got a look at Gage and gasped in horror. She felt her eyes water immediately as she looked at his battered face, open and bleeding wrists and bruises on his exposed chest. "Gage I…" she started in a soft voice. 

He looked at her with a sad blank stare but didn't say a word. 

"Please," Dr. Adams said in a kind but firm tone. "I really need to check him over. Please just wait here."

"Gage I love you," Sydney whispered in a sad tormented voice. He just looked back at her and tried to crack a faint smile. Instead tears spilled from his eyes and he looked away in anguish. Sydney felt Alex put her arm around her as she watched Gage and Dr. Adams slowly disappear behind two closed doors. She turned to Walker as a few tears left her eyes. "Was he…" she tried to ask.

"I honestly don't know," Walker said slowly. "Sorry."

Sydney turned her gaze back towards the doors and started to cry once again. "I love you Gage," she whispered. "Please be okay."

********

Dr. Adams helped Gage walk slowly to an examining room. Once inside he turned the heat up a bit and closed the door. He turned to the young man before him and smiled faintly. 

"Hello my name is Ryan Adams," the older man said as he helped Gage into the room. 

"Why don't you sit down and…"

"I don't want to sit down," Gage said softly.

"But you can hardly stand," the older man said as he firmly held the younger man's trembling body in his own.

"I don't want to sit down!" Gage half yelled as tears started to come up.

The older man looked at him and immediately knew something was wrong. He had quickly scanned the surface wounds but when he heard the tone of Gage's voice knew there was more wrong with the man in his arms than just a few scrapes and bruises.

"Okay," Dr. Adams said softly. "My assistant will be here shortly to hel…"

"I just want you to help me. No one else," Gage said looking at the horrible examining table ahead of him in the quiet room. "Please?"

Upon hearing those words Dr. Adams knew something terrible had happened to the man before him. I pray it's not what I think it is, he said to himself. I pray I'm wrong. 

"Okay I need to take the blanket all the way off you," Dr. Adams said turning the heat in the room up. "You won't be cold," he said softly. 

"I can't," Gage said still holding the corners.

"What is your name?" Dr. Adams asked.

"Gage," he said simply.

"Gage I really need to take that blanket so I can look at you."

"I'm to ashamed," Gage said hanging his head in defeat. "I was…I…"

"I'm just going to see how you are okay?" He asked softly as he gently pulled the blanket away from Gage's battered body. He looked at all the bruises on his upper chest and arms but as he looked lower at the shiny covering of around his waist and smelled the stale smell of male sweat and fluids he knew Gage has sustained something more than a mere beating. 

"I can't do this," Gage said trying to grab the blanket back.

"Please Gage I'm not going to hurt you. But I need to see what happened, okay?" He asked softly as he guided Gage to the examining table. "I need to examine you."

"I don't want to lie down," Gage said sadly.

"I understand. How about on your side?" He asked warmly.

"Do I have to?"

"It's easier me than to have you standing up," Dr. Adams said softly. "I promise I will be gentle."

"Okay," Gage finally sighed.

"I need you to remove your pants okay Gage?" Dr. Adams said.

Gage looked up at the older man and saw that he was only trying to help and not take advantage of his already abused state.

"I can't…"

"Gage I have to check you over okay?" He said. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Gage knew that he did need to be checked over. He knew he also needed to be tested and cleaned up. Will he judge me, he asked as he started slowly nodded his head yes? "I can't do this…" he said stopping, his pants at his knees. "Please don't make me."

"Gage I need to check you over. Do you want me to sedate you? Will it be easier for you if I examined you while you were asleep?" He asked.

"No," Gage said truthfully. Either way I'll still feel humiliated. "I feel so ashamed," Gage said softly.

"Why Gage? What happened?" Dr. Adams asked kindly.

"Because a man…uh a man…he um forced…um…" Gage said as he started to cry.

"Gage did he force sex upon you?"

Gage just stood and nodded his head as he cried heavily and shrank into the arms of the kind doctor before him.

Dr. Adams felt a lump form in his throat at the site of the young man before him. I hoped I was wrong, he said inside. I knew I wouldn't be however. "I'm sorry," he said gently lifting his chin. "But you have nothing to be scared about now Gage."

"But I…" Gage started.

"Come on let's get you cleaned up okay?" Dr. Adams asked. "We can talk later. Please?"

"Okay," Gage finally said as he stepped out of his pants and allowed Dr. Adams to help him lie down on his side, his scarred underside facing the doctor. His fists clenched tightly as he started to shake and tremble from his crying. 

"It's okay Gage," Dr. Adams said softly. "Now this might feel a bit uncomfortable but I need to get you clean up here okay," he said. "I'm going to be gentle and I'll try not to hurt you okay?"

Gage nodded his head yes and prepared himself for the worst. I can't believe this is happening, he cried inside. I can't believe this…

Dr. Adams sighed heavily as he set to work cleaning and helping the trembling young man that was lying on his examining table. Why someone so young?

********

"Sydney why don't you just sit down and wait," Alex said as she watched her friend's continued pacing in the waiting area.

Sydney turned to her with a tormented look. "I can't," she half whispered. "I have to know!"

Alex looked at Walker and sighed when Sydney went back to her worried pacing. "Did he…"

"I think so," Walker said softly. "Sorry. But I think we were too late."

********

The time it took Dr. Adams to look over Gage felt a small painful eternity to him, but in truth wasn't very long. 

"I have give you a few shots and taken some blood for testing," Dr. Adams said in a soft voice. "Those tests will take a few days and then you'll have to be tested in another six weeks."

"You mean for HIV right?" He asked with his eyes closed tightly. 

"Yes," Dr. Adams said softly. "I have cleaned and treated your cuts now I just need to wrap the cuts around your writs and then we'll take you upstairs and you can get some sleep. Okay?"

"How long will I have to stay here?" Gage asked softly.

"You can probably go home tomorrow night. But let's talk in the morning okay. I think you need to rest. I am going to give you two gowns," Dr. Adams said as he gently wrapped Gage's sore wrists. "One for the front and one for the back. It'll be softer than pants."

"It hurts so much," Gage said softly as a few more tears left the corners of his eyes and rolled down his face. 

"I know it does," Dr. Adams said softly. "It will for a few days. I have given you some medication for sleeping and for swelling in case it starts to be a bit inflamed. I also have prescribed a medicated cream to help with…"

"I want the pain to stop," Gage said looking up at Dr. Adams.

"I know you do," the older man said softly. He touched Gage's face and sighed. "Gage I'm so sorry you had to experience this. The pain will go away in a few days."

"I still feel him…inside…on to…" he started only to have his body break down once again. 

Dr. Adams looked at him in anguish. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "Come on lets get you upstairs and into bed. You can lie on your other side if you'd like or I have a special pad that we use for people that have underwent the same thing."

"I'll lie on my side," he said softly. 

"Okay. Can you get up?" Dr. Adams asked softly. He took Gage by the forearm and helped him off the bed and then steady himself. He dressed him in two gowns and then draped a warm blanket over his shoulders and back. "I'm going to get you settled and then I'm going to see your friends."

"I was supposed to be getting married in a week," Gage said looking down at his left hand. "I don't think she'll want to marry me now."

"Gage life will change a bit for you but not completely. Now I want you to think about sleep. We'll talk about this more tomorrow okay?" Dr. Adams asked softly. 

"Okay," Gage said in a soft tone. He took Gage upstairs and helped him settled into a bed for the night. "I'm going to hook up this fluid IV for about two hours or so. Just to calm the emptiness in your stomach and hydrate you a bit more."

"I threw up a few times," Gage said sadly.

"I know," Dr. Adams said kindly. "I'll be right back okay?"

Gage watched him leave with a blank stare and then fixed his watery puffy eyes on the wall before him. Why me? Why did this have to happen to me? He closed his eyes tight and tried to block out the touches, the laughter and the feeling, but was unable. It was all so real. Will I ever be normal again? He didn't answer for he feared he'd never be the same. 

********  
Sydney stopped her frantic pacing as Dr. Adams approached them with a perplexed look on his face. Oh man this isn't good, she said inside. She immediately felt her eyes water and her heart start to pick up speed. 

"Dr. Adams?" Walker asked softly as he, Alex and Trivette stood up to join Sydney before Dr. Adams. "How is he?"

Dr. Adams heard the question and saw the look of panic on the faces of the people before him. How in the world do I tell them that their friend and fiancé was raped by another man? 

"Would like to come with me please," he said stifling a large sigh. I always hate this part, he said inside.

"Is everything okay with Gage?" Sydney asked quickly.

"I'd like to discuss it in private," Dr. Adams said gesturing for them to follow him to his office. Once inside they all sat down around his desk. Dr. Adams looked at the file before him and knew he had to do this.

"What happened to Gage?" Sydney insisted, hardly able to contain herself.

"First of all Gage for the most part is physically well. He was beaten up pretty badly around his chest and on his face," Dr. Adams said causing Sydney to choke back a sob and squeeze Alex's hand even tighter. "Gage had cut marks on his wrists indicating he was tied up with something that cut into the flesh of his wrists, looks like rope marks. He has cuts and bruises on his face, but no broken bones or internal injuries aside from a few bruised ribs. His stomach contents were upset to indicate vomiting and we found traces of alcohol and blood inside the stomach cavity as well."

Sydney looked at Dr. Adams and knew that the worst was yet to come. 

"Gage was um…" he started then stopped himself. "This part is never easy for me," he said with a large sigh causing both Sydney and Alex to exchange horrified looks.

"Gage was what doctor?" Sydney asked firmly.

"Gage was forcibly raped."


	5. A New Path Ahead

****

Title: A Cry in the Dark   
Chapter 5 … A New Path Ahead

  
"What?" Sydney asked in horror as she heard the ugly words hit her like a brick in the face. 

"Oh my god," Alex said looking away.

"Say you're lying," Sydney said firmly, brushing tears away.

"I'm so…"

"Say our lying!" Sydney snapped angrily.

"I'm sorry," Dr. Adams said softly. "Please let me tell you what happened."

"Is he okay?" Sydney asked as tears started to come. "I mean…is he…"

"For the most part."

"Was he hurt bad?" She asked in a tormented whisper.

"Yes he was," Dr. Adams said sadly. "Sorry. The vast amount of scaring would indicate that the act was performed more than once."

"WHAT?" Sydney's voice boomed.

"The amount of tissue torn in that area would indicate that he had to endure a lot in a relatively short time. His body was covered with sweat but the DNA was wiped off, so we weren't able to get any solid samples. We have tested him for HIV but won't get those results back for some time."

With each word that Dr. Adams spoke Sydney found herself sinking deeper and deeper into a corner of her mind that was surrounded by the ugly images she was now forced to conjure up of what her beloved fiancée had to endure. Gage was forcibly raped by another man. Oh my god, she said in anguish. I can't believe this. She shook her head no and tried to quiet her sobs. She heard the words scaring, more than once, urine, HIV, no time to rest and felt herself wanting to throw up. I can't believe this, she echoed again.

"Can we see him?" Sydney asked softly.

"I have given him a small bath and a sedative to help calm his nerves and help him sleep a bit. He will stay here overnight so I can check to make sure an infection doesn't arise. If I am convinced he is reasonably okay to leave he can go home tomorrow," Dr. Adams sighed. "I know you all have a long road ahead of you. No more so than Gage, but right now is not the time to ask him for details about what happened. That can be done later," Dr. Adams said.

"But if he knows anything that might help us find this guy I'll have to talk to him doctor," Walker explained.

"Can you at least wait a day?" Dr. Adams asked.

Walker looked at Trivette and sighed. "Do we have a choice?"

"Not really," Dr. Adams said with a firm smile. "Now a male rape survivor needs to come to terms with many things. First of all it's his feeling of being in control of himself once again. Gage needs to feel that he can be the one to either tell you or not. I know it will be hard at times but Gage will try to push you all away. This will affect you most of all Sydney. That is totally normal. Inside they don't really want to be alone, but feel they have no other choice." 

"But he's not alone," Sydney confirmed.

"Just make sure he knows that. I also know you probably have a million questions. Why not let those at least wait until tomorrow. Gage has been through enough today already. I will let you see him now, but remember he needs his rest. But most of all from this point forward he will need your love, patience, understanding and help. It will take a lot of hard work and determination on his part in order to try to have the life he once had but with the right help he will be able to live the normal life he feels right now he'll never have."

"I just can't believe this," Sydney said sadly. She looked up at Dr. Adams as tears continued to pour down her face. "Why?" She asked softly. "Why would anyone do such a thing?" She asked, not really expecting him to answer. For in truth only person knew why this happened and he was still on the loose. 

"I don't know. Sorry," he said calmly. He turned to Sydney with a firm face. "Now when he is ready to leave I'm going to give you all an information package that contains valuable information for victims of rape and their families. The most important thing to remember is this. He feels different. He thinks of himself as different. And he believes you will think him different. If you do feel this way just don't say it in front of him. It will hurt his progress more than you could ever know, possibly hinder him for good. We have therapy programs for family members of those who are rape survivors and how they can help the survivor and themselves cope this new experience and how to help the person who has suffered. They are helpful, effective and totally confidential sessions. But again enough of this for tonight. I don't want him to have too many visitors so I'm going to limit it to you my dear," Dr. Adams said softly. " I think you need to show that scared young man that he is loved and needed by you."

"Okay," she said softly as she stood up to follow after Dr. Adams. 

"We'll be in the waiting area," Alex said softly. She watched Sydney and Dr. Adams walk away and then turned to Walker. "Oh Walker why did this happen?" She asked in a sad whisper.

"If I ever find the one responsible I'll ask. Just before I send him to prison for the rest of his life."

"Do you think Sydney will be able to handle all this?" Trivette asked softly.

"Sydney's strong," Walker said. "She's been through tough times before."

"Not like this," Alex commented. They all stood in the silent room and let the quiet consume them. It was going to be tough on all of them.

********

Gage closed his eyes again and shook his head furiously to remove the haunting sounds his mind kept replaying over and over again. This can't be real. This can't be happening. Not to me. Why me? His mind was a mix of activities and emotions, mostly to his detriment. He heard soft footsteps approaching him from behind and he quickly shut his eyes tight. It was Sydney, he could tell by the way she walked. Oh man why now, he said inside. Why like this?

Sydney looked at Gage's back to her and sighed. Why Gage? She tried to fight back tears but as soon as Dr. Adams touched her shoulder they all spilled out once again. 

"Go and see him," he whispered. 

"Okay," she whispered back. She felt his hand leaver her shoulder and heard him walking away, leaving her alone in the silent room with her fiancé. Sydney took another few steps and approached the end of his bed. 

"Gage?" She whispered softly. She noticed his eyes close quickly and his fists clench into tiny balls. She slowly walked around to the head of the bed and knelt down beside Gage. The bruises on his face, which Dr. Adams had cleaned, were red and swollen and looked painful. She looked at his bound wrists and felt herself starting to tremble once again. She took his hand in hers and just held it, not saying a word. Mostly because she was afraid if she did she knew she'd break down. 

Gage slowly opened his red watery eyes and looked at the person he loved more than life itself. The woman who would always give him the strength he needed to endure even life's most viscous trial. He felt her hand in his and as the warmth flooded his body he couldn't help but crack a faint smile. Sadly inside he feared this would be the last time they would be holding hands, much less together.

"Hey," Sydney said softly as she gently touched his cheek.

Gage closed his eyes once more as tears escaped the corners, dampening the pillow even more. 

Sydney looked at him but didn't know what to do. What do I say, she asked herself? She remembered all the things Dr. Adams said about sessions for family members and knew if she was to help the man she loved she would have to brave them. Gage opened his eyes to see Sydney still looking at him with a small smile. "Hi," he finally managed.

"Um I…" Sydney started not knowing what to say. Then before even she could wipe them away tears spilled from her eyes and ran down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she whispered as she quickly turned away. 

"Me too," Gage said sadly making her turn back to him. He looked at her with a frown. What do I say to her? Do I give her all the details? She can't know, he insisted inside. She'll just think less of me. 

"Do you um…want something to drink?" Sydney asked not seeing the IV stuck in his arm.

"No I've…got um…" he said finally making her look up at him.

"Okay," she said forcing a weak smile. She looked back down and balled up some courage and then looked back up at him. "Everything is going to be okay," she said firmly, not really believing it inside.

Gage looked at her but didn't say anything. She has to say that, he said inside. But it's not true. "No it won't be," he whispered. 

"Gage I…"

"I want to sleep," Gage said suddenly.

"But I…"

"I want to sleep," Gage said loudly. "Just leave me alone…" he said pulling away in sorrow.

Sydney looked at him in surprise and tried again to remember Dr. Adams telling her that his behaviour would be normal. Sydney slowly shook her head eyes and leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. "I love you Gage," she whispered. "Forever."

He closed his eyes at her words, willing himself to believe what she said was the truth. 

"See you tomorrow," she said sadly. Gage's eyes watched her leave the room before his eyes closed again and his body started to tremble as he cried once more. Sydney turned and noticed his body starting to shake and tremble and hesitated to leave the room. I can't leave him like this, she said inside. She turned around and headed back to his bed and gently pulled the blanked up over his back to keep him warm. 

Gage felt the touching and opened his eyes, thinking it was a nurse or Dr. Adams. When Sydney walked back in front of him he looked up in shock. 

"I can't…" she said as she bent down to look at him again. "I can't like this…"

"But…" Gage protested.

"If you want to yell then yell," she said pulling up a chair and sitting down. "But I'm not going to let you push me away."

"I just want to sleep," he begged in a sad quiet voice.

"Then sleep," she said taking his hand in his. "I'm just going to sit here."

"Sydney please just go," he said in a dead whisper.

"No," she insisted, although she felt her eyes tearing again at his insistence she leaves. "Just try to sleep okay?" She said in torment. 

Gage finally realized it was pointless to argue and slowly reached out his hand for hers. Sydney gladly rested hers in his palm and felt more tears come when he gave it a small squeeze. I might not know exactly what to say or how to act, she reasoned inside, but I'll not turn away from him now. Especially not now. 

Gage closed his eyes as his body continued to lightly tremble from crying and tried to sleep. He kept seeing the images and hearing the man's laughter but when he imagined Sydney's face before him inside the nightmares seemed to subside a bit. A short time later Sydney watched as his hand finally loosened around hers and he was asleep. She sat with him for another hour until Dr. Adams came and told her that he was going to give him a sleeping sedative and for her to come back in the morning. She regrettably pulled away, kissed him on the cheek and left the room, following behind Dr. Adams.

"I want to take those sessions," she said softly, not looking up at the older man beside her. 

"I'm happy to hear that," Dr. Adams said kindly. "He'll need all the love and support he can get."

"What will happen to him now?" Sydney dared to ask.

"I'm not sure what you mean?" Dr. Adams said with a frown.

She looked up at him with a defeated expression. "The others…I mean the other cops…they um…they well they all broke down in some ways. Will that happen to Gage?"

"Gage has one thing in his favor that the others didn't," Dr. Adams said firmly. "The others were found by the police after the fact. A report was written and filed. Now Walker has asked me to ensure confidentiality in this case and I completely agree. Walker also said that only he and Trivette found key pieces of evidence. This will ensure Gage some peace of mind the others didn't have. Also the others were found by people that don't care as much as friends and family. Male rape victims have the tougher time with cases like this because most police don't know how to treat them. Usually it's with insensitivity and callousness. That can really damage a victim. I mean up until recently most victims didn't even have therapy programs designed for them."

"Why not?" Sydney asked softly.

"Society used to believe that while male rape occurs it's not an acceptable form of discussion. That's why in the past programs were tailored more towards female victims since it was more openly discussed. Programs to help male victims were not even heard of or if it was, those that discussed such things were sometimes viewed as perverts and so the programs suffered. But now with our changing lifestyles and more male victims coming forward and wanting to find some relief, better programs have been put in place that help the male survivor. And his family."

"But we know what happened to Gage," Sydney said softly.

"While that might be true Sydney, Gage's psychological well-being has changed and I think you know that, more than anyone. You all have to be prepared and so does Gage. Talking about what happened will help you both deal with such things as depression, anger, guilt, self-blame, sexual dysfunction, flashbacks, and suicidal feelings. And while Gage might not feel those emotions all at once trust me they are there waiting to surface. Other things the program will help Gage especially come to terms with are an increased sense of vulnerability, damaged self-image and emotional distancing. Believe me Sydney all these things are situations that Gage will face at one time or another. You both need to be prepared to be able to handle them before they happen. Because if they do and either of you are not prepared the consequences can be disastrous."

"I want to help him in whatever way I can," Sydney said firmly. 

Dr. Adams stopped walking and looked at the younger woman before him. "That means a lot," he smiled. "But why don't you go home and try to get some sleep. If you do feel the need to come back just make sure you don't wake him up. Let him sleep as much as he can. His body needs to heal."

"Thanks Dr. Adams," Sydney said warmly as she hugged him. She turned and walked the rest of the way by herself and was soon back with Alex, Walker and Trivette. She approached them all with some hesitation and then stopped before them, not saying anything.

"How is he?" Alex asked softly.

"He um…he looks pretty rough," she said looking down.

"Oh sweetie come here," Alex said warmly as she pulled Sydney into her arms as Sydney started to cry once more. "We're going to help him okay…" Alex said softly crying. "All of us are going to be here and help him and you."

"I don't want him to end up like the rest," Sydney said softly.

"We won't let that happen," Walker said firmly. "Alex will drive you home to get a few things and then you can stay with us, okay?"

"Okay," Sydney whispered. Alex put her arm around her friend to help her walk out the door, towards the car. Sydney turned and looked up at the window to his room as a tear escaped her eye and ran down her face. "I love you Gage," she whispered into the night air. 

********

Gage felt the sedative Dr. Adams gave him finally starting to take effect and closed his eyes once again and tried to sleep. He found some comfort in the fact that Sydney wanted to stay. He dwelt on words 'I love you' she told him and felt a faint smile cross his face. Did she really mean forever? He let that thought guide him into the dark world of sleep and tried to focus on her face to keep the horrible images away. The next few hours however were complete and total hell.

The pain started to throb once again. He accidentally pulled the IV out and when he went to fix it turned onto his backside and cried out in pain. He saw images of himself at his captors mercy, bound, gagged and beaten and naked. He felt his captor touching him, assaulting him and then finally committing the act itself. He threw up a few times, mostly liquid and dry heaves, but the result was just burning his throat and making it dry and sore. Dr. Adams didn't give him another sedative as it would just damage his already weakened system. He finally fell asleep as the sun was starting to come up. 

********

Sydney woke up while it was still dark feeling a terrible gnawing in her stomach. She looked at the empty spot beside her in bed and felt herself starting to cry one again. Why Gage? She asked inside. Why did he…why any of them? Am I being selfish? I mean one of them is going to have a baby. What is his wife thinking? She closed her eyes in sorrow and tried to erase the image of his bruised face from her memory. But she knew that as long as he was in the hospital, away from her, it would be an impossible task. 

"I can't stay here," Sydney mumbled softly. She quietly got dressed, left a note on the kitchen table and took the key's to Alex's car and headed to the hospital. She had packed a bag of clean clothes for Gage the night before and grabbed the bag before she headed outside. When she got there Gage was finally asleep, although with a strained expression on his face. She gently pulled a chair close to his bed and sat down with a blanket on top. She just sat and watched his chest slowly move up and down, almost hypnotized by the movement, unable to look away. About an hour later the sun finally started to poke through the window, bathing them in soft warm orange light. She noticed Gage finally starting to wake up and felt her heart start to race faster. This wasn't just an ordinary visit to see him after an injury. What he was dealt was a blow that she feared would haunt him for the rest of his life. I can't let that happen, she told herself firmly. I can't. 

Gage finally opened his eyes and looked at Sydney before him and smiled in spite of the reason she was there. 

"Morning," she said slowly. I can't ask if he slept well because I can tell by his face that he didn't. "Are you um hungry?" Sydney asked slowly. 

"No," Gage said simply. "I'm tired."

They sat there a few more minutes in awkward silence neither knowing what to say or how to say it. 

"Do you need anything?" Sydney asked softly. 

"I want this to be just a dream," he said slowly.

"Sorry," Sydney said feeling a sinking feeling starting to come over her. She was actually thankful Dr. Adams walked into the room as it afforded a much-needed distraction.

"Morning," Dr. Adams said with a smile. "How are you Sydney?" 

"Fine," she said slowly. 

"I'm going to have to examine Gage for a bit. Can I ask for a bit of privacy?"

"Sure," Sydney said with a firm smile. "I'll uh…I'll just be outside," she said turning to leave. 

Gage watched her leave and then looked up at Dr. Adams. "I don't know what to say to her."

"Gage I know it's going to be hard for you at first but you don't want to push her away. She needs to be with you every step of the way."

"She's going to hate me," Gage whispered. 

"I'll bet you anything you're wrong about that. Sydney is stronger than you think; she won't fold in like you think she might. Lean on that strength Gage, let her love help you."

"She won't love me after I tell her what happened," Gage said sadly. 

Dr. Adams felt a small feeling of comfort in the fact that he actually wanted to tell her what happened. That's a good sign, he said inside. "Now Gage I'm going to have to check how you're doing okay? There will be some discomfort but I'll try to be very gentle."

"Okay," Gage said softly.

"Well Gage everything seems to be getting better. I guess you can go home today. I want you to come back in a few days and let me check you over again, okay?" Dr. Adams asked kindly.

"Yeah sure," Gage said firmly as he continued to stand and stare blankly out the window. "What will happen to me now?"

"I have an information package for you that I want you to look over regarding some programs here."

"I don't know if I could talk to anyone else about this," Gage said softly. "I can barely talk to you about it."

"I know you feel that way Gage but trust me it will help you. The programs they have now are not like they used to be. They are better. They can really help you."

"Used to be?" Gage asked turning around. "What does that mean?"

Dr. Adams went on to explain the same thing he did to Sydney. "Society used to believe that while male rape occurs it's not an acceptable form of discussion. That's why in the past programs were tailored more towards female victims since it was more openly discussed. Programs to help male victims were not even heard of or if it was those that discussed such things were sometimes viewed as perverts and so the programs suffered. But now with our changing lifestyles and more male victims coming forward and wanting to find some relief, better programs have been put in place that help the male survivor. And his family."

"My family knows," Gage said. "Well sort of my family. We were going to be a family."

"You still will be Gage," Dr. Adams said firmly.

"While that might be true Gage your psychological well-being has changed and I think you know that, more than anyone. You family has to be prepared and so do you. Talking about what happened will help you deal with such things as depression, anger, guilt, self-blame, sexual dysfunction, flashbacks, and suicidal feelings. And while you might not feel those emotions all at once trust me they are there waiting to surface. Other things the program will help you come to terms with are an increased sense of vulnerability, damaged self-image and emotional distancing. Believe me Gage all these things are situations that you will face at one time or another. You need to be able to handle them before they happen. Because if they do and you are not prepared or your family isn't prepared the consequences can be disastrous."

"But if I tell myself I won't then won't that be better? Mind of matter and that kind of thing?" Gage stated.

"How long can you last doing that Gage? How long can you go holding it all inside before it explodes and takes you with it on its path to self-destruction? How long can you last on your own?" Dr. Adams asked seriously.

"I have to try," Gage said sadly.

"To seek help Gage is not the sign of failure but of strength."

"What?" Gage asked in shock. "Since when is seeking help going to make me look stronger?"

"Since your life changed," Dr. Adams said kindly. 

"If I had only fought back," Gage said turning away. "If I had only…"

"Gage it's not your fault," Dr. Adams said touching his shoulder. "You must believe that."

"I LET HIM!" Gage yelled in anger and frustration as tears started to well again. "I work out, I'm strong, I should have been able to stop him! It's my fault," he said sadly as he sagged onto the bed, ignoring his painful underside. "I let it happen," he moaned as he held his head in his hands and his body started to tremble once again. 

Dr. Adams sat down beside Gage and took a deep breath. "You know Gage it is not uncommon for a male rape victim to blame himself for the rape, believing that he in some way gave permission to the rapist. What you are feeling is totally normal right now. And let us not forget that society's belief is that men should be able to protect themselves and if they let it happen, it is somehow their fault that they were raped. That's not true Gage. It's not your fault. You were unable to stop them. You said so yourself. You have to come to terms with and understand that you are in no way to blame for what happened."

"I just feel so ashamed," Gage said softly not looking up.

"Understandable," Dr. Adams said kindly. "But in reality you have nothing to be ashamed of Gage. And although it is a normal feeling right now when you do come to terms with what happened and talk about it and start the healing process you'll see that you really have nothing to be ashamed of. Now as you start to think about what happened and start to open up you will experience emotional and some inside physical changes."

"Like what?" Gage asked looking up. 

"Don't forget that the mental trauma and stress you're experiencing now and will yet face will take its toll on your systems inside. But that too is expected. Things such as loss of appetite; nausea and/or stomach aches; headaches; loss of memory and/or concentration; and/or changes in sleep patterns are things that you are yet facing. You might experience one or many at one time. Just don't panic when this does happen. Take a deep breath, stop what you are doing at the time and relax. Then when you feel you are ready to begin your task again you will be able."

"Oh man," Gage sighed as he ran a hand through his blond hair. "I just can't believe my life has changed his much," he said softly. "I want my old life back."

"I'm sure every survivor says that Gage. But it will come back to you more or less," Dr. Adams explained.

"So how many male cases have you had to deal with?" Gage asked.

"More than you might imagine. Male rape victims are the only patients I see now so I am very familiar with what works best to help them move on and what doesn't work at all. Trust me Gage I'm here to help you not remind you of what happened. These programs that were created were made to help people such as yourself Gage, not to hold you back in anyway. They are here to help you move back into your regular routine as soon as possible."

"I just don't think I can Dr. Adams," Gage said looking at him with a look of hurt and fright. 

"Take the information home, read through it and discuss it with Sydney and Jerry at the same time if you like. But confide in one of them, both would be the best. You will need their support and strength to help you get through this. But trust me in the end, when the battle has been fought and won the prize of getting your life back will have been worth every tear you shed."

Gage took the information in his hands and just stared at it. "Sydney's going to leave me."

"Do you truly believe that?" Dr. Adams asked softly as he gently touched his back.

"I don't know."

"Then instead of rushing to such a conclusion wait and see what happens. Did she say she was going to leave you?" Dr. Adams asked.

"No."

"Then trust her. Believe me women know us better than we do," Dr. Adams laughed lightly.

"She doesn't know me anymore," Gage said with a heavy sigh.

"Then help her to get to know you now. Tell her what happened. Share the pain with her. Help her to see how much this is hurting you and then let her love guide you back to the life you know you both want. She will if you let her Gage, she's stronger than you think."

"Why should I burden her with this?" Gage asked.

"If the situation was reversed what would you do? Would you just up and leave her? Cut her off emotionally? Not want to help?"

Gage thought about what Dr. Adams said and it did make sense. If the situation were reversed he would be doing all he could to help Sydney cope and deal with the situation. Maybe she really does want to do the same for me. "I guess I have to try right?" Gage asked softly.

"Yes Gage you do. Remember even if it seems at times that you are failing in any way. Don't give up. Keep trying for in the end you will succeed."

Gage looked up at Dr. Adams and smiled faintly. "Thanks Dr. Adams," he said. "I really didn't know what I was going to do when I woke up this morning."

"Anytime you need my help Gage that's what I'm here for," Dr. Adams said. "Think we can let Sydney back in?" Dr. Adams asked with a smile.

Gage nodded his head yes as he felt an anticipation building inside of him at seeing her again. I love her, he said inside. I really do. 

********

Walker made his way down stairs and sighed when he saw the note.

"What time did she leave?" Alex asked softly.

"I'm guessing pretty early," Walker sighed. "I'm going to get Trivette and then we'll head out to the place we found him. I told the forensic investigators that I want to be the first to look the place over and I wanted a detailed list of anything they find."

"Well if I can help in any way let me know," Alex said hugging her husband. 

"Be there to help Gage and Sydney. I have a feeling this case isn't over yet."

Alex looked at him and frowned. "I pray for Gage's sake that it does end quickly."

"Yeah so do I."

********

Sydney looked up at Dr. Adams as he gently touched her shoulder and broke her from her morbid thoughts. "How is he?" She asked softly.

Dr. Adams let out a large sigh before leaning on the rail with her and looking out the window in the sunny Texas morning. "Physically he's healing fine. It will take a few days for the pain and swelling to completely subside but I'm confident that when it does he'll be fine. Mentally that's a different story. Gage feels betrayed by himself. Angry at himself and the man responsible. And afraid. He feels alone, helpless and vulnerable. Totally normal for what he has gone through. I want you to be ready for that and expect it. He'll be moody, withdrawn, angry, upset, probably more. You have to make sure you know it's not against you. He loves you Sydney I can tell that. I know you love him very much. Now you need to realize that love will be tested to the limits. But if you see the problem coming head on I'm confident you'll be able to both face it, deal with it and cope with it successfully, coming off victorious in the end."

"You make it sound like a battle," Sydney sighed heavily.

"Well in truth it is," Dr. Adams said kindly. 

"I want to help him as much as possible," Sydney said firmly. 

"I know you do," he said warmly. "When you are both ready to leave, come by my office and I'll send some things home with you. But go and see him now."

"Thanks," she said brushing a tear away. "I can do this," she said trying to give herself extra courage.

"I know you can," Dr. Adams said firmly. 

"I brought you some clothes to wear home," Sydney said softly as she made her way back into the room to see Gage. He was now standing up beside the window, just staring outside with a blank look.

Gage took the bag from her and held it in his hands as he let out a large sigh.

"How are you?" Sydney asked kindly as she went and stood beside Gage and looked out the window.

"Tired," Gage replied slowly. "I have never felt this drained in my life," he said looking down.

"I'm so sorry baby," Sydney said in a comforting voice as she gently stroked his back. "Want to talk about it?"

"No," Gage said softly. "Sorry."

"I understand," she said trying to fend off her sadness. "I just pray you don't shut me out Gage. I want to help you. That's what I'm here for."

"Yeah for now," Gage said heaving a large sigh. "Not forever."

"Gage stop saying those things. I'm not leaving."

"Look at me Sydney," he said turning his sad bruised face to her. Sydney saw the tormented look on his handsome face and felt her heart break immediately. "I'm not a whole man anymore. I never will be now. I'll never be able to offer you what other men can."

"Your love?" Sydney asked quickly stopping him from saying another word. "Because no other man can give me your love. And that's all I want."

Gage looked at her and felt a frown cross his face. "For now."

"Forever."  
"Sydney I can't condemn you to a life with someone like me," Gage said firmly as he looked back at her with tears in his eyes. "It's not fair to you."

"What?" Sydney asked in shock. "What are you talking about?"

"I want to break up," Gage said not really believing what he was hearing himself say. I know it's for the best, he foolishly reasoned. She's better off without me. 

"What?" Sydney asked again not believing what Gage was saying.

"I want you to leave me. I can't marry you."

"I am not goin…"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Gage shouted as he felt his body starting to shake again. 

"NO!" Sydney said back firmly as she stood up to face him. "I'm not going to let you push me away Gage because you are afraid right now. I'm scared too but we have to fight this together. You will get past this and then things will be okay. But I'm not going to just up and walk away and let you deal with this on your own. I have never walked away from a fight and I'm not about to start. And you have never either. We'll do this together!"

"But you deserve better," Gage said in a soft voice as he looked up at her. "Better than me," he said looking back down.

Sydney lifted his head and looked into his watery blue eyes. "I already have the best!"

"But…"  
"No but's Gage. That's just the way it is. So yell, scream, shout, cry, do whatever you have to get yourself through this but know this Gage," she said in a soft but firm tone, "that no matter what changes you go through or what trials you have yet to face I'm going to be at your side every step of the way. You're not strong enough to push me away like that. And nothing you can say will make me change my mind or my love for you. Not now, not ever."

"But I was raped," Gage said hanging his head in shame. "I let a man rape me Sydney," he said looking back up. "How can you live with someone like that?"

Sydney took Gage in her warm embrace and held onto him tightly. "Let me show you," she whispered in his ear. 

Dr. Adams watched the scene and smiled in spite of what the circumstances were. "You're both strong," he said with a smile of admiration. "You'll both going to be just fine. And when this is over you'll be stronger than you ever imagined."


	6. One Step Closer

****

Title: A Cry in the Dark   
Chapter 6 … One Step Closer

"I just don't know if I could tell you all the details," Gage said with a large sigh. "It was just so awful."

"I can't even imagine what it must have been like sweetheart," Sydney said tenderly kissing his cheek. "But when you are ready to tell me you will. And I will be here to listen."

"I want to go home," Gage said slowly. "I want to lie on my own bed and just rest."

"Dr. Adams said you would be able to leave today. Why don't you go and get dressed to leave and I'll tidy up a bit and then when he gets here we can leave. Okay?" 

"Sounds good," Gage said as he managed a faint smile. He took the bag and made his way into the bathroom to change. Gage looked at his sad reflection in the mirror once again and felt his heavy depression returning. "I can do this right?" He asked himself. He looked at the cuts and bruises, the haunted circle under his eyes and knew things were different for him. He watched his eyes slowly start to water as he remembered why he looked the way he did. He turned away as he slowly dressed himself in the clothes Sydney picked up for him and then went back out to see her. She was already waiting to go and was talking to Dr. Adams as they waited for him.

"Ready to go home Gage?" Dr. Adams asked with a smile.

"Yeah," Gage said warily as he walked up to the doctor. 

"This package is for you," Dr. Adams said handing a fair sized bundle to Gage.

"Wow," Gage mumbled as he took the package and looked it over. 

"There is the complete information package in there for you Gage, your prescriptions, some other stuff to help the healing process and a special cushion to help you sleep, if you have to sleep on your back. There are also a few reminder slips in there for your next appointments. These cannot be missed Gage. You can change them if you absolutely have to but they need to be kept. Okay?" He asked with a smile.

Gage nodded his head yes and heaved a big sigh.

"You have a big task ahead of you Gage, but it's not gigantic and not undefeatable. Remember you are not alone in this and you are not alone," he said firmly touching Gage's shoulder and gently shaking it. "Once this has past Gage you'll wonder how the time passed by so quickly."

"I doubt it," Gage said with some worry.

"All survivors say that at first," Dr. Adams said firmly, "but trust me Gage. It will all work out in the end."

I wish I could believe that, Gage said inside. But as long as that creep is out there and know where I am, I'll never be safe and never be free of this nightmare.

"Ready?" Sydney asked softly to Gage. "Thanks Dr. Adams," she said giving him hug. "Thanks for everything."

"Thanks Dr. Adams," Gage said shaking his hand. 

"See you soon Gage," Dr. Adams said as they both left the room. He heaved a large sigh and sat down on the bed and looked out the window.

"Tough day?" His secretary asked as she walked up to him and handed him an urgent note.

"Typical," he said standing up. "But I guess that's a good thing right?" He asked with a smile as they both left the room. 

********

Walker and Trivette approached the run down dwelling with caution. "Man I just can't even believe why we're here," Trivette said with a large sigh. "I mean Gage was…" he stopped and looked at the expression Walker's face. "You really think he'll pull through this okay?"

"Gage is strong," Walker said slowly. "But this is really going to take its toll on him. I just hope he doesn't turn away from friends and family," Walker said as they neared the entrance to the house. 

"I can't imagine what was going through his head when he was brought here," Trivette said softly as they entered the front room. They both walked into the room where Gage had been and stopped. Trivette looked around and rested his head on the pole that Gage had first been tied to. He walked over and noticed the slight burn marks on the edges and the strands of rope still trapped in some of the wood splinters. "Someone was tied here," he said softly, making Walker come and check it out. 

"Probably tied Gage there and beat him."

"And then took him to the bed and…wouldn't Gage fight back?"

"The thug must have helped restrain Gage," Walker said softly.

"How can a guy even that stupid be party to something so ugly? I mean it's not like he was holding him down for fun," Trivette said angrily.

"Yeah well he's dead. It's the one that got away that worries me," Walker said firmly. "Where do you think he is right now?"

Their thoughts were interrupted by a heavy cough behind them. Walker turned around to see Captain Reynolds standing in the doorway with a perplexed look on his face. 

"Walker," he said firmly.

"Ben," Walker said back. "You obviously got the report."

"Unofficial one crossed my desk this morning," the older man said walking into the room and up to them. "How's your man?"

"How would you be," Trivette snapped sourly. "Sorry," he mumbled as he slowly walked to the back door and started to look around.

"Why your man Walker? I mean he wasn't a beat cop. Has this guy changed his MO?"

"Looks to be," Walker replied. "I guess no one in any law enforcement department that fits the profile is safe."

"Do we issue a warning to all Station House's?" Captain Reynolds asked, his eyes still transfixed on the bed before him.

"I think so," Walker said firmly. "Doesn't hurt for them all to be prepared."

"Is your man accepting visitors?" Captain Reynolds asked finally looking up at Walker.

"You can try Ben, but I doubt you'll get much out of him right now."

"It is true he's getting married in a week?" Captain Reynolds asked softly.

"Yeah it is," Walker said looking at Trivette. "At least that's the plan."

********

Gage stopped just short of Sydney's car and looked at it with a look of hesitation and fear.

"Gage?" Sydney asked as she turned back to see him firmly fixed in place.

"I can't do this Sydney," he said turning away.

"Want to go to a hotel?" She asked softly.

Gage shook his head no. 

"Let's go home," she said taking his hand in hers and gently guiding him to the car. "Everything will be okay. I'm going to stay with you okay sweetheart," she said hugging him close to her.

"Thanks Sydney," Gage said softly in her ear. "Thanks for being here for me."

"Anytime handsome," she said with a wink as she helped him in the car. Gage sat down and felt less pain and pressure on his underside. The cream was definitely helping him. They drove in silence towards his place and as they neared his modest townhouse, the one they purchased together for after they were married that he was living in, Gage felt his nervous tension starting to build once again.

"Let's stay at your place," Gage said quickly, as they pulled into the guest spot beside his garage.

"Let's give this a try first okay?" Sydney said softly as she stopped the car. "You have to come home some time."

Gage took a deep breath before he got out of her car and walked to his front door. 

Sydney was quick to notice Gage glancing around every few seconds to make sure no one was waiting or coming after him. Even when she gave him her key he checked to make sure it was safe to enter. Oh Gage, she said inside, I pray this passes quickly for you. 

Gage stood in his entranceway and felt like a stranger in his own home. He looked around at the furnishings that were all too familiar and felt an odd feeling coming upon him; a feeling like was now an outsider that didn't quite fit into these normal surroundings. 

"Sydney I…" Gage started.

"Yes you go and rest and I'll make us some coffee," she said quickly as she quickly kissed his cheek and then went into the kitchen before he could offer up protest of any kind. 

Gage took of his jacket and slowly made his way upstairs to his bedroom. Gage walked to his dressed and looked at he black velvet box that had held Sydney's ring in it until he asked her, then it found it's new home on her finger. He turned back to his bed and slowly walked over to it. He sat down and looked at a picture of him and Sydney taken the year before. I don't know that guy anymore, he said sadly as he felt his eyes start to water once again. 

He gently lay down on his side and curled up in a ball as his body started to shake and tremble again. But the pain reminded him that he wasn't ready to do normal things just yet so he slowly uncurled himself and just lay on his side. And before he could stop them images of his capture came back to haunt him. He could still feel the large gag being forced into his mouth, his wrists being tied tightly together in front of him and then being wrestled to the bed face down and tied to the head post. "Please leave me alone," he said sadly as he tried to shake his kidnappers evil laugh from his tortured memory. "Stop touching me," he said as warm tears started to escape the corners of his eyes and run down into the bed cover. "I can't live like this."

He looked at the bottle of sedatives on the bedside table before him and quickly popped one in his mouth and closed his eyes once again. Darkness fell upon him swiftly bringing with it tormented nightmares and endless pain.

"Gage?" Sydney asked softly as she came up some time later to find him lightly sleeping on his bed with a small cover over his weary body. She bent down beside the bed and noticed his eyes were a bit puffy and wet and there were tear trails down his face that landed on the covers.

"Oh my poor baby," she whispered as she gently wiggled into his embrace and wrapped the covers over them. She pulled one of his arms tightly over her waist and hung onto it. "I love you Gage," she whispered as she too closed her eyes and had a sleep next to his warm body. 

********

A few hours later Walker and Trivette had gathered up the evidence they needed and were ready to go. "Thanks for all your help today Ben," Walker said firmly. 

"If you need anything else Walker just call me," Captain Reynolds said turning to leave. "Mind if I stop by and see how Francis is doing?"

"Just call first," Walker said firmly.

"Right. Bye Trivette."

"Bye," Trivette said walking up to Walker. He looked at the bag in his hands that contained Gage's ripped underwear. "Do you think Gage might call off the wedding?"

"He might try because he feels Sydney might not want to be with him."

"I hope she's strong enough to help him see that she still loves him," Trivette said softly.

"If anyone can convince Gage of that it's Sydney."

********

__

'I'll always be in your mind Francis,' the kidnapper mocked as he stuffed the large gag into Gage's mouth once again.

"Please…no…more…" were the words that woke Sydney from her sleep.

__

'I'll be the only friend you ever have Francis,' the man laughed as he started to undress him.

"Don't…do…this…" Gage muttered in anger as he lightly pulled away from Sydney. She felt her heart starting to race at the thought of the horrible images playing with his mind.

  
"Oh Gage I'm so sorry," she said sadly as she felt his warm forehead. She quickly ran to the bathroom, dampened a facecloth with cold water and rushed back into the bedroom only to find Gage on his other side, still muttering angry words. She placed the cold facecloth on his forehead and notice he immediately started to settle down a bit. 

Gage slowly opened his eyes and looked at Sydney's concerned grim smile. 

"What happened?" Gage asked slowly as he tried to sit up.

"Just rest," Sydney said pushing him back down. "You had a bad nightmare. Just rest okay."

Gage rested himself back down and let out a large sigh. "One of many," he said with a large sigh. "Many more to come."

"I was um looking at some of that information that Dr. Adams gave us and I think I'll take some of those sessions to…" Sydney started.

"I want you to marry someone else," Gage said suddenly.

"What?" Sydney practically yelled as she sat herself quickly up and looked at him firmly. 

"Sydney," he said looking up at her with a defeated expression. "I just can't condemn you to…"

"Gage stop talking like that," Sydney said shaking the tears away. "I love you no matter what."

"But I'm not whole anymore!" Gage yelled at her.

"I don't care!" Sydney yelled back. "Well I do but Gage I still love you, no matter what…can't you see that?"

"Sydney I…"

"We can move the date back until this is over but I'm not giving the ring back and I'm not letting you throw me out of your life when I know it's not what you want."

Gage looked at her in sorrow and anguish. "I'm just so scared right now."

"So am I," she whispered as she pushed herself back against the headboard and pulled his head onto her lap. "I am so scared right now about the tests and this guy being loose…" she started. Gage closed his eyes tight and tried to fight back tears coming. "But I'm not going to walk out of your life because you're scared right now. What if it was me that was going through this? What if I said I didn't want to get married? Would you just let me?"

"No," Gage said.

"And I'm not going to either," she said gently rubbing his cheek and playing with his hair. "I'm just as scared Gage I mean I…I just don't know what to say or do or…" her voice trailed off in sorrow. "I don't want to push you away with something I say or do or…"

"I guess as long as we talk about it it'll be okay right?" Gage asked softly.

"Right," Sydney said with a firm smile. "So do you want to delay the wedding?"

Gage closed his eyes tight and more than anything wanted to tell her no. But he found himself slowly nodding his head yes and starting to tremble once again. "I'm sorry," he said sadly. 

"Gage you nave nothing to be sorry for," Sydney said firmly. "There is only one person that needs to be sorry and trust me when he's caught he _will_ be sorry."

"Yeah if that ever happens," Gage whispered.

"I think you need to talk to Walker and tell him everything that you can remember about him. Help him put together a profile and work with the other clues to find this guy. Gage you have to."

"I know," Gage said with a heavy sigh. "I just feel like I let everyone down. You especially."

"Gage the day you give up and quit completely is the day you let us down. I know you're hurting and it hurts me to see you like this. And I know you feel you've let me down because I'd feel the same way. But please push those thoughts far away, because I love you now and forever," she said softly. "And if this guy is still out there he's going to have to deal with me too because if I ever find out who did this I will kill him."

********

"So how did today go?" Alex asked Walker as he walked up to her in the kitchen. He hugged and kissed her before slumping down in a nearby chair.

"Long and tiring," Walker sighed. "Trivette and I went over every clue. Aside from a few differences like the rapist cutting his underwear off instead of just putting it aside we have not much to go on. The dog team followed a scent to the river but the water washed it away and they lost the trail. I am going to try to talk to Gage tomorrow. Hopefully he'll be able to remember some clues that will help us to at least narrow a profile."

"I hope it's soon," Alex sighed.

"Trivette asked if they would delay the wedding. What do you think?"

"I think that would be best. It think with all the trauma Gage has experienced and now the sessions he'll have to take, not overlooking the fact that this madman is still out there. Yes I think it would be wise for them to delay the wedding until this is almost wrapped up. It will be too much to deal with."

"That's what I thought," Walker said with a sigh. "Have you heard from them?"

"No I figured I'd try tomorrow. They are going to have a lot to talk about and work through today. I just hope Sydney can make Gage see that she still loves him and wants to help." 

"Yeah me too."

********

"Sydney I just…"

"Gage please put those doubts away. We can push the wedding date ahead. Just tell me when you're ready okay?"

"I'm so sorry. I know you were looking forward to the wedding and…" he started. Sydney put a finger to his lips and stopped his sentence.

"Gage the wedding is just an outwards symbol of what we feel inside. It's just the legal formalities we have to go through. Trust me if we couldn't afford anything more than two paper rings then I would be more than happy with that. I love _you_, not the wedding or the legal stuff. I love who you are, what you are and how you love me."

"But I can't offer love the same way I could before," he said in a sad whisper. 

"Gage you suffered something terrible but this man could not take away _who_ you are inside. That's the person that I love. He couldn't touch that."

"But…" Gage started in protest.

"Please stop Gage your body is starting to stress. I'm going to be right here beside you telling you I love you even if I have to lose my voice to do so. But for now why don't we just rest okay?" Sydney said softly.

"Okay," he said sadly. "I'm just so scared."

"So am I," she whispered. "Are you hungry?" Sydney asked.

"What time is it?" Gage asked.

"Almost time for supper," Sydney smiled.

"Wow, really? Man I must have been tired," Gage sighed.

"How are you feeling now?" Sydney asked warmly.

"Drained."

"I don't doubt it. Want me to order in some dinner?" Sydney asked.

"That would be great," Gage smiled. "I think I want to try a hot shower."

"Want some company?" Sydney asked with a smile.

Gage looked at her and wanted more than anything to say yes. But sadly he felt a frown cross his face as he said, "um I just want to have a quick one alone. Okay?"

"I understand," Sydney said quickly, trying to dispel her sadness.

"Sorry," Gage said realizing he let her down. 

"Don't worry about it," Sydney said trying to sound happy. "Go have your shower and I'll order us some food."

"Okay," Gage said with a smile as he slowly sat up. The pains on his underside had started to lessen and he found that his nervous tension had started to subside somewhat. But every time he contemplated the fact that his tormentor was still on the loose he felt like he wanted to throw up. 

"Don't be too long," Sydney said as she got up off the bed, breaking his thoughts. "I might get jealous."

Gage smiled as he too stood up and slowly walked towards the bathroom. He walked inside and for the first time in his adult life he actually locked his bathroom door. Will life ever be normal for me, Gage asked himself? Will I ever feel safe again?

Sydney watched him disappear behind the closed door and felt her body sag from the weight she was carrying, trying to be strong for him. There was no doubt in her mind that this would be draining on her as well. She fought back tears as she listened to the silence in the bathroom and wanted more than anything to rush in there and see if he was okay. But she knew she couldn't hinder him in any way. He had to come to terms with what happened and deal with it on his own, with her by his _side_. If not he'd never fully recover and live in fear the rest of his life. Gage was strong she knew that and he was scared and hurting right now, but her love would stand the test. She was not about to turn her back on him now, especially now when he needed her the most! "I love you Gage," she whispered as she turned and left the room.

He turned on the water and let the warmth and steam fill the room before he took all his clothes off and stepped under the warm water. He closed his eyes and let the hot streams wash away the scars his body now carried. He winced a bit as the water cleaned the bruises on his chest and face and cursed a bit when the water touched below his waist. As he reached for the soap terrible sounds of his tormentors laughter came back to haunt him and he felt himself wanting to throw up. 

__

'Wanting this since I met you', he remembered the man saying. Gage closed his eyes and tried to block out his gagged screams as he felt the man starting to rape him. He remembered pulling against the ropes until his wrists cut and bled but it was no use, he was trapped with the evil man. Dark circles started to form as he remembered how the man laughed at his helpless state and showed no mercy. He felt bile in his throat and as he hung his head his lunch came up all over his wet, naked body. He felt himself slide down the tiled wall until he was sitting on the shower floor, crying and shaking. The warm water continued to pound down on him tormented memories of his stay with his kidnapper. 

"Please help me," Gage cried out as he looked up and saw his kidnapper standing over him with the thick cloth gag in his mouth and a wicked smile on his evil face.

__

'Time for more fun Francis', were the words that followed.

"NO!" Gage shouted out as he tried to punch the air and make the image go away. He drew his knees up to his chest and sat there in the hot water not caring of the pain or pressure he was feeling in other areas. "NO!" He yelled again.

Sydney heard Gage shout and quickly ran up the stairs to see what was wrong. "Gage?" She asked softly as she pounded on the door of the bathroom. "Are you okay?"

"Sydney?" Gage asked faintly as he heard her voice but couldn't see her image. He closed his eyes to try to clear away the image of his kidnapper and replace it with her lovely face.

"Gage are you okay?" Sydney asked again.

Gage opened his eyes again and just found an empty steam filled room before him. "Yeah," he called out. "Be out soon."

"Okay," Sydney said with a sigh as she went and sat back down on the bed to wait for him to exit. Oh Gage, she said inside her tormented mind, what horrors do you see when you are alone? What pain do you feel when I'm no with you?

Gage finished his shower and turned off the water. The warm water had made the bruises on his face a bit puffy but he found they had already started to subside and he was starting to resemble the man he used to see in the mirror before his horrible ordeal started. He quickly dried off, wrapped the towel around his waist and headed into the bedroom.

"Mm hmm," was Sydney's approving comment as she watched Gage exit with only a towel on. "Man you're good lookin'," she smiled broadly as she watched his muscled body flex as he walked and then put his clothes away.

"Wish I felt that way," Gage said as he went and sat down beside her.

Sydney could feel the heat emanating from his body and along with the smell of him it was taking everything within her power not to jump him right then and there. 

"It's hard for me to see you like this Gage," Sydney said softly. "You have no idea how much I want to make love to you right now."

"I think I have an idea," Gage blushed as he looked down. "As least part of me does."

Sydney followed his eyes and smiled. "Take out should be here in about 35 minutes. You sure you don't want to try?" She asked not even thinking about how it would affect him.

"I don't know if I can Sydney," Gage sighed. "What if I can't?"

"Then we'll try again another time," she said softly as she started to gently rub his back with her hands. "But you'll never know unless you try right?"

"I guess so," Gage sighed as he lay down on the bed on his back. 

Sydney took her top off, leaving only her black lace bra on and straddled his waist. She eased herself down onto his chest and slowly started to kiss his warm lips with hers. Pretty soon she was devouring his neck and chest with her hungry kisses, feeling his desire growing with each passing second. 

"Damn I want you right now," she said easing her pants off her legs. 

Gage wrapped is arms around her and started to relax and try to enjoy what he knew was about to happen. He started to kiss her lush body and soon was caught up in his own desire of wanting her inside of him. 

Sydney gently took the towel off his waist and put it on the floor. She smiled approvingly and knew he was ready. She started to move into position when she felt Gage's hands pushing her away. 

But as soon as she pressed her body further onto his images of his ordeal flashed into his mind and he knew this was a bad idea. He quickly pulled away from her and looked away in shame.

"Gage?" Sydney asked in shock as she watched Gage pull himself away, grab the towel and move to the other side of the bed. 

"I thought I was ready," he said miserably. "And certain parts are. But my mind can't get those terrible images out of it," he said as he felt his eyes start to water. "I'm sorry Sydney." He said as she came and sat down beside him. "Please don't hate me."

"Shhh Gage," Sydney said hugging him. "I don't hate you. If you are not ready then you are not ready. There will be other times," she said warmly. "I can't believe I just asked…I mean…oh man Gage that was so insensitive and…" Sydney said in horror. "I just thought…well us…usually after a shower and…oh god Gage I'm so sorry," she said softly. "Please forgive me for being so insensitive. I just love you so much and…oh man that's no excuse…Gage when you're ready you'll let me know okay?" 

"I'm not mad at you," Gage said softly. "I want to be able to make love to you whenever we want without any problems…but right now…I…I'm sorry I'm just not ready. "

"I'm not going anyplace."

  
"You promise?" Gage asked looking up. "I know that might sound stupid and all but do you really mean it?"

"Yes I really mean it," Sydney said firmly. "Is that why you want to delay the wedding?" She asked softly.

"Part of the reason," Gage said looking down. "I want to be able to enjoy it fully and…well…I know I wouldn't…I mean not that I wouldn't but…" Gage said in a panic looking up at her.

"We'll take everything one day at a time okay? When you're ready we'll both know," she said kissing him again. 

"Sydney I love you, always believe that," Gage said firmly.

"I always will," she smiled back. "Why don't you get dressed and then come down when you are ready and we'll wait for supper, okay?"

"Thank you Sydney," Gage said tenderly kissing her on the mouth. "I love you so much."

"I love you to sweetheart. Get dressed okay? Because if I keep looking at you like that bad things might happen," she teased as she kissed him on the cheek.

Gage felt himself blush again and smiled at her teasing comment. "I will get better Sydney," Gage said as she got up. "I won't be like this forever."

"I know you won't," she said firmly. 

"Be right down," he said standing up. 

"Okay," she smiled as she turned and left the room. She heard his large sigh and felt herself starting to feel sad again. Not wanting to get married was understandable until he was ready but her even hinting at sex just after he…what the hell was I thinking, she scolded? I have to take those sessions, she said inside. Otherwise I could be the cause of us breaking apart. I can't ever let that happen.

Gage waited until she left before he headed for his closet to get dressed. He finished putting on a pair of jeans when the doorbell rang. 

"Delivery guy must be early," Sydney called out as Gage grabbed his sweater and pulled it on. Sydney opened the door and looked back at the man before her with some surprise. "Captain Reynolds?" She asked quickly.

"Hello Sydney," he said with a firm smile. "Hope I'm not interrupting. I just came to say a quick hello to Gage and see how he is doing."

Gage heard the man's voice downstairs and immediately felt his heart start to beat faster. He rushed to the top of the stairs and stopped suddenly. "Captain Reynolds?" He asked softly.

Captain Reynolds raised his eyes up and looked at a very worried Gage. "Ranger Gage," he said with a smile. "I just came to say hello. Do you have a few minutes?"

Gage felt his tension start to ease at the man he knew and slowly started to descend the stairs. "Sure come on in. Dinner's not here yet."

"Oh I'll be gone before it arrives," Captain Reynolds smiled as Gage came and stood beside him. Captain Reynolds turned to him with a frown and reached out and rested his hand on his shoulder. "I was wondering how you were today?"

********

"Walker?" Alex said softly as they sat on the couch after supper.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think that guy will try to go after Gage again?" Alex asked.

"Well he hasn't with the others. What would make you think he would try to go after Gage again?"

"Well he wasn't the one to let Gage go. I mean with the others he did the deed and then told the cops were to find the victims. Gage was rescued."

"So you think because he didn't have proper closure that he might try again?"

Alex closed her eyes as she felt a slight shudder cover her. "Man I hope not."

"Yeah for this sake. Next time I think Gage will be ready," Walker said firmly. "At least that's what I hope."

"I just wonder where he is right now," Alex said softly. 

"Probably very close by," Walker uttered fatefully.

**Dear readers I just want to personally thank those that continue to show their support for each chapter. It really means a lot to me and my hard work. Thanks again**


	7. Share Your Pain – You're Never Alone

****

Title: A Cry in the Dark   
Chapter 7 … Share Your Pain – You're Never Alone  
*Warning: Topic of male rape discussed

Gage felt the hand on his shoulder and felt himself flinch slightly. "Sorry," he said sheepishly to Captain Reynolds.

"No worries," Captain Reynolds said softly. 

"Want to come into the living room?" Sydney asked softly. Gage followed behind Captain Reynolds and felt his nervous tension starting to build again. I know him, he said inside. Why am I so nervous? Will I be this way with everyone? Sydney watched Gage slowly ease himself onto a soft chair and felt herself swallow hard because she knew the reason. She saw the tense lines on his face and knew he was anticipating telling a somewhat stranger what happened to him. But would Captain Reynolds ask?

"So uh you were in the neig…" Gage started

"I just came to see how you are," Captain Reynolds said slowly. 

"Could be better," Gage sighed as he looked down. 

"I'm not going to press you for details unless you want to talk about it."

"Not really," Gage said as he looked back up.

"I understand," Captain Reynolds said. "Is there anything I can do to help? Anything at all?"

Sydney was about to answer when the doorbell rang. "I guess dinner is here." 

Gage watched her leave and then turned back to Captain Reynolds, who was looking at him with an odd grin. "Well actually I might need a ride to one of my sessions. Sydney has this…"

"Say no more," Captain Reynolds said firmly. "When the time comes just call me okay?"

"Thanks," Gage said standing up. Captain Reynolds walked up to him and once again placed a hand on his firm shoulder and smiled. "I mean it Francis if you ever need anything just let me know."

"Yeah thanks," Gage said with a forced smile, frowning at the use of his first name. Sydney came back into the room and immediately he felt his tension ease again. "Well Sydney, Gage," Captain Reynolds said heading for the doorway. "I'll talk to you guys later."

After he left Sydney turned to Gage with a soft smile. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Gage sighed. "I just want this nervous tension to go away. I mean how on earth will I be able to do my job if I feel like this around people I know? How will I be able to confront strangers?"

"Gage why not do the sessions and then see what happens," Sydney said softly. "I can't give you any answers just yet. Sorry."

"I know," he smiled. "But thanks for trying."

"Come on supper is getting cold."

After supper Gage went back upstairs, got ready for bed and lay down on his side, his back to the door. He heard Sydney come into the room but didn't look at her. "You don't have to stay tonight if you don't want to," he said softly.

Sydney heard his tormented voice and felt her heart break once again, probably for the hundredth time that day. "Is that what you want?"

"Not sure any more," he huffed as she walked over to the bed and sat down by his legs. She noticed his body slightly trembling and pulled a blanket over it. "I'm not cold," he said flatly.

"I know," she said softly. "Just try to rest okay?"

Gage felt bad for the comment he made over the loving attention she was trying to show. "Sorry for saying that."

"Gage don't be sorry," Sydney said firmly. "Just try to rest okay?" She said again.

Gage closed his eyes and soon was taken into sleep; unable to fight the fatigue his body had been for the past few hours. Sydney waited until he was asleep before tidying up his kitchen and then getting ready for bed. By the time she crawled under the covers beside him she noticed he was already well into another horrific nightmare. She noticed the beads of sweat on his brow and how it creased in pain every so often. His fists were in tight balls and he would mutter angry words when she was sure he was being attacked in his mind. "We'll get through this," she whispered as she leaned in and gently kissed him on the lips. Gage subsided a bit, allowing her to turn off the light and lie close beside him. She could still feel his body slightly shaking and prayed this would pass very soon. 

******** 

'Welcome to the party ranger,' his captor laughed in his ear.

'I'll undress you myself,' his taunting voice boomed in his mind.

'I have wanted you since we met,' the ugly words continued their assault on his anguished conscience.

Gage felt his body flinching as he was made to endure his beating over and over again in his mind. He felt his captor gagging him and then felt himself being wrestled to the bed as he was tied to it face down. He felt his boxers being cut away and then the man getting on top of him. "NO!" Gage cried out as he bolted upright in bed. 

Sydney quickly turned on the light and stared at his panic-stricken face. 

"It…was…so…real…" Gage said sadly as just looked at her in torment.

"Want to talk about it?" Sydney asked softly.

Gage let out a sigh and knew he had to share at least part of it with her. "Promise me one thing…" he started.

"What?"

"Promise me you won't hate me and leave me," he said looking down sadly.

Sydney gently lifted his face to hers and smiled. "I promise I won't hate you Gage and I won't leave. I never could. But why would you even say those things. What could make you think that?" She asked sadly. "Please tell me why you said that."

"Okay," Gage said with a sad sigh. Here goes he said inside, the moment of truth. His heart was racing so fast he thought it was about to explode and the pounding in his eardrums made them feel like they were going to shatter. He felt his hands clench into tight terrified fists and his body started to sweat. This is it, the last moment I see Sydney as my friend. The last moment she'll respect me and the last moment that she'll ever think of me as normal. Today my life has truly ended.

"I should have listened Syd," he started softly. "I mean what Walker said about us being prepared. I honestly thought…I mean I figured since…I just thought I was safe you know? Like it wouldn't happen to me…it couldn't happen to me…I guess I was wrong…" he said looking down.

Sydney eased herself back on the bed and rested on the bedframe, trying to pull Gage with her. Instead, much to her surprise he jumped off the bed and stared at her in misery. 

"I guess I paid the price for not being prepared huh," he said angrily, his eyes starting to water.

"Gage…" Sydney started.

"No Sydney I was wrong. I laughed it off…but…oh god I was wrong…" he said turning away. Sydney got off the bed and walked up behind him. "I guess my beating was just a small warning of what was next right? Fate's way of laughing at my arrogance?" Gage stopped his talking and stood facing the wall, his body still trembling, tears running down his face as he knew what he was going to tell her next. 

"Please talk to me," she said in a soft voice as it broke in to a soft sob. "Gage please," she begged in torment. "Don't turn away from me."

Gage knew what was coming next, the act itself. He took a deep breath and turned away from her. He committed to memory her sad tear stained face as she cried with him as she was listening to his sad confession. I can't tell her, he whispered inside, she'll hate me. He felt the salty acid from his tears stinging the bruises and cuts on his face but he didn't care. The pain in his heart and mind overtook even the small pains in his leg from all the standing he was doing. He was so tormented by the future thought of Sydney leaving him when she knew, that he felt his heart starting to race again.

Gage felt Sydney put a warm hand on his shoulder, but he didn't turn around to face her. "No matter what Gage I'll never leave you," she whispered softly.

"Yes you will," he whispered. 

"Gage…" she started.

"He beat me Sydney, over and over again. He made me drink alcohol, which just burned my insides and then beat me some more. He said he was doing this to humble me…" Gage said in a dead whisper as he turned around to look at her. "He said I was always so sure of myself and now it was time to humble me."

Sydney heard his tormented words and felt her tears running freely. "I'm…so…sorry…" was all she could manage.

"He um…he said…oh god Sydney he said he wanted me since um…since we met…I mean…"

"What?" Sydney asked in shock. 

Gage turned his back and walked to the small bedroom window and leaned his weary body against the window frame. "He said he wanted me since we met. That was watched me at work…he…oh man Syd the things he said…how he…I can't believe this," he said looking down.

Sydney walked up to him and gently touched his quivering back.

"How long Sydney? How long can someone have thoughts…I mean such ugly desires…how…since we met?"

"I don't know," she said softly, not really comprehending how anyone could be that vile. 

"He kept using my first name…said he would be my only friend…said…Syd he said you would hate me," he said in a whisper.

"Well he's wrong!" Sydney said firmly as she turned Gage to face her. "I will never and could never hate you for what he forced you to endure. I hate him. I will forever," she said firmly. "But Gage," she said touching his wet face, "I love you."

"Sydney don't you see?" Gage said pulling away in frustration. "He raped me…a man…I let…"

"It's not your fault," Sydney said quickly as she went and stood before him again.

"Yes it is," Gage said choking back a sob and nodding his head yes. "I should have fought back…I…I just stood there Sydney. I just stood there," Gage said as he tried to move past her. "Please move Sydney," he said softly.

Sydney didn't move. "Whatever you tell me I give you my word I won't hate you for it Gage."

"Move!" Gage said angrily as he wiped tears away from his face so hard that one of the cuts opened up and started to bleed.

"No," she said just as firmly as she gently dabbed his face with the napkin she still had in her hand. 

"Just get out of my way Sydney," Gage insisted sadly.

"No Gage I'm not going to run away and I'm not letting you push me away," she said softly.

"But…" Gage started.

Sydney just stood her ground in front of him but didn't say a word. 

"I didn't try to stop him Sydney," Gage said looking at her. "I just stood there and watched as he tied my hands together in front of me. I could have fought back…I mean I should have tried…I looked…I just watched. My brain…uh…it said I was in trouble…but I didn't move…I didn't move Syd!" Gage finished in a shout. "I just stood there and let it happen."

"Gage…"

"I let it happen Syd. I let him tie my hands in front. He wrapped the rope around and around and I just stood there and watched. I could have pulled away, but I just watched. He tied them so tightly I thought they'd break off. I prayed for you to find me before he finished," Gage said softly. "I prayed for you to stop him, but you didn't. I should have tried to fight back," he said turning away from her in shame. "I didn't try to fight back. I just stood there knowing what was happening and I let it. I didn't try to fight back," he said as he started to cry again. "I didn't stop it…I let it happen." Gage walked back to the window and pressed his face against the cool window pane in hopes of cooling his burning forehead. 

"Then he uh…he pulled me to my knees…he um," Gage said as he put his hand on the windowsill to steady himself. Sydney moved in to help him.

"Get away from me," Gage half shouted as he pushed her away. "Don't you see," he said looking at her, "I let it happen…I let it," he whispered turning back to the window, "happen."

"Gage no you didn…." Sydney started.

"Yes I did!" Gage half shouted. "I let it happen. I was on my knees…I…and I let it…happen," he cried. "I let it happen Syd," he whispered sadly. 

"No you didn't," Sydney whispered.

"Yes I did," Gage cried.

"Gage no…."

"Can't you see Sydney," Gage said directly as he turned back to her. "It's my fault!"

"No Gage it's not…" Sydney said as Gage turned away again. 

"Yes it is," he whispered.

Sydney waited for him to gain his composure again without saying a word. In truth she really didn't have the right words to tell him what he needed to hear. I wish I knew what to say to make this easier on him, she said inside. But I don't. I have no idea how to talk to him about this. I guess listening is the only way I can help him right now. Then he started again.

"He said for me to give myself willingly to him…" Gage said with his back still to her. "That it would go easier on me if I gave myself freely…"

Sydney closed her eyes in sorrow. I can't even imagine the terror he was feeling then, she said inside. She felt her fists clench into tight balls as she choked down her anger. I have to let him finish, she said inside. He needs to share this pain with me. I want him to stop but inside I know I can't to that. He has to tell me everything.

"I couldn't do anything…" Gage started again. "I mean I tried to fight back…I…he um grabbed me…I tried to fight back…" he said in torment, tears falling again. "He held my hands down…I tried to get free…then the um…the other guy…he came into the room…held me down…I tried to fight back…I did Syd I tried…" he said looking at her in anguish.

"I know you did," Sydney whispered. She reached a hand out to touch him but he pulled back and turned away again, unable to face with the final details. 

"He um…he…he yelled at the guy to put me um….on the bed face down…face down Syd…I wanted to throw up…I…I knew um…I felt myself being…I…I didn't try to fight him," Gage said sadly. "I was so scared I couldn't fight back. I knew I had to, but I couldn't…I didn't…I was scared," he said sadly. "I felt him tying me to the headboard, but I didn't try to fight him. I uh…I didn't even try to call for help," he said softly. "I just pushed my face into the pillows and cried…I just cried Syd," he said sadly. 

"Gage…"

"Sydney I cried," Gage said sadly. "How pathetic is that. I let it happen…I didn't fight back and I cried…I was scared and I cried."

"Gage no," Sydney said sadly. "You're not pathetic," she whispered.

"I cried Syd," he said his body shaking. "I just cried."

Sydney felt herself starting to cry at Gage's torment as he started to discuss the final act. 

"I felt myself getting trapped more but…but I didn't call for help…I asked him to stop…can you believe I asked him?" Gage asked with a sad laugh. "I asked my kidnapper to stop…how pathetic is that…I asked him. I asked again…I asked again…I asked again," he whispered sadly. "I asked him Sydney," he said looking at her, "I did ask him to stop…I did..." he cried, "I asked him over and over again…but it was too late…too late Syd…it was too late. Then he got angry and forced a really thick scarf in my mouth…and I tried…oh Sydney I tried to call for you…" he said looking away. "I tried but I couldn't speak…just couldn't speak…gagged…oh Sydney…I tried…" Gage whispered sadly.

Sydney felt her body starting to shake as she imagined the picture of Gage at his captor's mercy. 

"I heard myself calling for you Syd…I called…I called again, but you didn't hear me," he said hanging his head, "you couldn't hear me. I called you Sydney…I did…over and over again…" he said as he started to cry harder and had to gasp for breaths between sobs. "I called for you to come and help me…over and over I called for you…you didn't come…you didn't hear me…I called for you Syd."

Sydney just stood and watched her fiancé's torment. She felt herself starting to heave from her sobs but couldn't force herself to even move an inch from her spot, for she feared in doing so she'd fall over from weakness. Not weakness of body but weakness of mind and spirit. 

"I heard myself screaming for you Syd…I called but you didn't come…you didn't come…" he said sadly. "I felt him get up beside me. I uh…I tried to kick at him…I tried…I did Sydney…I tried to push him away. I pulled and pulled on my arms…but they couldn't get free. I felt them start to bleed but I still pulled. I tried to push him away from me," Gage said as he felt himself getting faint from sheer mental exhaustion.

"Gage…" Sydney whispered.

"Then he um hit me on the ass…it hurt…but…he left the room…I still pulled…I…oh man Syd I tried to pull myself free…then he…he said…he um…he said he didn't want to give me back…but um…he uh…Sydney he said he knew he would take me again," Gage finished in a whisper.

Sydney heard the terrible words and let a single tear slide down her face, hitting the floor, breaking the silence. Gage turned back to her, tears running down his face. "What if…Sydney what if he…I mean again would…Sydney what if…"

"We won't let that happen," Sydney said firmly as she finally was able to make her arm extend and touch his trembling body. "We won't let that happen Gage," she said shaking her head, tears falling again. "We won't that happen," she echoed as she pulled him close and hugged him tightly. "Never again."

Gage felt the warmth from her body slightly ease his but the worse was still to come, the act itself. He gently pulled away and again and turned back to the window. "He can't do it again," he said in a dead whisper.

"He won't have the chance," Sydney said watching his back sag with heavy tormented weight.

"I kept trying to pull myself free…" Gage started again. "I pulled and pulled…I called for help…for you…the gag it um…it was so thick…I wanted to throw up…I was pulling. Then he came back. He um…he poured alcohol on my cut wrists…pain…but I was still pulling… I was so scared Syd…I put my head down and cried…I cried Syd…again…I…"

Sydney gently touched his back again, making him straighten and stiffen under her touch. She felt him slightly recoil under her touch and pulled her hand back.

"He said it was time…um time to partake of the goods…"

Sydney heard the words and felt herself cringe at the thought that his captor thought of him in such ugly terms. 'Goods'. How can a human think that of another human being? 

"That's all I was Sydney…goods…something to be used…he laughed…he laughed at me the whole time…he said…he said…I would now be forever alone…like him…Sydney he said…"

"You'll never be alone Gage," Sydney whispered as she tried to calm her now shaking body.

"He got up beside me…I felt him…he uh cut…he took the knife and cut my boxers…I felt the cold…I was…um oh god Sydney I was naked…helpless…I…he started um…

"Uh he laughed as he threw them away…he laughed Syd," Gage cried. "He um…he started to touch me again…oh Sydney he…he touched me…" he whispered in sad sobs, "he touched me Syd…places a man isn't supposed to be…by another man…he um…oh Sydney he…then he got out the knife…he um…he cut away my underwear…"

"Oh god no…Gage…" Sydney cried as she watched him shaking harder. Sydney felt her heart starting to race and knew that she was starting to have a mild panic attack. I can't imagine what is going on inside your system right now Gage, Sydney said in silent torment.

"Sydney he um…" Gage said as he started to cry harder.

"Gage no," Sydney whispered not wanting to believe it actually happened.

"He um…I heard him unzip his pants…he…then I…then he then climbed up onto…oh Sydney I can't do this," Gage said quietly. "I can't tell you…"

"Please Gage…" Sydney begged in sadness as she gently touched his back. "Tell me…" she felt odd asking him to tell her the final act of what happened, and knew it wasn't for some sick tormented pleasure but for the sake of his sanity, what little bit she feared he had left. He needed closure and until he told someone this horrible deed, he'd never find it. 

"He um," Gage started again in sorrow as he again pulled away from her touch, "I felt him…he uh…I felt him climb onto my legs…oh god Sydney he climbed on behind me…I tried to yell…I did…I heard myself yelling for you. I yelled and yelled but he just laughed and sat there. I tried to get him off of me…I tried…I did Sydney, I tried to get him off…I couldn't. He just sat there and laughed as he touched my naked….he um…oh Syd…he…then he…he…he…raped me…" Gage finished in sad sobs. "He…raped…me…Syd," he said as he cried loudly and leaned against the window for support. His whole body was drenched in sweat and tears and was trembling, his heart was racing and his fingernails had dug imprints into the palms of his hands. "He…raped…me Syd…I let a man…a man…oh god Sydney I let a man…."

"Gage…" Sydney said softly.

"He raped me Syd, over and over again," Gage cried harder as he felt himself sliding down the wall to the floor, ignoring the slight throb from his underside. "He did it more than once. I felt…I uh knew the first time…but then I passed out…but I knew…Dr. Adams told me…he said many times…oh god Sydney many times…"

"Gage…" she said moving closer to him.

"When I came to I knew. I could feel it Syd. Still feel him…oh god Syd," he cried, "I can still feel him inside me. I can…AHHH!" Gage yelled.

"He did it Sydney…over and over again…" Gage said not looking at her. "I let him Syd," Gage said sadly as he finally slumped to the floor. "I'm to blame."

"Gage," Sydney whispered as she sat down beside him, but not touching him. "You are not to blame."

"I let him Syd," Gage whispered as his body slumped in sad defeat. "I let him," he whispered.

"No Gage you tried to fight him," she said softly.

"No I didn't. It was too late…don't you see Syd," he said turning to her as tears streamed down his face, "I let it happen."

"Please stop saying that," Sydney said as she felt her own tears starting to fall again. "Gage I'm so sorry," she said moving closer to him. "I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you hear me Syd?" Gage asked looking away. "I called for you over and over again," he whispered. "I knew you could stop him. But you didn't come…you couldn't hear me…you didn't…."

"Gage," Sydney said putting her arm around his shoulder.

"Get away from me," Gage said suddenly as he pulled her arm away and tried to move his body away from her.

"What?" Sydney asked in surprise.

"Get away from me!" Gage half shouted. 

"No," Sydney said firmly.

"Please," Gage sobbed, "just…"

"No," Sydney said again. "I'm not leaving you Gage."

"But why? It was my fault. I admit it, you don't have to feel sorry for me," he cried.

"That's not why I'm staying Gage," Sydney said firmly. "And you're not to blame in any way."

"What?" Gage asked in shock. 

"I hate that man for what he did, but I know it wasn't your fault. I feel sorry for the fact that you had to experience that, but I'll not think any less of you now," she smiled warmly as she reached out to caress his face.   
I love you."

"I let it happen Syd," Gage said again jerking his head away.

"Could you stop him?" She asked.

"I…"

"Could you?" She asked again softly.

"I should have…" he started.

"Gage ou were in shock," Sydney said softly. "You were in shock and your body froze you in place. It's not your fault."

"Say it Sydney," Gage said suddenly.

"Say what?"

"Say I told you so," Gage said looking away. "I just need to hear you say and then leave. Just get it over with already," he said sadly as he looked down. 

Sydney watched his defeated posture and heard his tears hitting the floor. That was his real fear. Fear that once he told her she'd hate him for not being able to stop him and she'd leave. She could see it in his eyes. He blamed himself for not being able to fight back, for thinking that he was safe and not in any kind of danger when Walker said they needed to be careful. 

"I should have listened to Walker…" Gage whispered as his body sagged back against the wall. 

Sydney couldn't stand it any longer as she moved in close and pulled him into her embrace. She wrapped her arms around his body and hugged him tightly to her, afraid to let go, afraid if she did she'd never get to hold him again.

"He…he…hurt me Syd," Gage said as he just lay in her arms crying. She held his trembling body close to hers and gently stroked his arm. She managed to pull to them a nearby blanket and draped it over both of their bodies to keep the heat in. She knew they wouldn't be leaving this spot for some time. 

"He hurt me," Gage cried harder. 

"Shhh Gage it's okay," Sydney said softly as she rested her head on top of his.

"I…let…him…Syd…" Gage said in between sobs. "I…let…"

"No you didn't Gage," Sydney said tenderly in his ear. "He's 100% responsible," she said softly. 

"NO!" Gage said firmly as he tried to pull away. "I'm to blame," he cried as he tried to pull away.

"No you're not," Sydney said not letting him go.

"Let go Syd," Gage cried. "Just let go of me."

"I'll never let go Gage. I'm never letting you go," she said as she started too cry again.

"Sydney I'm…" Gage said still trying to pull free. 

"No Gage, that man is not you," she said firmly.

"Please Sydney just let me go," Gage begged sadly. "Just walk away and live your life…"

"I'll never let you go Gage. My life is with you and only you. I'm never walking away," Sydney said firmly as she felt Gage slump back into her arms. Sydney looked into Gage's sad eyes and knew there was not a power on earth at that moment that could have taken her away from him. This is where she was needed and this is where she belonged. I'll never let you go Gage, she said inside. I promise.

He looked into her eyes and knew she was not just giving up on him. She's not giving up now, but will she later? He tried once more to pull away but his strength was already gone and he just fell back into her safe and loving embrace. He buried himself deeper into her arms and the warm blanket and just lay there crying. 

Sydney felt Gage start to cry again and started to gently stroke his trembling, heaving body. She saw him close his eyes tight and clench his fists again in anger. 

"He raped me Sydney," Gage cried over and over again.

"Gage I'm so sorry," Sydney whispered into his ear as tears streamed down her face.

"It's okay you know," Gage said suddenly as he tried to sit up.

"What's okay?" Sydney asked as he sat up beside her still under her arm and the blanket. 

"It's okay if you hate me now," he said softly looking down. "I'll understand."

"Gage look at me," Sydney urged kindly. 

Gage didn't look up.

"Please Gage look at me," Sydney begged.

"I can't Syd," Gage whispered sadly.

Sydney gently took his chin and turned him to face her.

"Gage I love you more than anything and I have never, could never and will never hate you for this. Into eternity you will never be to blame," she said firmly. "Is that why you kept saying that to me? Thinking I'd hate you because you weren't able to stop him?"

Gage nodded his head yes.

"Gage how could I hate you for something like that?" Sydney asked in quiet surprise. "I could never hate you for not being able to stop him."

"But I should have been able to stop him," Gage said sadly.

"If you could have you would have Gage," Sydney said firmly. "That man made sure you couldn't. You're not to blame Gage in any way."

"Yes I am," Gage whispered.

"No you're not," Sydney smiled at him.

Gage just looked into her eyes and saw the reflection of kindness and love staring back at him. I don't deserve this he said inside, I don't deserve her. I don't deserve her love.

"Why are you still here?" Gage whispered. "How can you even look at me the same way?" He asked as he pulled his face away in sad anger.

"How am I supposed to look at you Gage?" Sydney asked sadly. 

"Like I'm some kind of freak now," Gage said sadly.

"I'll never look at you any differently than I did before," Sydney smiled. "Nothing will change that."

"Why are you still here?" Gage asked looking away.

"Do you really want me to go?" Sydney countered.

Gage didn't answer. Of course I don't want her to go, he said inside. I need her here with me.

"Gage?"

"Don't you see Sydney, I'm not normal anymore," he said as he felt his eyes water again. "I'll never be able to look at myself in the mirror again and feel normal," he whispered as his tears started to fall again. "How can I expect you to?"

"Oh Gage you shou…" Sydney started.

"I'll never be normal again," Gage cried. "Please don't hate me for it Sydney."

Sydney pulled him close again and just hugged him tightly as he buried his face into her chest and just cried. 

"Please don't hate me Syd," he sobbed again. "Please."

"Shh Gage I'll never hate you," she whispered.

"But Syd I let a man…"

"It's not your fault Gage."

"But I let him," Gage whispered between sobs, "I let him."

"He made sure you had to let him Gage," Sydney said sadly. "That's why he tied you up so tightly," she said closing her eyes at the tormented words. "He made it so you couldn't fight him. He knew you'd win if you were able."

"But I should have been able…"

"He made sure you couldn't Gage," Sydney said again.

"The feelings Syd, I still feel them," Gage whispered. "I still feel him. Syd I…oh god Sydney I let him…" Gage said he started to cry again. He put his arms around her waist and held on tightly as if when he let go he'd be taken back into the terrible world of his demented captor.

"Please don't let him take me Syd," Gage begged sadly. "Please Sydney stop him from hurting me again."

"He can't hurt you again Gage," Sydney whispered. 

"You don't understand Sydney he's coming back for me," he cried. "He said he's going to take me again."

"I'll never let him take you Gage," Sydney said firmly. "He's never taking you from me," she said as she hugged him tighter. 

"Please Syd…stop him…please…help me…" Gage said between gasps. 

"I will," Sydney said softly. "He'll never hurt you again."

Gage heard her words and held on. He held on and just let himself cry to her. He was broken, he was shamed, he was defeated. She now knew his horrible secret. The secret he knew would haunt him until his death he feared. 

"I'm sorry Syd," Gage whispered.

"Why are you sorry?" Sydney asked softly.

"I let you down Syd," Gage said sadly. "Walker tried to warn us…well not me really but…I…I didn't listen and…"

"I don't blame you for that Gage," Sydney said softly but firmly.

"But I didn't listen," he insisted. "If I had listened I would be okay right now."

"If you did listen he probably would have found another way to take you from me and still hurt you," Sydney explained.

"But I…"

"No Gage he's to blame, not you," Sydney said firmly. 

"I can't believe I let it happen," Gage said as he felt his breathing starting to slow down.

"Shhh Gage just rest," Sydney said as she gently rocked them back and forth. "It's okay now," she said as he hugged him to her.

"But I let you down," he whispered as he started to cry again.

"No you didn't," Sydney whispered. 

"If you want to go I'll understand," Gage whispered again. He felt he had to give her a way out. I mean if she really doesn't want to be here now at least I've given her the way out, he told himself. 

"Do you want me to go?" Sydney asked.

"But it's my fault Sydney," Gage said sadly.

"Do you want me to leave you Gage? Do you want to be by yourself for awhile?" Sydney asked.

Gage didn't say anything. I don't want her to leave, he said inside. I never want her to leave me.

"Gage?"

"No," Gage said softly. "Please don't go Sydney." 

"I'm not going anywhere Gage," Sydney said with a smile. "I made a promise to you and I'm going to keep it."

"But I'm damaged goods," he said sadly as he felt his body starting to tremble again as he was forced to relive the terrible ordeal yet again.

"No you're not Gage," Sydney said gently but firmly. "Don't say that."

"But Sydney I'm not whole anymore," he whispered.

"You are to me and that's all that matters. I love you for you. I love you Gage no matter what," she said hugging him tightly again. She knew that once he had told her he would be forced to relive that nightmare over and over again until he fell asleep. She promised herself that she was not going to move from this spot until he did.

"How can you say that?" He asked sadly not looking up.

"Because you're not only my fiancé but you're my best friend Gage. And just because you experienced this and I was able to share this terrible pain with you doesn't mean I'd look at you any differently."

"But I let a man…" Gage said as he started to cry again. "I let him rape me Sydney," he whispered in anger. 

"I'm so sorry Gage," Sydney whispered.

Sydney closed her eyes in sadness when he said that one terrible word and felt herself cringe. It evoked such terror in her whenever she would hear the word in the news or on the job. But now to hear him apply it to himself made her sick. 

"Thank you," Sydney said softly.

"What?" Gage asked in shock as he tried to wipe some tears away. "Did you just thank me?"

"Yeah Gage I did," Sydney smiled.

"Why on earth are you thanking me?" He asked softly.

"Because outside of Dr. Adams you told me first," she said. "I know this is painful for you Gage and I can't even imagine what you're going through or feeling or thinking or anything," she paused. "But the fact that you actually had the courage to tell me means more to me than you'll ever know."

"Why?" Gage asked softly as he twisted himself around to look at her.

"Because you could have just kept it inside and let it eat away at you," she said softly as she pushed some tear soaked hairs off his soft face. "And I might never have known what was really wrong with you," she smiled. "You might have pushed me away and not told me the reason or given me a chance to help you. I would never have known how you felt or anything…"

"And now that you know?" He asked in hesitation. 

"And now that I know I think I feel closer to you than I ever did," she said warmly. 

"Why Sydney? Is it because you pity me?" Gage asked looking away.

"Pity you?" Sydney asked in surprise. "Gage you're still the same person you were before this happened. Except now you have experienced one more trial than you did before. But you're alive, you're here with me and that's all that matters now," she said as she gently stroked his back. "I love you Gage, so much. Nothing is ever going to change that for me."

"I'm not the same," Gage protested.

"Yes you are Gage, please try to remember that. He can't change _you_. He might have hurt your body in a terrible way, but he could never ever damage the real you. I know the real you, I see the real you and I love the real you. That will never change. He didn't hurt that part Gage," Sydney said softly. "He never will."

Gage just closed his eyes and felt is heart starting to slow back down. _I love you Gage_ were the four small words that seemed to make his body stop trembling and his eyes stop watering. Does she really, he asked himself sadly? 

"Do you really love me still Sydney?" Gage asked in uncertainty. "Even after what I told you?"

"Yes Gage," Sydney said as she bent down and kissed the top of his head gently. "I always will."

For the first time in hours Gage felt himself smile. He felt her warm kiss flood his body all the way down to his feet and he knew she meant it. Part of him wanted to say that she was just saying that but the part that won was the part that said she was telling the truth and meant every word she said. I just have to believe her, he said inside.

"I wanted to hear you say that Sydney," Gage said staring blankly ahead, "I wanted to hear you tell me that. But I was afraid you wouldn't want to."

"I'll say it as often as you need it Gage," Sydney smiled down at him. 

Gage just felt his body slow down in it's shaking and his hands unclenched themselves into normal fists once again. The fingernail imprints had almost caused blood to come up but he didn't care. They were his means of anger management when he finally confessed his sad secret to her. 

"I'm tired Sydney," Gage finally said as the exhaustion of telling her finally caught up with him.

"Shhh Gage, just rest and close your eyes okay?" Sydney said in a soft soothing tone as she continued to stroke his back and head. "Just close your eyes," she whispered again.

Gage didn't care that he was curled in her lap and arms on the floor. He just closed his eyes and felt his heart starting to slow down once again. He had told her the truth and she was still here. For how long? At this point it really didn't matter. She was here now and that's all that counts, he told himself. 

"I don't want to lose you Sydney," Gage whispered with his eyes still closed.

"You'll never lose me Gage," Sydney said firmly as she looked down at him.

"Don't leave me Sydney," Gage said wearily.

"I'll never leave you Gage," she whispered. 

Sydney felt Gage's body stop trembling and watched his frown disappear. She felt him relax in her arms and his heart start to slow down. In time she heard his breathing slow and knew he was asleep. The mental battle he just fought and won had taken two lifetimes to overcome. But just because he won this small battle she knew the final war lay head. The war to get on with the rest of his life as he tried to come to terms with the blow that fate and time had dealt him. It would be a hard fought war but one that was not un-winnable. With her help he would succeed, they would be married and life would be better than ever. At least that's what she would keep telling herself until it happened.

Soon he was snoring lightly and the sweat had started to dry. His tears were all but subsided and his facial wounds had started to go down again. She looked down upon his innocent expression and wished more than anything that he would wake up and never remember the ugly act that his captor forced him to experience. She wanted more than anything to erase the past weeks and months, returning to the spot before this madness even started. But that was just wishful thinking. No matter how hard she prayed it would never be taken away from him, from either of them. The memories, the feelings the pain would never be taken away from them, Gage especially. He would have to come to terms with it and deal with it and move on, and at this very second she made a vow to herself that she would never leave his side. He needed her now, probably more than ever and she was going to stay. 

She continued to look at him and felt her eyes start to water. The reality of what that ugly man really did to the man in her arms was finally hitting her. He raped you Gage, she said in silent torment as she felt a tear hit his face. She gently brushed it away but he didn't wake up. Oh Gage he hurt you so much, Sydney said as she leaned her head back against the wall. She closed her eyes and tried to block out the ugly images that kept pushing their way back into her brain from all the things Gage told her. She kept hearing him tell her that he kept calling for her to come and help him to stop him from hurting him so much. The one person he needed the most in his hour of horror, his best friend, her. He kept calling for her but of course she couldn't hear him. Oh Gage, she said opening her eyes and looking back down at him. If I had heard I would have come, and if I had seen what he did to you I would have killed him for sure. 

She felt her eyes start to water as she kept hearing him beg his captor to stop. He kept begging over and over again. She choked back a sob as she pictured the man yelling at him to keep quiet and then gagging him so he could not cry for help. She felt her tears stream down her face as she felt Gage's terror as the man touched him. She closed her eyes and shook her head no for the images to leave, they didn't. 

"I'm so sorry Gage," Sydney whispered. She knew that the road before them would be a rocky one. There would be many arguments, many sleepless nights and she feared many hard feelings. But through it all she knew both of them had to be strong. The big test on their friendship was still to come, would they pass? Sydney felt her down heart start to slow down and she felt herself also falling asleep from the mental fatigue overtaking her. In no time she too was breathing softly as she slept on the floor beside him.

Sydney twisted her body for a better position and quickly opened her eyes and looked at Gage. He was still asleep with his lips slightly parted and a slight frown on his face. 

She just sat beside him and watched him sleeping. She found it hard to imagine that a man would want to do such ugly things to someone, especially to someone she loved so much, her fiancé. I need him, she said inside, in my life, beside me, now and forever. I don't care what others might think, I just need him with me.

She felt Gage snuggle deeper into her warm embrace and she felt herself go even warmer. The feeling of his body beside hers made her smile. She wanted more than anything for it to be under different circumstances, not after he had just confessed his horrible secret. But that time would come. The time when he would want to be married and be with her again like it was before this all happened. She would work to make sure he wanted that as much as her. She would do everything in her power to show him that she was here to stay; that she would never leave him and that her love for him was now stronger than she ever imagined. She felt a smile cross her face as she pulled the blanket tightly around them. 

She heard Gage mutter angry words every once and awhile and knew his nightmares were only just starting. "I'll never leave you Gage," she whispered as she finally succumbed back into the darkness of sleep. "Together we will win this."


	8. Key Details Key Defense

****

Title: A Cry in the Dark   
Chapter 8 – Key Details = Key Defense

Gage slowly opened his eyes a few hours later to find himself still on the floor with Sydney's arm still around him. He looked at her sleeping face and smiled slightly. She still had tear streaks running down her cheeks and he knew that even after he had fallen asleep the terrible details of what he had shared had continued to torment her, just as they were him. He stared blankly at the small calendar on the wall and sighed sadly. I was supposed to be getting married this weekend to the woman of my dreams, he said inside. He closed his eyes as the felt them water again, trying to hold back another flood of anguished emotions. He felt his body getting a bit stiff and knew they needed to move to a better place. He gently pulled himself away from Sydney's arms and stood up. He bent back down, picked her up in his arms and carried her still sleeping form to the bed and gently laid her under the covers. He turned off the small lamp and got in beside her, his body weak from mental exhaustion. He pulled her close beside him, felt her sigh contentedly and then closed his eyes. The night he knew would bring more tormented dreams but he knew a great weight had been lifted off him at the fact that she know knew all the sordid details. "I love you Sydney," he whispered before darkness consumed him once again.

********

Sydney awoke a few hours later just as the sun was starting to peak into their room. She looked at the frown on Gage's face and knew the night hadn't been kind to him. His eyes were still a bit puffy but the cuts on his face had really subsided. He was on his side as she knew lying on his back was probably still pretty painful. Today they would talk to Walker about what he remembered and try to at least put some kind of profile together, one that would hopefully draw them closer to the horrible responsible for not only delaying their wedding and hurting Gage but for attempting to destroy a few other Officer's lives. He had to be stopped.

"Good morning," Gage said softly, breaking her from her thoughts.

"It is now," Sydney smiled as she lightly kissed his cheek. "Did you at least get some sleep?"

"I think I slept the best right after I told you," he said looking down. "I think I was just too tired to dream. But I had some later on. Terrible just like the other nights."

"They will pass," Sydney said gently caressing his face, making him look back up at her. 

"Sydney I just need to know now that you kno…"

"Gage like I said last night how this horrible man hurt you physically will not change how I feel about _you_. The man I love he did not damage."

"How can you say that," Gage moaned as he rolled over onto his back, wincing from the slight pain he was still feeling. "I feel damaged…how can you think anything diff…"

"Because I do," Sydney said firmly. "I want you to be free to share anything and everything with me on one condition," she said making him look at her with a frown.

"What condition?"

"That you put the terrible idea out of your head that I hate you for what this man did to you."

"But I should have tried to fig…"

"Gage please…" Sydney said stopping him. "I will never hate you. I want you to promise me you believe that."

"Sydney I hate myself! How on earth can I ask you not to hate me when I hate me?"

"Because I'm not you," she said with a smile. "I can't even imagine what you're feeling because I have no idea. I know what I'm feeling. I'm feeling hatred towards an evil man. I'm feeling terror that he is still on the loose. I'm feeling suffering from what you told me you had to endure and I'm feeling love for being the luckiest woman in the world to be loved by you. But I don't feel hatred towards you Gage, just the opposite."

"Man I want to believe that 100%," Gage sighed as he looked back up at the ceiling.

"You will," she said firmly. "I'll help you to believe that okay?"

"I'm going to talk to Walker today," he said matter of factly.

"Do you remember things?"

"A few," Gage sighed. "I mean there have only ever been a few people that I have worked with that use my first name. I guess I have to think back to previous jobs and see where those people are now."

"Walker will be grateful for any information you can give him," Sydney said. "But for now why don't we go downstairs and have a nice breakfast."

"Sounds good," Gage said as he slowly sat up. He winced a bit as he felt pressure on his scarred backside and tried to ignore it. However the feelings were just a sad reminder of why he was feeling the way he was.

"You okay?" Sydney asked softly.

"Every time I close my eyes I can feel him touching me…inside of me…ra…" Gage said in a sad whisper. "Still so very real."

Sydney sat up beside him and slowly started to rub his back. "You know I have been reading some of that stuff Dr. Adams gave you to read and it said that you'll be feeling pain for a few days."

"Yeah Dr. Adams told me that too," Gage sighed. "The cream stuff helps but I'll be glad when I just have the memories to deal with."

"Yeah then the tough part really starts," Sydney said softly. 

"Are you seriously going to go to those sessions?" Gage asked with some hesitation.

"Gage last night I asked you if you wanted to have sex. Hell I practically forced myself onto you after your shower. I should have known better…I mean it was totally insensitive and…well I just want to know what to do and what to say."

"See that's what I don't want," Gage said angrily. "For you to go to some session telling you how to be around me. Why can't you just be yourself? Act naturally?"

"Because we have never faced a situation like this before. I mean what if you start really progressing towards forgetting this and I say something stupid and you're right back at the beginning. I'd blame myself Gage. Besides the sessions will not make me any different then I am now. I'll just be a little more aware of things in the beginning. Trust me Gage once things are back to normal neither of us will have to worry about anything."

"Normal…" he said with a long sigh. "Will things ever be _normal_?"

"I think they will," Sydney smiled firmly. "And as long as we both believe that then they will be."

"Did I ever tell you I love you?" Gage smiled.

"Not yet this morning," Sydney smiled back. "I love you too. Now let's go eat because I'm starving and then we'll think about what is going to happen today."

"Okay," Gage said as he slowly pushed himself out of bed and headed for his closet. Sydney watched his posture and heaved a heavy inward sigh. Usually he'd bound of out bed full of life and vigor, now he hardly moved and his shoulders slumped under the heavy weight they seemed destined to carry. We have to catch this guy and fast, she said inside. I want us to be back to normal as best we can as soon as we can. This guy has to slip up she told herself, he just has to.

********

"Well Francis I hope you're feeling better this morning," a deep sinister voice said as it looked at a picture of Gage. The man got up from his table and headed to his window and looked out into the bright blue morning colors. "Today is going to be a beautiful day," the man said firmly. He turned and walked back to his table and smiled as he turned Gage's picture to face him. "And very soon I'll have you before me again. And this time I won't have to give you back."

********

"You think he'll be up to telling us some details?" Trivette asked as they drove to see Gage.

"I think he'll do whatever he can to help bring this guy down and fast. I mean the thought of this guy on the loose worries me, I can't imagine what Gage is thinking," Walker sighed.

They both rode the rest of the way in silence, each comprehending the fact that the rapist was still on the loose and what that might mean to Gage or any of the other victims. They finally arrived and pulled in front of his door, both feeling a deep weight just settling on their shoulder for what they now had to do. "You know what Trivette, let me talk to Gage alone okay?"

"Think it'll be easier on him?" Trivette asked softly.

"I do," Walker said as he rung the bell.

"Walker, Trivette come in," Gage said with a slight smile. 

"Morning," Walker said with his own smile.

"Hey," Trivette said with a smile.

Gage stood before his friend in a moment of awkward silence before he asked them if they wanted to come in.

"Gage can I talk to you alone for a bit?" Walker asked softly.

Gage looked at Trivette and felt his body heave. "This about what happened?" He asked softly.

"I think it might be easier on you if you just told me, okay?" Walker asked softly. 

Gage looked at Trivette as if to ask him if that was okay.

"It's for the best Gage," Trivette said with an approving nod. 

"Let's go into the den," Gage said to Walker.

"I'll go and see Sydney," Trivette said with a firm smile. "Talk to you later." With that he turned and headed into the kitchen where Sydney was already waiting. "Morning," Trivette said to her.

"Morning," Sydney said back. 

"So how are you holding up?" Trivette asked.

"You tell me," Sydney sighed. "Think Walker can help him?" She asked softly.

"I'm praying he can."

********

Walker watched Gage walk into the den and frowned. The stance of his friend was not that of a proud and tough ranger but one of a weak and humble man. One scared at what the next few moments might mean for him.

"I just want you to take it easy okay?" Walker said softly as he watched Gage slump down into a large chair. "If it's going to be too much then tell me."

"I want this guy Walker," Gage said firmly. "I will do whatever I can to help."

Walker smiled warmly at his friend. "I'm glad to hear that. So why don't you just sit back and relax and try to remember every detail about the man. I don't want you to tell me what he did Gage," Walker said firmly. "I don't need you to relive that pain."

"Have been ever since I was rescued," Gage said looking down. "Probably will be for life."

"Well it will be for some time yet. But not for life," Walker said warmly. "So I just want you to sit back and relax, close your eyes and try to answer my questions."

"Okay here goes," Gage said with a sigh. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes and tried to remember details instead of the ugly acts of violence committed against him.

"Okay can you describe his voice. Is it familiar? Loud? Soft? Gruff? Calm?" Walker started in a soft tone as he flipped on a small recorder. It was just easier then either writing it down or trying to remember. These details would be key, he needed them all.

Gage's face crunched in pain as he was immediately taken back to when he was first brought into the house. He heard the man's low mocking laughter and felt his heart start to race.

"Remember Gage you're safe here, he can't hurt you here," Walker said in a low soft tone. "Okay?"

"Okay," Gage half whispered. "His voice was um…," he said as he remembered again. _'Welcome Ranger Gage…I have been watching for some time.'_ "Oh man," Gage said sadly. "His voice was kinda low and…" he said as his mind flashed horrible words back into his conscience. _'You're a handsome man Francis and you're mine…all mine to play with…'_

Walker watched his face frown in pain and saw his eyes slowly start to water. "What is it?"

Gage felt his eyes water and slowly opened them to look at water. "He said he had been watching me for some time," Gage said softly. 

"Did you recognize his voice?" Walker asked again softly.

"It would falter at times. Sometimes low and mocking and sometimes high. Mostly when he laughed at me," Gage said looking down as he wiped his eyes. "Walker I'm sorry," he said not looking up.

"Gage you have been through hell, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"You sound like Sydney," Gage smiled faintly as he looked back up at Walker.

"Smart woman," Walker smiled back. "Gage I know this is very hard but it's important if we are to put any kind of composite together on this guy. These details even small ones are very important."

"Okay," Gage said leaning back again. "I'll try," he said closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. 

"What did he say about you personally?" Walker asked another question.

Gage thought himself back into the room at the mercy of his kidnapper and rapist and felt his body temperature starting to rise once again. _'I have wanted this for some time…from the first time I met you.'_

"He um said he wanted me since we first met," Gage said softly as he opened his eyes again. "Since we met Walker. What the hell does that mean?"

"It means we need to put this guy away and fast."

Gage looked at him directly before closing his eyes once again. _'I will own your life…you thoughts…you…forever mine…my domination over you…'_

Walker watched as Gage's face clenched in pain and his fist clench into tight balls and knew there was a terrible war waging inside his friend's mine right now. He hated to put him through more pain and wasn't about to ask for details on the act itself. But key details about the man himself were crucial. 

__

'She'll hate you for sure…alone like me…now own you…all of you…' "He said he was alone," Gage said softly.

__

'Special to me…always defied me…' "He said I always defied him," Gage said opening his eyes and looking at Walker. "_Always_ Walker? Who is this guy? I work for you."

"I don't know Gage, but we need to find out and fast," Walker said with a frown. "What else did he say?"

"He said I always tried to show him up…he wanted to put me in my place," Gage said looking away. He looked back at Walker with an angry face. "Walker you know me. I'm good at my job but never at the expense of a fellow Officer. I…"

"Gage whatever his problem is is something his warped mind has twisted out of proportion. He may have me you only once…I don't know. But try not to take it personal…"

"Walker he said I was _special_ to him. Special!" Gage spat angrily. "That I was special and he wanted me since we met. That he wanted to put me in my place. How the hell can I not take any of that _personally_?"

"Gage I'm sorry, perhaps that wasn't the best choice of words. I just don't want you to feel that…"

"Walker it will take some time before I feel normal again."

"I don't want you to feel that you are alone in this," Walker said softly making Gage quickly calm down.

"Sorry for getting so worked up," Gage said softly. "Still hurts."

"I know it does," Walker agreed. "What else did he say?"

Gage leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes once again. "I was so scared Walker," Gage said softly.

"I know you were but you have to try," Walker urged.

"He said I stole something from him," Gage said softly.

Walker heard the words and frowned. _'Wanted me since we met…put me in my place…always defied him…alone like him…arrogant…proud…stole something…'_ What does it all mean, Walker asked himself? Who is this?

"What else did you notice about him? Any smells?"

Gage remembered when he was first introduced to the man. "Yeah he smelt funny…like…like…" Gage thought as he searched his memory for the right words. "Um like cheap aftershave, but the kind you get in a hotel room or something. It was kinda sharp and um gross…cheap…"

"Very good," Walker said in a low tone. "You're doing very well Gage. Can you remember anything else about what he said, did or how he smelt?"

Gage felt his heart starting to race faster as he neared the telling of the act itself. I can't tell him that, Gage said inside. Does he want me to? He said no but…I mean he's my friend right? But man I feel sick at the thought that…he stopped himself as he felt his stomach starting to lurch. He quickly choked the bile back down and tried to remember details about the man himself. "His voice was kinda gruff at times…when he wasn't angry or laughing it was kinda just gruff…even tone…"

Gage stopped himself as he remembered his kidnappers mocking voice. _'Are you thirsty Francis? Damn boy you have quite the mouth on you. Puke all over yourself!'_ Gage remembered his body feeling sick after the second beating he sustained and then being forced the burning alcoholic substance. He remembered his body falling to the floor and the blindfold slipping slightly. "His shoes…" Gage started and stopped as he pressed his memory for the details. "I saw one…it was um…dark red…uh burgundy leather I think…it had a small tassel on top…"

Dress shoes, Walker said inside. How odd.

"I um…" Gage said as he felt his stomach start to tighten again as he remembered the act itself. He slightly opened his eyes and saw tiny black circles starting to form as he was back at the mercy of the man who raped him. His stomach felt nauseous again and the room started to lightly spin. He balled his fists even tighter and swallowed hard as he forced himself past the act to the aftermath when he woke up. "Walker I…" Gage started softly.

"If you can't go on I understand," Walker said softly as he looked sadly upon his friend's lightly shaking body and sweaty brow. 

"He said I ruined his life and didn't remember," Gage said softly. "That his um…his…his raping me was payback for me ruining his life," he whispered sadly as a tear finally escaped and ran down his cheek. He slowly opened his watery eyes and looked at Walker. "It was his form of payback Walker. He said it was something I would always remember. That now I'd be alone just like him."

"You'll never be alone Gage," Walker said gently touching his friend's tight fist. "And he won't win. I promise you that."

Gage turned his head and sadly stared out the window. "He said he wanted to ruin my life…payback for me ruining his…Walker…" Gage said looking back at him. "What horrible thing could I have possibly done to this man for him to want to hurt me so…"

"I don't know Gage," Walker said softly. "But whatever it was you can be sure it never warranted anything like what he did to you. Nothing justifies that kind of payback."

"He said he liked using my first name…probably the only one…he said it so much…I…" Gage said looking away. "I hate my name Walker. Even more now."

Walker heard what Gage said and knew this would help them very much. Gage had told him before that he insisted people he knew and worked with call him by Gage instead of Francis. Never liked his first name even as a child. Now of all the people Gage obviously worked with still used his first name?

"He also knew you by name," Gage said looking back at Walker, the room still lightly spinning. 

Walker frowned at that and sighed. "I think that's enough for today," Walker said softly as he slowly stood up. Gage tried to stand up but slightly faltered and sat back down. Walker extended his hand and Gage finally took it and allowed his friend to help him stand up. Gage steadied himself on his feet before following Walker into the kitchen where Sydney and Trivette were still waiting. 

"Well?" Sydney asked softly.

"Gage remembered a lot of key things I think," Walker said looking at Trivette. "We are going to Ranger Headquarters right now to start putting together a composite. We'll call when we think we have even a preliminary one put together."

"Thanks Walker," Gage said softly as he turned and followed them to the front door. "I hope I was able to help."

"Knowledge is the best defense against this guy," Walker said with a firm smile. "You just helped to strengthen that defense."

They said goodbye before Gage turned and slowly headed for the stairs to go up. Sydney closed the door and watched him start to climb. She noticed his body starting to sway and immediately rushed up to him. "Gage?" She asked in concern.

Gage felt his world starting to spin more and frowned. "I don't feel so well," he said as his kidnappers laughing voice flood his memory. 

__

'Take you when I want…not to arrogant now…give yourself to me willingly…time for more fun…' He remembered the mans rough and ugly touching and felt his stomach starting to lurch. "Water," he said weakly as he continued to try for the bathroom. 

Sydney rushed back down to the kitchen and filled a glass with cold water and then headed for the stairs. Gage was already at the top and by the time she reached the bathroom he was already bent over the toilet throwing up breakfast, followed by liquid and then dry heaves. Sydney sat on the edge of the bathtub and gently rubbed his back while he threw up. 

Gage squeezed his watery eyes tight as he tried to drown out his kidnapper's laugh as he raped him. "Oh god Sydney," he wheezed. "It's still so real," he said in a hoarse whisper. He finally finished throwing up and rested his weary body oh the cold tile floor, the coolness soothing his burning face. Sydney gently pushed some damp hair off his forehead and dabbed his watery eyes. 

"Whatever you told Walker will help him," Sydney said softly.

"I know," Gage said with a blank stare. "You know I think back to all the times people have wronged me and…and I'd never even dream of hurting them like he hurt me…I mean I…"

"Gage you can't compare yourself in any way to a monster like that. He obviously has an imbalance of some kind and is letting it get the best of him. You're better than that Gage. You'll never be like him," she said firmly.

"He said I'd always be alone like him," Gage whispered sadly.

Sydney looked at him and felt her heart shatter into a million tiny pieces. "You'll never be alone."

Gage looked up at her with a faint smile. "Sorry for throwing up breakfast."

"No worries," she smiled softly. "Come and rest," she said extending her hand. Tomorrow you start your first session and I think you should just rest today."

"Dr. Adams said I needed exercise," Gage said as he slowly got to his knees and then his feet. "Maybe a run later or something?"

"I think I'd like that," Sydney smiled as she led him to the bedroom. She helped him lay down on his side and covered him with a blanket.

"I just feel so damn useless like this," Gage moaned in anger. "I should be out there with Walker right now," he said in protest. "Not here like some pathetic loser!"

"Gage the only loser is the man responsible for what is happening right now," Sydney said firmly. "You did help Walker. Gage those other officers were too scared to even remember anything. I heard some of the things you told Walker but not all. But from what I heard I know it will help. It's better than nothing right?"  
Gage lay in silence for a bit, hearing her words but not commenting on them. "I just don't want to end up like those other officers," he whispered in torment. 

Sydney took his hand and firmly squeezed it. "Hell will freeze over first before I ever allowed that to happen. Now just close your eyes and rest okay? Then we'll go for a run and take things from there."

"Thanks Syd," Gage said looking up at her with a soft smile. "Thanks for understanding. I mean I feel so frustrated but…well I just want you to know it's not you. It'll never be you…I…"

"I know," Sydney said kissing his cheek. "Just rest okay?"

"Will you stay with me?" Gage asked quickly. 

"For as long as you need," she smiled as she climbed under the cover with him and let him fall asleep on her chest. She looked out the window as she continued to gently stroke his back and listen to his soft rhythmic breathing. "I love you Gage," she whispered. "Walker better find this guy and fast."

********

"So how did it go?" Trivette asked Walker as they drove back to Ranger Headquarters.

"He did pretty well considering…" Walker said firmly. "He gave some pretty interesting details."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Someone that watched him on the job, knew his arrogant attitude and called him by his first name."

"Arrogant attitude?" Trivette said with a frown. "But then that means…"

"Yeah that it's more than likely another uniformed police officer."

"A cop targeting and raping other cops," Trivette said looking out his side window. "Who on earth would want to do something like that to another Officer?"

"I don't know Trivette," Walker said firmly. "But God help him when I find him, because no one else on earth will be able to."

"Think we can start our hunt for this guy today given the details Gage gave you?"

"I know we can," Walker said firmly. 

They neared Ranger Headquarters with one goal fixed firmly in both their minds. To use the details Gage gave them along with a few others that they had already compiled to put together a composite of the man they were looking for. A man they feared was someone Gage worked with or had in the past. A man bent on the worst kind of revenge. A man still on the loose and capable of doing it again. 


	9. Obsession is a Deadly Profession

****

Title: A Cry in the Dark   
Chapter 9 – Obsession is a Deadly Profession

Sydney awoke a few hours later and reached over for Gage only to find the bed empty. "Gage?" She said softly as she quickly turned on the bedside light. 

"In here," Gage called out from the bathroom. 

"You okay?" She asked sitting up.

"Yeah fine," he said with a tired sigh. "Want to go for a run?"

"Sure," she said pushing herself out of bed and heading for the dresser. She started to undress when he came out of the bathroom. "Oh sorry I…um…" she started and then stopped. Why am I so nervous all of a sudden? Gage has seen me undress before? 

"It's okay," Gage said softly as he walked up to her. 

"I have no idea why I'm slightly embarrassed all of a sudden," she said looking down. 

"I don't either," he said with a smile. "You're beautiful."

Sydney looked up at him and slightly blushed. "I see your ready to go," she said looking at his dark jogging pants and sweatshirt. "Be ready in a sec."

"Take your time," he said going back and sitting down on the bed.

"How are you feeling?" Sydney asked as she finished pulling her jogging pants on.

"Well not as dizzy as before, but hungry," he sighed. "I'm really going to be famished after the run," he smirked.

"Good," Sydney said walking up to him. "Because it's your turn to cook."

"What?" Gage asked in shock.

"Kidding," Sydney smiled. "Come on let's go." They both headed downstairs and outside. The sun was starting to go down but it was still kinda warm. They started into their run totally unaware of the set of eyes watching them intently.

"Hello _Francis,_" a mocking voice said as he watched Gage. "Told you we'd meet again. And when you get back I'll be waiting."

********  
"Well how did your search turn out?" Walker asked Trivette as he looked up from the mound of paperwork on his desk.

"Well some possibles," Trivette said with a frown as he looked at a piece of paper before him. "There is a staff Sargent that Gage first worked with here at Ranger Headquarters. A Pierce Hyde. 42, single white male, never married and has been known to practise some alternative lifestyle habits."

"Where is he now?" Walker asked softly. "Don't remember hearing about him."

"Uh…" Trivette said turning back to his computer. "He's still here apparently. Only now he's a Captain and head of the team that monitors gang dealings."

"Anyone else?"

"One that did fit the profile but he is in jail now."

"Anyone Gage knew from his early days?" Walker asked seriously.

Trivette started another search and then waited a few seconds for it to complete. "A Captain Milford," Trivette said slowly. "He works out of Police Station House 15. Still active. 41, divorced white male, was brought up on charges…" Trivette stopped.

"What is it?" Walker asked quickly.

"Walker he was accused of raping a fellow Officer."

Walker looked at Trivette and felt his anger rising. "Where is he now?"

"Well he's still there. Gage apparently worked one year under his command."

"Let's go," Walker said firmly.

In no time they had reached Station House 15 and Walker stopped his truck. They headed inside and went for the front reception desk. "Hi," Walker said to the young girl. "Is Zack Milford in?"

"No I'm sorry he's not," the young girl said. "He didn't show up today."

"Is the Chief in?" Trivette asked.

"No he's at a conference with the mayor."

"Oh that's right," Walker sighed. "Will Captain Milford be in tomorrow?"

"He should. Can I leave a message?"

"No but can you call me when he gets it?" Walker said handing her his card. "Please keep this confidential."

"Okay Sir," she said putting a note beside his card.

"Let's go Trivette," Walker said with a huff.

"Now what?" Trivette asked. 

"Now I want to talk to someone who knows him," he said turning back to the desk. "Does anyone here know him well?"

"Yeah Jerry Marks," she said pointing to a heavier set fellow. "Try him."

"Thanks I will," Walker said with a smile as he and Trivette turned and headed for Jerry Marks. "Mr. Marks?" Walker asked firmly.

"Who wants to know?" He asked with a firm smile.

"Ranger Walker. My partner Trivette. We need to just ask a few questions about Zack Milford."

"Sure come on in and sit down," he said in a loud booming voice. They headed for a small room and all sat down facing each other. "So what do you want to know?"

"Do you know where he might be right now?"

"Well I Zack called me this morning and said he had something he had to take care of. Why? What's going on?"

"That's what were trying to find out," Walker said firmly.

"So what did ole Zack do this time?"

"Do?" Trivette asked quickly.

"What did he do last time?" Walker countered.

"Oh come on. I know you guys must know about his past or you wouldn't be here," Marks said firmly. "Who sent you, his bookie?"

"Bookie? As in gambling?" Trivette asked with a frown.

"Well that's what always gets him into trouble right?" Marks huffed.

"This time might be something a little more serious," Walker said softly. "What do you know about his lifestyle?"

"Lifestyle?" Marks asked with a frown. "Like what kinds of clothes he likes to wea…"

"Like his sexual orientation?" Trivette asked quickly.

"Oh now…" Marks said putting his hands up in defense. "I'm not getting involved…"

"Involved in what?" Mr. Marks. "What do you know?" Walker challenged.

"Absolutely nothing," Marks said quickly. "And I don't want to. Whatever he's done…"

"You mean you haven't seen his record?" Walker asked with a frown.

"Uh service record? Yeah it's spotless. Well I mean aside from a few prisoner mistreatments and…"

"Nothing about an altercation with a fellow Officer?" Trivette asked.

"Not that I'm aware of," Marks said firmly. "But then IA might have classified stuff that I couldn't see. What's going on?"

"Do you know where he is right now?" Walker asked firmly.

"One way to find out," Marks said picking up the phone and dialling a number. They all waited and listened to the empty rings when finally the line clicked on the other end. _'Hey it's Zack! I'm not in, so after the beep leave your two cents and I'll think about returning the favor.'………… BEEP_

"That's odd," Marks frowned. "He said he'd be home tonight."

"Any idea where he might be?" Walker asked firmly.

********

"Hey I hear that stomach growling," Sydney teased as they headed back to the town house.

"Man I'm starving," Gage sighed as they finally stopped out front. He felt his body sway slightly and grabbed Sydney's shoulder to steady himself.

"You okay?" She asked quickly.

"Yeah just a bit dizzy," he sighed. "You go and start dinner and I'll just bring the garbage cans back in."

"Okay," she said with smile. She wanted to say be careful but he was at home, it was safe here. Right? She had a strange nagging in her stomach but dismissed it as paranoia. I think until this creep is caught I'll always have that feeling, she said inside. "Hurry, okay?"

"Be right there," he said watching her walk into the house. He grabbed one of the cans and headed for the dark part of the house, the part on the side, beside some bushes. He neared the back, dumped the can and was about to turn and head back when a large hand covered his mouth and pulled him back into the bushes. Gage felt his body start to seize from fear as he recognized the voice in his ear.

"I missed you _Francis_," the rapist smiled. He brought a knife to Gage's face and Gage's eyes widened in terror. "Now stop struggling and I won't hurt you," the voice hissed.

Gage stopped struggling but mumbled into his hand-gagged mouth for the man to just let him go. The man just laughed as he dragged Gage further into the dark bushes. Gage felt himself being turned over and his face pushed into the dirt and his hands grabbed behind his back. The rapist stuffed a large cloth into his mouth to keep him quiet and then grabbed a pair of handcuffs. Gage however knew he had to do something this time. He brought his leg up and kicked at his assailant making the man drop the cuffs and crash down on top of him. The man pressed his body further down on Gage's and laughed. 

"Oh I like it this way also _Francis,_" he snided meanly. "You smell very manly."

Gage felt panic filling his body and his eyes starting to water from fear as the man started to touch him again. 

"Just had to come and see you for a bit," he laughed in Gage's ear. Gage felt the man grab his arms and then use his knees to hold them down, leaving his hands free. He yelled into the gag but all the escaped were soft muffled sounds. "I missed that sound Francis and the feel of you under me."

Gage felt his stomach lurch and knew he wanted to throw up. But he also had to do something. He tried rocking his body back and forth to get the man off of him but only received a vicious blow to the side of his head, dazing him. He felt wind go out as he was struck in the kidney's. But he still refused to stop trying to fight.

"You know you're starting to piss me off Francis!" The man snapped angrily. "Time for a quickie," the man laughed as he moved his hand to Gage's ass and started to grope. Gage felt bile coming into his mouth as he tried to bring is legs up and kick the man off. Help me! His mind called in horror. Sydney please help me!

Sydney looked up from the dishes and frowned. "Man I'm losing it," she mumbled. But as she looked outside she soon realized that Gage had been gone too long. "Something's wrong," she said quickly. She hurried to the front door and looked outside. One garbage can was missing but the other still there. She strained her ear but only heard soft scratching sounds. "Gage?" Sydney called out loudly.

"Damn that bitch," the man on Gage cursed angrily. "I will be back Francis," the man spat as he punched Gage once more and then twisted himself off the back of Gage and headed for the other side of the bushes. Sydney rounded the back only to see the bushes rustling and then the sound of a motor bike taking off. "Gage!" Sydney yelled in a panic.

Gage pulled the cloth from his mouth and called to her weakly. "Sydney…"

Sydney rushed to the bushes where Gage was picking himself up and noticed the cloth in his hands and his slightly pulled down jogging pants. "Gage!" Sydney yelled as she rushed to him. She noticed the panicked look on his face and that his eyes were watery. "Oh my god Gage…what happ…who…"

"It was him," Gage managed in a weak voice. He felt his body falter and bent over and spewed forth a bit of liquid. "It was him again Sydney," he said crashing to his knees. 

"Gage get up," she said in a panic as she grabbed his arm and helped him stand up. "Let's get inside okay?"

"Sydney it was him," Gage mumbled. "He did come back."

"Oh my go…" Sydney started as they finally reached the front stairs and got into the house. She quickly closed and locked the door and rushed for the phone while Gage just stood against the door and tried to calm his shaking nerves.

"Walker it's me," she said in a panic. "Gage was just attacked by the rapist!"

"What?" Walker said loudly. "We're on our way."

"What happened?" Trivette asked quickly.

"Gage was just attacked," Walker frowned. "By the rapist."

"Oh man."

"Trivette, Gage told me the rapist told him he'd come back for him," Walker said firmly. 

"I can't believe this," Trivette said angrily.

"Yeah neither can I."

********

Sydney hurried back to Gage who was slowly taking his shoes off. "Gage I…" she started only to have him brush past her in an angry huff. "Gage?" Sydney asked in confusion as she turned and followed him.

Gage walked numbly to the back room and stared at the punching bag before him. "I hate this!" Gage yelled in frustration as he hit the bag. "You said I would be safe…" he said punching it again. "That he wouldn't try again…" he yelled as he hit the bag once more. "I…" Gage yelled in anger as his eyes started to water. "AHHHHH!" He screamed as he lunged at the bag. "I…" he said in a ragged breath as he stepped back a bit. "I…" he tried again as he finally just sagged to his knees. "I tried to fight him," Gage whispered in torment. 

Sydney knelt down beside him and gently stroked his back. "I know you did," she said firmly. "Gage I…"

"I tried Sydney," he said looking down. "I…how'd he find me?" He asked softly.

"I don't know," Sydney whispered.

"He's been watching right?"

"I…oh man Gage I don't know. I hope not but…"

"But it would seem that way right?" Gage asked angrily. "Will I ever have my life back?" He yelled in her face. "Will I ever not be afraid!"

Sydney just stared at him with a sad face. She honestly thought that the rapist would never try to attack Gage while he was at home. But he did. Now what? What did this mean for Gage? For them? "I don't know," she whispered. 

"I'm sick of being afraid!" Gage yelled in frustration as his eyes started to water. "I'm sick…" he said turning back to the bag and hitting it once again. "I'm…" he yelled in anger! 

"Gage I…" Sydney tried, not really knowing what to say.

"He was here!" Gage yelled as he punched the bag once more, still on his knees. "He…was…" he said as his voice finally broke into sobs. "Oh god he was here," he whispered in anguish as some tears escaped the corners of his eyes and ran down his face. "He was here!" Gage yelled as he punched it again. He swung once more and his fist flew by and he just let his body weight sag on his knees. "He was at our home Syd," he said softly, not looking at her. "He came to see me…at our home," he said as he finally sagged to his butt and just sat and stared blankly at the bag. "He was here," he echoed once more.

"What happened?" Sydney asked softly.

"I was um putting the garbage can away…I heard something and then…" he said looking over at her. "Will I ever be safe?"

"Yes," she smiled as she touched his face. "When this is over and he is caught."

"Sydney he grabbed me from behind and…he um covered my mouth so I couldn't call for help and he he…he pulled me into the bushes and…" he said looking away. Sydney felt her heart break as a single tear escaped the corner of his eye and silently slid down his cheek. "He said um he missed me and there was um time for uh…a…a quickie…" he said hanging his head in defeat. "Then he tried to um…"

Before Sydney could say another word there was a knock at the door. Gage looked up at her with a wild-eyed expression. "Oh no…" he said quickly. Sydney stood to get up but he quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her back down.

"Gage it's okay," Sydney said in haste.

"No it's him," Gage hissed.

"Gage he just tried to grab you outside in the dark, he's not going to knock on the front door. I think its Walker."

"Walker…" Gage said aimlessly. 

"Just rest here okay?" She said getting up and rushing for the front door. She recognized Walker and Trivette through the peephole and quickly opened the door. 

"Where is he?" Walker asked quickly.

"Right here," Gage said walking into the main hallway and up to them. All three of them turned to look at Gage and Walker stifled a gasp. He could tell by the dirt on his face and the red watery eyes that something had indeed happened. "What happened Gage?" Walker asked softly.

"I was outside when he um grabbed me from behind," Gage said looking out the side window. "He pulled me into the bushes and…" his voice trailed off.

"I'll call a forensic team," Trivette said quickly. "We might be able to get a show print or something."

Walker looked at his friend while his partner used the phone. "Want to talk about it?"

"No," Gage said as he turned and headed for the stairs. 

"Gage I want you and Sydney to come and stay with me and Alex at the ranch. There is no way anyone can approach withou…"

"Walker he came to my home!" Gage spat meanly. "So no offence but…"

"Gage you can't stay here," Walker said quickly.

"So this guy wins? He's allowed to uproot me from my own home?" Gage asked in disdain. "Since when do the bad guys win?"

"They don't Gage. But you know yourself, even in high profile cases the victim always has protection until the victimizer is caught. I can put a Police detail outside if you'd rather," Walker suggested.

Gage looked at him and heaved a sigh before turning and heading upstairs.

"Gage?" Walker called out firmly.

"I'm not being chased from my home!" Gage said firmly as he disappeared upstairs. 

"Forensic team is on their way," Trivette said firmly.

"Go take care of Gage," Walker said to Sydney. "I'm going to arrange for a detail in front and out back," Walker said firmly. 

"Walker he actually came to see Gage here," Sydney said in horror. "What does that mean? I mean the others…he never went to see them…I mean he…Walker?"

"It means he's obsessed in some way," Walker sighed. "Maybe because Gage got away on him and he wasn't allowed to properly finish his routine…maybe his obsession is rooted deeper than we think…maybe…I just don't know, but I know it worries me."

"But he said he would see Gage again…that he would take him again," Sydney insisted. "Walker he never said that to any of the others…and now…now he has and…"

Walker just looked at her with a frown. "I'm sorry Sydney," he said softly. "I don't know what to tell you."

"Did you find any kind of profile that might fit who this guy might be?" Sydney asked softly.

"We think it might be an old Police Officer or captain from his past," Trivette said without divulging any information.

"Are you serious?" Sydney asked in shock. "You think another Police Officer is doing this?"

"Who else would be around Gage on the job site enough to know personality habits and traits? Who else would know to call him by his first name or say he ruined his life and this was payback?"

"Another felon?" Sydney tried.

"Sydney this guy is smart. He knew when the others were alone and he arranged for Gage to be alone. Remember the bike shop? The parts he was supposed to pick up? Well apparently the shop was closed due to city maintenance. We weren't able to find the person who authorized it yet but Sydney…this guy knows what he's doing. He knows the ins and outs and how not to get caught. At least not yet. Now by coming here he has also shown he is bold and willing to take risks. That's good in a way…"

"Good? Walker what if he raped Gage again? Would it be good the…"

"No of course it wouldn't be good," Walker said firmly. "But by his being so open will make him slip up. He thinks he's untouchable. His pride will be his downfall," Walker said firmly. "Now go be with Gage and let Trivette and I take care of this."

"I also heard a dirt bike pulling away but I'm not sure if it was him. I was just so scared," she said softly. "Walker what if he tries again? I mean I can't be with Gage all the time and…he um…he starts his session tomorrow and…"

"Gage will be fine," Walker said softly. "He's strong. He'll pull through it."

"He said he tried to fight him," Sydney said nodding her head. "He said he tried."

"I'm sure he did," Walker said firmly. "And Gage's fear will be conquered so if he tries to make another attempt Gage will be ready."

"Do you think he'll try again?" Sydney asked softly. 

"I hope not," Walker said softly. "But if he was able to get Gage alone this time then he might want to try again."

Sydney looked at Walker and felt a certain sense of dread starting to cover her. "We have to get him before that happens," she said firmly.

"I pray that happens." They heard cars pull up and Trivette went to the window and looked out. "Forensic team is here," he said firmly.

"Go be with Gage, we'll take care of this."

"Okay," Sydney said with a forced smile. "Walker it was the buses opposite the garbage cans."

"Okay," Walker said as he and Trivette headed outside to talk to the investigators. Sydney turned and headed upstairs to see how Gage was doing. Sydney reached the top and just stopped and listened. She heard nothing. She headed into the bedroom and looked at Gage as he stared miserably out the window, watching the investigators.

"I feel like a prisoner in my own home," he said softly, not turning around to look at her. "Can you believe this."

Sydney walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest and hugged him tightly. Thankfully he didn't pull away but just let out a large sigh and pulled her arms closer. 

"I miss being normal," he whispered. "I miss being able to just get up in the morning and not give a damn about anything."

"You'll get that back Gage," Sydney whispered as she kissed his back. As she brought her nose away she wrinkled it as she smelt something funny. She bent her face back to his back and smelt again. "You smell funny," she said in confusion.

"Yeah? Like what? Sweat?" He asked with a sigh.

"No like um…like cheap cologne or something," she answered.

"Yeah he has no taste in cologne," Gage spat. 

Sydney rested her head on his back and sighed. "Things will get better I promise," she said firmly.

"Sydney he said he'd come for me…and…and he did. What does that mean?" Gage asked in torment. 

"It means we have to stop him and fast."

"I just wish I knew who the hell it was!" Gage spat in anger. "But when I do I swear I'm going to kick the crap out of him."

********

"Did you have fun Francis?" The man laughed as he pulled the bike to a corner of the dump and got off it. He fairly picked up the dirt bike and threw it into a pile of old scrap metal and piled some other pieces over it to hide it. He then turned and walked back to his car, which was waiting for him to come back and claim. 

The man let a smile play across his evil face as he started the engine up. "Man tonight was fun," he said happily. "I'm so glad you're feeling up to exercising Francis," he said as he started up his car and pulled slowly out of the lot. "This way you can keep yourself nice and fit for me. Oh man I know I wasn't going to see you tonight…this soon…but I just couldn't wait…I had to…I hope you'll understand," he said in a twisted voice as he looked at a picture of Gage on the seat beside him. "You do understand right? I mean its payback. Payback for what you did to me." 

Then his face changed and his fists tightened. "Payback from the life you stole from me! But your bitch stopped me from having my fun tonight. Her I have to take care of. But in a natural way so you won't be mad at me. I can't have you mad at me Francis. I'm your friend. Your only friend. I have to get rid of her and then we can be friends forever. Because in truth I'm the only friend you'll ever have!" The man yelled in anger. "She's going to pay for interfering tonight. And when I'm done with you Francis, you'll pay for what you did to me!"

********

Walker studied the area around the garbage cans, letting the professionals work in the bushes. 

"Well they were able to get a shoe cast," Trivette said walking up to him. "And we found these," he said holding up a pair of handcuffs in a plastic bag. "Police issue handcuffs."

"What else?"

"Well I think they are looking for hair and clothing samples, but this might be all they found, along with the shoe mold."

"Well I want to talk to Zack Milford," Walker said firmly. "If his indiscretion was kept secret perhaps he thinks he can get away with other stuff."

********

"I think you should shower and then come and have dinner," Sydney suggested.

"I'm not hungry," Gage said firmly.

"Then that's why you need to eat," she insisted.

"Sydney I'm not hun…"

"Gage you want a normal life right? Then do normal things to the best of your ability! You had a setback but don't let him win. You shrink back into yourself or put a shell around you and he wins. Fight this. Fight this tooth and nail. Go and have a shower, clean his ugly smell off you and come and have dinner. Do what you can to help yourself."

"I don't want to go to session tomorrow," Gage said softly. 

"Gage you know you need to just vent this to someone other than me," Sydney said softly

"But a man…I mean Syd…what if…well I mean…what if he judges me or something?"

"Gage he is just there to listen," Sydney said firmly. "Come on go and have a shower and then I'll see you downstairs…" she said turning to leave.

"Don't go," he said grabbing her arm and pulling her back to him. He wrapped his arms around her and just hugged her tightly. "I don't want to be alone," he whispered.

"Want me to shower with you?" She asked with a shy smile. 

"I um…" Gage started.

"Gage I know it's hard and if you're not ready…" Sydney started.

"I want to try," Gage said with a sigh. "I want to be normal. I don't want him to ruin my life or control it in any way!" He said firmly. "Will you help me do that?"

"In any way I can," she said kissing him. 

**Dear readers sorry that chapter was kinda short but I just wanted to add an update cuz it's been a few days or so. Hope you are all still enjoying and a HUGE thanks to everyone who has reviewed and shown appreciation for my hard work so far not only with this story but just for writing itself. I really do appreciate it. THANKS!! Lots more to come by the way.**


	10. Humility breads Strength

****

Title: A Cry in the Dark   
Chapter 10 – Humility breads Strength  
*Warning sexual discussion*

Walker and Trivette drove back to Ranger Headquarters in silence. "I can't believe he was just waiting for Gage like that," Trivette said softly.

"Yeah we have to find Milford," Walker said firmly. "I got his address, want to pay him a visit?"

"Don't have to ask me twice," Trivette said firmly.

"Let's go."

********

"You sure you're okay?" Sydney asked softly as she started the water.

Gage felt himself slightly shiver but nodded his head yes. "Syd I have to be normal right? I mean…" he said looking down.

"Come on let's get inside," she said with a soft smile. She helped him undress and felt her heart starting to race a bit faster. I have undressed him before why do I feel like a teenager now? Shy?

"What's wrong?" Gage asked softly. "Are you shy?"

"Sort of," she said sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Don't be," he smiled. "My heart is ready to explode. I mean you have…well we…I guess this time is…"

"I know," she said as she started to undress. "New step for both of us." After her clothes were shed she stepped into the shower under the hot water and held out her hand for him to take. Gage took her hand and stepped under the hot water as well and closed the curtain. He stood facing her with a frown on his face. "You are so beautiful and yet…I somehow feel not worthy."

Sydney felt her heart break at his tormented words. "You are more than worthy," she said softly. "Now if we don't get clean and get out I'm liable to do something to you."

Gage felt himself blush as her flirtatious comments and sighed. "I think part of me already knows that."

Sydney laughed and reached for the soap. "Want to do the honors?"

"Yes ma'am," he said firmly. 

Sydney turned around and let Gage gently massage the soap over her warm wet body. She felt his hands starting to work their magic as they moved lower and lower. She turned around to face him and wrapped an arm around her neck and brought his lips to hers and started to kiss them. Gage pulled her body to his, wrapped his arms around her chest and waist and started to assault her lips and mouth, moving down to her neck. He wanted her so badly he knew that, his body knew that and yet a part of his mind kept yelling at him that he wasn't quiet ready. "Sydney I…" he started only to be stopped by her mouth on his. "Syd…" he tried again, again being silenced by her soft lips. Suddenly he pushed her back a bit and stared at her with a horrified look. 

Sydney felt her eyes water but said nothing as she looked at the terrified look on Gage's face. Without saying a word she got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around her and headed out of the bathroom. She felt herself sink to the bed and for the first time in days she started to cry. She didn't care that her body was finally heaving heavy sobs she just needed to let all the tension and frustration out that she had locked inside. 

Gage quickly turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door. His heart immediately sank when he heard her crying. He rushed outside and gasped in sadness as he saw her on her side on the bed crying. "Oh Syd," he said in anguish as he rushed up to her and gathered her up in his arms. He sat on the bed and cradled her while she just cried. 

"I'm sorry…" she said between sobs. "I needed to cry…" she said sadly. 

Gage sat in misery as he wiped some tears away and hugged close her trembling body. He gently stroked her shoulder while her body heaved heavy sobs. He felt his own eyes water at the thought that he was partly to blame. I'm just not ready yet. "Sydney I'm so sorry," he said softly.

Sydney shook her head no, "it's not you," she whispered sadly. "I just…haven't cried…for a few days…" she heaved. "I guess it was due." Sydney lay in his strong arms and cried until she was too tired to heave another sob. Finally they just both sat in silence; her body still slightly trembling. 

"I know why you're sad," Gage said softly. 

"It's not you," Sydney whispered.

"How can…" Gage started, his voice finally breaking.

"Gage I just needed to cry," she said softly. "You dispel your feelings through shouting and the punching bag I…I just needed to cry."

Gage hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. "Cry all you want," he said softly. "You've earned it."

Sydney smiled at his words and sometime later she felt her tension ease and her body shiver slightly from the coolness in the room. 

"Come on let's get dressed okay?" Gage asked softly. 

"Okay," Sydney said softly as she let Gage stand up first and then help her up. "I'm going to see that doctor tomorrow and hopefully things will be better after that."

"I know they will be," Sydney smiled softly. Gage dried himself off and quickly dressed while Sydney did the same and then headed downstairs. He looked at the already made table and sighed. 

"Let's eat okay?" She said softly as she wrapped an arm around his waist. They walked to the table and soon were lightly chatting and eating their meal, still feeling drained and worried about the madman still on the loose. 

********

"Looks pretty quiet Walker," Trivette said softly. 

"Yeah too quiet," Walker said with a frown as they neared his front door. Walker knocked on the door and they both just waited. Nothing.

"I wonder where he is," Walker mentioned.

"I don't even want to guess," Trivette sighed.

"Well we can't do anything more here. I'm going to place a car here to wait for him to come back and then follow him tomorrow. If he goes into the Station House we'll go and meet him and question him there. If he decides to play hooky we'll take him wherever he goes."

With that they turned and headed for the truck and then back home. 

"I just can't believe this," Alex said softly as she sat at the table with Walker sometime later. "Poor Gage…"

"Yeah I know," Walker sighed. "We went to find Milford but he wasn't there."

"I can't believe another cop would want to destroy fellow officers lives like that."

"Me either," Walker said softly. "But we have to stop him fast. I'm afraid another attack will really hurt Gage."

"I think he'll be hurting in a few days when they were supposed to be getting married. When does he start his sessions?" Alex asked.

"Tomorrow. Hopefully tension will start to ease a bit," walked said with a frown. "They both need that."

********

Sydney listened to Gage mumble in his sleep and toss and turn and could only imagine the horrible nightmares he was forced to relive in his subconscious. She closed her eyes and willed herself back to sleeping telling herself that very soon things would be better, she just had to believe them. Sydney awoke again a few hours later when the sun was just starting to peek into their room and looked over at Gage. He was gone. "Gage?" She asked softly. No reply. She quickly got up and rushed into the bathroom, no sign of Gage. "Gage?" She called again. Nothing. She felt her heart race a bit faster as horrible thoughts raced through her mind at the thought that he was once again taken. She rushed down the stairs and stopped when she heard some strange noises. "Gage?"

"In here," he called out firmly.

She felt a small relief of tension drop as she walked into the back room and watched him punching the bag. "Morning," she said softly.

"Morning," he said with a smile. "Just trying to relieve some tension."

"Yeah. Want to join me?"

"I need coffee," she smiled. "What time are we going?"

"_We_?" Gage asked as he stopped his punching and looked at her.

"Yeah _we_," she smiled. "I'm taking the other session remember?"

"Right," he said firmly. 

"I think we are supposed to be there at 9."

"AM?" Sydney asked in surprise. "I need coffee."

Gage lightly laughed as he watched her rush into the kitchen and then went back to punching. A few hours later they were dressed and heading back to the hospital to meet with Dr. Adams. 

Gage felt his tension starting to build as he and Sydney walked into the hospital and towards Dr. Adams office. He gingerly pushed the door open and saw him behind his desk on the phone. Dr. Adams smiled when he saw them in the doorway and gestured for them to come in. He quickly finished his call and greeted them.

"Well we're here Doc," Gage said firmly as he sat down.

"You make it sound like a monumental task Gage," Dr. Adams smiled at him.

"It is Doc," Gage said softly as he looked at Sydney. "To be honest I almost didn't come," he said turning back.

"Not surprised," Dr. Adams said. 

"I just want to get back to a normal life Doc," Gage sighed. "So what do we do now?"

"Well Sydney I have your session booked just down the hall starting in about 20 minutes. But I recommend you go now so you can fill out the paperwork that's needed. You'll be meeting with a Dr. Martha Williams. She's very good and the one I recommend for your sessions. You'll like her Sydney," Dr. Adams said handing Sydney a slip of paper. 

"Thanks Dr. Adams," Sydney said. "Are our sessions the Same length?"

"Generally they run about an hour per person. However in Gage's case if the patient feels the need to stay longer to clear something up they are welcomed. But we usually limit it to one hour as you'll start to feel the mental fatigue if you stay longer."

"What about me Doc?" Gage asked quickly.

"Your session is upstairs. And you'll be meeting with a Dr. Ian Jacobs. He too is someone I recommend. He is familiar with your situation and I feel will help you a lot. You too will have to fill out some paperwork before your session gets started. So unless there is anything else you need from me you can go and get started," Dr. Adams said handing Gage a slip of paper. 

Sydney was the first to stand up and head for the door. Gage slowly stood up and looked down at Dr. Adams. "You sure Doc? About me telling this guy everything I told you?"

"Relax Gage and just tell the truth. The more open you are with Ian the more he'll be able to help you. Remember everything you tell him is confidential and protected by law, so don't worry about something getting out. You will probably feel a bit intimidated and nervous at first. But after the first two sessions you'll start to feel more comfortable and the healing process will really start. But if for some reason you absolutely can't be with Ian please let me know and I'll find someone else. But trust me Gage, he will help you."

"I'll have to trust you right Doc?" Gage asked with a frown.

"I only want to help you Gage," Dr. Adams said firmly. 

"Okay," Gage smiled as he turned and headed for Sydney. 

"Now these sessions are slated for every day. If it's too much let me know. But I feel the sooner you face these demons the sooner you'll be back to normal."

"What if it is too much?" Sydney asked.

"Then let me know and we'll lessen them to every few days. Some people have them once a week. But with you two I don't think that will be necessary. Again if this schedule is too much, please let me know. Besides dragging this on could sometimes be a hindrance instead of a help."

"We will and thanks," Sydney smiled as she reached the door before Gage.

"Thanks Doc," Gage said with a smile as they disappeared from the doctor's view.

Dr. Adams leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes and let out a sigh. "Good luck Gage," he mumbled as he opened his eyes again, "you're going to need it."

Gage and Sydney walked down the hall, hand in hand, in silence. "Are you going to be okay?" Sydney asked softly, breaking the ice.

"I guess so. You?" Gage asked in concern.

"I guess so too," Sydney shrugged. 

"I think I'll need a drink later," Gage mumbled.

"Me too," Sydney smiled as they reached her door. "I'm here. So I'll see you in about an hour in the waiting room?"

"Okay," Gage said giving her a quick hug and kiss. "See you soon," he said turning and heading for the elevator.

Sydney watched Gage leave and felt her own heart start to beat a bit more rapidly. She slowly pushed the door open and walked into the small office. An older lady looked up and smiled warmly at her.

"Sydney Cook?"

"Yes," Sydney said in some hesitation.

"I'm Dr. Martha Williams," she said standing up. "Please come in and sit down," she said walking past Sydney and locking the door to her office. 

Sydney sat down in the chair facing the desk and Dr. Martha Williams pulled up a chair and sat down beside her. "I have a few papers that I need to you fill out and sign and then we can begin okay?"

"Okay," Sydney said trying to calm her nerves.

"We'll take it nice and slow today okay?"

"I'm really nervous about this," Sydney said quickly.

"I'm sure you are," Martha smiled. "Let's see if we can fix that okay? Would you like some coffee?"

"Actually I would," Sydney said feeling her tension ease a bit. "What do I do?"

"Well I have a few questions," Dr. Martha Williams said as she poured Sydney some coffee and went back and sat down beside her. "So we'll discuss those and proceed from there. Trust me Sydney we'll only do as much or as little as you can okay? I'm here to help make things easier for you, not harder. I'm mostly here to help you help Gage cope with what he's had to experience. I'm here to help you make him feel welcome, loved and accepted. Trust me this will help him heal and you as well."

"Thanks," Sydney said with a smile. "So what do you want to know first?"

********

Gage clenched his fists as he neared Dr. Ian Jacobs room. I can do this; I can do this, he chanted over and over again as he neared the door. He stopped just outside and hesitated before pushing it open. He slowly opened the door and looked inside. He saw an empty desk before him and then his attention quickly turned to the tall blond man in the corner. 

"Uh Dr. Ian Jacobs?" Gage asked.

The man turned around and smiled at Gage. "Francis Gage?" 

"Yeah that's me," Gage said trying to sound calm as he just stood, fixed in place.

"You can come in Francis I won't bite," Ian said walking up to him. 

"Yeah right," Gage said stepping into the room. He cursed the fact that his feet felt like lead and that his brain would not make him walk towards the waiting chair. 

"Francis I…" Ian started.

"Please call me Gage," Gage said with a frown. 

"Alright Gage," Ian said walking behind his desk. "Want to sit down? You can stand but trust me after about 15 minutes you'll be very sore," he smiled.

"Okay," Gage said as he slowly walked to the chair and sat down. "I really don't want to do this."

"If I had a penny for every time I heard that," Ian smiled. 

"Yeah I guess everyone says that huh?"

"Yes Gage they do. But please don't be nervous. I want you to view me as a friend rather than a doctor. I want you to be open and comfortable in talking to me about what happened to you so that I can help you in the best way I can. Okay?"

"Okay," Gage mumbled as he nervously glanced around the room. "So do I just tell you what happened?"

"Well no that might shell-shock you," Ian smiled. "We'll start out nice and easy okay?"

"Alright," Gage said not knowing what he meant but too afraid to ask.

"Here I need you to fill these out," Ian said handing some forms to Gage to fill out. Gage took the forms and quietly filled them out. "I'm not good at this sort of thing," Gage said not looking up.

"What sort of thing?" Ian asked kindly.

"You know talking and stuff," Gage said looking up. 

"Why is that?" Ian asked.

"Ah never taught to you know," Gage said looking back down. "Never experienced this before so I never had to I guess. I just want my life to be back to normal. I want to forget that man and everything else that happened!" Gage said angrily. 

Ian got up and pulled a chair beside Gage's. They sat for a few minutes in silence before Ian broke it with a direct question. "What do you like about your job?"

Gage looked at him in surprise. "My…my job?" He asked weakly.

"Yes your job Gage. What do you enjoy about it?"

"I like to kick the bad guys ass," he said proudly. 

"You like to be in control right?" Ian asked softly. "That's why you chose to be a Ranger? To control the situation?"

"That's right," Gage said firmly. 

"You like how you do your job? Like yourself on the job?"

"Yes I do," Gage said proudly.

"Now what do you like about yourself?" Ian asked.

"What?" Gage asked in shock. "Myself?"

"Yes Gage. What do you right now like about yourself?"

Gage looked at him and frown. "That's an unfair question to ask me right now."

"Why Gage?"

"Because I like nothing about myself right now!" He said angrily. 

"Why is that?" Ian asked.

"What?" 

"Why don't you like yourself right now Gage?" Ian asked softly. 

"I…" he tried. "I…" he tried again. "Oh hell I hate the fact that I'm not a whole man anymore," he said looking down. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry Gage?" Ian asked softly. "Why do you feel the need to be sorry?"

"Because I let everyone down," he said looking back up. "Especially Sydney."

"She's your wife?" Ian asked.

Gage smiled when he heard Sydney's name. "She's my best friend," he said firmly. "Soon to be my wife."

"You feel you let her down?" Ian asked.

"I know I did," Gage said directly. "No one else matters, only Sydney. I don't care about anyone else, just her."

"Tell me about Sydney," Ian said easing back in his chair. 

"We were supposed to be getting married in a few days," Gage sighed sadly. 

"I know you view the delay as a setback Gage but don't. Sydney loves you right?" Ian asked softly.

"Yes," Gage said firmly.

"Then when you're ready you'll know. Trust me after a few sessions you won't want to wait that long."

"I hope you're right."

"When did you first meet her?" Ian asked.

Gage thought back to his first day on the job and settled back into his chair. Now Sydney I can talk about, he said inside as he started into his explanation. "Well it was…" Gage started.

********

Sydney paced nervously back and forth in the waiting room, waiting anxiously for Gage to show up. She checked her watch for the 100th time and knew he was only a few minutes late. Oh Gage, she said inside, I pray this works for you. She heard a noise behind her and turned to see Gage standing before her with a single rose in his hand and a smile on his face.

"Gage?" She asked softly in shock as Gage slowly walked towards her. "You okay?" Gage nodded his head yes.

"This is for you," he said softly as he placed the rose in her hands. 

"Thanks. But why?"

"Because you need to be reminded how much you mean to me," he said warmly. 

Sydney smiled and kissed him on the cheek. 

"Let's go okay?" Gage said turning her towards the door to leave. "Hungry?"

"Yes," Sydney said. "How did it go?" She asked gently.

"It was pretty scary at first," Gage sighed. "But towards the end it was okay."

"What did you talk about?"

"You," Gage smiled.

"What? Me? What for?" Sydney asked quickly.

"I guess he wanted to know why I felt I let you down," Gage said looking down.

"What did you tell him?" Sydney asked.

"That's classified," Gage teased. 

"Funny," Sydney said dryly.

"Actually he asked about my family and about work and stuff like that," Gage said. "He didn't ask a thing about the rape or what led up to it."

"I guess he's just getting your background history, before he actually gets into what happened," Sydney said as they reached her car. "I think that's normal."

"Yeah I guess. What about you? How did it go?" Gage asked.

"Same as you. We talked about my early life with Fred before the kids and how we met and stuff like that. But Dr. Adams was right, at the end of the hour I was ready for a break."

"Yeah no kidding. I wonder how I'll feel when we really get into the gritty details," Gage said firmly. "I really need a drink now. Come on I'll buy you lunch."

"You'll be fine Gage," Sydney reminded him as they got into her car. "We'll all be just fine." They spent the rest of the afternoon just trying to relax from the sessions they had that day. Dr. Adams was right, the schedule was going to be tough but necessary, this needed to be faced and dealt with. That was the only way they had a hope of moving on and getting back to a normal life. 

********

"So how is Francis?" Captain Reynolds asked Walker.

"Getting better every day Frank," Walker smiled. "How are your guys?"

"The same I guess," he sighed. "Some of them are having a tough time but who wouldn't right? I hear Gage was attacked at home last night," he frowned. 

"Yeah he was," Walker sighed. 

"Did they find anything that might lead us to this sicko?" Captain Reynolds asked seriously.

"The lab is still working on that," Walker said firmly. "Anything new on your end?"

"All quiet," he sighed. "Must be something we aren't seeing."

"That's what we keep telling ourselves," Walker said firmly.

"Poor Francis," Captain Reynolds said slowly. "I think he'll bounce back. Always has," he said with a smile. "Even as a rookie."

"Yeah Gage is strong," Walker said firmly. "He'll pull through." Walker was about to ask something else when his phone rang. It was the receptionist from Station House 15 telling him that Captain Milford has just shown up. "We'll be right there," Walker said hanging up. "Thanks for your time Frank."

"Don't mention it," Captain Reynolds said standing up. "If you ever need anything let me know, okay?"

********

"Well that meeting with Captain Reynolds went very well," Trivette mentioned. 

"Yeah Frank's a good cop," Walker said firmly. "This case has really affected him though. Not quite the same as he was before. Different look to him now. I just hope Milford can offer us something. I want this case over with and fast."

"Think Milford will tell us the truth?" Trivette asked as they neared Station House 15.

"If I have to beat it out of him he will," Walker said firmly as he brought the truck to a stop. They headed inside Station House 15 and up to Milford's desk.

"Zack Milford?" Walker asked firmly.

"Yeah?" The older man said looking up. "Who are you?"

"Texas Rangers Walker and Trivette, can we have a few minutes?"

"Yeah sure," he said pushing himself up and walking past them. Walker wrinkled his nose at the strong smell of alcohol and cheap cologne. They headed into a small interrogation room and sat down, facing each other. "What's this all about?" Milford asked with a frown.

"Where were you last night?" Walker asked firmly.

Milford looked at Walker and then Trivette. "What's this about?" He demanded in anger.

"Simple question," Trivette stated. "Where were you last night?"

"I was out," Milford stated sarcastically.

"Where!" Walker demanded.

"I was just out okay?" Milford said firmly. "Now I don't know who the hell you guys are but I'm outta here," he said standing up. Walker lunged at him, grabbed him by the shirt collar and pushed him up against the wall. 

"Someone who fits your profile has been running around beating up and raping male police officers. Now I want to know where you were last night!" Walker half yelled.

"Are you serious?" Milford asked in shock.

"Where were you?" Trivette demanded.

"I was at Reno's bar, in the back," he said quickly. "15 guys can testify to my being there all night." Walker's grip relaxed and Milford pulled himself free and walked a few feet away. 

Trivette looked at Walker and sighed. "Corresponds to what the report told us about when he got home."

"What time did you get there?" Walker asked.

"I um…oh hell I was there all day."

"All day?" Trivette asked in shock.

"Yeah I got a problem," he said looking down. "My Chief knows and everything only…" he said looking up at them with an angry face. "You thought that that rapist that is on the loose is me?"

"You fit the profile," Walker said firmly. "And you forgot to tell anyone about a certain indiscretion you had concerning a fellow officer a few years back."

Milford let out a sigh and looked out the window. "That…" he started as he turned back to him. "What the report doesn't mention is that it was consensual at first and then the guy needed a stepping stone and used it. He twisted the facts to suit him and said it was rape. But it wasn't and my Chief believed me. But it still went on my IA record as my word against his. Trust me it's not something I look back on with happy memories. But…" he said, his voice trailing off. "Why did you think it was me? Because of that?"

"That and a few other things," Walker said firmly. "But thanks for clearing this up for us."

"If I can help let me know okay?" Milford said firmly. "Trust me I want him as much as you. Guys like him gives others a bad name. If you know what I mean."

********

"Damn it," Walker cursed as they got back in the truck.

"Yeah back to square one," Trivette sighed. "There must be someone else we are not seeing," he said firmly. 

"Let's go back and check the records again. I'm willing to bet it's right in front of our faces but we just can't see the one clue that is the most obvious."

"Those are the worst kind," Trivette sighed. "Because we never see them until it's too late."

********

Gage and Sydney headed home and just spent the rest of the day lightly talking and doing stuff around the house. The night was once again fraught with terrible nightmares that kept Gage awake. He would try to sleep but each time would hear his kidnapper laughing before he was raped. He awoke the next morning ragged and tired looking. 

Sydney watched him with a frown. Her session was actually very helpful. Martha helped her to learn how read his moods and body language, what words would set him off and which ones would put him at ease. She also learned that Gage would be afraid to have normal sex because he would now think she viewed him as not normal, as different. This would take some time to heal but she could also help each day to show him that he was very loved and wanted by her in a sexual way, without being pushy. She told Martha that their wedding was supposed to be on the weekend but that it was postponed and Martha told her that was normal. They finished their breakfast and once again headed to the hospital for their respective sessions.

"Hey," Gage said sheepishly as he walked into Ian's office. 

"Morning Gage," Ian smiled back. 

Gage walked to the chair and sat down, his nervousness starting to develop once more.

"How are you today?" Ian asked softly.

"Okay I guess," Gage sighed. "I was supposed to be getting married tomorrow," he said looking down.

"I know," Ian whispered. "It will come soon enough."

"No it won't," Gage said sadly.

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because I can't even have sex anymore," Gage spat in anger. He looked up at Ian with a horrified look. "Oh I'm…I…I'm sorry I yelled," he said sheepishly. 

"Don't be," Ian said warmly. "I'm sure that's very frustrating to you. Is it because you are not ready?"

"Yeah. Dr. Adams told me I'd have some problems with sex and stuff…but…" he said looking away. "I can't do this."

"What? Talk about sex?"

"Yeah," Gage said looking down.

"Yes I suppose the old myth about men talking about sex and being perverts always comes up in these sessions. Trust me Gage you are not a pervert by any means, and I'm not here to try to turn you into one. Sexual dysfunction in this situation, however, is a very normal feeling. But trust me Gage you have talk about it and get past it. If not you could suffer. Why are you afraid to have sex? Is it because of what happened?"

"Yeah," Gage said softly.

"So before that you had no problems? You enjoyed sex normally?"

"Yup," Gage replied.

"Well Gage I'm not here to tell you how to have sex because I'm not that kind of therapist. But I will stress that the longer you hold back the harder it will become for you to get back to enjoying it normally. Sex is a natural expression of how we feel towards someone we love. You tell Sydney you love her right?"

"All the time," he said firmly.

"When you are being intimate together do you want to have sex then?"

"Yes, very much…but I just can't…" Gage said sadly.

"What stops you?"

"Um…well…me I guess…I don't know…images…things the rapist told me…"

"What did he tell you?"

"That Sydney would hate me."

"Does she?"

"No."

"Then why not believe her and listen to yourself rather than remember some lie a man who hurt you told you?" Ian asked softly.

Gage looked at him with a frown. 

"Remember Gage he is not in control of you. You are. The next time you want to express yourself to Sydney turn the music or the TV up real loud and concentrate on how you're feeling. Don't speak, not a word. Just love her and let her love you back, give in to how you are feeling. Concentrate on that and those words you keep hearing that he told you will go away. Give it a try. If it still doesn't work let me know, okay?"

"I'll try," Gage mumbled. 

"Well I'm not going to walk on glass around you Gage I want you to tell me the events that led up to the act itself."

Gage leaned back in his chair and looked at Ian with a horrified expression. "The events?" He asked softly.

"When you were first taken."

"Oh man," Gage said softly. "Well I um…I went to the bike shop. I was supposed to pick up some parts for my bike. I went to the back…it was dark…" Gage felt his heart starting to race as he was taken back into the scene where he was confronted by the two men. "I heard a noise…there was a man in black…I thought taking him down would be easy…I'm a skilled fighter…I should have won…" Gage said looking up at Ian.

Ian just looked back at him with a soft smile. "What happened next?"

"There was another man…hit me from behind…we fought…but I lost…I um was forced to the ground…I was tied up and gagged…I was uh taken to a van…"

"What were you thinking at the time?" Ian asked.

"I was um…that this was a mistake…that it was a prank or something…then I thought about the other cases…all the others were taken by two men in black…I was scared then…they laughed at me in the van…then I was blindfolded…"

"How did you feel when they blindfolded you?"

"Scared," Gage said softly. "Really scared…I mean with my hands tied at least I could see…know what to expect…but now…nothing…just darkness…I was scared," he finished in a whisper.

Ian noticed Gage's body starting to slightly tremble but knew he had to keep going. I hate this part, he said inside, but once it's over it will be better. 

"Then we um reached the building…they laughed at me…" _'Welcome to the party Ranger'_ Gage remembered them laughing. "Then I heard a low voice…it was laughing at me…said he had been watching me…said I was um ha-handsome and that I was his and his to play with," he said softly, his voice breaking and his eyes slightly watering.

"How did you feel?"

Gage looked at him in anger. "A man told me he wanted me…how the hell do you think I felt?"

"Tell me," Ian urged softly.

"Sick…I wanted to throw up…I wanted to get free and beat him up…he said he would own me…dominate me…and that I'd be alone like him."

"What happened next?"

"I threw up," Gage admitted softly. "I was sick and I threw up. Then he said he could tell I was afraid…he could taste my fear and that I would be with him for two days…" he said in a whisper. "Two days!" Gage yelled. "I just wanted to kill him then…then he said when I was free…he'd take me again…"

"What were you…"

"He said he'd take me again Doc!" Gage yelled. "And he tried. Two days ago. He came back and he tried again!" Gage yelled in anger. "He said he would and he did."

Ian looked at Gage with a shocked look. Oh man, he said inside. This one's going to be a tough case. This guy is obsessed. "I'm sorry," Ian said softly. "What happened back in the building?"

Gage looked at him in surprise but turned his thoughts back to that horrible night once again. This is going to kill me for sure, he said inside. Gage hesitated.

"Gage you are doing so well. You have to keep going, release some of that anger you have inside."

"Okay," Gage said softly as he settled back into his chair once again. "Then he um said that when I'm alone…he'll always be with me…that each time I close my eyes I would see him and his dark future waiting…and that soon my sanity would leave."

"Gage…" Ian started.

"Doc he's right!" Gage yelled. "I do see him every time I close my eyes…when I'm alone I hear him laughing and taunting me…and when darkness comes I feel afraid…he was right! This isn't working," Gage said standing up.

"Gage please sit down," Ian urged softly. "Walking away now…in the middle of this will only do more harm than good."

"But I just feel so…" Gage said as he slumped back down. "I just want this to be over."

"I know you do," Ian said softly. "Why don't we call it a day okay? You will have a tough weekend ahead of you and I want you to just rest as much as you can before Monday."

"I was supposed to be getting married this weekend," Gage mumbled aimlessly. 

"Gage I want you and Sydney to just go away for the weekend and spend the time together, just the two of you. Okay? You need this and so does your relationship if it is to get back to the way it was."

"I don't know if I…"

"Gage you have to try," Ian said with a smile.

"I just feel so…"

"So, what?" Ian asked.

"Ashamed for telling you all this," Gage said firmly.

"Yeah another myth society has drilled into men's heads is that if they show emotions or cry or whatever they are considered weak and not manly. But that really is a lie Gage. Trust me it takes a lot of strength to be able to come in here and tell me what you have so far. If you were weak you would have just locked yourself away in the corner, not letting anyone help you and eventually it would have killed you. But you haven't. Now I know this is hard and you don't want to be here but Gage…it can only get better by letting it all out. That shows strength. You have nothing to be ashamed of nor should you feel weak in any way."

"I guess so," Gage sighed. "Don't feel that way."

"Well I want you to just go home and relax and think about Sydney and how much you love her. Focus on that. Okay?"

"Okay," Gage said standing up. He thanked Ian and then headed outside. He reached the nurses station when he heard a voice from behind him. He turned to see Captain Reynolds walking up to him. 

"Hello Francis," Captain Reynolds smiled warmly as he walked up to Gage and stood very close.

"Hi Captain Reynolds," he said softly as he took a few steps back.

"Oh sorry," Captain Reynolds smiled sheepishly, force of habit. "Why are you here?"

"Just had to see my doctor for a bit…um…test results and all," Gage lied not wanting to tell him about his therapy sessions.

"And?"

"Um not sure yet," he said slowly. "Why are you here?"

"Just passing through and had to stop to see someone," Captain Reynolds said quickly. "How are you feeling?" He asked, placing a hand on Gage's shoulder.

"Okay I guess," Gage said stiffening a little. I have to learn to calm down around people I know, Gage told himself. He's not going to hurt me. Yet the way he touched him and let his hand linger made Gage feel more and more uneasy. 

"Remember my offer? If you ever need anything…" Captain Reynolds said softly.

"Thanks but I just want this to be over," Gage said looking down.

"I know Francis, me too," Captain Reynolds said softly. "I guess Sydney must be waiting for you. I'll let you go, but remember if you need anything…anything at all…"

"Thanks," Gage smiled. 

"I assume the wedding has been postponed?"

"Yeah," Gage said softly. "But I think Sydney and I are going to get away for a bit."

"Well enjoy yourselves," Captain Reynolds said with a firm smile.

"I'll try," Gage smiled back. "I'll see you later."

Captain Reynolds watched him walk away with a frown. "Yes you will."

  
********

Gage thought about what he told Captain Reynolds and hurried into Dr. Adams's office. "Are the test results back yet?" He asked eagerly.

"Just got them," Dr. Adams said pulling them out of a brown envelope. "Hold on a sec."

Gage stood and waited for what seemed like a small eternity, anxiously waiting to hear what the verdict regarding his health and ultimately his future was. "Well?" Gage asked impatiently.

Dr. Adams breathed a sigh of relief and looked up at Gage with a smile. "All negative. You haven't contracted anything."

"Oh man thank god," Gage said firmly as he felt a sigh of relief cover him.

"You will have to be tested again in six weeks as per standard practise but I'm confident if nothing has shown up now it won't then. I'm not going to ask about your session because I can tell it was hard. Go and try to get some rest on the weekend. Okay?"

"Thanks Doc," Gage said walking out of his office. He hurried up to Sydney in the waiting room and hugged her tightly. "I want to go away this weekend," he said quickly. "Just the two of us, alone. With no interruptions or anything to worry about."

"But…" Sydney asked with a frown. "Gage it…I mean our wed…are you sure?"

"Sydney I love you and I'm worried that…well…I just…I know it was supposed to be our wedding but…" he said in desperation.

"I'd love to go away for the weekend," she said calmly remembering that Dr. Williams said to respond openly to any suggestion he might have for intimacy. She told her that Gage was afraid to be open and sexual but Martha assured her that it was normal and that he needed time, but when he was ready to just go along. 

"Are you sure? I mean I know this weekend was sup…" he started only to have her kiss him on the lips.

"I am sure," she smiled. "I need that too."

"Great," Gage smiled as they walked out of the hospital. They headed home and Gage called Walker and told him what Ian suggested and that even though it would be hard he and Sydney were going to get away for the weekend. 

"Only you know Walker," Gage said firmly. "I just have to do this."

"Go and enjoy yourselves," Walker said softly. "Trivette and I will finish stuff up here." Walker talked for a bit more and then hung up and looked at Trivette. "Well Gage and Sydney are going away for the weekend. They'll need that. Now what did the report tell us?"

"Well his shoe size is 12.5 and it was a dress shoe."

"Dress shoes with a dirt bike?" Walker frowned. "That's odd."

"Well we know it's not Milford," Trivette said firmly. "Also the prints on the handcuffs came up unreadable. Apparently there were a few partials but because they were police issue it was reasoned that any cops could have gotten them."

"I want that list," Walker said firmly.

"I'll get it," Trivette said picking up the phone.

Walker turned back to his computer and frowned. "What am I not seeing?"

********

Gage and Sydney slowly packed their bags and then headed for her car and were soon driving to a small resort with secluded cabins and a main lodge on a lake. 

"Wow this is beautiful," Sydney said when they pulled up as the sun was setting. 

"Alex told me about this place," Gage said softly. "Good thing we weren't going here for our honeymoon," he smirked. The quickly realized what he said and looked at her with a horrified expression. "Oh man Syd…I…uh…I didn't mean it like that."

"It's okay," she said with a warm smile. "I thought it was kinda funny. Just relax okay?"

"Okay," he said letting out a large sigh. "I can do that."

"I know you can," she smiled. After they were settled in they went for a long hike and then came back got dressed and had some dinner. After dinner they went for another walk to the lake and just enjoyed the silence and the feeling of being in each other's arms. Soon it was time to go in and get ready for bed. Gage's mind was such a mix of emotions. I'm just supposed to go with what I'm feeling and enjoy the moment, he told himself. They reached back inside their cabin, took off their coats and just stood in the silence.

"I think I'll take a shower. Is that okay?" Sydney said quickly. "I um got a chill and…"

"Sounds fine to me," Gage said a little nervously. "Can I also?"

"Of course. And when you are taking your shower we can um talk or read or whatever," Sydney suggested, feeling a little nervous.

Gage looked at her in surprise. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she smiled.

"Do I smell?" He asked with a frown.

"A little," she teased. "Like lake water and firewood."

"Funny," Gage said dryly as he slowly stood up. "Okay you shower and then I will."

Sydney quickly grabbed her things and headed for the bathroom while Gage continued to un-pack his stuff and put it in the drawers. In no time she was dressed and coming back to see him.

"Ahh you smell good," he smiled.

"Your turn," she teased.

"Yes ma'am," Gage said in mock gruffness. "Be back before you know it."

Gage grabbed a clean towel and headed for the bathroom. Sydney waited until he had the shower started before she retrieved a small hidden bag and quickly opened it. A smile spread across her face as she started to empty it's contents. She felt happy nervousness starting to cover her body at the thought of what lay ahead for both of them. I just hope this works, she said to herself.

Gage finished up in the shower and looked down at the faint bruises on his chest. He finished the shower and quickly dried himself off. "Ah damn it!" He cursed as he realized that he forgot to bring some clean clothes with him into the bathroom. He wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the door. 

Sydney heard the door open and quickly got herself in position.

"Sydney?" Gage asked as he noticed the lights in the bedroom were off replaced with a soft glow. He slowly made his way to the doorway and stopped short and let out a gasp.

"Sydney?" He said rather than asked as he looked at the sight before him. Sydney had set and lit several large white candles in his room, had soft music playing and was dressed in barely nothing. 

"I uh…" Gage said feeling his temperature starting to rise as he continued to drink in the sight before him. "Sydney…I uh…" he tried, inwardly cursing his brain for not sending words to his mouth to speak.

"Come here," she said in a soft sexy voice.

"Okay," Gage said quickly as he walked towards the bed. "Suddenly I need a cold shower," he mumbled to which she just laughed. "You did all this?" Sydney nodded her head yes. "Wow," he said as he sat down on the bed beside her and looked at her.

"You are beautiful Sydney. Oh god you're beautiful," he whispered as he looked over her lush body. "Wow how long have you looked this good?" He asked. He quickly closed his mouth as he realized how stupid he sounded. "Oh man Sydney, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it li…" Gage started only to have Sydney lean forward and gently stop him with her finger.

"Shhh Gage come here," she said softly as she gently tugged his arm and he eagerly followed. "I'm not going to hurt you in any way," she said warmly.

"I know," Gage said quickly. "I uh just don't want to disap…" Gage started as Sydney started to kiss him, stopping him from uttering his needless insecurity. 

"You never could," she whispered. "Just relax and enjoy, okay?"

Sydney gently pushed Gage onto the bed on his back and eased herself on top of him. "How's your ribs?" She asked softly as she planted soft warm kisses on his freshly cleaned skin. 

"The only part of me not nervous as hell," he laughed lightly. 

"Just relax okay Gage?" Sydney said as she reached over and grabbed a small bottle of scented body oil. "I think you'll like this."

Gage watched as Sydney opened the small bottle that smelt like Vanilla and Almonds and started to rub it all over his naked chest and shoulders. With each slow stroke he felt his desire growing for her more and more. "Man that feels amazing," he smiled as he stretched out on the bed and felt himself starting to really relax. "Smells good too. What is it?"

"Gage?" Sydney said.

"Yeah?"

"Be quiet," she teased as she bent down and firmly kissed him and then quickly pulled away.

"Tease," Gage whispered as he continued to enjoy the massage he was getting.

"How do you feel?" Sydney asked softly.

  
"Like I want you right now. Can you tell?" He asked in a deep voice.

Sydney let her eyes travel below his waist and smiled. She slowly nodded her head yes as she started to unwrap him from the towel.

Gage felt his heart start to race a bit faster as he felt the cool air hitting his exposed lower half. Sydney applied a little more oil to his belly and started to work her hands lower. Gage closed his eyes and let himself drift into the lustful sensations his lower half was sending his brain. With each stroke he knew he was on the verge and needed Sydney now.

"Sydney I…" Gage started as she bent down and kissed him. 

"I'm the boss remember?" She teased as she kissed his neck.

"I now but…" Gage started as he continued to kiss her neck and mouth.

"No buts Gage," Sydney whispered as she kissed his belly and moved her lips lower. 

Gage let out a small moan as she continued to tease him. "Sydney I'm suffering here," he said in mock torment.

Sydney just laughed and moved herself into position on top of him. 

"I love you so much Sydney," he said firmly. "Make love to me Sydney, please?" Gage pleaded as he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her firmly against him. 

"Are you sure?" She asked in a soft whisper, knowing she wanted and needed it as much as he did.

"More than anything. I want to try Sydney," Gage said as he continued to feel himself being aroused by her touching his naked body. "I have to try Sydney. I need you, now."

"I will on one condition," Sydney teased.

"What's that?" Gage asked in concern.

"You make love back."

"Show me how Sydney and I will," Gage said seriously. "Show me how to make to love you. Help me remember."

"I will," she whispered.

**Dear readers I hope this chapter wasn't too sappy. Also most of the sessions won't be explained in full as each session in each case is confidential and private and I am only guessing as to what 'might' be said inside a session such as the one Gage is in. Hope this is okay! Hope you are all still enjoying the story. Thanks**


	11. A Look into the Mind of a Madman

****

Title: A Cry in the Dark   
Chapter 11 – A Look into the Mind of a Madman  
  
*Note: We know very little about Gage's days as a rookie and so forth so I made a past up. Hope that's okay! Enjoy the story!  
**Note 2: Words in italics that are between two ** being said as memories. Words in italics with no stars are inside memories not spoken. Hope that is not confusing.

"What about the perp that was killed?" Trivette suddenly mentioned.

"What about him?" Walker asked absently.

"Gage said there were two of them right? What happened to the other one? And maybe someone who arrested him before might have…"

"Let him loose or made a deal?" Walker asked. "Could work. Do a search. Anything turn up on the handcuffs yet?"

"Yes," Trivette said looking at the screen before him.

"So these little things have gotten around," he laughed lightly. "Captain Dwayne Richards, Station House 36, Sargent William Brentwood, Station House 52, Officer Ryan Adamson, Station House 16, Officer Rory Tate, Station House 12, Captain Frank Reynolds, Station House 62 and…" Trivette stopped and looked up at Walker. "Captain Zack Milford."

"He gets around also. How is it that those handcuffs have been to all those Station House's?" Walker asked with a frown. 

"All except here because Pierce Hyde didn't use them," Trivette lightly laughed. "And as for them getting around, no idea but here's something really freaky. Each of these officers at one time or another has either worked with or known Gage in a professional manner."

Walker leaned back in his chair and frowned. "Captain Reynolds? He worked with Gage?"

"Um yeah for a bit, rookie year," Trivette said slowly. "He never told you?"

"Must not have been for very long because his record says very little if anything," Walker said with a frown. "You know maybe it's not a superior. What if it's an officer who is mad because Gage made it and they didn't?"

"Like Ryan Adamson or Rory Tate? Could work," Trivette said.

"Where are they now?" Walker asked.

"Checking. So do you think they'll have any troubles this weekend?"

"No," Walker said softly. "No one knew they left except Ian but Gage never told them where and the ghost car followed them until the highway and there was no one else following, so I think they'll be safe. I just hope they can both relax and just enjoy their time together."

"Yeah it's going to be hard anyways, what with this being the weekend they were supposed to get married," Trivette said softly.

"I know," Walker sighed. 

"Okay here we go," Trivette said firmly. "Both still officers at their respective Station House's."

"Never promoted?" Walker asked.

"Nope, neither one. Says Adamson was turned down because of his aggressiveness towards prisoners and Tate was overlooked because of his disdain for certain officers. Both could have motives. Except…" Trivette stopped.

"Except what?" Walker asked.

"Well what about the others? They were beat cops also right?" Trivette asked. "Why would they want to hurt one of their own?"

"Disgruntled in some way obviously," Walker said. "Try this, perhaps they were about to be promoted and the others weren't?" Walker asked quickly.

"Good point," Trivette said as he turned back to his computer. "Checking now." They both sat in silence for a few minutes until the computer beeped that the search was over. "Oh man…"

"They were right?"

"Yeah either to Lieutenant's or Sargent's. Adamson and Tate were not. Walker this could be it."

"Yeah too bad it is just speculation," Walker sighed. 

********

Gage looked over at Sydney still asleep in his arms and smiled. For the first time in what seemed like eternity he felt contented and happy. Ian was right; this was exactly what they needed. They had finally made love like they had before, it was beautiful, passionate and what they both needed. He was scared at first, scared of disappointing Sydney. But after it was over they both knew that neither had done anything wrong. He hugged her tighter and sighed happily that he hadn't given into his fears and didn't let his tormentor win. He can't rule my life Gage said to himself, I won't let him. But as he knew very well words were very easy to say, but hard to actually live up to. He still had a few more sessions with Ian and was dreading Monday's as he would be forced to actually relive the act itself. But as he felt Sydney snuggle closer to him he knew it wasn't fair to be thinking about that now, this weekend his was going to devote all his time, energy and thoughts to her. She deserved it. And they both needed that. Gage finally closed his eyes and fell asleep, with happy thoughts of Sydney trying to push the bad ones away. 

********

"Hope you're having a good rest Francis," a low voice said as he watched the dark cabin from a pair of binoculars from a dark SUV. "I think it's time to put things into perspective. Time to show you that you now need to see and do things my way." The man looked over at the tools beside him and smiled. "First to show you how serious I really am."

********

Sydney awoke early the next morning and looked up at Gage who was still sleeping. Thoughts of their night last night came back into her mind as she continued to stare at his bare chest and let the faint scent of vanilla play with her senses. She felt herself blush all over when they finally made love and knew it was something they both needed. Gage had been nervous at first and rightly so but after it was like nothing changed, he loved her back with all he had and more. Now if only they could catch the creep that hurt him in the first place and things could get back to normal. That's what they both needed, more than anything. She looked down at the ring on her finger and slightly frowned. Today she was supposed to become Sydney Cook-Gage. But it would come, that was certain; they just had to be patient. She remembered seeing some apples in the orchard and gently eased herself out of bed and went to the dresser and quickly got dressed. She headed outside while the sun was just starting to come up and took in a few large mouthfuls of fresh air before heading for the small orchard a few yards from their cabin. 

She just reached the tree and started to pick when a hand covered her mouth with a damp cloth and pulled her back towards a small shed and finally behind it. Sydney's mind raced in horror as she struggled to get herself free. Her mind raced in panic at the thought that the rapist had followed him and would go after Gage. However she felt the drugs taking over her system as her limbs started to get a tingling sensation and she started to get drowsy. NO! Her mind yelled in horror just as the darkness consumed her and she went limp in her attacker's arms.

"Time to put you someplace safe," the male voice said in her ear. He pulled Sydney into the small shed and quickly bound her hands with rope and gagged her with a heavy cloth before locking the door and walking around to the front. He spied the cabin and smiled. "Still asleep Francis?" He asked softly as he walked towards it. He felt his sick desire starting to grow more as he neared the front door and turned the handle to open it. He stood and listened and smiled at the silence. He quickly retrieved the small white envelope from his pocket and placed it on the small table before turning and leaving.

"See you soon Francis," the man snided as he closed the door behind him and quietly made his way back through the orchard and into his waiting SUV. He got out his scope binoculars and waited for movement from the cabin. 

********

Gage finally started to awaken and moved his hand to where Sydney was supposed to be, however, instead of a warm body beside him there was just cold empty space. He quickly opened his eyes to see her not there. "Syd?" He asked quickly. He felt his heart start to beat a bit faster when all he got in return was empty silence. "Sydney?" He called out a bit louder. Still nothing.

Gage quickly got out of bed, pulled a sweatshirt over his head and rushed to the front of the cabin. It was empty. "Sydney?" He called again. His heart started to race a bit faster when all he got in return was silence. He hurried to put his boots on, not even seeing the white envelope on the table with his name on it. He rushed outside and listened to the still morning. It was quiet, too quiet. "Sydney!" Gage yelled in a panic. He hurried to her car to see it still there with dew on it; it hadn't been moved or tampered with. His heart started to beat frantically at the thought that something bad happened to her. "Sydney!" He tried again.

He rushed to the main lodge to see if she might be inside but felt his heart sink when there was no sign of her and the front desk was closed. Oh my god, his panicked mind told him as he raced back to his cabin. As soon as he opened the door he heard the phone ring.

"He-hello?" Gage said in uncertainty.

"Good morning _Francis_," the voice mocked.

Gage felt his world come to a grinding halt. "Where the hell is she?" Gage yelled in anger.

"Now now Francis why are you raising your voice to me?" The man said in a low mocking tone. "You don't have the right to do that."

"Tell me where she is!" Gage demanded in anger. 

"I will on one condition," the voice said firmly.

"What's that?" Gage asked with a hint of fear.

"You give something to me," the voice smiled as he watched a panicked Gage through the open window.

"Wh-what do you want?" Gage asked, not really wanting the answer.

"I think you know what I want," the voice said smugly. "The one thing you didn't give me before. You. And willingly."

"Go to hell!" Gage yelled in anger, his body temperature starting to soar and his heart racing. 

"Been there remember?" The voice laughed. 

"Where is she?" Gage asked softly.

Silence

"Where is she!" Gage yelled angrily.

"You know you're just going to make yourself sick Francis," the voice said in an accusing tone. "Forget the bitch, she doesn't love you anyways."

"I'm going to kill you," Gage said in controlled anger.

"Francis do you honestly think I'll le…"

"I'm going to kill you!" Gage yelled loudly.

"No you won't," the man said firmly. "Because if you do you'll never get her back. Besides I wouldn't let you," the man said confidently.

"Please tell me where she is," Gage insisted in a small tone. 

"I have to go now Francis but…"

"Where is she!" Gage yelled.

"But…" the man continued. "When I see you next time I expect you to be a bit more accommodating, otherwise you'll never see her again. Give yourself to me or she will die! See you soon Francis," the man said hanging up.

"NO!" Gage shouted into the phone. He tried *69 to see if he could trace the number back but of course it was blocked and unable to reach. "Damn it!" Gage cursed angrily. He looked wildly out the window and felt his body starting to shake from fear. This guy was more than a little obsessed; he was now playing for keeps, with human lives at stake. Gage thought about what he told him _next time be more accommodating_ and felt himself sicken at the thought. He knew very well that that meant that unless he willing gave himself to his tormentor Sydney would pay the ultimate price, he had no regard for her life whatsoever. He looked around the table and finally spied the note left for him in the small white envelope. He reached for it and held it in his trembling hands while he opened the flap and took out the small note.

__

Hello Francis,

I hope you had a wonderFul time last night, went to bed kinda late eh? Where you happy? Well I know when I bring you home to **our** new place you'll be even happier and Forget the life you had beFore. IF you don't, everyone you care about will pay the ultimate price. IF you decide you don't want that then I will take personal pleasure in killing you nice and slow. I hope you enjoy the rest oF your weekend and I'll see you when you're back.

Your only Friend.

Gage felt himself getting dizzy but pushed it aside as panic filled him once more that Sydney was missing. He folded up the letter with his shaky hands and put it in his jacket pocket. He rushed back outside in time to hear the distant sound of a large truck engine zooming off in the other direction. "Sydney!" Gage yelled frantically. "Oh man…" he said as he felt his eyes slightly water and his heart race once again. "Sydney where are you?" He asked in a dead whisper. He tried to focus his mind and remember what Walker taught him about tracking people. He was good at it; he knew that, now he just had to make his brain remember that. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and took a deep breath and then slowly opened them back up. 

Gage tried to calm his nerves as he looked at the ground around and before him. He noticed his own footprints and another set and finally spied Sydney's or at least he hoped it was hers. The size was small enough to be hers and they were fresh tracks. He slowly started to follow them and stopped at the edge of the small orchard. "Sydney," he said in a whisper. He noticed by one tree a patch with many fresh prints. A struggle, that had to be the only explanation. He followed the footprints and noticed they led to the shed. 

Gage rushed up to the shed and pulled on the lock. "Sydney!" He said frantically as he tried to pull the door open. "Sydney!" He tried again. 

Sydney slowly felt her world coming back to her in a dizzy fog. She slowly opened her eyes and tried to focus her fuzzy head on her dark surroundings. Panic filled her head as she realized she was tied up and gagged. She fully awakened to hear Gage banging on the door, calling her name. He yanked the gag from her mouth and took a deep breath before answering him. "G-Gage…" she said with a choke.

"Sydney!" Gage said in relief. "Are you okay?"

"I think so," she said in a small panic. "I'm tied up Gage, get me out of here."

Gage kicked at the small lock until the door around it finally splintered and he was able to pull the door open. "Syd," he said as he rushed to her side and helped her sit up. He noticed she had been gagged and smelt faint traces of chloroform. "Are you okay?" He asked frantically as he untied her wrists.

"Gage was it him?" Sydney asked quickly, not caring about herself.

"Sydney I…" 

"Gage was it the rapist?" Sydney asked angrily.

"Yes," Gage admitted in a small voice as he got he free of all the ropes and helped her stand up. 

"Gage no," she said sadly as he helped her walk out of the small shed. They slowly walked back to the cabin in silence. Once inside Gage helped Sydney sit down before he bolted and locked the door and then went and sat down across from her. Sydney looked at Gage and could tell by the look on his face that this had more than taken its toll on him. She inwardly cursed this man as Gage was starting to show promise of getting on with his life, now it seemed like this would set him back.

"Sydney he was here," Gage whispered as he just looked. "He came here to…"

Sydney looked back at him afraid to even say a word. "I…I don't know what to say," she said shaking her head no that she was sorry. Then before she could stop it, her eyes welled up and a few tears started to fall. "Damn," she softly cursed as she quickly wiped them away. Gage got up and helped her stand up and wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly to him. "I'm sorry Sydney," he whispered in her ear. 

"Did he talk to you?" Sydney asked in fear.

Gage hesitated for a minute before he slowly nodded his head yes. "He called me," Gage whispered. 

"What did he say?"

"He um…" Gage said looking down at her in anguish. "Sydney he said that…next time I…"

Sydney heard his words and cringed. _Next time_? Oh god please let this end before there is a next time. 

"Sydney he said he'd hurt you next time if I didn't give myself willingly," Gage said sadly. "He said…" he said voice said in anger. "Oh god Sydney he said he'd kill you next time…"

Sydney hugged him tighter and sighed. "We won't let that happen okay?"

"Can't you see?" Gage yelled as he stepped back from her. "He want's me. If I don't give myself willingly he'll kill those closest to me until I do. And if I still refuse he'll kill me!" Gage yelled in angry frustration.

Sydney just looked at him with a lost expression. "Why is he so obsessed with you?" She asked blankly.

Gage was about to answer when he closed his mouth and just stared back. "I don't know," he finally answered. "Sydney this has to end," he said in a shaky voice. "I…he um…Sydney he wants me to give myself to him willingly."

Sydney wanted to move to him but felt unable as fear gripped her and held her in place. "Do you think he's still here?"

"No," Gage said shaking his head. "I heard a truck taking off when I went outside the second time to look for you," he said firmly. "I think he's gone."

They both stood in silence for a minute, heart's racing and panic rising, neither knowing what to do or say. 

"I can't stay here," Gage whispered as he finally broke the silence.

"Want to go for a hike or something?" Sydney asked finally able to move from her spot and walk up to him.

"I…" Gage started and stopped. He looked at her with a frown. "This weekend was supposed to be just for us," he whispered.

"It still can be," Sydney said softly. "Let's go for a good hike or…we need to work this frustration off…I…"

"Sydney he was here," Gage said firmly. "He's obsessed, you said it yourself. I'm being stalked by a man who…" he said, his voice finally breaking. "By a man who…who raped me and wants to do it again."

"Gage I…" Sydney said reaching out to touch him.

"I can't take this!" He yelled in anger as he pulled away from her, ran to the front door and outside. 

"Gage wait!" Sydney called out as she turned to follow after him.

Gage kept running and didn't stop until he felt his head ready to explode from the loud pounding. He reached the end of the orchard and the beginning of the rocky area and slumped to his knees, gasping for air. "He…" he said in anger as he remembered what the note said. "He…" he said gasping for air, bile coming into his throat. "Oh god he was here!" Gage yelled in anger before he bent forward and threw up liquid and bile. 

Sydney heard him yelling and rushed towards him but stopped a few feet behind as he was on his knees coughing. "Gage," she whispered sadly.

He turned to her with sad watery eyes. "Syd…" he said in torment. She slowly walked up to him and although still on his knees pulled him into the safe confines of her embrace and held onto him tightly. 

"We are going to win this," she said firmly. "I'm not afraid of him," she said half lying. In part she was scared of what this man was capable of doing to her but for the most part was terrified of what he was capable of doing to Gage. 

"You should be," Gage whispered. "I am."

"Gage we can't let him…"

"Don't you see?" He said looking up at her. "He has already ruined this weekend."

"No he hasn't!" Sydney said firmly. "But if you give in he will have won."

"Sydney, _next time_…" his voice trailed off.

Sydney hugged him close to her once more and sighed heavily. _Next time_, the words bounced around in her frantic brain. There can't be a next time. "Let's go for a hike okay?"

Gage let out another heavy sigh and slowly nodded his head yes. Sydney helped him stand up and then looked at him with a sad smile. "Want to eat first?"

"I guess we should," he said with a sigh. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked softly as he noticed her eyes tear up again.

"My pain comes from seeing you like this, from this situation," she said softly. "But I'm okay. A bit cold but okay," she said lightly laughed. "Come on let's get something to eat and then we'll go." They headed back to the cabin hand in hand and set about making and then eating breakfast. Soon after they were properly dressed and out the door for their hike. "Do you think he followed us here?" Gage asked softly after they had been hiking for bit. 

"Must have. I mean the only ones who knew where we were going was Walker and Trivette. Did you tell anyone else?"

"Well it was Ian's suggestion but I didn't say where and then Captain Reynolds asked me what I wa…"

"Captain Reynolds?" Sydney asked with a frown. "Where did you see him?"

"In the hospital on Friday," Gage said with a huff as they continued to climb. "He was there visiting someone. But I just said we were going away for the weekend. Shesh maybe I should have told Walker to send backup."

"We'll get him Gage," Sydney said firmly. "He has to slip up sometime."

"I'm glad you called Walker and told him," Gage said softly. 

"Well he said he had a few other possibles that he could now check and see if any of them were out of town," she explained.

"Well if anyone could find them it will be Walker," Gage said firmly. "I know that."

They finally reached the top of the small mountain they were hiking and stopped at the rest area. Gage sat down and pulled Sydney into his lap and they both sat and looked out over the land below them. Sydney felt Gage's body heave a large sigh and let one out herself. "I guess I don't have to ask what you're thinking about right now," she said softly.

"I just can't believe he'd go that far…I mean to come here…Sydney the other's they…well they all had problems but none were ever…well he never stalked the others. What did I do to this guy Syd? What did I do to deserve this?" He asked in anguish.

"Gage you could never do anything to deserve what this guy is doing. His mind is twisted for some reason. In fact something probably happened in the past that you might have been a part of and he's now blaming you for some reason."

"What part though? And why me?"

"I wish I knew," Sydney said slowly. "Gage tell me about your days as a rookie."

Gage leaned back on the rock behind him and let Sydney's body rest on his as well. He tried to clear his mind of the conversation he had with the man who so far had succeeded in making his life a living hell. He tried to clear away his laughter and the note and focus on when he actually started, the first day he put on a police uniform. "Here goes," he said starting to tell her the story as he remembered it.

**

__

'Welcome to Station House 11 Francis, I'm Marty Dakota your new Chief,' the man smiled.

'Thanks,' a young officer Gage smiled. 'Can you call me Gage?'

'Sure,' the man smiled. 'Come and I'll introduce you to your partner and a few others.'

'Dean Jenkins,' the man smiled at Gage. 'I'm your new partner.'

****

2 months later

'Officer Gage I'd like to introduce you to Sargent Frank Reynolds, you'll be working with him on his new task force for the next month,' Captain Dakota told him. 'Mostly undercover ops.'

'Nice to meet you sir,' Gage said shaking Reynolds hand.

'The pleasure is mine,' Reynolds said firmly. 'The minute I saw you I knew you'd be perfect for the job.'

**

"What was the job?" Sydney asked softly.

"It was just some small undercover ops," Gage sighed. "Nothing major."

"So you knew Captain Reynolds back then?"

"Yeah," Gage said slowly. 

"How many times did you work with him?" Sydney asked softly.

"A few times," Gage explained. "Then I just left," he said with a frown. 

"Why?" Sydney asked.

"Um…I don't really remember but…I just transferred that's all."

Sydney heard his words and frowned. Why would he just up and transfer? What reason?

Gage tried to remember back in his mind as to the reason why he transferred but was unable to remember events. He was told by a doctor they were repressed memories and that perhaps one day something similar would trigger them, but so far they hadn't. And why are they repressed? What happened? He tried to concentrate and then images flashed into his mind.

__

Gage saw himself with a large man, nervous, then worried, handcuffed, gagged, fighting, touch…or was it Captain Reynolds? Or another? Another superior?…his mind snapped back to reality with Sydney's question.

"What was he like then?" Sydney asked.

"Sort of the same now," Gage said with a frown. "Very friendly and open. He liked me right away and thought I was a good cop."

"Is that all?" Sydney asked.

"For the most part," Gage said softly.

__

'Well done on that bust Francis,' Reynolds said firmly as he touched Gage on the shoulder and didn't let go.

'Un thanks sir,' Gage said in a timid voice not wanting to pull away.

Gage frowned as he remembered another time that Captain Reynolds acted very strangely but didn't tell Sydney. Funny I didn't remember that until now, he said inside. 

__

'Ready for an all night assignment?' Reynolds asked Gage as they sat in the gym getting dressed in civvies to head out.

'Yes sir,' Gage said with a smile. 'Can't wait to kick some ass.'

'You are quite the skilled fighter.'

  
'Thanks,' Gage smiled. 'Pride myself on that. I still have a lot to learn but I know I'll get better.'

'Kinda sure of yourself aren't ya?' Reynolds teased.

'Yup,' Gage said proudly.

'Bet I could pin ya,' Reynolds challenged.

'Right now?' Gage smiled.

'Unless you're not up to it,' Reynolds said firmly.

'Always up for a challenge,' Gage smiled.

'Alright then.' 

Gage's mind flashed images of them heading to the mats and starting their 'play' fighting. After a few minutes Gage had more than won and was boasting about his skills to which Reynolds just laughed. But when Gage turned his back Reynolds tackled him from behind and cuffed his wrists behind his back. 

'How does that feel?' Reynolds asked firmly.

Gage just laughed as he thought Reynolds was joking. But when Reynolds just held him painfully down Gage started to wonder. 'Um sir?'

'Think you're so tough Francis? Not anymore.'

Gage remembered Reynolds holding him down a bit before letting him up. He frowned as he remembered that Reynolds touched him as he was taking the cuffs off and he questioned it.

__

'Un sir I think you…' Gage started in a small shaky voice.

'Oh sorry,' Reynolds said sheepishly. 'Hand slipped.'

Hand slipped, Gage's mind played back. Why didn't I remember that? I mean I went to the Chief about it but he said Reynolds was friendly with everyone and told me not to worry. Oh well no harm done, Gage said to himself. But then that other assignment…why didn't I remember that one? Why can't I seem to remember all the details of that one? 

"Gage?" Sydney asked, noting his silence.

"Sorry," he said softly. "Just remembering some of my assignment's with Captain Reynolds. I had stopped working with him for a bit, but then decided to lend a hand on an important bust. I was only supposed to be there as backup but…well things were a bit strained between us after that however. I'm just glad their better now."

"What happened?"

__

**

'Francis you were supposed to wait for me,' Sargent Reynolds said angrily as he grabbed Gage by the arm. 'Who told you to disobey my orders!'

'Sir I was right,' Gage said trying to pull away. 'I knew I could take him on and win. I got the guy that's all that matters right?'

'Francis you were supposed to wait!' Reynolds insisted. 'I needed this bust, you didn't.'

'Sir I got the guy, isn't that all that matters?' Gage said finally pulling away. 'There will be others.'

'Not like this,' Reynolds said angrily as he stormed away from him. 'You lost this one for me!'

**

"So he blamed you for the arrest because he wanted credit for it?" Sydney asked softly.

"Yeah," Gage sighed. "I felt kinda bad afterwards because I know he worked hard on it. But Syd I was there and I wasn't about to let the guy get away. At least the Chief was happy which was all that really mattered to me. After that Captain Reynolds and I hardly spoke to each other. I mean I would see him on different arrests and stuff and he always sort of said hello but it wasn't like it was before. Then I went to another Station House and then here. But like I said now everything seems fine. I did run into him a few years back and he was as friendly as could be. Maybe because I was a ranger and…oh I don't know but at least we're friends now."

"Well he seems friendly now, " Sydney said slowly. "Which house did you go to then?"

"Station House 15. I worked with Lieutenant Milford at the time. I think he's a captain now. He was a strange guy."

"Strange how?"

"He um practiced an alternative lifestyle, which back then was kinda shunned. One time I walked in on him and another officer well…"

__

**

'I just have to get my back from the gym locker,' Gage called out to his partner as he rushed into the darkened gym and then back to the locker room. He walked into the stale smelling room and stopped short at what he saw. Lieutenant Milford had another officer handcuffed to the shower railing, a gag in his mouth and his pants down.

'I um…' Gage started as he turned to leave. He felt a hand on his arm jerking him roughly back. 

'I…' Gage started only to have Milford slap him on the mouth. 

'You saw nothing. You hear me boy, nothing!' Milford said firmly.

'But…' Gage started in protest. 

'Now turn you rookie ass around and get the hell out of here. Remember you say anything and you're days as an officer are over!'

**

"Gage why didn't you tell me all this sooner?" Sydney asked in shock. "What happened to him?"

"He got a slap on the wrist. Apparently it was their regular _thing_," Gage sighed. "And I didn't say anything before because it never mattered before."

"Do you think it could be him?" Sydney asked.

"I doubt. He never gave me the um impre…"

"Impression that he wanted you in any way?" Sydney asked softly.

"Yeah," Gage said. "Well none of them really have. Well not that I noticed. I mean this guy said…Sydney I don't know anyone that would want that…" Gage's voice trailed off in sadness. "Why me?"

Sydney looked out at the landscape before her and frowned. "I don't know," she whispered. "What happened after that?"

"Well I continued to rise in rank and my skills got better. When I met Walker I already had good fighting skills and he just made them better. I did a few undercover ops with a few of them including Captain Reynolds, a few strange ones," he frowned. "But nothing that ruined someone's life."

"Did you run into any of them later?"

"Well you know Pierce from the 2nd floor. I knew him before. He also had a different lifestyle. We had some heated debates sometimes mostly because he thought I was a hot head with a big mouth," Gage lightly laughed. "Shesh Sydney there were a lot like that. Altercations with others over my skills. I mean I fight well and…"

"Sometimes show off?" She teased.

"Yeah I guess so," he sighed. "I just never thought anyone would take that much offence to it. To want to…Sydney it's just sickening," he said angrily. 

"Gage there's more to this than them simply being mad because you showed them up on one occasion or another. Someone from your past blames you for something they feel you slighted them on. Can you think of what that might be?"

"No," Gage moaned. "I mean it's not like a busted a dirty cop or something. Sure I reported a few minor incidents to a few police Chief's here and there but nothing major. Certainly none lost their jobs over it. At least none I know of," he sighed. "It really makes no sense."

"Something this ugly can't make sense Gage," Sydney said softly. 

"You know I actually feel better about telling you all this," Gage said softly. "I know it doesn't mean or help much but…"

"If it helps you Gage that's what really matters," she said with a smile. 

Gage felt his body actually relieve some more tension and moved himself sideways so that he was now laying beside the rock and pulled Sydney down beside him. She turned over onto her side and draped an arm around her chest. 

"This feels good," Gage said softly. They lay in silence for a few minutes just letting the rays of the sun warm them all over. Gage then flipped over on his side so he was facing Sydney. He pushed some dark strands out of her face and moved them behind her ear. He gently cupped her face and pulled her towards him and started to lightly kiss her on the lips, slowly tasting all she had to offer. He felt her wrap her arms around his waist and started to respond in full. Soon they were fully locked in a warm embrace exchanging passionate kisses. "I love you Sydney," he said warmly. "I love you too Gage," she whispered back.

They lay in each other's arms in the sun for what seemed like forever until the sun looked like it was starting to go down and they knew it was time to head back. They headed back in silence, Gage's mind now a flutter of activity as it flashed him images of his days with Captain Reynolds and Captain Milford and few others. Why did I remember all of this before? I certainly didn't do anything to any of them that would make them become obsessed with wanting…I never did that, he insisted inside his mind. What is it then? What am I not remembering? 

They reached the cabin in silence and walked inside both breathing a little hard. "Want to eat in tonight?" Sydney asked softly.

"Actually I would like to get dressed and go to the lodge if that's okay?" Gage asked.

"Of course it's okay. On one condition," she said firmly.

"Anything," he smiled.

"We come back here for dessert," she said with a wink.

"Like I could say no," he said taking her in his arms and kissing her. "I want that very much. This guy will not win Sydney," Gage said firmly. "I know I'm scared but…well…Syd I won't back down to him," Gage said firmly. "I won't let him control my life in anyway."

Sydney gently caressed his face and felt herself smile proudly. "He just lost his hold over you."

********

"I just can't believe this guy has gone that far," Alex moaned as she sat at the kitchen table earlier that afternoon, with Walker and Trivette as they looked over files and papers as to a clue about Gage's obsessive stalker. Trivette's computer beeped rapidly bringing his gaze quickly from Alex's worried face to the screen.

"What is it?" Walker asked quickly.

"Well I just did another search on Milford's file. I…oh man," he said with a shocked look.

"What did you find?" Alex asked.

"Remember Milford's altercation with a fellow employee?"

"Yeah he said it was consensual."

"Guess the name of the rookie who first mentioned it to the Chief."

"Gage?" Walker asked in fear.

"Yup," Trivette said firmly. "It says that he just made the initial complaint to which a minor investigation was started but then it was dropped and nothing more said. Then the officer came forward and said Milford attacked him, tied him up and raped him against his will. Milford was right the guy wanted a Staff Sargent's position and used that to get it. Apparently Milford protested but if he dropped it then he'd just get a slap on the wrist and the other officer would have wait a year and then apply but would then receive the position. Milford was right but it still could be an underlying motive."

"You know now that you can get into the IA database do a check on some of the others," Walker suggested. 

"I don't understand why this guy is so obsessed with Gage," Alex commented. "I mean there has to be something else that makes this guy different from the rest. Something had to have happened between him and Gage for him to let such thoughts foster."

Walker heard what Alex said and leaned back in his chair and frowned. "Maybe we are going about this the wrong way," he said.

"What do you mean?" Trivette asked.

"Well what if Alex is right? If you have an anger grudge against someone because they showed you up wouldn't you just want to best them in a fight or hurt them physically so that they couldn't fight again? Show them up in public some way? This guy's grudge involves sexual acts in addition to the violence. In fact because he said again to Gage the he would have to give himself willingly is something different. Maybe something happened in the past that involved this guy thinking the wrong thing about Gage. Thinking maybe Gage was one way when he wasn't. I think we're looking at the wrong people Trivette," Walker stated. "This guy's obsession with Gage is in a different way, it's sexual perversion. I'm willing to bet the others were just to see if he could do it and get away with it while at the same time getting something he needs in return. A dark hunger fed. Otherwise he'd be moving on from Gage and targeting other officers. Why did he stop with Gage? Why is he still after _him_ and not others?"

"So if that's the case then we need to be looking at guys who have different lifestyles and that…what? Had partners like Gage? I mean we all know Gage never lived that kind of lifestyle so he was never involved that way."

"Maybe one of them got the wrong impression from him somehow," Walker offered. "Check and see who Gage had any dealings with that perhaps worked on male rape cases, had different lifestyles or were brought up on sexual charges." Walker finished talking and looked at Alex who looked back at him with a horrified expression.

"Walker if that's the case then anything could be misconstrued as a come on."

"I know Alex," Walker said firmly. "But most people don't carry it this far. This guys not wanting to move on is going to trip him up. He thinks he's untouchable in some way, that he can scare Gage into giving in to him. We have to find him and stop him before he tries to hurt them again. I mean now he's going after Sydney because he doesn't think she loves him, that's a control position. He want's to control and dominate Gage's life. Get rid of Sydney and Gage is alone like his is. Remember that's what he told Gage. That Gage ruined his life and now he was going to return the favor, that Gage would now be alone like he is."

"But Gage was never involved in a case where an officer lost their career and…"

"Remember it's something different Trivette," Walker said quickly. "This is a lifestyle that was harmed, a sexual preference brought to the fore when things like that were supposed to be kept quiet. Now did Gage do it on purpose? Probably not. But even something as an innocent joke can be taken the wrong way to the wrong person. Something Gage did triggered something in this guys mind for him to want to carry it one step further."

"But Gage never mentioned it," Alex said.

"He's probably forgotten it because it was probably no big deal to him or if it was his mind has buried it away and refuses to let it surface. But I'm willing to bet that to this guy he saw it as an opportunity or something else and then when Gage didn't take it further like he wanted it he…"

"Walker he said Gage _ruined_ his life. It's a bit different than taking something the wrong way," Trivette added quickly.

"I know," Walker sighed. "Whatever event happened between Gage and this other officer triggered something else that started this man's life on a downward spiral. He must have hit the bottom so hard that he could only see the initial event that started it and vowed revenge on the person that he felt slighted him."

"So to get back at Gage he's now going to show him…what? What he didn't get to in the first place?"

"Could be," Walker said. "Perhaps he's made up in his mind that Gage should have either willingly participated before or at least tried to enjoy something that he in all good conscience couldn't. Now he wants to show Gage that Gage will do what he says no matter what. He says he was always alone thanks to Gage, that Gage ruined his life. Well think about this. He probably thought that Gage should have lived or been with him and that because he wasn't he was now alone."

"That's obsession alright," Trivette said softly.

"That's scary," Alex said softly. "I can't imagine how long someone like that can have those thoughts…"

"Dwell inside before they finally come to fruition. Who knows, perhaps he did try before but either the timing or the circumstances weren't right," Trivette added.

"Or maybe he's now in a position high enough not to be caught and can hide things so they won't be found," Walker said. "He now has the authority to back his actions."

"So like if the other victims said they heard and saw stuff then he could…hide it," Trivette said gravely. "Walker if that's the case then this guy could be…"

"On the rape task force," Walker said firmly. "What better way to feed a dark hunger like that than to be around the very thing you're addicted to and can know the steps before they happen. That's why this guy hasn't been caught yet," Walker explained. "Until we joined this task force this guy was able to cover the evidence and discredit testimony because he was right there with them. He probably hadn't counted on us being so close to Gage. Still it hasn't deterred him yet and that really worries me."

"Who is on that task force?" Alex asked. "Anyone from Gage's past?"

"Yeah three members," Walker said looking at her. "Captain Dwayne Richards, Station House 36, Sargent William Brentwood, Station House 52 and Captain Reynolds."

"Walker we know all three. How could…"

"I don't know Trivette," Walker sighed. "But one of them might be our man."

"Yeah but to bring down the _wrong_ one…" Alex started.

"And the _right _one might do something drastic," Walker finished.

All three of them looked at the names on the table before them and frowned. Who could it be? Who could be capable of kidnapping young male officers, beating them and raping them? Which one of them was sick enough to want to destroy innocent men's lives? And which one was still obsessed with a certain Ranger? Who was it?

  
********

"Well Francis," the man snided as he continued to pace his small apartment. "Have you at least figured out why you are so special to me? Do you even remember that night we spent? I know you wanted more but were swayed by that idiot Jenkins!" The man spat in anger. He grabbed his bottle of whisky and walked to a shabby chair in his small living room and slumped down in it. "You probably forgot all about that night Francis," the man said angrily. "But I didn't. You came to me because you wanted something more, something you knew I could give you. I still remember your look, the sounds, the…" the man said as he took another swig. "Damn you Gage! You did want it as much as me!" He yelled in anger. "My life would have been perfect if you just gave in like I know you wanted to!" He took another swig and glared at the picture of Gage he had beside him on the small table. "I know you wanted it also!" 

He leaned back in his chair and took another large swig. Then a slow evil smile started to play across his face. "Very soon you'll get what you deserve Francis. Very soon you'll be with me and then no one will be able to stop us. No one to interfere and no one to rescue you. You will finally belong to me, like you should have all along." His laughter filled the room as he closed his eyes and thought back several years ago; thought back to a night that in his mind was the start of what he hoped would be something more. But in his mind it was more than what it really was. And now it was twisted to the extent that it could never be normal again. "Do you remember that night Francis?"

__

'Francis?'

'Hi,' a young officer Gage smiled to a superior. 

'Not that I'm complaining, but why are you here?'

'I just had some questions about the undercover op sir,' Gage said with a frown.

'Are you wanting to back out?'

'No, just wanted to go over everyone's place,' Gage said quickly. 'Can I come in?'

'Yes of course,' the man smiled eagerly and practically pulled Gage into the seedy motel room. 'Now what I can help you with?'

'Just want to make sure that I'll be wired and…'

'Francis I promise you won't get hurt. All you'll have to do is sit on the crate, tied up as the captured cop and we'll do the rest. I'll be right there, I promise you won't get hurt.'

'That's it right, just sit there and pretend I know nothing?'

'That's it. Is that all?' The man asked hoping there was more. 

'I uh…yeah I guess so,' Gage said quickly.

'And you're okay with me cuffing you right?'

'Police issue cuffs right?' Gage asked quickly.

'Yeah, want to see them?' The man asked eagerly.

'Uh okay,' Gage said sheepishly. 

'Don't worry I'll be gentle,' the man laughed.

'I'm tough, I can take it,' Gage laughed.

'That's what I like to hear,' the man said coming back with the cuffs. 'Now I'll have to get a bit rough if that's okay Francis,' the man said firmly. 'But I won't hurt you too much.'

'Rough? How rough?'

'Nothing much just some punches and stuff. But don't worry I won't mark up that handsome face of yours,' the man smiled. 'So it will go like this,' the man said pushing Gage up against the wall of the motel room.

'But…'

'Shut it cop,' the man said already well into his character. He loved the feel of the young man struggling against him and immediately felt wrong desires starting to build. He came here for this, the man reasoned inside. Why else would he come? There was no reason. I knew he wanted this as much as me. He drank in the semi-scared look on the face of the young man before him and smiled hungrily as he moved his hand lower. He did a fake punch and then quickly grabbed Gage and turned him around and shoved him up against the wall and pulled his hands behind his back and cuffed them in place.

'That's um kinda tight,' Gage moaned.

'I said no talking cop,' he said firmly in his ear, his desire heightened by the closeness of the young man's body on his. He pulled Gage back to the bed and sat him on the edge. 'Now you have to pay for being in the wrong place at the wrong time,t' the man said as he pulled out a thick scarf. 'Time to shut you up for a bit.' He took great pleasure in stuffing the cloth between his lips and tying it tightly behind his head. When he was done he stood Gage up and pushed him back up against the wall facing him.

'Are you okay?' The man asked the young officer. Hesitation; but finally Gage slowly nodded his head yes. 

'Good because I have waiting for this moment. I've been wanting this since I was told of the assignment,' the man smiled. He pushed his hand up against the firm chest of the man before him and let it linger. He heard Gage moan and knew it was from delight. 

'I know you want this Francis,' the man spoke, reasoning in his mind his muffled protests were actually sounds of delight, encouraging him to do more. 'Want more?' Gage just looked at him in shock. 'I know you do,' the man whispered as he moved his hand below his waist and squeezed. The man expected Gage to smile but instead was hurled backwards by a swift kick. 'What the hell?' The man yelled at Gage who tried to get to the door. 'Come back here,' he said grabbing his collar. 'I'm not done with you yet.' He grabbed Gage who swung around and kicked him in the leg, making him fall to the floor. The man cursed in anger as he dove for Gage, taking him back down to the floor with him. 'I knew you liked it rough but this…' the man smiled evilly. 'This is more than I could hope for.' 

The man continued to stare at the bound young man before him with dark thoughts starting to take over his mind and thoughts. He ignored the angry terrified looks and replaced the muffled curses and head shaking no with it all being just a part of the act. 'I can show you some real fun,' the man smiled as he lunged at Gage. However there was a knock on the door and it quickly opened.

'What the hell do you want?'

'Uh what's going on here?'

'Jenkins leave us alone,' he yelled. 

'Sir I don't think he wants to stay with you,' Jenkins said firmly.

'Get lost.'

'I'm taking him with me,' Jenkins said hauling Gage up to his feet. 'I don't think he likes this.'

'How the hell do you know what he likes?'

'He's not like you…'

'Leave him here,' the man yelled as he tried to tug Gage back. But his grip loosened and Gage was quickly pulled out of his hotel room and out of his sight. 

"After that you said you didn't want to be part of the op and transferred away from my Station House," the man said in anger. "You wanted to stay that night Francis," the man said taking another swig. "I know you did. That's why you came over in the first place. But we were stopped!" He said angrily. "Well next time there will be no one to stop us. And that time will be very soon." He took another swig and looked at the calendar on the table before him. "Very…soon…" his voice trailed off into an evil smile. 


	12. Pride Before a Fall

**Title: A Cry in the Dark   
Chapter 12 – Pride Before a Fall  
*****Warning topic of male rape discussed**

  
Gage sat at the table across from Sydney in silence. 

"Are you sure you want to be here?" She asked softly. "You're so quiet."

"Sydney can I ask you something?"

"Of course," she smiled.

"Ever heard of repressed memories?" He asked softly.

"Yeah," she said with some hesitation. "Why do you ask? Gage what happened?"

"I'm not sure," he said looking down. "But all of a sudden my mind is flashing images of…things…"

"What kinds of things?"

"Things I guess I forgot," he said looking back up. "Very strange things," he said softly.

"Gage like what?"

"Could it be because of all the stress as of late?" Gage asked in a panic. "Is that why they have started to resurface?"

"Well I have heard of people undergoing really hurtful things when they were younger but as they grew up they forced their mind not to think about it and so they just were forgotten. Then one day something happened and they all of a sudden remember them. Gage is that what's happening?"

"I don't know," he said softly. "Syd I don't remember bad things happening to me…but…my mind…"

"What do you see?"

"I see…" he said as he mind flashed himself being gagged by another man. "I see myself…handcuffed and…the shadow of a man…I…I remembered it starting when I was telling you about my days with Captain Reynolds and then Milford."

"Was it either of them?"

"Not sure," Gage said firmly. "I can only remember flashes, me handcuffed. Then there was a fight and…and then it goes sort of blank."

"Gage if Captain Reynolds or this Milford did something to you then…"

"Sydney I worked with Captain Reynolds after that I would have remembered and Milford…I mean because of what I saw…it's possible…I don't know…I…I just can't remember," he moaned. "I mean it could be another."

"Well don't force it okay?" Sydney said softly as she took his hand and then smiled at him. "Let's just try to enjoy supper okay?"

"Okay," Gage said with a faint smile, but in the back of his mind doubt was growing and suspicion was rising. What am I trying to forget, he asked himself? He looked at Sydney and immediately felt guilt coming upon him. If I don't push these thoughts aside I'll never be able to be with her after. And I need to be with her, he told himself. She's the only one that will get me through this. After they finally finished their dinner they slowly walked back in the night to their cabin. Once inside Sydney locked the door while Gage went and started up the fireplace in the small living room. He took Sydney by the hand and stood them in front of the heat. Without saying a word he started to slowly unbutton her blouse, feeling his excitement starting to grow. He finally got all the buttons undone and gently pulled it from her skirt and let it fall to the floor and smiled warmly.

"You are so beautiful," he said staring lustfully at the lacy bra she was wearing. 

Sydney blushed under his comment as she slowly started to unbutton his shirt revealing his muscled chest lit by the soft glow of the fire. Sydney leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his chest and looked up at him with a wanting smile. "So are you," she whispered. She moved her hands to unzip his pants as he pulled her close and unzipped her skirt and let it fall to her feet beside the top. He noticed her ring catch the firelight and immediately turned away.

"Gage?" Sydney asked in surprise. "What's wrong?"

"I can't believe this," he moaned in sorrow.

"Gage, what?" She asked gently touching his back.

"Sydney we were supposed to be married this weekend and…" he said in a soft whisper. "I said I wasn't ready and…I mean I called it off and…"

"And you think that now that you are able to enjoy sex you feel bad because you thought you couldn't?" Sydney asked softly making him turn to her slowly nodding his head yes. 

"I just feel like I robbed you of something special," he moaned.

"Gage our wedding will be special. And wonderful and beautiful and romantic and all those things…just because we are enjoying each other now when you told yourself you couldn't shouldn't make you feel guilty."

"I feel I let you down. I thought I wouldn't…and now…"

"Gage that just means you are doing better than you thought you could," Sydney smiled. "Don't look at this as something negative, see it as the opposite, as something very positive."

"But the wedding…" Gage insisted.

"Will still come," she smiled firmly. "And it will be even better. But right now enjoy the fact that you've made more progress than you thought possible. Gage you sold yourself short in the beginning because you faced a situation you never had before. You thought your life over, but it's not. Like I said before, he never hurt the real _you_. The real you is strong and will win this, this weekend is proof."

"But he was here," Gage moaned as he slowly sagged to the floor and sat down sadly in front of the fireplace.

"I know that Gage, but if he really had control over you we'd either be back home right now or sitting in the corner scared and afraid."

"But shouldn't we be worried or something?" Gage asked with a frown.

"Gage we are very aware of the danger but we can't let it ruin the love we feel for each other. We need this, this love is what will keep us going, and it has so far."

Gage looked at her and smiled, knowing she was right. 

"Do you want to just sit and relax?"

"And you mean not have sex?" He teased.

"Gage if you're not…"

"Yeah like I could see you like that and not want to…" he teased back. 

"Well then put the thoughts of the wedding out of your head and come here and make love to me," she said firmly as she lay herself back on the fluffy area rug, letting the firelight play with the curves of her body, tempting him even more.

"Yes ma'am," he said in a low husky tone as he lowered himself on top of her and started to kiss her on the lips. He started to kiss and devour her soft body and continued until the fire was almost completely out. After that he carried her to the warm bed and they both lay down and fell asleep in each other's arm's happy and content. At least in the beginning.

Gage's mind however a few hours after he fallen asleep started to send him images of distorted pictures from his past and his present. He saw himself being handcuffed and gagged in a motel room by a man…the man had no face…he knew him though…why did I go see him…who is he…then he saw himself being tied to the bed face down…he was yelling for help…crying for his captor to stop…then he was back on the bed himself…he heard Sydney's voice calling for help…then he heard her laughing…then he felt the man get up beside him…he then felt the beating…the chase in the woods…finally he remembered the letter the rapist left…then…

Gage awoke in a panic and looked around. He saw a masked man move towards him out of the shadows, blinked his eyes and fully awakened to a dark room. A room with just him and Sydney sleeping in it. He looked down at her peaceful face and sighed heavily before he slumped back down beside her. He looked up at the ceiling and frowned. Who is he? His mind asked that question over and over until his eyes gave up the battle of trying to stay awake and fell back asleep, once again taken into a world of distorted memories. A world riddled with sick laughter and the smell of cheap cologne. Morning couldn't come soon enough.

********

However in a different part of town someone else was having the same thoughts, but in a much different light. The man slept in his chair, passed out from where the heavy alcohol consumption had left him, with a twisted smile on his face as his mind displayed images he relished in. He saw himself with Gage in different venues but his smiled broadened when he had Gage at his mercy. The look in his eyes, the feel of his body trembling as he climbed up beside him, the sounds he made through the gag and then finally the feeling of victory itself. "Very…soon…" he muttered lazily. "Soon…Fran…cis…"

********

Sydney awoke early Sunday morning and looked up at Gage already awake and sitting up in bed. "Morning," she said in a sleepy voice.

"Morning," he said with a soft smile. "Did I wake you?"

"Not at all," she said slowly. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," he said. "Just couldn't sleep to well."

"More nightmares?" Sydney asked with a frown as she pushed herself up beside him. 

"I think I know why these things are starting to come back," he said wrapping his arm around her shoulders and hugging her to him.

"Yeah? Why?"

"It's because of my sessions with Dr. Jacobs. I think if I stop them…"

"Gage you can't do that," Sydney said firmly. "You know you need those sessions. He's helped you so much already."

"But Sydney…" Gage started in protest.

"Gage don't you see? Maybe these memories aren't meant to be shut away. Maybe they need to come out and finally are. Why would you want to stop them?"

"Because I'm tired of closing my eyes and seeing terrible things happening," Gage said angrily. 

"Gage they won't stop until this is well behind us and that sicko is behind bars."

"I want him dead," Gage whispered. "I never wished death upon anyone but I truly want him dead."

"I know," Sydney said softly. "So do I. But we can't dwell on that. We have to think about getting on with our liv…"

"Syd how can I do that when all I can hear is his taunting laughter, his masked face."

"Masked face?"

"Well since I was blindfolded I can see myself but he is masked since I didn't see his face," Gage explained. "I just want us to be married and…I just want my life back."

"So do I," Sydney whispered softly. "But realistically Gage out lives will never go back to the Same way they were before. Things have changed now. You have experienced something a normal man shouldn't but you have and you are alive. You need to use that in your favor, find some strength from it and move on."

"Strength? Sydney every time I hear his voice I start to feel scared. I tremble…I shake…I…Syd I'm terrified of him. I know what's he's capable of and…I can't find strength from what he did."

"You're alive right? You haven't locked yourself away from world or checked into re-hab or drunken yourself into a coma like the rest. It's been tough and probably will be still but you can't back down now. You have to try to find some strength from this. When you hear his laughter laugh back. When he yells at you yell back. I don't know, I just know you can't give up!" She said firmly. "If you do then he wins and you told me yesterday he wasn't going to win."

"I know but…but these memories and stuff. Well they…"

"Why not talk to Dr. Jacobs about them. Tell him all you told me and let him help you make a decision about them. He'll know what to do."

"I guess you're right," Gage sighed heavily. "Thanks for the reminder," he said kissing the side of her head. 

"Well I think for that that you should be the one to make breakfast this time," Sydney said proudly.

"I think I can handle that," he said firmly. "You like your toast burnt or really burnt?" He lightly laughed.

Sydney just rolled her eyes and laughed. "Yeah…so I guess…"

"I'm just kidding," Gage said quickly. " Just rest and I'll see what I can do," he said getting out of bed. He pulled T-shirt on and headed out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. "Don't come in okay?"

"Okay," she called back with a big smile. Repressed memories. Of what? What could have happened to you Gage that your mind would try to lock away so you wouldn't remember? What are you trying to forget?

********

Alex woke up to find Walker already at the kitchen table working away when she walked into start breakfast. "You're up early," she said with a soft smile. 

"Just wanted to try to get something solid put together after what we talked about," Walker said firmly.

"Walker do you really think it could be someone on the task force?" Alex asked softly. "I mean…well it's just to terrible to think about," she said softly. 

"I know Alex," Walker sighed. "But it's our best shot."

"I just can't believe that someone could try to pretend to help when…they are just there to revel in someone else's misery?" Alex asked in a dead whisper. "Walker do you really believe that? That Captain Reynolds or someone else who is around Gage would want to hurt him and others in that kind of way?"

"I've known Frank for some time Alex," Walker sighed. "I just can't see him doing this. But then again I have never known him on a personal level. Away from the office is a different thing entirely," he frowned. "And the others I know in passing, mostly since joining the task force. Other than that I know nothing about them. I put together a composite of what we know so far and then I'll have to match it against the one of the ones on the task force."

"What do you have?" Alex asked.

"Single white male, mid forties to early fifties, about 6'1 or taller, size 12.5 shoe size with one heel heavier on the left side."

"A limp?"

"Possibly," Walker said firmly. "He likes to wear dress shoes and the one outside Gage's place matches the one we found at the building the rapist took Gage. This man can ride a motorcycle with shoes on so he is fairly familiar with that type of equipment. And he must practise at least some alternative lifestyle habits in order to want to be with another man. He also has a short fuse and bad temper when things don't go his way."

Alex listened to the list of qualities that walker read off and felt herself shudder. "I just hope his all works Walker," she said firmly. "Otherwise we might ruin some good Officer's careers and lives."

"I know," Walker said firmly. "But think about the life they've ruined for Gage. Or at least attempted to. That's why we have to stop then and soon."

********

"Are you okay in there?" Sydney called out with a slight laugh. 

"Of course," Gage said walking back into the room with a tray in his hands. Sydney pushed herself back in bed and let him place the tray on her lap. It was a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs, toast, fruit and coffee but to her it was the most amazing breakfast she'd had in a long time. "Wow," she said softly.

"Oh man it's nothing," Gage said simply as he sat down beside her. "You really like it?"

Sydney pulled his face to hers and kissed him on the lips. "I love it," she smiled. They started into the breakfast and then were dressed and ready to go. "What time is check out?" Sydney called to Gage.

"I think 11," he called back from the bathroom. "Make sure you get the extra key."

"Okay," she called back as she headed for his jacket. She reached inside but she pulled out a white piece of paper instead of the key. She opened it and stared at the contents in horror. 

"Did you find the sec…" Gage started as he walked into the room and saw the look on her face.

"When did you get this?" She asked in horror as she held up the note the rapist left for him.

"He left it," Gage said softly. "Just after you were taken."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sydney asked with a frown and a hint of anger.

"Why are you getting upset?"

"You're kidding right?" Sydney said crossly. "Gage this guy left you a note like this and you weren't going to tell me? No secrets, remember? Now you have this and…what? You'd just let it eat away inside of you when Walker could be examining it for clues?"

"Clues Syd?" Gage said angrily. "The only clue on there is that this sicko wants me to come and live with him. Yeah a clear clue as to how demented he really is."

"Gage did you fail to notice the letter F is raised in each word?" Sydney asked firmly.

"I…" Gage said with a frown as he walked up to her. "I guess so," he said softly as he took the note and held it in his slightly shaking hands. "Sydney I…" he started only to have her turn around and walk away.

"How many times has he done this Gage?" Sydney asked firmly, her back to him.

Gage walked up behind her and placed both hands on her shoulders and gently squeezed. "First time Syd," he said softly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked firmly.

"I didn't want to worry you more than you already were," he said softly. "He said I was going to live with him Syd…I mean…live with him?" He managed weakly, his voice barely able to comprehend the words much less speak them. "I just didn't know what you'd say."

"I'd say we have to find this guy and fast!" Sydney said firmly as she turned to face him. She looked at the hurt look on his face and immediately felt her heart soften. It was a look of defeat and worry. "I'm sorry I yelled," she said softly.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Gage sighed. "I was going to I…guess I just forgot," he frowned. "Oh man speaking about forgetting," he said lightly smacking his forehead.

"Gage?" Sydney asked with a frown. "What is it?"

"I stopped by and saw Dr. Adams after my last session and I got the tests results back."

Sydney looked at him with a look of anticipation but didn't know what to say. What if he's…

"Everything was negative," Gage said with a smile. 

"Negative?" Sydney asked with a smile of her own. "Negative?" She asked again.

"Negative," he said firmly as he pulled her close and hugged her tightly. "I don't have AIDS, HIV, or anything else like that."

"Oh man that's good news," she said with a sigh.

"I can't believe I forgot that," Gage said with a frown. "I mean something so important and…"

"It's okay," she smiled. "The results were what we were both hoping for. I'm so glad that everything is okay."

"But…" Gage said slightly pulling away. "You…I mean us…I mean we had sex and…well you weren't worried about…man Syd I should have told you sooner. Weren't you worried?"

"A little," she said softly. "It was there in the back of my mind. But what if you were? I'd still love you and want to be with you."

"I can't believe I didn't tell you," Gage said sadly. "I'm so sorry."

"Gage stop apologizing," Sydney said quickly. "You're not HIV or AIDS positive," she said firmly. "That's reason alone to be happy."

"I know and I am," Gage said quickly. "But for you and…I'm sorry."

"I know you are," she said not wanting to continue the argument any further. "Come on let's pack up and get back and do some stuff around the house and just relax at home, okay?"

"Okay," he said with a firm smile. 

They finally finished packing up everything and then checked out and were heading back home. Sydney's thoughts turned to the note that the rapist had left for Gage. The fact that the man said that Gage would be happier living with him truly frightened her. Whatever this man had concocted in his mind was now taking over everything he believed. She know knew that sense and reason were almost gone from this man's mind for him to have carried it this far. Something about Gage makes him different from the others, she said inside. Why hasn't he moved on? Why is he obsessed with Gage? What do they share, if anything? Or maybe this guy just has a sick mind and needs to take it one step further? What are we not seeing?

Gage's mind was racing with thoughts about why he kept forgetting to tell Sydney important stuff. He knew this case had more than taken its toll on his entire nervous system but for him to forget key things like telling her about his test results was just not right. Why am I forgetting things so much as of late? And what are these repressed memories from? What happened in the past that I am trying so hard to forget? His mind just continued to flash strange images:

_Hotel room, large man, handcuffed, gagged, fighting, touching, against will, escape…_

Then everything would come back to normal. What is it, he asked himself over and over again? He knew his session with Ian tomorrow would be painful but he knew it would be more painful if he missed it. They finally reached home and he went to work out some frustration and tension while Sydney called walker and told him about the note, before faxing it over for him to take a look at. Walker told her briefly what they had found but failed to mention any names just yet. But he told her they suspected someone on the rape task force. 

"Are you serious?" Sydney asked in a shocked low tone.

"That's what we think," Walker said firmly. 

"Okay," Sydney said firmly. "I'll wait to tell Gage after his session tomorrow. He's with the punching bag right now and I don't want to add more to his already nervous mind. Walker there is something else though…" she said quickly. 

"What is it?" Walker asked.

"Gage has been remembering repressed memories. Things he said happened in the past that he had forgotten about, from his days as a rookie and after. Walker some of the things he told me were very scary," she said softly. "Do you remember that technique you used once before to help someone step back into their past and relive certain memories for cases?"

"You want me to try that on Gage?" Walker asked softly.

"What if it helps to shed light on what's happening now?" Sydney asked. "I mean Gage told me this guy said he wanted him since they first met. What if he is remembering something about someone he met and…"

"I'll try tomorrow night, okay?"

"Okay," Sydney smiled. "We'll come over for dinner or something."

"Sounds good," Walker said with a firm smile. "Just go and relax okay? You have a big day ahead of you tomorrow."

"I know," Sydney huffed. After saying goodnight to Walker she headed back into the kitchen and finished putting stuff away. After Gage had finished his workout they did a few things together in the back and then headed inside for dinner. After dinner they just rested in front of the TV before it was time for bed. A few hours later Gage was once again woken by his terrible nightmares. He frantically looked around to make sure they were alone before trying to force himself back to sleep. He knew he had another session later in the morning and was already feeling the dread of that coming upon him as he tried to battle the images in his mind. 

*********

"Good morning Francis," the man said as he slowly opened his bloodshot eyes and looked at the picture on the table beside him. "Today is going to be a good day I think," he said firmly. "Walker's already probably put together a list of suspects from recently released male rapists and is probably looking for one of them now. Yes watching him arrest the wrong man will be fun indeed. I think after he does that that I'll celebrate by showing you your new room Francis," the man said standing up slowly. 

He walked to a small room at the end of a dark hallway and opened the door. The room contained only a small single bed and a light overhead with a dim light bulb to cast a soft glow in the little prison-like room. "All the things you need for a happy and fulfilling life Francis, with me," the man mocked. "Yes your fool friends can look all they want. They might even suspect a fellow officer, but you see they won't be able to see the one thing that separates me from the other's," the man smiled as he closed the door to the small room and walked back into the living room. "They just won't be able to see it. And that's when I'll have you safely tucked away from the life you have right now. You'll be here with me to spend the rest of your days making me happy. Now who wouldn't want that!" The man laughed as he walked into his kitchen. 

"Walker will never know it's me," he boasted foolishly. "No one ever will. And by the time you remember anything Francis it'll be too late."

*********

Morning came too soon and he was up before Sydney and getting ready for the day before him. They had breakfast and then Gage was ready to go to the hospital for his next session. They drove most of the way in silence until Sydney broke it. "I thought we'd go to Walker's for dinner tonight," Sydney said softly.

"What?" Gage said turning to her, broken from his tormented thoughts.

"Dinner? Walker's," she said with a smile.

"Oh yeah okay," Gage said with a firm smile.

"Don't worry Gage he's not going to grill you or anything. We told him what happened on the weekend and faxed him the note, it'll be okay."

"I know," Gage frowned. "I'm just kinda stressin' about today's session. That's all."

"Just remember to relax and be yourself okay?"

"Thanks," he said with a faint smile. They drove the rest of the way again in silence, Gage trying to calm his nerves. "I'll see you later," Sydney said quickly. 

Today as Gage walked into the hospital he was more than dreading today's session. Last time they had left off with his being taken by his kidnapper. He remembered discussing his feelings of fear and helplessness and remembered the terrible nightmares that Sydney had to calm him down from later that night and the nights that followed. He remembered talking about the stay, the mental torture, the beating, and the taunts. They haunted him still. His tormentor wasn't lying. Each time Gage thought of what the man said to him, fear would take over. Now he had to talk about the motivation behind his kidnapping and beating. He had to tell Ian why he thought he was targeted. What the hell am I supposed to say? I don't even know. Will I ever be rid of this fear, he asked himself? He gingerly pushed the door open and stood facing Ian with a stony expression.

"Hi Gage," Ian said softly, noting the expression on his face.

"Hey," Gage said as he shuffled into the room and slumped into the chair facing Ian. Gage did everything but look at Ian, avoiding eye contact at all cost. 

"Gage?" Ian said softly forcing Gage to finally look at him. "I know last session was hard for you but you really did a great job. Did you have nightmares that night?"

"And every night since," Gage spat, "no thanks to you."

"I see," Ian said sitting back in his chair.

"Yeah cuz if you didn't make me talk about it I would have slept fine. I don't need this," Gage continued his tirade. "And now I'm reliving stuff from the past. Stuff I had forgotten and…I don't need to relive past events that I had forgotten."

"Are you sure you had forgotten them completely?" Ian asked with a frown. "You mean events with the rapist?"

"That and other stuff," Gage huffed.

"What other stuff Gage?" Ian asked softly.

"Images mostly. They are odd but are now starting to haunt me…" Gage said softly. "From before."

"When they start happening?"

"When I started coming to see you!" Gage spat again in anger. 

"Gage you are talking about repressed memories," Ian said softly.

"I know, Sydney told me the same thing. Well I don't want to remember. Obviously I have forgotten them for a reason!"

"Gage I think you need to address this issue first. Were you um…well at any time in the past were you uh sexually touched against your will?"

Gage looked at him with a shocked look. "No," he said angrily. "I'd remember something like that."

"Are you sure?" Ian asked softly.

"Yeah I'm sure," Gage said firmly. "I was never…"

"Perhaps your mind has chosen to block that out because…"

"Look Doc I was never raped by another man before," Gage said getting more worked up.

"Calm down Gage," Ian said quickly. "I'm not wanting to provoke a fight. I just want to know. Now perhaps it wasn't the same kind of thing you've endured recently but perhaps something more innocent? A touch perhaps? Someplace you know a man isn't supposed to touch you."

Gage felt his panic rising even further and knew he was lightly shaking. "I would have remembered that," Gage said firmly. "Look I don't want to stay here if you're going to try to put things into my head that…" he said standing up. "I'm not here for this."

"Please Gage just sit down. I'm not trying to provoke a fight. Just calm down and we'll talk about something else," Ian said quickly.

"I just want this all to be over," Gage said softly as he slumped back in his chair with a huff. "He came to see me again you know," Gage said softly.

"What?" Ian asked in shock. "When?"

"On the weekend," Gage sighed. "He um attacked Sydney and left me a note. He uh called me and…" Gage said looking away in shame. "He was there Doc. He followed me out there…"

"What did he say to you?"

"He um…he told me that I uh had to give myself to him willingly or…he said next time he'd kill her…he said he was going to bring me to live with him…he…" Gage stopped as he felt his eyes water. "Doc he was there," he said looking back at Ian with a tormented look. "He said I am going to live with him."

Ian looked at Gage with a frown and great sense of foreboding. "Gage I…" he started and stopped. "Wow…" he whispered. "This guy is obviously obsessed in some way. Now when did you start having these repressed memories show up? Before or after the weekend?"

"After he uh called me Sunday morning," Gage said wiping his eyes dry. "I guess it was…" Gage stopped and looked up in dread. "It was the part about me living with him…"

"Hmmm…" Ian said slowly. 

"What?"

"Gage I'm willing to bet you had a run in with him sometime in the past and he took things the wrong way and never got to finish what he started. By him always saying that he wants you to give yourself willingly to him could mean that in the past he tried something before. Something he wanted but not you. Something he started and never got to finish. Perhaps that's why he's showed up now, to try again."

"I can't believe this," Gage mumbled in torment. "I don't remember being with…"

"What images do you see?" Ian asked softly. Gage just looked at him with a fearful look but said nothing. "Remember Gage whatever you tell me is confidential, it stays with me. Now if I am to help you at all please tell me what you remember."

Gage leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes and tried to relax himself like Walker taught him. This way he would able to clear his mind of tension and focus on the images. "I see…" Gage started as his mind flashed him to the hotel room, him in handcuffs. "I'm uh…I'm handcuffed…there's a man…" he said, feeling his body temperature starting to rise, almost to match the racing of his heart. "I can't see his face…I uh…I'm…there's a fight…then…I'm alone…" Gage said opening his eyes. 

"Is that all?"

Gage slightly hung his head and slowly shook it no.

"Gage did this man touch you against your will?" Ian asked softly.

Gage slowly lifted his head back up and looked at Ian with a sad lost stare. "I think so," he said sadly.

Ian gave Gage a soft smile but felt his own sadness come upon him as he looked at the strong man before him. A man who shouldn't be depicted as weak and defeated, but now was the picture of those very words. "Gage your mind put those thoughts away because they were obviously too traumatic to remember. Now you've been forced into another situation where you were sexually violated against your will and now your mind is starting to remember."

"Why?" Gage asked softly.

"Probably the extreme stress and anguish of the whole ordeal. I think if you had never experienced what you did then they would probably still be dormant. But because you have experienced it, they are now brought back to life. Which means it was either the same person or a similar situation. Someone or something now is also helping to trigger that. A familiar voice from the past around that time maybe, I'm not sure exactly what it could be, but it is helping to bring them back to your mind."

"What do I do now?" Gage asked sadly.

"Well the only thing you can do is work through them and…you know you might want to try this. Each time you see something from the past write it down. Doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing, write it down. Then when you see me next tell me about them. We'll get through this Gage," Ian said with a firm smile. "I've been through cases just as tough and have had excellent results."

"You have?" Gage asked.

"Yes," Ian said firmly. "But now back to the real reason you're here," Ian started. "I'm sorry about the nightmares Gage, but they are standard when a person is going through what you are."

"Can't we fast forward to the act itself and get this over with already?" Gage huffed.

"So then you feel your first stay with your kidnapper and rapist and all his threats will have no consequence on you given the fact that he's still on the loose?"

"What? What does that mean?" Gage asked quickly.

"Okay he threatened you the first time right? When you were with him?" Ian asked. "Said he'd see you again?"

"Yes," Gage said.

"And then he attacked you again right?"

"Yes," Gage replied again.

"And now he's left a note for you saying he's going to take you away to live with him right?"

"Yes already!" Gage half yelled. "So what?"

"So what do you think he's telling you Gage?" Ian asked firmly.

Gage looked at him with an angry stare. 

"Gage?" Ian tried again in a softer tone.

"I don't know okay," Gage snapped. 

"Gage what do you think it means? Him being able to threaten and…"

"You know why don't you tell me!" Gage snapped.

"Because I need to hear _you_ say it," Ian said firmly.

"Why?" Gage said getting upset. "You get off on hearing how a guy was tied up and beaten and then threatened to be raped?" Gage yelled as he stood up from his chair in a huff. "Is that why you _need_ to hear me say it?"

"No Gage that's not why," Ian said also standing up. "I need to hear you say it so that you acknowledge that you were unable to stop the threats just like you were unable to stop the act."

Gage looked at Ian and tried to turn to leave. But Ian was right. He had to acknowledge that he was helpless to stop the threats just like he was helpless to stop the act itself. 

"The sooner you acknowledge the fact that you had no control over either situation the sooner you'll be ready to confront those demons Gage," Ian said sitting back down.

"Sorry for what I said," Gage mumbled as he too took his chair again. He settled back in and felt a small wave of relief wash over him. "I should have been able to stop him," he said.

"Now getting back to your recent threat. He said he wants you to live with him. Why does he want to take you away with him Gage?" Ian asked again.

"I don't know," Gage said again, feeling his heart starting to race.

"Why do you think you are special to him?" Ian asked.

"Because he wants to have sex with me!" Gage shouted in anger as he angrily pushed his chair back and stormed for the door, tears blinding his vision. "Is that what you wanted to hear?" Gage shouted back. "I can't do this anymore."

Ian raced after him and stopped him before he could open the door.

"There I admitted it, happy?" Gage yelled as he tried to pull the door open. Ian stopped him. "Open this damn door!"

"Why does that make you angry Gage?" Ian asked holding the door closed with his body. Gage heard the question and looked at Ian but couldn't bring himself to answer it.

"Why does that bother you so much Gage? Knowing he wants to have sex with you?" Ian asked softly.

"Get the hell out of my way," Gage said angrily as he wiped some tears away.

"Gage why does that make you angry?" Ian asked firmly.

"Because I couldn't stop him the first time!" Gage shouted back. And as soon as he said it he immediately felt some relief. "I couldn't stop him," he said calming down, as he cast his eyes to the floor. "I couldn't stop him," he said as he felt more tears forming.

"Has a man ever said that to you before Gage?" Ian asked.

"No," Gage said sadly as he sagged to the floor and sat down leaning against the door. "Never knew a man would want to…" Gage said as Ian sat down beside him. "I…"

"Does it bother you knowing a man wants to have sex with you?" Ian asked softly.

"Yeah…sort of…I guess…" Gage's voice trailed off.

"Why?" Ian asked.

"Because it's not normal," Gage said firmly as he continued to play with the zipper on his jacket.

"We don't live in normal times Gage," Ian said softly. "That lifestyle exists. Those thoughts exist. Those people exist."

"I know," Gage sighed as he looked back up and stared straight ahead. "I always thought I'd never have to experience something…something that awful…" he said looking back down, his voice ending in a whisper.

"No one in your situation does Gage, because it's not something normal to _you_. Now the way it happened was very wrong Gage. But not all in that lifestyle are like this man. Not all want to hurt like he did. Not all are mean like him."

"Why me?" Gage asked looking at Ian with a defeated expression. "Why did he pick me?"

"Did he ever tell you?" Ian asked softly. "The real reason I mean?"

"Real reason? I don't know," Gage said quietly. "He said it was payback for something I did. What did I do to deserve this?" Gage asked softly.

"Nothing," Ian said with a smile. "Gage nothing you did could ever warrant such an ugly deed performed against you. Only he knows that and sadly I can't even guess what his _real_ reason might be."

They sat against the door for a few more minutes in silence until Ian broke it again. "Gage when he attacked you the second time did he touch you again?"

Gage heard the question and looked up from this spot on the floor and stared at the desk before him blankly. 

"Gage did he touch you?"

Gage nodded his head yes. "I couldn't get my hands free to stop him," he said looking at Ian. "He um had them pinned at my sides by his knees. They were um holding them down. I couldn't stop him."

"Where did he touch you Gage?" Ian asked kindly.

"He um…" Gage said looking down. "He touched me…uh…down…down…here…" Gage said pointing down.

"Your waist?" Ian asked.

"You know where," Gage barked angrily.

"Yeah Gage but can you admit it to yourself where he touched you and how he touched you?" Ian asked softly.

Gage looked at him in anger. His first instinct was to head for the door. But if he ran away each time he'd never face the biggest demons of all. He had to tell Ian. And he knew it. 

"Where did he touch you Gage?" Ian asked again.

"He grabbed my dick and fondled it under my pants!" Gage spat. "Is that what you wanted me to admit? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"How did you feel?" Ian asked.

"What? How the hell do you think I felt? Sick. Disgusted. Like I would have ripped his head from his neck if my hands were free," Gage said in anger.

"Did you tell him to stop?" Ian asked.

"I couldn't," Gage snapped. "I was gagged."

"How did that make you feel?" Ian asked.

"Helpless," Gage admitted with a sigh. "I mean at least if I could have tried to yell for help or something," Gage said looking away. "He didn't even give me that."

"How long did it last?" Ian asked.

"Forever," Gage sighed turning back. "Seemed like forever."

"Did he say anything to you at the time?" Ian asked softly.

"Yeah he um…he said he missed me and that…uh…" Gage said looking away. "He said I um smelt very manly…then when I um tried to struggle he uh hit me again…said I was pissing him off and…he said he had to see me…he missed the feel of me under him…" Gage said hanging his head and letting his tears fall to the floor. "He said he liked that feeling Doc…" Gage said looking back up. "Then he said time for a quickie and…then he started to um…touch me…it was rough and…I can't believe it Doc," Gage whispered.

"Gage I'm so sorry," Ian said gently touching his arm. "I'm sorry to get you to tell me all this but you know you can't keep it locked up inside. You can't."

"I know," Gage whispered. "Just hurts so much."

"I know it does," Ian said softly. "Will for some time. But after that it will pass. I promise you. Now back to the building."

"Do we have to?" 

"Come on let's sit back in the chairs," Ian said helping Gage get to his feet and walk to the chair. Once seated Ian went back to his and faced Gage once more.

"Gage after this hurdle things will be better for you. The longer you delay telling me the act itself the harder it will be for you. Please just a bit more," Ian urged softly.

"Okay," Gage whispered.

"So what happened after he beat you up a bit?" Ian asked.

Gage leaned back on the office door and let out a large sigh before going back into his mind to the act itself. He felt his heart race faster, but knew he had to get it out of his system. "He um he had me stripped of my clothes…I tried to fight but was um…two guys held me and undressed me…I was till blindfolded…I was then retied…he uh…he tied my hands together with like a hundred feet of rope," Gage said softly. "I remember thinking to myself 'he's tying the rope too tight'. Stupid huh. I remembered just standing and telling myself he was just bluffing and this wasn't really happening."

"Then what did he do?" Ian asked in a soft tone.

"Then he tied me to the pole and beat me…he laughed and said he just wanted to watch me struggle and…he hit me again…then he poured alcohol on my lips…they really hurt…the um…stung and…he then gave me alcohol to drink…I was sick…I wanted to throw up…then he…then he said it was time…" Gage's voice finished in a dead whisper. "Time for fun."

"Then what happened?" Ian asked softly. 

"Then he got another goon and he pushed me onto a bed and forced me to lay face down and he pulled my arms up and then tied them very tightly to the head of his bed. I tried to pull them free but they wouldn't come loose. I remembered telling myself 'if I just keep pulling I can get free'. But I didn't," Gage said looking down. "Then I finally realized what was happening and I begged him to stop. Why didn't I do it sooner?" Gage asked as he looked back up, tears falling down his anguished face. "Why didn't I ask sooner. I knew what he was doing, he told me. But I didn't say anything until it was too late. Why?" Gage asked in quiet anger. "Why?" He whispered as he choked back tears and quiet sobs.

"Each person reacts to a situation differently Gage. Shock holds most people in fear, making them unable to react like they know they should."

"Yeah but what about those situations you hear about like a woman lifting a semi-trailer off her child trapped underneath? She wasn't frozen."

"True but she wasn't experiencing the act itself, Gage. She was witnessing. Different from your case. You were in the situation Gage."

"Yeah but with my police training I should have at least tried to fight him," he said as he felt angry tears coming again. "I did nothing," he said quietly. "I should have done something," he said looking up.

"Gage each per…" Ian started.

"I should have stopped him!" Gage yelled. "I should have been in control. Me not him. Why the hell did I freeze? I never have before. Why at that moment?" Gage asked angrily. "The worst moment of my life," he said sadly.

"Your body did what your body did. From our past conversations you have led me to believe that you are used to wanting to be in control of every situation because you feel with your fighting skills and training that's how it should be. You took a job as a police officer because you knew you could be in control of certain things, make the bad people pay. Now, a man who wants more from you than the simple pleasure of beating a police officer kidnaps you. He wants something from you that you never thought you'd have to give to a man. A sexual encounter. Your body didn't understand it's not being able to control the situation because you have never experienced anything like that before and never thought you would. You're not to blame Gage. It's not your fault you didn't react the way you thought you should have. To you, the thought of having sex with a man is not normal or natural. To others it is. Your body was not prepared to handle the fact that you were about to have sex, albeit forced, with another man. It didn't know what to do. You said to me that you told him no several times before the act. That you begged him to stop. It's not your fault he didn't listen Gage. It's his. His and his alone. He's to blame not you."

"Still doesn't make me feel better," Gage mumbled.

"Then what happened?" Ian asked softly.

"I kept asking him to stop and then he finally stuffed what felt like a whole sheet in my mouth to shut me up. I remember I still kept calling for help. Kept begging him to stop. I felt burning pain in my throat and still I yelled for him to stop. I called for Sydney but she didn't hear me. I yelled to anyone to help, but no one came," Gage said resting his head on his hand on his elbow on the chair. "I kept calling…" Gage's sad voice trailed off in the quiet room. "I also prayed to pass out before I could experience whatever he planned to do."

"Did you pass out?" Ian asked.

"No," Gage whispered. "Well not at first."

"Then what happened?"

"Then he um said it was uh time to partake of the goods…said he'd be gentle the first time…um then he climbed up on the bed with me and pulled…um…he pulled his pants down…" Gage said as he closed his eyes tight and tried to hold the tears back. "I knew I was dead when he did that. I had told myself up until then it was a joke…but when I heard the zipper…I knew…"

"What happened then Gage?" Ian urged softly not wanting Gage to lag in sorrow but to finish quickly and get it all out in the open.

"Then he uh climbed up on the bed beside me and uh…" Gage paused as he wiped his nose and eyes on his sleeve. "Then he started to touch me again."

"What were you thinking?" Ian asked softly.

"That I wanted to throw up," Gage said. "It was nothing like I ever felt before. He just kept touching me and…" Gage's voice trailed off. "I wanted to throw up."

"What did he do next Gage?" Ian asked, almost painfully.

"Can I go now?" Gage asked softly. "I don't want to do anymore today."

"Gage you have come so far today," Ian said leaning forwards and gently patting his hand. "To stop now would only hurt you. I know it's very painful for you but I also know we are close to the end. Just finish the event and we'll call it a day," Ian said softly, easing back in his chair. "Okay?" 

"He uh then cut my boxers away and um…" Gage said as he felt his body start to shake harder. "He uh…" Gage started. "I mean I know how…ah…you know…how _those_ kind of guys do it but…I never thought I would…he uh he climbed up behind me and…oh god Ian…" Gage whispered as he leaned forwards and held his sobbing head in his hands, his whole body shaking and trembling with anger and hate. "He raped me Ian. I felt the burning pain as he…I felt him inside…I felt…oh god I never felt that before…" Gage said as he continued to sob. "I felt him pushing…over and over…I wanted to throw up…I couldn't breathe…I wanted to die…I felt sick…I oh…he didn't stop…he was laughing…and touching me at the same time….and he continued…harder and harder…he didn't care…it hurt so much…burning pain…I…" Gage said as his body started to heave with large gasps for air and heavy sobs. He felt Ian sit down beside him and put his arm on his shoulder to offer some comfort. "He didn't stop…" Gage whispered. "He kept going…then I passed out…" Gage cried. "I passed out…I…" Gage stopped.

"Let it out Gage," Ian said softly. "Just let it all out."

Gage just sat forwards in the chair and cried while he felt Ian's arm on his shoulder making sure he didn't fall forwards. He continued to cry and release the anger and hatred inside that he had towards the man that raped. With each tear that fell he felt a small amount of relief in its place, trying to calm him. "I couldn't stop him…" Gage whispered. "I hate him…I…hate…"

"Let go of your anger Gage," Ian said firmly. "All of it."

Gage clenched his fists tight as he continued to let it all out. He cried until he made himself dizzy and had to sit up. He slowly sat up and wiped his red puffy eyes with a Kleenex. His body started to slow in it's trembling and his hands didn't shake as he unclenched them.

"You did well today Gage," Ian said warmly as Gage looked at him in sorrow. "The worst is over. It just gets easier from here."

  
**Dear readers, thanks again so much for the reviews. Just a few more chapters to go. I really want to say thanks for all the encouraging comments I have gotten. Thanks again!**


	13. A Cry in the Dark

****

Title: A Cry in the Dark   
Chapter 13 – A Cry in the Dark 

  
"So how are you all holding up?" Walker asked Sydney as she walked into ranger headquarters after dropping Gage off at the hospital for his session. 

Sydney looked at Walker and sighed. "We need this to be over," she said softly.

"I know you do," Walker said firmly. "Why are you here?"

"I just couldn't stay at home and do nothing while that lunatic is still out there," she said walking up to his desk. "Walker I want to help find this guy. I need to do something."

Walker looked at the serious look on her face and knew that to argue further would be a losing battle. He looked at Trivette and knew he was thinking the same thing. 

"Walker please," she insisted. "I'm okay to work on this…really."

"I know you are Sydney," Walker said looking back at her.

"Okay so what do we know so far?" She asked before he could say another word about her being there.

"Single white male, mid forties to early fifties, about 6'1 or taller, size 12.5 shoe size with one heel heavier on the left side. Likes to wear dress shoes no matter what. Can ride a motorcycle or dirt bike, and probably practises an alternative lifestyle."

"And has a short fuse," Trivette added.

"And calls Gage by his first name," Sydney told them.

"I had forgotten about that," Walker said with a sigh. 

"And uses a typewriter," Trivette piped up.

"So you really think a member of the task force is responsible?" Sydney asked in shock.

"_Could_ be responsible," Walker corrected her. "We don't have proof yet, but they are able to cover their tracks and they know what the task force is going to do before it happens. They also know the habits of and routines of all the officers that have been attacked so far," Walker explained.

"So who are you going to question first?" She asked softly.

"That's the tricky part," Walker sighed. "We know and work with all three very closely. To finger the wrong one could be very dangerous."

"What we have to do is get one of them around Gage and see how he acts," Trivette suggested.

"Not alone I hope," Sydney said firmly.

Walker looked from his partner to the anxious female face staring at him intently. "Walker tell me you don't intend to use Gage as some kind of bait to get this guy."

"Wouldn't think of it Sydney," Walker said firmly. "But Trivette's right. We'll never know how they act around Gage if we can't get them alone together."

"And how do you propose that?" She demanded angrily. "What if that one time he is alone and the guy he's with is the rapist? What then?"

"Then we'll have him," Trivette said firmly. "Sydney we'll make sure it's in a public place and…"

"No way," she insisted. "I won't let you guys do that to him. I mean he's…" she started, her voice slowly breaking. "Walker he's having these repressed memories now and…you can't use him as bait," she pleaded.

"Then please suggest and alternate course. Sydney we won't know if this guy favors Gage if there are a million uniformed eyes watching or even just yours. He'd be on his best behavior. We need to see him make a move."

"Make a move?" She screeched at Trivette. "Like what attempt to ra…"

"Sydney we'll make sure it doesn't get that far," Walker insisted. 

"I…" she said in angry frustration as she headed for the window and stood looking out of it. She felt Walker come up behind her and gently touch her shoulder.

"Sydney I don't want to hurt Gage any more either," Walker said firmly. "But the longer this drags on the more harm it will do to him."

She looked up at him with eyes that threatened to spill tears at any second. "Walker he's hurting so much right now," she whispered. "He feels alone and is scared…Walker I don't want to lose him."

"I promise I won't let that happen," Walker said firmly.

"Can we at least tell Gage what we're going to do?" Sydney asked softly.

Walker looked at Trivette and frowned. "Sydney we want him to be natural. If he acts like it's a staged meeting or he's mechanical in any way we'll never know and the rapist might just toy with him and try again at another time."

Sydney let out a large sigh but knew Walker to be right. It had to be the element of surprise that sealed this case for them and got their lives back. 

"What does Gage remember about his repressed memories?" Walker asked softly.

"Painful stuff Walker," she started. "Him handcuffed by a man he thinks he knew. He said there was a fight or a struggle of some sorts and then it kind of goes blank. He told me strange things about Captain Milford and Captain Reynolds but doesn't think it's either of them since he worked with them since that and was sure they would have come back earlier," Sydney explained.

"That leaves Dwayne Richards and William Brentwood. Gage has had dealings with both since this case started and a few before," Walker explained. "But I'm going to just take another look at Milford and possibly Captain Reynolds."

"Just thinking that someone on that task force could…" she started and then stopped. "Walker it's too terrible to think that maybe one of these guys just enjoys their torment while he's taking their statement. That this man is relishing in their misery as their lives start to unravel," Sydney moaned.

"I know," Walker said firmly. "That's why we need to get this closed and fast. I mean for all we know this guy could just get fed up with Gage and move on to another victim."

Sydney looked at Walker and knew him to be telling the truth and they just couldn't afford to let that happen. 

"When is Gage finished his session?" Walker asked.

"I'm going to pick him up shortly. Oh yeah he got his test results back and they were negative," she said with a slight smile.

"That's wonderful news," Walker smiled. "Be happy for that."

"I am," she said with a slightly bigger smile. "I just wish this guy was in jail."

"All of us agree," Trivette said firmly.

"So why don't you go and pick up Gage and tell him he has to meet with…" Walker started and then turned to Trivette. "Who should we go after first?"

********

"How do you feel Gage?" Ian asked him softly.

"Better," Gage said with a slight smile. "I'm just so tired and exhausted."

"You will be for some time," Ian said gently touching his back. "Gage the worst is over. Do you believe that?"

Gage looked at him with some uncertainty. "I…"

"Gage you have to believe that," Ian said firmly. "Now is Sydney coming to pick you up?"

"Yeah," Gage said leaning back in his chair. "Why can't I remember those past things doc?" Gage asked softly.

Ian sat back down in chair and looked at Gage with a kind smile. "Gage sometimes our minds are conditioned in one way that when something the opposite happens we tell ourselves it's not real and can't be happening. After it is over we tell ourselves it was all in our minds because it _wasn't_ supposed to happen. This could be the case here. Something from your past obviously happened that you thought never would or could. When it did you pushed it so far back it became just an idea, something there but not forcibly real. Now you are exposed to another situation your mind tells you can't be real. Sadly it probably lasted longer than the first and was a bit more serious, due to the nature of the act itself. Now your mind can't just push it aside or ignore it. It has to face it, think about, and accept it. So it searches back in the past to a similar situation to see how you handled it. Now the repressed memories of a forgotten traumatic experience come to the light and you can't understand them but they just feel real."

"But why didn't I remember them before?" Gage insisted.

"Well since I can't look into your mind I can't offer a firm answer," Ian said softly. "Sorry."

"So what now?" Gage asked with a sigh. "I mean is that it?"

"No," Ian smiled. "You'll have a few more sessions and then depending on how you feel you can return to work."

Gage looked at Ian with a scared look. "Work?" He asked weakly. "I…I've been off for so long and…"

"Gage you'll know when you're ready to go back," Ian said quickly. "Don't panic yourself right now. But you will have to go back. And just like these sessions the longer you put it off the harder it will be to go back. Now once the private sessions are done you can opt for group ses…"

"I don't want group sessions," Gage said quickly.

"I understand," Ian said softly. "I'm happy the test results came back negative Gage. That would have been a lot worse to deal with if it was negative."

"I can't even imagine," he said looking down at his bare fourth finger. "Sydney never would have married me then."

"I think Sydney loves you enough to even work through that," Ian said firmly. "I know it's hard to believe now but trust me she's a very strong woman. Feed off that strength Gage, you'll need it."

"I know," Gage sighed. "Well thanks doc," Gage said as he stood up to leave. "Man I just can't believe how drained I feel," he said as he allowed himself to fully gain his stance before moving.

"Matters of the mind and heart are very taxing Gage," Ian said. "But you have done so well these past few days. I'm very proud of you."

"Thanks doc," Gage said shaking his hand. "I mean it…I never thought…at the beginning I…well I hated the thought of having to go to therapy but I…well this really helped me doc…thanks."

"You're…welcome…" Ian smiled not sure if he was finished or not. "Remember Gage I am your friend. Once you are back on the job you will face situations that will probably bring back feelings, memories and lots of stress. Please come and talk to me if you find things too overwhelming. That's what I'm here for."

"I really do appreciate it," Gage said with a smile as he headed for the door. "See you tomorrow."

"Same time…same place…" Ian teased.

Gage headed outside the room and quickly dialed Sydney on his cell phone. "I'm done," he said softly.

"Gage are you okay?" Sydney asked softly. "You sound…tired…"

"I am," he sighed as he leaned against the stone wall. "Where are you?"

"Just leaving ranger headquarters. I'll be there in about 15 minutes," she smiled. "You still up to going to Walker's tonight?"

"Sydney I don't know," Gage said sadly. "I…I don't know if I could…what if they ask…"

"Gage, Walker knows what happened, if you don't want to talk about it he won't force you. It's a social dinner not work."

"Okay," Gage sighed again. "I just want to rest before I go."

"Okay," she agreed. "See you soon."

Gage hung up the phone and then turned to head for the stairs. He gasped in surprise as he quickly slammed into another man. 

Ian heard Gage outside and his gasp but after he heard he knew the man he went back to his files without giving it a second thought. 

"Francis?" Captain Reynolds said in surprise. 

"Captain Rey…sir," Gage said in a fluster. "Sorry I um…didn't see…I…why are you here?"

"Still checking on a patient," Captain Reynolds smiled. "And you? I thought you were done with Dr. Adams?"

"I just had to um…check on something," Gage said quickly. 

"Do you need a ride home?" Captain Reynolds asked as he started to walk with Gage to the entrance.

"No um Sydney is on her way right now," Gage said with a firm smile. "How's the search coming?" Gage asked softly. 

"Very slowly," Captain Reynolds sighed. "I think the guy has just given up."

"Why do you say that?" Gage asked not sure if he should tell him about the other attacks. 

"No sign of him. Unless you know something…different?" Captain Reynolds asked seriously.

"Me?" Gage asked in a fluster. "Um no…I know nothing more," he said trying to calm himself down. "I just…well I just want it to be over."

Captain Reynolds stopped walking and looked at him seriously. He reached his hand out to Gage's and Gage immediately stepped back a few steps. "Francis?"

"Sorry I…" Gage said quickly, somewhat embarrassed. "Habit…I…" he started and then stopped. "Habit…" he said once more as his mind flashed him images inside the hotel room. He looked up in horror as the man he didn't see before became very clear to him. His mind showed him a hand reaching for his groin but this time he saw the face initiating the action.

"Gage?" Captain Reynolds asked with a nervous frown. 

Gage looked up at him in horror. "I um…I have to go…" he said turning away. 

"Gage is something wrong?" Captain Reynolds asked grabbing his arm to stop him from leaving.

Gage jerked his arm away in anger. "You tell me, _sir_," he said firmly as he pulled away and headed for the entrance. He turned and looked back once more to see Captain Reynolds standing in the middle of the emergency entrance with a strange look on his face before he heard Sydney's car pull up beside him. He wasted no time in getting into the car and locking the door.

"Gage?" Sydney asked in concern. "Everything okay?"

"Can we just go please," Gage said in a panic.

"Gage I…"

"Let's just leave!" Gage snapped in anger.

Sydney looked at him in shock before putting the car back into drive and pulling away from the entrance as Captain Reynolds walked outside and stood and watched them pull away. 

"Sydney I…" Gage said in shame. "I'm sorry I snapped."

"What happened?" Sydney asked quickly.

"I don't know," he said in confusion. "I just panicked I guess. Sorry."

"Okay," she said with a frown as they drove back to his home. Once inside he simply walked past her and into the back room. He flung his jacket off and started to punch the punching bag. Sydney walked up to the doorway and just stood and watched his body flex and tense under the pressure he was trying to release. After a few minutes he turned to her with a flushed face and a sad expression.

"Sorry I um…" he started as she walked up to him. 

"Didn't go well today?" Sydney asked softly.

"No it went fine," he said turning away from her. "I had to um…" he said and then quickly stopped. He felt his eyes water in as he remembered telling Ian all the details of the act itself. 

"Gage what happened today?" Sydney asked softly.

"I had to tell Ian the details of the act itself," he said softly. "It just hurt so much."

"I know it did," Sydney said wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him tightly. 

"I just need to be free of all of this," Gage said pulling away from her. He walked back to the punching bag, wiped the angry tears away from his eyes and started to punch it once again. "I just need to be free!" He yelled in anger as he continued to just hit it. A few minutes later he turned to her with heavy gasps and frowned. "I don't want to go anywhere tonight," he said softly.

"Okay," she said with a smile as she handed him a glass of water. "Just work out your stress and we'll have a quiet evening."

"Thank you for understanding," Gage said firmly as he took the glass. "It really does mean a lot to me."

"I know it does," she smiled. 

Gage downed the water and waited for her to leave before he started to hit the bag once again. This time his mind displayed clear images of memories he was trying to forget. "It wasn't my fault," Gage whispered as he tried to block what really happened. "Not…my…fault…" he mumbled over and over again.

__

'Gage you clear on your part in this op?' Chief Dakota asked a rookie officer Gage.

'Sort of,' Gage said firmly. 'I know I'm to be the bait and that's all. I'll be wired right?'

'Nothing more,' he smiled. 'But if you have any other concerns check with Sergeant Reynolds, he's in charge of the op and I'm sure he'll be more than willing to help you. He personally requested you so he must think you have something to offer.'

'I'll do my best sir,' Gage said turning to leave.

"I did my best!" Gage said angrily as he punched the bag in fury. "Best wasn't good enough! You wanted more, something I couldn't give…didn't want to."

__

'You sure you want to go alone?' His partner Dean Jenkins asked.

'Yeah I'll only be a few minutes,' Gage smiled. 'If I'm not out in 10 minutes send a search part,' Gage teased not thinking his partner would take him seriously.

'You got it,' Dean said as he watched Gage head for the hotel room.

'Francis?'

'Hi,' a young officer Gage smiled to a superior. 

'Not that I'm complaining, but why are you here?'

'I just had some questions about the undercover op sir,' Gage said with a frown.

'Are you wanting to back out?'

'No, just wanted to go over everyone's place,' Gage said quickly. 'Can I come in?'

'Yes of course,' the man smiled eagerly and practically pulled Gage into the seedy motel room. 'Now what I can help you with?'

'Just want to make sure that I'll be wired and…'

'Francis I promise you won't get hurt. All you'll have to do is sit on the crate, tied up as the captured cop and we'll do the rest. I'll be right there, I promise you won't get hurt.'

'That's it right, just sit there and pretend I know nothing?'

'That's it. Is that all?' The man asked hoping there was more. 

'I uh…yeah I guess so,' Gage said quickly.

'And you're okay with me cuffing you right?'

'Police issue cuffs right?' Gage asked quickly.

'Yeah, want to see them?' The man asked eagerly.

'Uh okay,' Gage said sheepishly. Why is he asking me, Gage asked himself. 

'Don't worry I'll be gentle,' the man laughed.

'I'm tough, I can take it,' Gage laughed. Can't show myself weak to this guy, not to anyone.

'That's what I like to hear,' the man said coming back with the cuffs. 'Now I'll have to get a bit rough if that's okay Francis,' the man said firmly. 'But I won't hurt you too much.'

'Rough? How rough?'

'Nothing much just some punches and stuff. But don't worry I won't mark up that handsome face of yours,' the man smiled. 'So it will go like this,' the man said pushing Gage up against the wall of the motel room.

'But…' Gage started in protest. What's he doing? 'Un sir?'

'Shut it cop,' the man said firmly.

Gage felt himself cringe when he was dealt a fake punch and then quickly grabbed, turned him around and shoved up against the wall. Then his hands were pulled behind his back and cuffed in place. What the hell is he doing?

'That's um kinda tight,' Gage moaned. Why are they so tight? Why am I so scared all of a sudden?

'I said no talking cop,' he said firmly in his ear. 

Gage was pulled back to the bed and pushed down on the edge. 

'Now you have to pay for being in the wrong place at the wrong time,' the man said as he pulled out a thick scarf. 

What's he going to do with that, Gage wondered as he lightly struggled against the cuffs. Blindfold me? But if he does that then I'll never be able to see.

"You loved that feeling of power didn't you!" Gage said firmly as he smashed an angry fist into the bag. "Didn't you!" He yelled in frustration. 

Sydney heard him yelling and looked up from the dishes she was putting away. She frowned heavily but knew he needed to work out all the stress of the last few days and decided not to bother him. She picked up the phone to arrange another night with Walker.

Gage looked back at the bag but this time pictured a face instead of just the stuffed leather sack in front of him.

__

'Time to shut you up for a bit.' He took great pleasure in stuffing the cloth between his lips and tying it tightly behind his head. When he was done he stood Gage up and pushed him back up against the wall facing him.

'Are you okay?' The man asked the young officer. 

What am I supposed to tell him? I mean I don't think he'll hurt me, Gage said inside. But why did he gag me? I don't like it. But I can't appear weak. If I do he'll fire me from this op and I need this to get that promotion. I guess I'll just nod yes, he said nodding his head slowly up and down.

'Good because I have waiting for this moment. I've been wanting this since I was told of the assignment,' the man smiled. He pushed his hand up against the firm chest of the man before him and let it linger. 

What? Gage's mind asked in horror. What the hell does that mean? He felt the man start to touch his chest and immediately felt panic starting to rise. Um no sir, he tried to say. But all that escaped his trapped lips were muffled sounds. Why isn't he stopping, Gage's mind yelled in agony? I can't take this, he said in a panic, his heart rate starting to soar. 

'I know you want this Francis,' the man spoke, reasoning in his mind his muffled protests were actually sounds of delight, encouraging him to do more. 'Want more?' 

MORE? Please stop this already, Gage begged inside. Gage just looked at him in shock. What do I say? I um…

'I know you do,' the man whispered as he moved his hand below his waist and squeezed. 

Oh my god, Gage said in horror. He felt his throat constrict as the man let his hand linger below his waist. Bile started to rise in his throat and his eyes started to water. I can't…he said inside as he started to hyperventilate…I can't…I…I have to, Gage said firmly. He finally regained his composure, brought his leg up between himself and his superior and kicked at him sending him hurling backwards onto the floor. 

'What the hell?' The man yelled in anger as he quickly picked himself back up to his feet. 

Time to leave, Gage said turning in a panic for the door. 

'Come back here,' he said grabbing his collar. 'I'm not done with you yet.' 

Gage felt him grab his collar and pull back. But Gage managed to swing his legs around and take out his legs sending him to the floor. He turned and headed for the door, not caring that he was bound and gagged and tried to make an escape. The man however grabbed his leg sending him crashing to his knees and then to his chest. He twisted himself around in the man's grasp and stared into a set of dark hungry eyes. Gage looked at him in fear and knew he'd never be the same after that. He felt the man grab his leg as he tried to fight himself free.

'I knew you liked it rough but this…' the man smiled evilly. 'This is more than I could hope for.' 

What the hell is he talking about, Gage wondered inside his panicked mind? And why does he keep looking at me like that? 

"I hated the way you looked at me!" Gage mumbled in anger as he hit the bag with all his might. "Hate it still! You were supposed to be my friend!" Gage yelled in anger. "I hate you!"

__

'I can show you some real fun,' the man smiled as he lunged at Gage. However there was a knock on the door and it quickly opened.

Gage heard the knock and was thankful for whoever it might be. Gage yelled for help and was happy his muffled cries were heard as the door opened and his partner entered the room. Gage could tell by the look on his partners face that his expression of terror was finally realized. 

'What the hell do you want?' Reynolds demanded in anger.

'Uh what's going on here?' Jenkins asked quickly seeing Gage's discomfort and obvious terror. 

'Jenkins leave us alone,' he yelled. 'This doesn't concern you.'

'Sir I don't think he wants to stay with you,' Jenkins said firmly. Gage furiously nodded his head no. Please help me, he tried to plead with his partner. 

'Get lost!' Reynolds spat in anger.

'I'm taking him with me,' Jenkins said hauling Gage up to his feet. 'I don't think he likes this.'

'How the hell do you know what he likes?'

'He's not like you…' Jenkins started. 

'Leave him here,' the man yelled as he tried to tug Gage back. 

Gage felt both men tugging on his trapped wrists as he tried to get himself out of the grip of Reynolds. He finally felt Reynolds grip loosen and Jenkins succeeded in pulling him all the way out of the hotel room, down the hall and finally down the stairs to their car.

'Hold up a sec,' he said as he quickly took the cuffs off his wrists and then the gag. 'Gage?' His partner asked quickly. 'You okay?'

'I just want to go home,' Gage said with a blank stare. They reached home and Gage rushed inside, tore off all his clothes and got into the shower, trying to rub the touches away. He rubbed so hard the skin was left red and raw for several days. He felt the steam making him light headed and as he reflected on what he had just endured he bent forwards and threw up until he was so sick he just lay on the bathroom floor, shivering from fear and terror. I can't believe he touched me, Gage's mind yelled in agony. I can't…I…

A few days later his mind has pushed it so far into the back that when he went and told his Captain he wasn't going to be part of the op any more he couldn't even think of a better excuse than one of the inside thugs already knew him. He knew the truth but for some reason it failed him at that time. 

"What a fool I was!" Gage yelled. "Never again…" he said firmly as he felt his heart rate starting to soar. He gasped once more for air as he hit one more time and knew he had to stop or he'd really hurt himself. He stopped his punching and felt his weary body fall to the floor in an over-exhausted heap. 

"Gage?" Sydney asked softly as she walked into the room and spied him on the floor, slow to get up. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah…" he said out of breath. "Just trying…to release…some stress…" he said with a weak smile. "Did I worry you?"

"A bit," she smiled warmly. "Why don't you go and take a nice warm shower and then have a nap and then we'll have supper, okay?"

"I want to help make it tonight," Gage said slowly pushing himself to his knees and then his feet. 

"Are you sure?" Sydney asked softly. "I really don't mind."

"I know," he smiled at her. "But I really want to help tonight."

"I'd love the help," she smiled as she watched him walk up to her. "Go and take a shower."

"Do I smell?" He asked in mock hurt.

"Yes," she said firmly.

"Thanks," he said dryly as he turned to leave. 

"Gage?" Sydney said softly.

"Yeah?" He said turning to her with a slight frown.

"We will get this guy," Sydney said firmly. "He can't dodge us forever."

"I know," Gage said slowly. "I just wish I believed that."

Sydney just smiled at him and nodded yes. "Go have your shower."

Gage headed upstairs towards the bathroom with his mind a mix of emotions. He now saw Captain Reynolds in his flashbacks as the man who had in the past touched him against his will. Ian was right. A few days after it had happened he had convinced himself it didn't happen that to him it didn't. But it had and the memories of that were there all the time, just waiting for another encout…Gage's mind stopped in horrible realization. 

"Oh…my…god…" he said slowly as he looked at his horrified reflection in the mirror. "It took another encounter with him to…" he said to himself and then stopped. He closed his eyes and was quickly taken back into that building and at the mercy of a man who had violated him before. "It's him," Gage said slowly as he opened his eyes and stared at himself in anger. "Why didn't I see it bef…" he said as he sat down on the toilet seat. He closed his eyes once more and the voice in his head was clear as he watched Captain Reynolds tie his hands together in front of him and start to touch him. "Why now?" Gage asked softly. He balled up his fist in anger and punched at the wall.

He quickly withdrew his stinging fist as he heard Sydney call out to him if everything was okay. "Yeah fine," he called back. "I have to stop him," Gage said firmly. "I have to be the one to do it. Me and no one else." He quickly turned the shower on, determined to be the one to put an end to Captain Reynolds reign of terror. His mind, however, displayed haunted images of all the times he met with Captain Reynolds and sure enough the things the rapist told him in the building were true. He always used his first name, always displayed an angry attitude when Gage would solve the crime or apprehend the suspect and always voice clearly how Gage would try to go above and beyond, even disobeying orders to get the job done. "But I don't remember ruining his lif…" Gage started and stopped. "Unless he means…" he stopped as a terrified feeling started to cover him. "No he can't mean that."

He quickly finished his shower and dried off, determined to put an end to his tormentor's free ride. Supper was painfully quiet for both of them as he worked out in his mind a plan to trap Captain Reynolds. It would have to be in a public place, somewhere there were lots of people, someplace he wouldn't suspect. 

"What time is your court appointment tomorrow?" Gage asked.

"Late afternoon, I…oh Gage your session. I'm so sorry I forgot. I can drive you there but…"

"That's okay I can get a ride home with someone else," Gage said quickly.

"I'm sure Walker would be happy to do it," she smiled. 

After supper they just lounged around until it was time for bed. Sydney watched Gage head upstairs without a word and enter into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. "What on earth?" She asked softly. "Gage what really happened today?" She asked in quiet wonder as she slowly climbed the stairs and entered the bedroom. "Gage?" Sydney asked as she watched him putting on his pajamas.

"I'm okay Sydney," Gage said firmly, his back still to her. "I just had a tough day."

"I can tell," she said softly as she just stood and watched him. 

"I'm sorry," he said turning to her. "I just want to go to sleep and…" he started in a mild panic, thinking she was mad at him.

"There is nothing to be sorry for," she said with a soft smile as she walked up to him. "I understand. You can't always have a good day."

"Haven't had one since that day," he said looking down.

"Are you sure?" She asked lifting his chin to look at her. "Gage each day you're alive and here with me is a good day," she said firmly. "Remember that."

"I know," he said taking her hand and kissing it. "I guess I'm just tired and…"

"Go to sleep then," she said leaning up on her toes and kissing him on the lips. Gage wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in to him. Sydney responded in full, kissing him back passionately. A few minutes later he gently pulled away and smiled at her warmly. "Goodnight."

Sydney watched him climb into bed before heading to the bathroom to get ready herself. By the time she went back out he was already asleep. "Wow you must have been tired," she mused softly as she headed for the bed and climbed in beside him. She felt him automatically wrap his arms around her, but still kept asleep. I hope you have a good night, she said inside. I just pray this ends soon. 

********

__

'Waiting for this moment'…'wanting this since we met'…'I know you like it'…'I own you now'…

Gage tossed and turned angrily in his sleep as his mind displayed distorted images of the past and present. Images of Captain Reynolds hurting him and touching him in various ways but all leading to the ultimate deed. He awoke in a panicked sweat a few times only to slump back down and try again, closing his eyes and praying for sleep. Sadly a solid few hours were never granted to him and he awoke the following morning restless and tired. He headed downstairs where Sydney was already making breakfast and trying to prepare for her court appearance. 

"Morning," she said with a slight smile. "Didn't sleep to much?" She asked softly as she handed him a cup of coffee.

"Is it that obvious?" He grumbled.

Sydney just looked at him with an exasperated frown. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"Not your fault," he said sitting down at the table, pushing her court documents out of the way so he could put his cup down. He stared into the dark swirling contents and frowned when he saw a laughing face looking back at him. "Does Walker have any idea who this guy is?" Gage asked, still staring into the contents of his coffee cup.

Sydney looked at him quickly and tried to think of what to say to him. She knew she couldn't lie, but could she tell him who they suspected? What if he got mad and tried to confront the wrong one? 

"Syd?" Gage asked finally looking up at her.

"They have a pretty good profile down but no confirmed suspects," she told him, which in fact was the truth.

"What did they put together for a bio?" Gage asked.

"Well…" Sydney started.

Gage listened to the description and sure enough right down to the fact the guy like to ride bikes he knew it was Captain Reynolds. 

__

'You like to ride bikes Sir?' Rookie Gage asked standing in Sergeant Reynolds office.

'Yes dirt and street. I can ride both expertly, even with dress shoes on,' he laughed. 

Dress shoes, Gage said in anger. I can't believe you did this to me, Gage said inside his mind as he tried to will away the image of Captain Reynolds. 

"Does anyone fitting that description come to your mind Gage?" Sydney asked softly.

"Trying to think on that now," Gage said with a frown. "Who does Walker suspect?"

"He has a list and…" she started and stopped. 

"And what?" Gage asked firmly.

"Gage I think you should ask Walker that," she told him.

"Why? Sydney what's wrong? What did Walker find out?"

"Nothing confirmed," she said firmly. "That's the truth."

"There has to be a way to flush this guy out," Gage mumbled as he looked back down at his coffee cup.

"What?" Sydney asked, not hearing him properly. "I didn't hear what you said."

"I said I hope we find out who is it," Gage lied. 

"Yeah me to," she said turning back to her breakfast. She brought the bowls to the table and sat down in beside him. She could tell something was up as his face was a mix of emotions. What's really troubling you Gage, she asked herself? Could you possibly know something else about the rapist? "Gage…" Sydney started softly.

"Yeah?" He asked looking up from his breakfast.

"If you knew something…or remembered something…"

"I would tell you," Gage said quickly, a little too quickly.

"I know," she said with a firm smile, just needing to hear him say it. The rest of breakfast was spent talking about what she was to face in court. They spent the better part of the morning on the court appearance and just doing stuff around the house. Gage knew by the time he would be finished his appointment the sun would be starting to set. I'll have to set up a meeting first thing tomorrow morning, he told himself. Has to be during the day and in a public place. Sometime later they were heading for the hospital and Gage waved bye to her and headed inside, unaware of the pair of eyes watching him, just waiting to make their final move. 

Gage headed up to Ian's, his mind totally distracted from what he was going to talk about today. Instead it fixed itself on the idea that he was sure he knew the identity of the rapist and that he was going to trap him in some way. 

"Hello Gage," Ian said with a smile as Gage entered his office. 

"Hi," Gage said with a frown as he went and slumped down in front of Ian's desk.

"Everything okay?" Ian asked quickly.

"Just didn't sleep to well," Gage sighed. 

"Tell me what is bothering you," Ian said.

Gage heaved a large sigh and looked away for a few seconds. "Okay," he said turning back to Ian.

********  
  
"Man my eyes are starting to cross," Trivette groaned as he finally pulled himself away from the files he was looking at on the computer.

"Tell me about it," Walker said getting up. "But the sooner we find this guy the sooner Gage can get his life back."

"So how did it go with Gage last night?" Trivette asked as he Walker walked up to his desk. 

"They didn't come over," Walker said standing beside him. "Sydney said he had a rough time with Ian and that the session really bothered him."

"Did he talk about the act itself?" Trivette wondered.

"I think so," Walker sighed. "Sydney's in court this morning and Gage has another session. I think I'll swing by later and pick him and try to talk to him then."

"You think Sydney told him what we found?"

"I think he will have asked by now," Walker said firmly. "Sydney will have told him the list of characteristics we came up with but as to the suspects…I don't think so…but I don't know," he said softly. "Where are all three today?"

"Captain Reynolds is an early appointment…um visiting an inmate in the county lockup…Dwayne Richards is in court today on that gang case and William Brentwood is…visiting an inmate on that office suicide at the state jail," Trivette explained. 

"All too busy today," Walker sighed. "Well we need to start someplace. Set up a meeting with Richards tomorrow with Gage. Just say they are to go over some of the mug shots and see if Gage might be familiar with them."

"Okay," Trivette said sending an email request to Richards. "What are we going to do?"

"I want to go back to that building and check on a few more things," Walker said firmly. "But I'll get Gage first and drop him off at home. Then I'll come back and pick you up."

"When is he done?"

"In an hour or so," Walker said firmly. "He had a late start today because of Sydney's court appointment."

********

"I'm sorry Gage," Ian said softly. "You want to continue tomorrow? You seem so distracted today."

"Yeah," Gage said quickly standing up to leave. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry Gage," Ian said with a smile. "We all have our good days and our bad ones. Just go and rest. Try to go for a good workout okay? You need to do something to work the tension out."

"Okay," Gage said turning to leave.

Ian watched him leave his office with a large frown, followed by a large sigh as he leaned back in his leather chair. What happened yesterday Gage that has you so distracted today? Who did you run into? And what did they remind you of? He remembered Gage's reaction outside his door and tried to focus on the other voice talking to him. It was familiar as if…I have heard it here before, Ian said firmly. In this hospital. Must work here, he told himself firmly. Besides if he were a threat Gage would have told someone by now. Wouldn't he?

Gage hurried down the hall only to be called back by one of the nurses. 

"A man left this for you," she said handing him a piece of note paper.

"Thanks," Gage said taking the paper. 

********

"Trivette where did you put the Morley file?" Walker asked as he looked through the files on his desk.

"I um…" he said looking at his own. "Oh Captain Reynolds came and took it yesterday. Said he wanted to compare it to the other two."

"I wonder if he still has it," Walker said getting up and leaving the room. Trivette quickly got up and followed after him. They headed down stairs to the office of the rape task force. "Lawson," Walker said walking into the large office. 

"Morning Walker, Trivette," the young man smiled at them.

"Which desk is Captain Reynolds?" Walker asked.

"Far corner," he said with a smile. 

"Thanks," Walker said as he made his way to the back. He reached his cubicle and stopped and looked at the various stuff he had posted on the walls. 

"Walker he likes bikes," Trivette said quickly.

"And apparently is one hell of a rider," Lawson piped up. "Always bragging how he can ride in anything, even dress shoes. Ever heard of that?" He laughed.

Both Walker and Trivette exchanged worried looks. Walker started to look for the file and frowned when he uncovered an old typewriter. "Walker a typewriter?" Trivette mentioned.

"Yeah but don't use it," Lawson spoke up again. They both turned to him with frowns. "Sorry," he said with a sheepish grin. "Working here so much you really get to know everything."

"Why can't we use it?" Trivette asked quickly.

"It's kinda broken," Lawson said firmly. "Some of the keys don't work well. I tried yesterday but…" he started as Walker inserted a piece of paper and started to run down the alphabet. 

a…b…c…d…e…F…g…"F" both Walker and Trivette stared at it in horror. "Walker…" Trivette started.

********

Gage stared down at the note in his shaking hands and felt his heart start to race slightly faster. 

__

Francis, meet me out back. We need to straighten things out between us For once and For all.

Frank

He looked at the capitol F's and knew it was the same typewriter that was used to type the note that he found when Sydney was attacked. Out back? Damn, he cursed inside. I wanted to meet him in a public place and when it was lighter. He looked outside as the sun was starting to set and felt panic immediately set upon him. I have to get this over with though, he told himself. He felt for his gun and felt some confidence that he would be okay. He tucked the letter into his pocket and headed for the stairs.

*********

"Walker the note the rapist sent Gage had raised F's," Trivette said softly.

"I know," Walker frowned. "And here we thought it was because he liked the name Francis."

"And the bikes? Walker there are just too many coincidences," Trivette told him.

Walker looked at him in a panic. "Sydney said that Gage keeps bumping into him at the hospital. Says he's visiting someone there but I'm not aware of anyone there that he would know."

"Where is he now?" Trivette asked quickly.

Walker headed for the phone and dialed the County lockup. "Is Captain Reynolds still there?"

"He never kept his appointment today," the receptionist told him. "Said something important came up. Would be back in a few days."

Walker looked at Trivette in terrible realization. "We have to get Gage…" he said rushing past him.

"You think he's gone after Gage?" Trivette asked in a panic.

"I do," Walker said pulling out his cell phone and dialing Gage's number. 

"Walker it won't work in the hospital," Trivette said in a panic. 

"Damn it!" Walker cursed as they rushed for their office to get their guns and jackets. "Gage I pray you don't meet him today."

********

Gage headed down the stairs in nervous apprehension, which just grew more as he neared the bottom. But this time he would be prepared. He knew he was a better fighter than Captain Reynolds and he had his gun. I won't be taken this time, he told himself as he reached for the door handle.

********

Ian headed out of his office and walked up to the nurse's station with Gage's sunglasses in his hand. "Did you see a young blond man walk this way?" Ian asked.

"Ranger Gage?" One of the nurses asked.

"Yeah," he said firmly.

"He got a message to meet a friend out back," she told him.

"Who was the friend?" Ian asked quickly.

"A Ranger Walker."

********  
  
"Keep trying Gage," Walker said firmly as they raced for his truck.

********

Gage pushed the door open and squinted into the darkened area behind the hospital. He looked around and saw nothing. "Captain Reynolds?" He asked in hesitation. He heard nothing and headed further outside, letting the door close behind him.

"Hello Francis," Captain Reynolds said in a low tone. "Thanks for coming."

Gage heard the tone in his voice, stopping him dead in his tracks and making his heart freeze. "I know it's you," Gage said softly.

"I take it you remember me now?" Captain Reynolds taunted.

Gage slowly turned around and faced the voice he knew to be the man who raped him. "Why?" Gage asked in fear. "Why did you do this to me?"

"I think I told you why," Captain Reynolds said with a slight smile. "Did you remember the time we spent together when you were a rookie?"

"You…" Gage started, his body starting to lightly shake from fear. "I…I didn't want that," he managed in a weak tone.

"Yes you did," Captain Reynolds said with a smile. "You just denied yourself then as you are now," he said slowly walking up to Gage.

Gage felt himself starting to slowly walk backwards not knowing he was just backing himself into a corner. His shaking hand went for his gun but before he could pull it out Captain Reynolds whipped his out and aimed it at him, the trigger cocked.

  
"Wha…" Gage started in shock. "You'll shoot me?"

"I could easily just shoot you and walk away and no one would ever know," he said with an evil smile. "But I just can't walk away from you yet. I need more and you can offer more."

"Why are you doing this to me?" Gage asked in a dead whisper. 

"Because I want to," Captain Reynolds said firmly as he watched Gage back himself into a wall. 

Gage felt the wall behind him and knew he was trapped. He felt his heart start to race and his body temperature starting to soar. "Walker's coming," he said quickly.

********  
  
"Anything?" Walker asked as he pushed his truck faster towards the hospital.

"Nothing," Trivette sighed.

********

"He'll be too late," Captain Reynolds said easing back on the trigger. 

Gage's eyes watched in horrible slow motion as his finger eased back on the trigger, waiting to fire. Instincts finally took over as he found his bearings and kicked at Captain Reynolds. The kick caught him off guard but didn't take the large man down in front of him. Gage countered to the side and tried to move past and run away. Captain Reynolds fired off the shot catching him in the back.

Gage cried out as he felt the sharp ping and slowly stumbled to his knees. "Help me!" He yelled in horror. He felt his back for blood but instead felt a tranquilizer dart stuck into the folds of his skin, slowly rendering him helpless once again before a man destined to destroy his life. "Help…" he tried with no response. He heard Captain Reynolds's low laughter as he fell to the ground on all fours. 

Captain Reynolds walked up behind him, placed a shoe on his back and pushed, sending Gage to the ground on his stomach. 

Panic filled Gage's body as he tried to yell for help once more but failed. The sun had started to set and in the darkness his cries for help were not heard. He felt Captain Reynolds gather his wrists behind his back and start to tie them tightly together. "No…" Gage said as he tried in vain to fight the man capturing him. His vision had started to get blurry and his limbs tingly as he knew the drugs were rapidly assaulting his system. "Please…don't do…this," he begged as his eyes started to water. 

"I like it when you struggle Francis," Captain Reynolds mocked as he finished tying Gage's wrists together. He picked Gage's body up and started to pull him towards his truck. 

"Please…do…n't…" he said in slow ragged gasps. Terror had completely gripped him as Captain Reynolds's words about him coming to live with him were now coming true. 

"I hope you told Sydney one last time you loved her," Captain Reynolds laughed as he neared his truck, Gage almost completely unconscious.

Gage felt Captain Reynolds shoving him onto the back seat of his truck and then close the door. He tried to yell for help one more time but as Captain Reynolds slammed his front door shut the cry was not heard and darkness finally consumed him and he lay lightly sleeping on the back seat of his captor's truck. 

Captain Reynolds took out a roll of duct tape, tore off a strip and placed it firmly over Gage's sleeping mouth. "You now belong to me Gage," he said in a low evil tone as he continued to stare at Gage's captive unconscious body. "No one will ever find you now."

With that he put the truck into drive and slowly pulled away from the hospital as Walker's truck came to a screeching halt out front a few seconds to late to save his friend. 


	14. The Payment for Courage is Freedom!

****

Title: A Cry in the Dark   
Chapter 14 – The Payment for Courage is Freedom!

  
Walker slammed the breaks on and he and Trivette raced into the hospital and up to Ian's room. Walker spied him in the hallway and rushed up him.

"Ranger Walker," Ian said in surprise. "I guess your meeting is over."

"Meeting?" Walker asked with a frown.

"With Gage," Ian said slowly. 

"I didn't meet with him," Walker said in a panic.

"Why did you think that?" Trivette asked quickly.

"After our session Gage left this," Ian said showing them the sunglasses case, "and so I came out here to find him. Only he had received a message from Ranger Walker asking him to meet him behind the hospital," Ian said in a frown. "It wasn't you?" He asked in dread.

"Which way did he go?" Walker asked in a panic.

"Exit stairs," one of nurses piped up. "That way."

"I'll get the truck," Trivette said as Walker rushed for the stairs. He raced down two at a time and came to a sudden halt outside in the dark area. He frantically looked around for any signs of his friend. "Gage?" Walker called out softly. 

Silence

"Gage!" He tried again, louder. Walker felt his own panic starting to rise at the thought that Captain Reynolds had once again succeeded in kidnapping Gage. This time he feared they'd never see their friend again. He watched his truck come to a screeching halt and his worried partner rush up to him.

"They couldn't have gotten far," Walker said quickly. Both of them raced back to the truck and Trivette grabbed the phone and called ranger headquarters, putting out an APB on Captain Reynolds's truck after getting the description.

"Black late model Ford Explorer," Trivette told Walker. "Should we call Sydney?"

"Yeah," Walker sighed. "We need an address where Captain Reynolds is living right now," Walker said firmly. 

"I just can't believe this," Trivette said angrily as he dialled ranger headquarters once again to get Captain Reynolds's address. 

"Neither can I," Walker said softly. "I just pray we find them in time."

********

Gage's body ached all over from the drugs still in his system as he started to slowly come out of his unconscious-like state. The tranq dart he had been shot with wasn't the full dosage, obviously Reynolds wanted him awake most of the time. Panic once again raced through his veins as he tried to pull his tightly bound wrists free. He blinked several time to focus his blurry eyes and started to hyperventilate into the gag at his helpless state. 

"Welcome back Francis," Captain Reynolds said in a low taunting tone. "Did you have a good sleep?"

Gage just mumbled angrily and cursed into the gag as he continued to work himself into a useless sweat over his vain attempts at escape. 

"We can talk later okay?" Captain Reynolds laughed. "I'm taking you home Francis," he said firmly. "Home to where you belong."

__

Home? Gage's mind raced in terror. He started to mumble no and furiously shook his head as beads of fearful sweat started to gently seep down his forehead. This can't be happening, he told himself as he struggled to get free. He can't…not again…

"Just calm down and try to relax okay?" Captain Reynolds said softly. "You won't be getting free for some time and I don't want you to hurt yourself too much. Plus you will probably be gagged most of the time so get used to shallow breathing."

Gage, however didn't listen or care about what he was saying as he just kept straining his muscles to get free of his tight bonds. After a few more minutes he finally realized he wasn't going anywhere and just slumped back on the seat in anger. He closed his eyes and said a prayer begging for the strength and courage to somehow put and end to this living hell. Sydney I'm so sorry, he said sadly. I hope you will always love and remember me.

********

"Glad this case is over," Sydney said to one of the officers beside her as she slowly filed out of the small courtroom. She reached for her cell phone and called Gage only to receive a no answer message. "That's odd," she said with a frown as she started to put her cell phone away. She headed for the door only to see Alex come rushing up to her with a horrified look on her usually calm face.

"Alex?" Sydney asked in hesitation.

"Sydney something's happened…" Alex started in a huff. "Gage has…"

"Gage has what?" Sydney asked firmly.

"Sydney we think Gage has been kidnapped," Alex finally got out.

"What?" Sydney asked in a shriek. She looked at Alex feeling her eyes go wide and her heart start to race as she pulled out her phone once more. "No…" she insisted as she angrily dialled home. "He's at home…he's…"

"Sydney, Walker was at the hospital and he just sent a uniformed car to your place. Gage was last seen receiving a message from Walker and now he's…"

"No…" Sydney said once more, shaking her head furiously no as she felt her eyes start to water. "He's at home…" she insisted as she dialled once more. She felt her anger and frustration starting to get the best of her as she just listened deafly to the empty rings. "He's…" she said, tears finally starting to fill. "He can't be."

"Sydney I'm so sorry," Alex said gently taking her by the arm and guiding her to a small private room. Once inside Sydney just looked at Alex with a blank stare.

"Who? I mean do we…Walker…does he have a suspect…someone…"

"Captain Reynolds," Alex said softly.

"Captain…Reynolds…" Sydney whispered as she felt the room starting to spin and slowly cave in on her. "Can't be," Sydney said in horror. "He's…he's Gage's friend…I mean he…" she started in a few quiet sobs. 

"I'm sorry Sydney," Alex said firmly. "Walker and Trivette found the typewriter and know that Captain Reynolds likes bikes and…well he just fits the profile…"

Sydney heard all the things Alex said but she still shook her head no, refusing to believe that Gage was once again taken from her by a man that wanted to hurt him so much and in such an ugly way. "He told Gage he was going to take him to live with him."

"Sydney we have to do a search and find all the places that Captain Reynolds might have take Gage," Alex said touching her shoulder. "We have to pull it together and be strong for Gage's sake."

"He's probably so scared right now," Sydney whispered. "I am."

"So am I sweetie," Alex said. "But…"

Sydney finally felt anger taking over her fear and she wiped the tears from her eyes and turned back to Alex with a firm stare. "Let's go," she said firmly. They left the small room and rushed up to her office and then to her desk. Alex started up her state database system and soon they were into the private files of Captain Reynolds. Sydney tried to look at the information on the screen but all she kept remembering was the story that Gage told her. "It was him," she whispered.

"It was who?" Alex asked, not looking at Sydney but at the screen.

"Captain Reynolds," Sydney replied. "Those stories…that incident when Gage was a rookie…it was Captain Reynolds…I bet that's who Gage saw at the hospi…" Sydney started and then quickly stopped, looking up at Alex in horror. "Oh my g…" she started.

"What it is?" Alex asked quickly.

"When Gage finished his session yesterday he was in such a panic when he got in the car. I…he…I bet he remembered the full story when he bumped into Captain Reynolds in the hospital yesterday. That's what he was mumbling about during his workout session. He remembered…"

"Yeah and Captain Reynolds probably saw that recognition and knew he had to put an end to it fast," Alex said softly.

"And now he has Gage once more," Sydney said looking down. "What will he do to him this time?"

"Try to think on anything but that okay?" Alex said softly. "Now Walker knows he's missing. Hopefully we can find something here that will tell us where Captain Reynolds has taken Gage. Let's concentrate on that okay?"

Sydney slowly nodded her head but mostly from instinct, inside her heart and mind were racing with horrified thoughts of what Captain Reynolds had in mind for Gage this time. Hang on Gage, she said inside. Please my love, just hang on.

********

Gage still kept trying to pull himself free of the ropes telling himself he couldn't give in to his fear. If he did he was as good as dead. This time he knew what Captain Reynolds was mostly like to force on him but knew it wouldn't be long until someone realized he was missing. I know what he wants, Gage told himself. I just have to prepare myse…he started and then stopped. He immediately felt his eyes water with sad fearful tears as he remembered the first time Captain Reynolds raped him. He leaned his head back down on the backseat and closed his eyes at that terrible realization. I can't believe it is him that did that to me…and the others…I….oh man I can't believe this…

"You're awfully quiet Francis," Captain Reynolds mocked as he slowly drove towards their destination. "I mean I like you silent as well but would you at least moan for me a bit? That sound is such…well it is such a turn on…"

Gage heard his sickening words, followed by his evil laughter and tried even harder to think on something else. Sadly his panicked brain wouldn't allow anything but fear to be dwelt on. He slowly shook his head no but refused to offer any sounds to his demented kidnapper.

"No?" Captain Reynolds asked in mock sadness. "Very well then."

Gage tried to kick the back of the front seat he was sitting on, knowing he had to try to stall him some way. 

"Stop it Francis!" Captain Reynolds spat in anger.

Gage kept kicking the back, finally moving himself up so that he was able to distract him with his feet. He knew Captain Reynolds with either tie them up or beat him but he didn't care, he had to stall for time any way he could. 

"I said stop it!" Captain Reynolds yelled as he fought to keep control of the truck. He finally pulled it over to the side and angrily stomped around to the opposite side of Gage's head. He pulled the door open, yanked Gage out and let his body fall to the ground. But before Gage could react Captain Reynolds kicked him hard in the gut. Gage's body doubled forwards making him curse into the gag. 

"You can be such a brat sometimes!" Captain Reynolds spat as he hauled him up and shoved Gage back into the truck. 

Gage tried to kick at him but Captain Reynolds managed to grab his feet and tie them together with the roll of duct tape. 

"There!" Captain Reynolds said shoving his bound feet back into the truck. "And just so you don't try to be a hero again…" he said taking the seatbelt and wrapping it around Gage's legs and buckling it in place so that he was fully trapped. 

Gage lay on his back and looked up at Captain Reynolds with a fearful look. Why are you doing this, his mind begged in agony?

Captain Reynolds met his gaze and continued to stare at his helpless form with a dark hungry stare, making Gage feel an evil shiver cover his entire sweat covered body. "I missed that look Francis," he said before he slammed the backdoor shut once more and headed around to the front.

Gage slumped back down and closed his eyes in sorrow, cursing once more into the gag. 

"Now any more outbursts like that from you and I'll make you sorry right here and now!" Captain Reynolds said angrily as he turned around and looked down at Gage in anger. "We can play all we want when we get home!"

Gage shook his head furiously no and started to mumble into the gag, pleading with Captain Reynolds to let him go. Sadly his silent pleas just further excited his captor more, making him stop quickly. He felt his fear retuning once more as the truck started up and they were back on the road once more. Where the hell is he taking me, Gage wondered as he continued to try to loosen his hands. He had already cut into his skin with the tight ropes but at this point he just didn't care. Freedom was his only thought. That and survival. But what if I'm not found in time, he wondered in dread? What will I have to endure? He tried to brush the thought aside for he already knew the pain and horror Captain Reynolds had in mind as had already experienced it once before. He can't rape me again, Gage said in anguish as he felt his eyes start to water. He tried to choke them back but as his mind replayed the whole horrible rape scene this time with Captain Reynolds's laughing face he felt his chest constrict and his lungs tighten. 

Panic started to grip his throat and with the gag, breathing in through his nose was painful and laboured. He started to yell into the gag as he started into a mild panic attack.

"Now now Francis," Captain Reynolds said in a mock soothing tone. "Just try to relax okay, I think you know what you'll have to endure when we get home."

Gage heard the words, which only made him panic even more. He felt bile come up into his mouth but with the gag he had no other choice but to swallow it. 

"Of course this time I'll be able to take my time…" Captain Reynolds said in a slow laughing tone. "Yes now I'll be able to really take my time…enjoy every second…making your life a little more complete."

Gage shook his head no but knew no matter what he did or said Captain Reynolds would not listen. He knew Captain Reynolds had obviously convinced himself that he was willing in some way that to try to talk him out of it would be moot. But I just can't give in, Gage's panicked mind told him. Help me! Someone please help me, his mind started to call out once more. Sydney please help me.

********

"What's the address?" Walker asked Alex as she told him they found a residence that Captain Reynolds said he was staying at. "Okay thanks."

"Where is it?" Trivette asked quickly.

"Not to far from the courthouse," Walker said as he turned his hard to the right and flipped on his lights, but no siren. "We need the element of surprise," Walker told Trivette.

"What made him do it?" Trivette mumbled to himself rather than ask the direct question.

"I have known Frank Reynolds for some time," Walker sighed. "I knew his lifestyle habits were different but I never thought that…" his voice trailed off as he remembered what Gage told him the rapist told him. _'Have wanted you since we met.'_

"That he would want a friend in such an ugly way?" Trivette finished for him.

"Yeah," Walker sighed. "Especially Gage. I mean he's…well he's furthest from that lifestyle as you can get. He loves Sydney more than life itself. There wouldn't even be a question as to that."

"Maybe that's what made Captain Reynolds want him more, the fact that he couldn't have…" Trivette stopped and looked at Walker in horror. "I can't believe I'm talking about Captain Reynolds wanting…Gage…I mean…damn Walker we have to find them."

"I know," Walker sighed. "I just pray we get there in time."

********

Sydney just stared blankly at the screen before her that flashed Captain Reynolds address to them. "I have to walk," she said suddenly. 

"What?" Alex asked looking up at her as she stood up.

"Alex I just can't sit here and…where's his office?" She asked firmly.

"Well the task force has a base office downstairs but…" Alex's voice trailed off after Sydney as she hurried towards the door and then the stairs. She balled up her fists into tight angry balls to try to keep her tears at bay. I have to show myself strong in front of these men, she told herself as she neared the rape task force office door. She inhaled a deep breath before pushing her way into their office. She saw rookie officer Lawson at his desk, nodded at him and quickly walked to Captain Reynolds cubicle. 

She stopped in her spot and just stood and stared angrily at his desk. She fixed her angry gaze upon his nameplate and cursed under her breath. She glanced around at certain things like the typewriter and the pictures of his bikes and felt her hatred starting to get the best of her. She noticed his coffee cup on the desk, grabbed it and threw it to the floor, smashing it into tiny pieces, spraying coffee onto the floor beside his chair.

"What the…" Officer Lawson said turning around to look at her in shock. "Ranger Cook?" He asked weakly.

Sydney, however, didn't hear him, she only heard Gage's cries for help in her mind. His cries in the dark that no one heard and was able to come to his rescue. She put a piece of paper in the typewriter and as soon as she hit the F key she lost her temper once again and grabbed the typewriter and threw it against the wall, breaking it in half.

"What is going on?" Officer Lawson said quickly getting up and walking over to her. "Ranger Cook is everything okay?"

Sydney finally stopped her destruction and looked at him in anger. "Why should I?" She asked icily.

"Um you have something against Captain Reynolds?" He asked in confusion.

"Yeah I do," she said smashing his computer monitor to the floor. "He kidnapped and raped my fiancé and now he's got him again," she spat as she turned on her heel and stormed out of the office, leaving a very stunned and shocked Officer Lawson staring after her. 

Sydney headed back upstairs and into Alex's office even more frustrated then when she left.

"Find anything?" Alex asked softly.

"No," Sydney said firmly as she started to slowly pace in front of Alex's desk. "They have to find him Alex," she said as she felt her eyes water once more. "Gage…they…I mean Walker _has_ to find him," she said in a panic.

"He will," Alex tried to assure her. Sadly she just didn't know what Gage would have to endure before he was found.

"They have to find him Alex," Sydney whispered. "I can't lose him."

********

Gage finally felt the truck come to a stop and immediately felt his body seize with panic and fear once again. He tried to call for help but the gag made sure his cries weren't heard. Captain Reynolds turned around and looked down at him with an evil smile. "Time to go," he said with an evil smile as he hurried out of the front seat and around to the side Gage's feet were. He opened the door and quickly unwrapped the seatbelt from around them only to have Gage start to violently kick at him. 

Captain Reynolds temper got the best of him and he meanly yanked Gage out of the truck and let his body slam to the hard ground on his tightly bound wrists. He felt the pain in his back as it connected oddly with the ground and his hands and cried out even more when Captain Reynolds kicked him hard in the side. He felt his eyes water with the second kick and by the third he was gasping for air. Thankfully Captain Reynolds stopped his merciless beating.

"Don't do that again!" Captain Reynolds yelled down to him. He took out a knife and cut the tape that bound his feet and then went for the roll of duct tape. 

Gage winced in pain as Captain Reynolds forced him to sit up. He blinked the tears out of his eyes as he gazed in horror up on their final destination. It was the motel, the Flowerton Motel. The same motel that Captain Reynolds has first made his attempt at Gage's violation so many years ago. Only now it lay desolated and abandoned, run down and slated for demolition. 

"I put a stall on the demolition," Captain Reynolds said firmly as he yanked Gage to his feet. "Now if you behave that tape will come off for a bit. Anger me even a bit and I'll wrap this whole dame roll around your mouth. Is that clear boy?" He yelled at Gage.

Gage had no choice but so slowly nod his head yes as he tried to down play the hurting in his left side from the beating he had sustained. Panic gripped his entire body as Captain Reynolds started to drag him towards the old cement stairs, taking him up to the same room he had Gage in before. Gage tried to pull back but after a few more hits from Captain Reynolds had no choice but to be led slowly inside his new prison. He started to yell into the gag as panic seized hold of him once more and made his heart start to race. 

"No one around to hear you Francis," Captain Reynolds mocked. "And please stop pulling or you'll really piss me off. Try to accept your fate already!"

********

"Ready on two!" Walker said to Trivette and two other uniformed officers as they surrounded Captain Reynolds's supposed dwelling place. Walker kicked the door open and he and the three with him rushed into an empty apartment.

"Damn it!" Trivette cursed as they looked around for any sign of Captain Reynolds.

"Looks like he packed in a hurry sir," one of the officers said coming out of his bedroom. 

"Walker he could be anywhere," Trivette said firmly.

"He wants to show Gage that he got away with it," Walker said as he slowly walked back to the door, opening his cell phone to talk to Alex. 

"What are you saying?" Trivette asked.

"I think he's going to take Gage someplace local before he tries to leave the state."

"But that will delay his exit out of the state," Trivette said firmly. "By then we could have lots of roadblocks up."

"Unless he feels he has such a good hiding spot that he won't be found," Walker said firmly. 

Trivette just looked at him with a frown as he talked to Alex and then Sydney, trying to reassure her that they were doing their best to find Gage. 

"Where could he possibly take him that we wouldn't think to look?" Trivette asked firmly.

"Remember that time he attacked Gage and we found the tread marks from a dirt bike? Remember that report that came in a few days later from the wrecking company that said they found a dirt bike? We thought nothing of it as he said it was later claimed…" Walker said slowly.

"What if it was by Captain Reynolds?" Trivette asked as he rushed out the door after Walker.

********

"I can't believe this," Sydney moaned in anger. "Where could he have taken him?"

"I don't know," Alex sighed. 

"I'm going back to his desk," Sydney said heading for the door. "Maybe there's a clue there."

"I hope you find it," Alex said watching her leave. "And fast."

Sydney rushed back down to Captain Reynolds's office and pushed the door open. Officer Lawson looked up at her, saw the determined look on her face and quickly looked back down at his desk. Sydney looked at the newly cleaned up Captain Reynolds's desk with a frown. "He ever talk about where he lives?" Sydney asked Lawson, her back still to him.

"No," he said softly. "Sorry. Didn't talk about his residence at all."

Sydney sighed heavily as her eyes gazed about his office for clues. Come on Sydney, she told herself, there has to be something there. Something you're just not seeing. She tried to focus on the task of finding a place Captain Reynolds would have taken him but all her mind could focus on was the fear she was feeling for Gage. Please hold on Gage, she begged in sadness. Please remember I will always love you and draw strength for that. No matter what he says or does please remember I will always love you.

********

Gage subsided in his captor's grip but knew he had to get free one-way or another. They neared the stairs and Captain Reynolds pushed him ahead of him. Gage used his leg to kick back but Captain Reynolds was ready for his attempt, pulled his leg hard making him slam down face first into the cement stairs. He felt his teeth dig into his lip sending the fresh taste of blood into his mouth and he felt his cheek connect oddly with the edge, opening a deep cut. He yelled out in agony as he lay on the steps breathing hard and trying to ignore the sick feeling his was getting in his stomach. 

"Told you you'd be sorry for trying to escape," Captain Reynolds snapped angrily as he hauled Gage back up. "Now really Francis the more you hurt yourself the more work it will be for me to clean you up. Unless…" he started and then stopped and looked at Gage with a haunted look. "Unless that's what you want? You said you liked it rough. Is this part of the role play act?" He asked in twisted delight.

Gage looked at him in horror and furiously shook his head no, mumbling no into the gag.

"Tease," Captain Reynolds said with a slight smile as he started to drag him up the stairs once more. 

Gage frantically looked around for any sign of life to come to his aide but the closest sign of civilization was a tiny dot many miles away. He was literally trapped and at the mercy of a man who was going to ruin him for life. He felt his panic attack starting to rise again as he neared the room it had all started so many years ago. His mind flashed back to himself standing there knocking and a very eager Captain Reynolds opening it up to him. He started to mumble into the gag as fear started to grip him.

"Fond memories?" Captain Reynolds laughed as he pushed the old door open. He flipped the light switched which flickered for a bit before finally coming to life. He dragged a very protesting Gage into the small shabby room and slammed the door shut and then locked the bolt. He finally let go of Gage and headed for the windows to close the dark curtains. 

"Welcome _home_," he said in a low taunting voice.

Gage looked around the room, as he stood helpless in the middle of it. His eyes took in the familiar furnishings and as he gazed at the wall he was trapped up against so long ago he felt his chest starting to heave. 

"I think it's time to let you speak for a bit," Captain Reynolds said coming up behind him and ripping the tape off his mouth. 

The cut where his teeth had sunk into his lower lip was still fresh and a small amount of blood and skin came away with the tape making Gage wince in pain. "I don't understand this," Gage said softly. "I never…"

"Don't delude yourself Francis," Captain Reynolds said firmly. "You know you wan…"

"I don't want this! I never did!" Gage cried in anger. "Please don't do this…" he begged in sadness. "I don't want this, any of this."

"You can lie to yourself all you want but to me…"

"Why do you keep saying I'm lying?" Gage asked in desperation. "I never gave you any…"

"Any reason?" Captain Reynolds countered in anger as he rushed up to Gage and stood a few inches from his face. "You're kidding right?"

"I never led you on in any way. I…" Gage started in protest, backing up a few feet. 

"Every chance you got you flaunted yourself in my face!" Captain Reynolds yelled at him. "How the hell could I always see such an attitude and not want more? How the hell did you expect me to react when you walked around with next to nothing on in the gym or the shower or on an op?"

Gage looked at him as if he was insane and for the first time felt anger instead of fear starting to take over. "I did that around others who have the same lifestyle as you…they never…they weren't like you. They had control."

"I have control," Captain Reynolds protested. 

"No you don't," Gage countered. "You are a coward and a wimp," Gage spat. "You were always jealous about my abilities and the fact that I am a better officer than you'll ever be."

Captain Reynolds temper got the best of him once again and he punched at Gage firmly. The blow caught Gage off guard and he stumbled backwards but quickly countered and swung his leg at Captain Reynolds. The kick sent the older man to his knees, but in the process he grabbed at Gage and took him down with him. Gage felt himself fall to the floor on his butt. 

"You don't get it do you!" Reynolds said firmly as both he and Gage lay on the floor breathing hard. "I told you…"

"You forced me!" Gage yelled. "I didn't want it that night or the other times…I was young and…I didn't want it!" 

"You tricked me!" Captain Reynolds said firmly.

"I was gagged remember?" Gage said angrily. "You didn't hear me saying no."

"Doesn't matter now anyways," Captain Reynolds said as he pushed himself to his knees. He looked at Gage for a few seconds with an angry frown before he pushed himself to his feet and walked way.

Gage lightly struggled with his bonds as he sat helpless on the floor but knew unless he was untied he'd never get free. Please Sydney, please find me. You have to find me.

********  
Sydney stared at various pictures and clippings of things on Captain Reynolds's desk that she didn't hear Alex walk up behind her.

"Sydney?" Alex asked softly making her jump.

"Sorry," Sydney said quickly. "Lost in thought I guess. What's up?"

"We found a second listed residence for Captain Reynolds," Alex told her. "Walker's on his way there now. It's a small apartment by the wrecking lot."

"Wrecking," Sydney said turning away. "Fitting as he is wrecking our lives."

"We will find him in time," Alex said firmly.

"I hope so," Sydney said softly. Then her frown deepened as she remembered what Gage told her about his incident in the motel. She remembered the pain in his voice and wondered if something else had happened to him in that motel room that he wasn't willing to admit. Did Captain Reynolds touch him against his will back then? Had to be that. That could be the only reason to explain why Gage was so angry last night. He remembered. Must have been everything. Did he set up a meeting to confront Reynolds, she wondered? Or was it just a chance meeting? Or did Reynolds know in some that Gage remembered and wanted to make sure he didn't fully remember until he was captive once again?

"Sydney?" Alex asked softly, touching her shoulder and breaking her out of her morbid question tirade.

"Sorry," Sydney said softly. "Lost in thought I guess," she sighed. "I just wish that stupid motel incident never happened. If Gage could do it agai…" she started and then quickly stopped. _Do it again._ That's what Captain Reynolds is doing, she told herself. 

"Sydney?" Alex asked with a frown.

"Oh my god," Sydney said in shock. "Don't you get it? He didn't finish in the motel…that's the key…she said rushing to the computer beside Lawson's desk. 

"Get what? Sydney what are you talking about?" Alex said rushing up behind her.

"Captain Reynolds never got to finish what he started with Gage in that motel those many years ago. Now before he can take Gage away I'm willing to bet he's gone there to show Gage that it should have been like that in the first place," she explained as she punched in the name of the motel Gage told her about. It came up with an address that said _'sighted for demolition'_ beside it. "He's taking him back to the original scene," she whispered as she committed the address to memory. 

"Sydney what are you talking about?" Alex asked quickly.

"I have to go," Sydney said quickly turning away from Alex and rushing to the door.

"Sydney wait!" Alex said as she rushed after her. 

Sydney ran from the task force's office down the stairs, towards her car. Her mind was now filled with anger and determination to get there before Gage had to endure the one thing she knew would destroy him for sure. Hold on Gage I'm coming, she said inside as she slammed her car into first gear and tore away from the parking lot at top speed.

Alex arrived outside just in time to see her taillights pulling away from the parking lot at top speed. "Sydney!" She said angrily as she rushed back inside and back to the task force's office. She ran up to the desk and stared at the address that Sydney was heading towards as she dialled Walker.

"Sydney's gone after Gage," Alex said in a huff.

"What?" Walker asked in shock. "Where to? Does she have an address?"

"She thinks it's the Flowerton Motel," Alex said looking at the name on the screen.

"Where's that?" Walker asked quickly. "And why does she think that?"

"Walker, she said that that's where Captain Reynolds first attacked Gage and would go back to try to finish the deed," Alex said quickly. 

"Could be possible," Walker said looking at Trivette. "Wanting to return to the scene of the crime because he feels in his mind he was robbed of something. What's the address?" Walker asked. "Sydney will probably beat us there," he said as he turned the truck around. "I'll call you as soon as I know something."

"Sydney's gone after Gage?" Trivette asked.

"Yeah," Walker sighed as he called one of the cars and told them to inspect the wrecking yard just in case. "And I think she may be right."

********

"So where do you really live?" Gage asked softly, stalling for time as he tried in vain to free himself of the tight ropes. 

"You'll know soon enough," Captain Reynolds said with a smile. "But first I think it's time for some fun," he said walking up behind Gage and bending down. "You remember what fun is?" He whispered in his ear.

Gage felt his blood run cold and his heart stop as he felt Captain Reynolds sickly warm breath on his ear and neck as he listened to the taunting words. His mind immediately flashed images of their first encounter and he started to lightly tremble. "Please don't do this," Gage begged sadly. "Please…"

"How polite," Captain Reynolds laughed as he slapped him on the back. "But sorry dear boy you really are wasting your breath."

"I just can't…" Gage started as he felt his voice break and his eyes start to water. "It'll kill me," he whispered. 

"You'll get used to it," Captain Reynolds said firmly as he got back up and walked in front of Gage and then knelt back down with the roll of duct tape in his hands. 

"Please don't," Gage begged with sad watery eyes. "No…more…"

"Francis you honestly think this pathetic routine you're putting with the sad face and tears will change my mind in _any_ way? Like I said before, I don't have a descent bone in my body. But seeing you like this really helps put me in a good mood."

Gage just stared at him in anger and hate. "I'll kill you," he vowed softly.

"Like I said before," he said ripping a strip of tape away from its roll, "you won't have the chance because I _won't_ let you. Time to stop talking for a bit." And before Gage could say another word Captain Reynolds firmly pressed the heavy tape over his mouth and then wrapped the roll around his head a few times totally silencing him.

Gage tried to protest the tight gag but as he felt the tape wrap tighter and tighter around his mouth he knew he was in trouble. He felt the suffocating pressure of the tape sealing his lips shut so that breathing through only his nose because difficult. 

"Now you have only your nose to breath through Francis," Captain Reynolds said firmly as he lightly slapped him on his gagged mouth. "The more you get worked up the more harm you do to your lungs and chest. And since that gag isn't coming off for some time I suggest you learn to deal with the fact that you now belong to me!" He yelled in his face. "The sooner you accept that fate the sooner things will be easier for you."

Gage tried to kick at him as he stood up to put the tape away and immediately felt his laboured breathing worsen as he got worked up. His body temperature started to rise as his lungs started to heave for air. Sadly Captain Reynolds was right, he had to calm down in order not to put any more strain on his already burning lungs. He cursed the fact that the gag was tight and knew if Captain Reynolds started to touch him in any way he'd probably pass out or have a panic attack and then pass out. He watched with fearful eyes as Captain Reynolds walked back to him and looked down with an evil smile. 

"Time to stand you up for a bit," Captain Reynolds said hauling Gage to his feet. 

Gage protested in vain as he was shoved up against the wall by Captain Reynolds and held firmly in place as Captain Reynolds started to unzip his jacket. Panic filled his brain as his captor's hand started to move lower and knew he was already in trouble of having a mild panic attack. 

"I think you remember this," Captain Reynolds mocked as he moved his hand to Gage's groin and started to fondle. 

Gage immediately felt his stomach tighten and his eyes watered from anguish. He begged no and tried to move away but Captain Reynolds place an arm on his neck and pushed down until Gage started seeing spots from lack of oxygen and stopped trying to pull away. Tears continued to blind his vision as Captain Reynolds continued his hand assault. He felt bile coming into his mouth and had to swallow it back down or he'd choke to death. Please no more…his mind begged in agony. Oh god please no more…please…someone…help me…HELP ME! He tried to call out but was prevented successfully by the tight gag. 

Captain Reynolds took his arm away from his neck, grabbed Gage by the jacket collars and swung him around so that he landed on the bed, lying on his back, his chest heaving for air. He looked up at Captain Reynolds and tried to blink away the tears as the large man loomed over him with a dark hungry stare.

"Seeing you like this makes me hungry Francis," he said in a low tone. "I think you know for what."

Gage just closed his eyes and shook his head no. 

"I think you know I will," Captain Reynolds mocked as he took off his jacket. "Since your hands will remain tied behind your back for a bit I'll have to pleasure myself a different way. But not to worry you'll catch on fast."

Gage felt himself wanting to throw up and knew if he didn't make a break for it he'd never escape. He watched as Captain Reynolds threw his jacket away and waited for his eyes to drop, even for a second. It came as Captain Reynolds's hands went of the zipper of his pants. Gage quickly brought his boot up and kicked Captain Reynolds hard in the groin sending him backwards crying out in pain. 

"You'll pay for that," Captain Reynolds yelled in anger. 

Gage, however, had no intention of staying around for that kind of payment. He twisted himself onto his side and kicked again at the large older man. The kick caught him in the back of the legs and Captain Reynolds fell to the ground face first, lightly hitting his head on the side of the dresser. Gage wasted no time in getting himself to his feet and heading for the door. He saw the bolt and knew with his hands tied behind his back he'd never get it open in time. He spied the window and knew it was his only hope. He closed his eyes and flung himself at the window, smashing through it in and landing hard on the cement walkway in great pain. He felt a large piece of glass sink itself into the soft flesh of his forearm and screamed out in pain. He knew he had other cuts on him but when he heard his captor's angry yell his system told him it was time to move and ignore the pain.

"Francis!" Captain Reynolds yelled as he slowly picked himself up from his dazed state. "Get back here!"

Gage frantically rocked himself up to a standing position and ran in the opposite direction they came up. As he passed by the jagged open window Captain Reynolds grabbed his arm and yanked hard. Gage, however, quickly recovered and landed a hard head but into his nose, sending Captain Reynolds reeling backwards in agonizing pain, holding his bleeding face and cursing madly. 

Gage ran past the window and headed for the next set of stairs. He had to get to the road or someplace to hide until someone came and found him. Sadly he didn't think that was going to happen but he still had to try. 

"I'll get you!" Captain Reynolds yelled as he tore the door open and ran after Gage. "You can't run or hide from me."

Gage turned for a split second, saw Captain Reynolds bearing down on him and decided to stand his ground. He put his shoulder down and waited for Captain Reynolds to run into him. However he miscalculated the hit and felt himself being thrown backwards into another motel room. This one was darker than the other and as he rolled onto the floor he felt an open hole and some jagged wood. 

"You are really going to be sorry for all this Francis," Captain Reynolds spat as he slowly picked himself up. Gage kicked at him once more but Captain Reynolds grabbed his leg and pulled him along the floorboards. Gage yelled out in agony as his hands got tiny wooden splinters in them and the piece of glass was driven further into the soft flesh of his arm. He managed to twist his body around and loosen Captain Reynolds's hold on him. Captain Reynolds lost his footing and crashed backwards into some old wooden furniture as Gage just kicked at him. 

Gage in the meantime tried to bring his bound hands up over his feet and in front of him. But with his well built frame and given the fact that his wrists were so tightly bound behind him he felt one shoulder pop out of place as his hands finally came in front of him. He yelled once more in agony and looked up in horror as Captain Reynolds body came slamming down on top of his.

"Did you really think you'd win Francis?" Captain Reynolds mocked as he kept Gage's body pinned to the floor. 

Gage tried to squirm out of his grasp but Captain Reynolds pressed himself down further making Gage gasp for air as his lungs were constricted by the large man's body on his. Help…me…he wheezed in agony. Oh man someone please help me…

"I can do it easily right here as well Francis," Captain Reynolds said moving his hand to his waist and undoing the button on his jeans. "Suits me just fine. Like I said before there is on one that is ever going to find you."

********

"Sydney where are you?" Walker asked into his CB.

"I'll be there in about 10 minutes," Sydney said firmly. "You?"

"We are still a ways behind you," Walker sighed.

********

Captain Reynolds slowly moved himself off of Gage, grabbed him by a handful of blond hair and yanked him to his feet. 

Gage cried out as he was hauled up and dragged out of the room by his head. He tried to pull away but Captain Reynolds firmly punched him in the side of the face and he was lightly dazed and stopped struggling for a bit. Captain Reynolds managed to get him back into the room and fairly threw him into the corner. 

Gage rested in the corner for a few seconds, breathing rough ragged breathes into his gagged mouth and feeling streams of sweat pouring down the side of his face, painfully mixing with the blood from the glass and dirt from the wood cuts. 

"You are so going to pay for all you've done here Francis," Captain Reynolds said meanly. "This was supposed to be a special reunion for us…and now look what you've done!" He yelled at Gage.

Gage sat in the corner looking up at Captain Reynolds in fear. I have to try again, he told himself. His mind and body now determined to escape at any cost. I don't care what happens to me, he said inside, I just have to get free…I have to end this. He watched as Captain Reynolds lit a cigarette and then place the lighter on the table beside him. Have to try…something…Gage told himself as he tried to think of a way to set the place on fire. Then instincts took over once again and he found himself lunging at Captain Reynolds and grabbing his cigarette lighter His bound hands reached for the lighter and opened it. He threw it at the bed and watched as some of the blanket panels caught on fire.

"Brat!" Captain Reynolds yelled as he grabbed the back of Gage's jacket and pulled him back off the bed.

Gage landed on the floor on his knees but refused to give up. Instead he drove his head into the back of Captain Reynolds legs making him crash forwards, dangerously close to the ever growing flames.

Gage used the distraction to push himself to his feet and try for the door. He spied the bottle of whisky on another table, grabbed it and threw it at the flames.

"NO!" Captain Reynolds shouted in horror as the alcohol mixed with the already growing fire to produce a mild explosion. Captain Reynolds was hurled backwards into the wall and Gage fell to the floor on his back. His body was so tired and weak but he still refused to give up. After a few attempts he finally got to his feet and was heading once more for the door. Captain Reynolds, however, recovered and dove for Gage sending them both crashing into the metal railing of the walkway. Gage felt the painful pressure on his chest and yelped in pain.

Gage felt his face connect oddly with the railing and cried out in agony as Captain Reynolds pushed the piece of glass further into his already bleeding arm. Gage used both fists to swing at Captain Reynolds and caught him in the jaw sending him staggering to the side. Gage took off in the opposite direction once more as he heard police sirens in the distance. 

Captain Reynolds's head snapped up as he heard the sirens and knew he had to get Gage and get away from there. He ran after him and caught up with him a few doors down.

Gage felt Captain Reynolds grab his arm and yank him back but used his body to twist around, sending Captain Reynolds flying over him and landing on the cement. 

********

Sydney neared the motel only to see a part of it engulfed in flames. "No!" She said in a panic as called Walker and told him to call for a fire truck and ambulance. She spied two men on the top walkway and felt her heart start to race as they neared the end where there was no stairs. She saw the walkway drop off into darkness and could only imagine what horrors awaited anyone who fell there.

"Hold on Gage," she said in a panic. Sydney spied the other walkway now blocked by flames and knew both men were now trapped on top with only one way down. 

********  
Gage heard the screeching of tires but wasn't able to actually turn around to see who it was. He kicked once more at Captain Reynolds and then tried to move around him. Captain Reynolds kicked at him sending him falling to his face. He felt blood from his nose start to seep down his face as Captain Reynolds grabbed a handful of hair and smashed his face once more into the cement. Gage twisted himself around and managed to counter the next blow with his bound hands. He kneed Captain Reynolds in the side and tried to crawl away. Captain Reynolds grabbed his feet sending him crashing back to his face onto the cold cement.

Captain Reynolds tried to grab his jacket to pull him back but Gage managed to kick him once more and send Captain Reynolds back to the walkway on his butt. Gage finally got to his feet and started for what he thought was the second exit stairs. He looked at the darkness ahead and knew he had to take a chance, his life depended on it. Captain Reynolds however was just behind him and grabbed his arm once more. In the process his gun finally fell out and Captain Reynolds eyed it greedily. 

Gage watched Captain Reynolds dive for the gun and immediately brought he knee up and caught him in the face, once again breaking his nose and sending him backwards in agony. 

Sydney heard the screams as she squinted upwards to see where they were. The ending was blocked off by a high fence and she was unable to see what was on the other side. "Gage!" Sydney called out in a panic.

Gage heard Sydney's voice and immediately felt some relief cover over him. He tried to call out but the tight gag prevented it. Captain Reynolds kicked at Gage taking his legs out from under him and sending him crashing on his back to the cold cement ground. Captain Reynolds tried for the gun once more but Gage kicked it off the edge causing Captain Reynolds to curse madly and look at him in anger. Before Gage could react Captain Reynolds grabbed his foot and started to pull him towards the dark drop off.

"If I can't have you no one can!" He yelled in anger. "Time to die Francis!"

"Gage no!" Sydney yelled in horror as her heart raced to find him. She heard the struggle but was unable to see what was happening. Her shot would be in vain.

Gage struggled in his grasp to get free but was unable. Captain Reynolds kicked at the piece of glass in his arm sending blinding pain throughout his body and making his eyes water as he screamed out into the gag. He tried to sit up as Captain Reynolds slowly dragged him closer but due to exhaustion and fatigue was unable to grab any part of him. He neared the edge and felt his heart pound even more as he feared what lay below for them.

"Time to die," Captain Reynolds laughed as he went to throw him over. 

Gage, however, managed to twist his body, twisting his ankle in the process but brought his leg up and caught Captain Reynolds in the gut making him drop his leg. He used whatever strength he had left, which wasn't much, and pushed back for all he was worth. Captain Reynolds felt himself teetering on the edge and tried to grab onto something to keep himself from going over the edge. Gage kicked again and Captain Reynolds cried out as his arms flailed in the air as he tried to grab onto something to keep himself alive. There was nothing. 

Sydney backed up a bit and squinted into the darkness to see them. She watched in slow motion as Captain Reynolds tried to grab onto something to keep himself from going over the edge into what they were all certain was a dark deadly tomb. She heard Walker's sirens in the distance but her mind was anxiously concerned about getting Gage down. But as she watched what happened next she felt her heart stop in horrible terror. 

Captain Reynolds felt the ground beneath him start to give way as he lost his footing and he started to fall into the darkness. Gage tried to pull his body away but was unable to put any distance between him and his nemesis and instead watched in slow motion as Captain Reynolds's hand grabbed his leg and started to drag him to the edge. Horror filled his body as he tried to kick at Captain Reynolds to let go, Captain Reynolds didn't. He watched the edge near and soon was staring into the dark murky void of the space below him. He felt Captain Reynolds let go of his leg and cry out as his body was impaled on something on the ground below. He felt something sharp and jagged rip an opening on his right side and then something very sharp pierce his leg. As his body hit the ground he felt something drive into the soft folds of flesh on his back and he finally came to a rest on something rough and course. He cried out in agony as his head hit a piece of ragged cement and knew he was in serious trouble. His chest started to burn and blinding white pain started to envelope him as he lay in the darkness. He fought to keep his watery eyes open as he heard more sirens approaching. But the pain was now almost unbearable and fighting the darkness was even more difficult than fighting Captain Reynolds. Please forgive me Sydney, I love you forever, were the last words his brain uttered before he was finally taken away and lay still in the night a few feet away from his already dead nemesis.

"Gage!" Sydney yelled in horror as she first listened to the sickening sound of bones being broken followed by eerie silence from behind the gate. She kicked at it with all her might, tears running down her face, the gate wouldn't budge. She pounded on it in anger and continued to call his name until she had no more strength to do so. 

But silence of night mixed with the soft laughter of the deadly flames to her right was the only response she was to get. Even her pounding heartbeats were giving way to the eerie silence that started to wrap its arms around her, smiling as it told her that fate had finally won, Gage was dead. She felt a tear fall to the ground, shattering the silence, refusing to believe he was gone. Refusing to believe read the final chapter to the book fate had just placed in her hands. 

"He can't be dead," she whispered in sadness. "Gage I love you," were the last words she feared she'd ever utter to him.

****

*TO BE CONCLUDED*


	15. Road to Recovery

Title: A Cry in the Dark  

**Chapter 15 – Road to Recovery **

Sydney continued to stare at the gate until she heard Walker's truck come to a screeching halt behind her.

"Sydney!" Walker called out in a panic.

"Gage he's…" she started in shock. 

"Sydney, where's Gage?" Walker asked looking at the fire.

"Gage he's um…" she said looking at Walker finally. "He's gone…" she whispered in sadness.

"Gone?" Trivette practically yelled.

"Sydney, where's Gage?" Walker asked again.

"Behind there," she said pointing to the locked gate. "I saw them fighting…Captain Reynolds he um…he grabbed Gage…he…oh god Walker he pulled him over with him…I heard the…I…Walker I heard the sound of…" she said shaking her head trying to clear the sickening crunch out of her mind. "He's dead…" she whispered again. 

"Help me open that gate Trivette," Walker said firmly. Trivette rushed up to Walker and started to kick at the heavy wooden gate. Sydney watched for a few minutes before she finally snapped out of her stupor and rushed to them to help. Finally they were able to break the heavy lock, watching it splinter away from the door and it finally creaked open. 

"I called an ambulance," Sydney said softly.  "But I guess it's moot now," she said softly crying. 

Walker grabbed his flashlight and shone it first on Captain Reynolds's imperilled body. He had fallen on a jagged piece of wood that dove a wood stake right through the middle of him, opening his heart and stomach insides, killing him instantly. All three gazed at the trail of blood running out of his mouth and his still body and knew for a fact that he was dead. 

"Where's Gage?" Sydney asked in a dead whisper as her gazed fixed itself upon the dead body of their enemy and refused to look away. 

Walker flashed his light around the area and finally rested on his blond hair behind the pole that killed Captain Reynolds. "There he is," Walker said softly.

"No…" Sydney said in horror as she looked at the stillness. "Gage!" Sydney yelled as she grabbed the flashlight and tried to get to him. Walker grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "Sydney, it's too dangerous," he said firmly.

"Gage!" Sydney yelled once more in agony. "Oh god Walker he's dead," she said finally collapsing in his arms and sobbing heavily. Walker wrapped his arms tightly around his friend and held her close, feeling his own eyes water.

"Can't believe it," Trivette whispered as they heard the fire engine sirens and ambulance finally drawing close to them. 

"Gage no…" Sydney continued to cry in Walker's arm. "He can't be…can't…Walker's he…" she said between gasps and sobs. 

Trivette watched the emergency vehicles pull up and rushed up to their respective chief's and directed them as to what to do first. Trivette raced back to Walker and Sydney with a team of paramedics and fire fighters behind him.

Walker gently moved Sydney out of the way and they all stood on the side and just watched as the fire fighters tried to get Captain Reynolds's body off the wooden stake. One of the male paramedics carefully walked over to Gage and bent down to him. He winced in pain as he looked at the young wasted life before him. He bent down to check for a pulse just out of habit, not thinking it would do any good. He was rewarded with a slow beat and looked up in shock.

"H-he's still alive!" He shouted frantically. 

"What?" Sydney asked in shock as her head snapped up in his direction.

"We have a live one here!" The man continued to shout as they others raced away from Captain Reynolds body to help attend to Gage. "He's still alive," he said happily. "But we have to hurry."

"Walker!" Sydney said trying to pull away. 

"Sydney we have to…" Walker tried. But Sydney pulled away from his grasp and rushed in the direction of Gage. She got there as they were cutting the wooden spear away from his left leg. 

"Gage," she whispered as she watched the emergency team trying to free him.

"He's got a puncture in his lower right back," one of them called out as his came away from Gage's back with blood on it. "I think he's right leg is broken. He also needs a collar and his…"

Sydney wiped the tears away as she watched them cut the tape away from Gage's mouth and then finally the ropes that tightly bound his wrists together. After what seemed like a painful eternity to her, Gage was finally freed of all the things that had wounded him, was gently placed on a stretcher and rushed towards one of the ambulances. Sydney got in the back with them while two other members worked to get him stabilized and stop some of the bleeding.

"Gage please hold on," she begged in sadness as she held onto one of his hands. She looked at the cuts on his wrists but was more concerned with the fact that he wasn't waking up. "Why isn't he waking up?" She asked softly.

"Ma'am he's been through a lot," the senior paramedic told her while his partner hooked up some IV's to him. "The stress and trauma on his head and body have probably sent him into a mild coma. That is normal for this kind of injury. Sadly without an x-ray and surgery we won't know the extent of damage done inside. I'm guessing from his fall that he has probably sustained internal bleeding. To what degree? I'm sorry I don't know."

"So he could still die?" Sydney asked weakly.

"We are going to do everything we can to make sure that doesn't hap…"

"But he could still die right?" Sydney snapped.

"I'm sorry…yes…" he said looking back down at Gage. 

Sydney shook her head no, refusing to believe that he could possibly die after all he'd been through. "Please Gage, please hear my voice and come back to me." She felt tears running down her face as she watched his calm, battered face and tried to think that he was going to pull through and be okay. They finally reached the hospital and Sydney ran into the ER with the paramedics but had to wait behind the closed doors of the surgery rooms while Gage was operated on. 

She headed back for the small waiting room and started to angrily pace, waiting for Walker and Trivette to show up. After a few minutes she felt Walker touch her shoulder. She turned to him with a sad haunted look. "Oh Walker," she said shaking her head no. "He can't die."

"He's strong Sydney," Walker said in a soft tone. "I'm sure he'll pull through."

"But Walker that fall…and…they said he had a cut in his back and…I can't lose him," she said sadly. 

"Alex is on her way," Trivette said softly. 

"Let's sit down okay?" Walker said softly as he guided them to one of the couches to sit and wait for Gage to be finished operating on. Sydney sat numbly on the couch, her mind a flurry of angry emotions as she tried to tell herself that Gage was strong and was going to pull through. 

"Walker!" Alex said rushing up to them.

Walker gently moved aside from Sydney and hugged his wife tightly. 

"How is he?" She asked quickly.

"We don't know yet," Walker said firmly. "He's still in surgery."

Sydney sat in terrible silence just watching the hands on the clock tick slowly by. Finally a few hours later Dr. Adams exited the ER and walked up to them with an anxious look on his face. 

"Dr. Adams?" Sydney asked quickly as she stood up to meet him. "Is he alive?" She asked softly.

"Let's discuss this in private okay?" Dr. Adams said with a soft smile. 

As they walked to Dr. Adams's office they saw Ian Jacobs rushing up to them. "I just heard," he said in a gasp. "Is he okay?"

"Please, let's just all go inside," Dr. Adams said firmly. Once inside Sydney stood beside him, unable to sit down with the rest. 

"Dr. Adams?" She asked softly.

"Gage is alive," he said, hearing a sigh of relief from all in the room. "He came through surgery quiet well. We were concerned a few times but he's strong and is responding well to the treatments and medication. Now to the details. He sustained a dislocated shoulder, sprained ankle, broken lower right leg and a large cut in his upper left arm from a large piece of glass. There is some swelling on several vertebrae but he was very lucky he landed in such as way that none of them broke. He will not be paralysed."

Sydney looked at him and heaved a large sigh of relief. 

"We have to wait and see what damage has been done to the spine however after the swelling goes down. He sustained a large incision between two lower vertebrae which punctured is appendix. Fortunately we were able to drain the toxins before the really affected this heart and liver, which sustained only bruising but no major damage. He has a few broken ribs, which opened a small puncture in his upper stomach cavity and lower left lung, but again we were able to repair the organs quickly and successfully. We are concerned however about a small mass swelling on his brain. He has bruised several parts and sustained a concussion. If he slips into a coma it will be tricky to treat him further. And aside from minor cuts and bruises to various parts of his face and hands that's it. He is alive and responding well to treatment."

"Can I see him?" Sydney asked weakly as brushed some tears away.

"For a bit," Dr. Adams said softly. "He is heavily sedated right now because I don't want any undue pressure or strain put upon him in any way. If he comes out of the sedation he'll recover just fine. But the next 24 hours are critical."

"Wow," Walker said softly. 

"If you'd like to come with me I'll let you see him in the ER before we transfer him up to intensive care," Dr. Adams said to Sydney.

"I do," she said softly. She left the others in the small room to talk about what Dr. Adams told them and followed after him in silence. Her mind was racing in panic after taking in all the injuries he had sustained in his battle with Captain Reynolds. But Gage was alive, that's all that mattered. They approached the ER and Sydney immediately felt her heart starting to race faster. 

"I'll let you have a few minutes alone. But remember he really needs his rest to heal. The more he rests the sooner he'll recover," Dr. Adams said in a soft but firm way. 

"Okay," Sydney said in a whisper. She turned and started to walk slowly to his bed, her heart still racing. She finally reached his bed and stopped as she felt a gasp catch in his throat. He was so pale looking and hooked up to so many machines and monitors she wondered for a second if his stillness really was from sleep or if he was dead. But she saw the heart monitor showing his heart to be steady and strong and knew he was still alive. She noticed the stitched up cut marks on his face and winced in anger. She bent down and gently kissed his cut lips and then quickly withdrew, not wanting to wake him in any way. "I love you Gage," she whispered as she just stared at him in sadness. She didn't move from her spot of just staring at him until Dr. Adams touched her shoulder and said it was time for her to get some rest because he was about to be sent up to the IC ward. 

"Come back first thing in the morning," he said softly.

Sydney hugged Dr. Adams before saying she loved Gage one more time and then heading outside to join Walker and the others. She walked up to Alex and hugged her as she started to cry once more.

"I'll take her home with me," Alex said softly to Walker. 

Sydney allowed Alex to help her to her car and then inside. She continued to lightly cry until they got to Alex's place but even when she got into bed her eyes were still wet. It wasn't until she was too tired to cry any more that she finally fell asleep. Morning couldn't come soon enough.

********

'I'm always with you Gage,' Captain Reynolds smiled at him as he grabbed Gage's wrists and started to tie them together in front of him. Gage tossed and turned still feeling Captain Reynolds attacking him. But for some reason it still felt so real. 

"No!" Gage shouted in a panic as he opened his eyes and quickly looked around. He brought a hand to his sweaty face and soon realized that he was no longer with Captain Reynolds but in the hospital, he wasn't tied up but lying on a bed, free. But what was he feeling? Why was everything still hurting so much? Especially in certain areas? His heart started to race again as the sensations in his lower body reminded him of why he was in the situation he was. He moved his hands down below his stomach and felt a not so small tube extending from below his waist and then down under him.

"Help me," he called out weakly as Dr. Adams rushed into the room and saw Gage trying to pull the tubing out.

"No Gage you can't do that," he said walked up to him and pulled his hands away, but not seeing exactly which tube he was pulling out. He looked at Gage's heart monitor machine and found that his heart was starting to race. "Gage what's wrong?"

"Please help me," he said weakly as he stopped and tugged on Dr. Adams coat.

"Gage what is it?" He asked kindly as he gently laid Gage's hands at his sides.

"It hurts," Gage said looking up at him with a frightened look. 

"What hurts Gage?" Dr. Adams asked.

"I feel funny. Please make it stop," he moaned sadly.

"Where do you feel funny Gage?" Dr. Adams asked.

"Down, um, below, uh…" he tried but found himself unable to bring out the words. "Take it out. Whatever it is please take it out," he said as he felt his eyes forming tears.

"Oh," Dr. Adams said realizing what Gage was getting at. "It's a catheter Gage. I'm sorry but it's necessary right now. It's to help the bladder drain when you are unable to get up and physically walk to the bathroom."

"I want it out!" Gage said as he felt his eyes start to water. "Please it hurts."

"I'm sorry Gage but it will have to stay in for at least the next few days," Dr. Adams said softly, "you can't get up and move about just yet. Your body needs as much rest and sleep as you can give it. That's the only way it can heal properly. The feelings will subside as you get used to it."

"But it hurts," Gage moaned. "Make it stop. Please," he begged sadly. "Please?"

Dr. Adams looked down at Gage and knew he had to give in. "Okay," Dr. Adams said softly as he got up and went to a small tray and returned with a needle of whitish liquid.

"What's that?" Gage asked quickly. 

"Gage it's okay," Dr. Adams said softly. "I'll help take the pain away for now," he smiled as he injected it into the fluid tube before he sat back down beside Gage. "Please try to relax."

"Okay," Gage sighed.

"How do you feel Gage?" Dr. Adams asked as he sat down beside him.

"Well except for the fact that I can hardly move a muscle I feel okay," Gage said dryly. "I don't like that catheter thing though," he said firmly. "It really hurts me. It's a painful reminder."

"I'm sorry Gage but there is nothing I can do about that," Dr. Adams said. "And I know they suck for men," he laughed lightly, "but in a few days when you are strong enough to try to make it to the bathroom on your own it will come out."

"Promise?" Gage asked.

"Yeah I promise," Dr. Adams smiled at him.

"Am I really going to be okay?" Gage asked. "I mean I did fall onto…well whatever it was that did this to me."

"Yeah you are one lucky young man," Dr. Adams said softly. "We'll take a few more tests and x-rays today and then we'll know for sure. But I think you're going to be just fine," he said. "In a few weeks of course. But for now I want you just to relax and try to rest, you'll need plenty of that."

"When can I leave?" Gage asked quickly.

"Gage you'll be here for a few days at least. You're still in danger of internal system failure. Give it another 24 hours to be sure and then we'll move you to a private room. After that it'll be on a day by day basis. You also can't have solid food for the first few days, only this liquid protein coming through the IV. Your stomach suchers need to hold and the strain from eating might make them tear. They are the dissolving kind and your stomach won't have a problem getting rid of them once it's fully healed. It was a small puncture but we still need to be careful. If the stomach acid were to spill into the chest cavity, toxicity could develop and that would be bad. But as for now things are looking good. In a few hours I'll take you down for more x-rays to see how things are healing inside."

"Man I can't believe this," he moaned as he rested back in bed, trying to shift his arm cast so it wasn't heavy on his body. "So I just lie here for like weeks and do nothing?" Gage moaned.

"Sydney should be here shortly," Dr. Adams said with a smile. "She'll keep you sane."

"Good," Gage smiled back. "I just need to see her."

"Well you don't have to wait much longer," Sydney said walking into the room. 

"Did you even sleep?" Dr. Adams asked lightly.

"A bit," she said firmly. "I just had to come and see if he was awake."

"Well I'll leave you two alone," Dr. Adams said leaving the room. "I'll be back a bit later okay Gage?"

"Okay," he said watching him leave the room. His eyes then quickly darted back to Sydney and rested on her smiling beautiful face. "God I thought I was going to die Syd," he said softly as his eyes started to automatically water. "I thought I…Syd I thought he had won," he whispered.

"I thought I had lost you too," she said taking his hand in hers and holding it. "I was watching and…Gage I heard what he said…I was so scared," she whispered as she bent down close to him. "I love you so much."

"Sydney you are my life," he said with a frown. "I love you more than anything."

Sydney felt her eyes water as she gently touched his face before kissing his lips. "Gage if he had won…I mean if had taken you away and I…I never saw you again…I'd die," she said in a soft voice. "I'm so glad he's dead."

"I hate to say it because it does sound harsh but I'm glad he's dead too," Gage said quickly. "Sydney the things he said…what he did…I mean…oh god Syd in the hotel…before the fight…" Gage said as his heart started to beat a bit faster. "Sydney he hurt me…he touched me…he…"

"Gage shhh," she said gently touching his lips, afraid his racing heart would hurt him more. "It's over now," she said with a weak smile. "He can't hurt either of us ever again!"

"I'm so glad for that," he said firmly. He took her hand and brought it to his lips and tenderly kissed it. "Will you marry me?" He asked softly.

Sydney felt her heart swell with happiness and her eyes produce happy tears as she nodded her head yes and softly answered, "I'd be honored to be your wife."

The next few hours Sydney sat by Gage's beside, sometimes lightly talking to him, sometimes reading while he slept. He needed lots of rest so Walker, Trivette and Alex were only allowed to stay a short time. Sydney was offered a small bed beside Gage's, which she readily took and made use of. She helped him through some nightmares and comforted him when they got really bad during the night. The next day was much of the same, Gage would sleep off and on and she would either read or sleep herself. She didn't care if she sat and stared at the wall as long as she was beside him and he was alive. He was finally moved into his own private room the next day and Sydney's bed was wheeled in with his. His internal injuries were healing nicely and the swelling on his back and brain had gone down without incident. 

"How are you feeling this morning?" Sydney asked as she opened the curtains for Gage, it was already three days later.

"A little stronger," he said firmly. "Dr. Adams said I can have some soup or something like that. As long as it's soft. But at least I'll be off the IV."

"I'm so glad you're healing nicely," Sydney said with a smile. "I wonder what Dr. Adams was so anxious about discussing with you?" She asked with a frown.

"I'm not sure," Gage said softly. "Do you think its bad news?"

"If it were he'd have told you already," she assured him. "I'm sure it'll be fine," she said firmly as Dr. Adams walked into their room again.

"Sorry it was a misguided emergency," he smiled as he walked up to them. "Okay as for what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Am I dying?" Gage asked in a panic.

"Hardly," he smiled. "You are healing better than expected. No I wanted to talk to you about a bath."

"A…what? Did you say bath?" Gage asked in shock.

"Uh yeah," Dr. Adams said. "When a patient is not capable of washing themselves, especially in well certain areas," Dr. Adams stammered with some embarrassment, "we have people who come to the bed and wash them. You are one of those patients."

"No way," Gage said firmly. "I'm not having anyone touching me," he said looking away. He looked at Sydney for help but she was at a loss for words. She did agree with Dr. Adams that Gage did need to be cleaned but didn't know what to say. "Sydney?" He asked weakly.

Sydney just looked at Dr. Adams, begging for his help in answering him.

"I can understand, but…" Dr. Adams started.

"Can you?" Gage asked angrily. "Can you honestly say you've been in a hospital bed like some invalid and then had to have someone wash you?"

"Actually, yeah," Dr. Adams said slowly. "It wasn't that bad. Skiing accident, broke my leg. The first few days were hell."

"Well I don't care, I don't want it!" Gage said firmly.

"Sorry Gage but this is really not open for discussion. It's hospital policy," Dr. Adams said.

"And who would it be a man or a woman?" Gage asked folding his arms across his chest.

"Well for men we usually don't get our female nurses to do it unless we are short male nurses. So it will be one of our day male nurses," Dr. Adams smiled. 

"But…I…" Gage started.

"I understand if you'll be uncomfortable but I'm sorry Gage we need to keep the body clean. Not only is it good hygiene but it's also a disease and infection prevention," Dr. Adams explained.

"I don't care," Gage said, "I don't want anyone one touching me…uh…well…anywhere. I can do it myself," he said firmly.

"I agree you will be able to in a few days, but Gage you have been in here for over 24 hours and well you just need to be cleaned. Besides you have a broken arm Gage, you need some help." Dr. Adams said slowly. "Trust me it's not easy for me to say this to you either," he said. "But as a doctor it's my job. Sorry," he said. "Besides with all the tubing and stuff well you just wouldn't be able to. I'm sorry I know this is hard for you to accept but it has to be done."

"So who will do it?" Gage asked quickly.

"I can get one of the day staff nurses to come and do it for you," Dr. Adams said. "Or if you want I could do it," Dr. Adams offered.

"You? Is that policy?" Gage asked.

"Well not really. But in a situation like this one where I know certain things I can make an exception. But the choice is yours. I will understand if you'd feel uncomfortable with me doing it. But you have to let me know Gage," Dr. Adams said. "It will have to be done today. Once you're able to move on your own then we can take you in a wheelchair down to the showers."

"Why can't I do that today?" Gage moaned.

"Because you still have the catheter attached. I really am sorry Gage," Dr. Adams said softly as his pager went off. "Look I have to go. But I'll be back very shortly. Trust me it'll be okay," he smiled as he stood up to leave.

"Will it hurt?" Gage asked sheepishly.

"No, they nurses are trained to be very careful," he smiled.

"You must think I'm really pathetic huh," Gage said looking away.

"What?" Dr. Adams asked in shock. "Why would you say that?"

"Well I'm a cop right? I mean I'm trained to be tough and brave and stuff. And yet here I am scared about having a bath," Gage said sadly. "Man you must think I'm sad."

"Oh Gage it wouldn't matter if you were the Brigadier General, my opinion of you hasn't changed because of what happened. I understand completely how frustrating it must be. But I still have a lot of respect for you and think you're a great guy," he smiled. "This one instance hasn't change that for me."

"Yeah?" Gage asked weakly looking up at the older man.

"Yeah," Dr. Adams smiled, "now rest okay. I'll be back later."

"Okay," Gage said watching him leave. "A bath! Damn it that's just great" Gage cursed as he looked at the clock. 

"It's going to be okay," Sydney said softly as she took his hand and held it in hers. 

Gage pulled it away and turned his face away from hers.

"Gage?" Sydney asked softly. "What's wrong?"

"Sydney I can't even take a shower on my own…I need…" he started in a soft sob.

"Gage look at me," she said firmly. Gage slowly turned his face to her's and she felt her heart break at the look of sadness on it. "Gage I love you more than anything. The fact that you have to have someone help you take a bath will not change that for me, just like what Captain Reynolds hasn't changed how I feel. I love _you_. That's all that matters. Now if you have to have a man give you a bath because you are unable is not going to change how I feel about you."

"I'm just so sorry you have to see me like this," he said in a soft whisper. "I want you to see me strong and…"

"You are strong Gage. You fought back when you needed to. You ended your torment. You won," she said firmly. "Don't you see that? You are strong. Stronger then you'll ever be in your life, and that strength can only grow from here. You've faced one of the worst trials imaginable and you've won! Be happy about that."

"I guess I should be," he sighed. "I just…Sydney I just want us to have a normal life again," he said firmly.

"We will soon enough," she said bending down and kissing him. 

"With you by my side I can do anything," he whispered to her as she leaned back up. "I love you."

"I love you," she said firmly. "Now just rest for a bit okay. I have a feeling he's going to be back very soon."

Sure enough within the hour Dr. Adams returned to his room. Gage immediately felt his heart start to race as he knew the reason his doctor was back. 

"Is it time?" Gage asked softly.

"Now or never," Dr. Adams smiled. "Have you decided?"

Are you married Doc?" Gage asked quickly. "Like to a woman?"

"Uh yes why?" Dr. Adams asked.

"Just wondering," Gage said quickly.

"Gage did you decide? I really need to find someone who…"

"I want you to do it," Gage said quickly. 

"What? Me?" Dr. Adams asked in surprise. 

"Yeah. Is that okay?" Gage asked.

"Yes Gage. I'd be happy to help you," he smiled. "I'll get the things and be right back. Sydney I will need to close the curtains for privacy but you are welcome to wait," Dr. Adams said.

"Actually I forgot to get some soup so I think I'll swing by the cafeteria and see what I can get us for lunch," she smiled.

"Okay. Be right back." Dr. Adams said leaving the room.

"You really don't have to go Sydney," Gage said softly. 

"I'll give you your privacy Gage," Sydney smiled as Dr. Adams walked back in. "I'll get us something to eat okay?"

"Okay," Gage said as Sydney took off her jacket and turned to leave. "Sydney?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks," Gage smiled. "For everything."

"That's what I'm here for," she smiled as she left.

"You're lucky Gage," Dr. Adams said as he closed the curtains around them, "Sydney's an amazing woman."

"Yeah I know," Gage said softly. 

"Ever tell her that?" Dr. Adams asked.

"Every chance I get," Gage said firmly.

"Good boy," Dr. Adams smiled. "Okay now I'm going to take the covers off and your gown. I know this might seem unbearable but just close your eyes and hum to yourself if you want."

"Hum?" Gage asked.

"Yeah, trust me it works," Dr. Adams said as he pulled the covers back. "Why did you ask if I'm married?"

"Well um I just didn't want…well what I mean is…I guess I didn't want…"

"You didn't want to take the chance of a gay man touching you?" Dr. Adams asked.

"Yeah sorry," Gage said softly.

"Don't be sorry Gage. It's a normal feeling for someone who has experienced what you have. But you also have to remember that not everyone in that lifestyle is the same as the one who hurt you. Not all will be out to harm you in some way," Dr. Adams said softly. 

"I know," Gage said softly.

"Okay I'm going to take your gown off Gage. Just close your eyes if you want to. If at anytime you feel me hurting you in any way just tell me. But I have done this many times before and I promise I'll take it slow and be careful," Dr. Adams said gently pulling Gage's gown up.

"Oh boy," Gage said taking a deep breath and closing his eyes as he felt the cool air cover his whole body in little goose bumps.

"Just relax okay Gage," Dr. Adams said softly as he put his gloves on and got out the cleaning stuff. "I'll start at the top and work my way down okay," Dr. Adams said softly.

Gage just nodded yes but kept his eyes tightly closed and his hands firmly gripping the sidebars. He soon felt the warm water starting to wash his chest and around his armpits.

"The surgical stitching on your chest is healing nicely," Dr. Adams said softly, referring to the stitches from when they had to operate on his stomach and lungs.

"Great," Gage managed as he felt the washing starting to get lower. Dr. Adams looked up and noticed Gage's heart rate starting to increase. "Just relax Gage you're doing very well," Dr. Adams said as he reached his waist.

"Please don't do this," Gage said softly as Dr. Adams started to wash his tender area below his waist. 

"It's okay Gage," Dr. Adams said as he started to wash lower down around the catheter area.

"Oh god please stop," Gage moaned as he gripped the rails tighter as he felt Dr. Adams gently move his legs to clean around and between them.

"Please stop," Gage begged softly.

"Almost finished Gage. Just breathe deep you're doing fine," Dr. Adams said softly. 

"Oh man," Gage said as he felt his eyes start to water. "Oh god please stop," he begged as a few tears escaped his eyes.

"Gage I just have to lift you a bit to wash underneath," Dr. Adams said. "Take a deep breath and bend your leg to help support okay."

"Can't you stop?" Gage begged as Dr. Adams cleaned him underneath.

"I can't I'm sorry Gage, but I'm almost finished," Dr. Adams said as he tried to hurry. "Am I hurting you?" He asked quietly as he gently put Gage back down.

Gage just shook his head no. 

"Just don't like the feelings right?" Dr. Adams asked.

Gage shook his head yes.

"I understand," Dr. Adams said as he finished in that area. 

Gage felt his touching stop in that area and immediately relaxed his grip.

"Almost done Gage," Dr. Adams said softly. "You're doing really well," he said as he finished up around his feet. 

"Oh man I feel so ashamed right now," Gage whispered as Dr. Adams quickly dried him off. "I'm sorry."

"It's perfectly normal to feel like this right now Gage, don't be sorry. This is hard for anyone to experience especially men. We are taught all the time to be strong and if we're not there's something wrong. Well I think you've done better than most," Dr. Adams said as he gently put his gown back on. "You really don't have to be ashamed, this is a normal part of a hospital routine, but I can understand why you feel this way," he said quietly. "It's all over now and you can rest again," he said pulling Gage's covers back on him. "Are you okay?" Dr. Adams asked as he pushed some sweat matted hair away from Gage's face.

"Yeah I guess," Gage said opening his eyes and looking up at Dr. Adams. "Thanks," he said softly.

"I really don't mind helping you Gage. Did I hurt you in any way? Please be honest."

"No," Gage said. "I just didn't like you touching down there," he said sadly. "I um, I just don't like…"

"I understand. You don't like the feeling of someone touching you there, feeling like you're not in control again, right?" He said as he gently pushed the curtains back. "Sydney should be back shortly," he said as he gathered up the cleaning stuff to leave. "We'll take some more x-rays tonight but I'm confident you should be able to go home in about 4 days or so."

"Can't come soon enough," he sighed.  He watched Dr. Adams walk away and just waited patiently for Sydney to return, thinking about all the things that led up to his being here.

He thought back to when he first me Captain Reynolds. "He was normal back then," he said softly. "What changed that?"

"We might never know," Walker said walking into his room.

"Walker!" Gage said with a smile as Walker came up to his bed and gently hugged him.

"How are you feeling?" Walker asked as he sat down beside Gage's bed.

"I'm okay, I guess," he sighed. "Can't wait to leave here though."

"I don't blame you," Walker said easing back in his chair.

"Why'd he do it Walker?" Gage asked with a frown. "I mean he said I…Walker he said my attitude is what…he…Walker just because he was like that doesn't mean…I mean…" Gage said in a panic.

"Gage nothing you did was wrong. You didn't lead him on in any way, I know that and you know that. But in his mind even the slightest smile was enough to trigger a false hope. I take it you remembered what happened back in the motel when you were a rookie?" Walker asked.

Sydney walked into the room as Walker asked the question. She stood silently off to the side waiting for Gage's answer. 

"Yeah," he said looking down. "I remembered everything…Walker it was horrible…he…he touched me back then and…" he said as he eyes started to water. "And this time…oh god he…" he finished in a sad whisper, unable to say more.

"It's okay Gage," Walker said patting his arm. "You don't have to go through it any more. It's over now. You faced your demons and conquered them. They'll never bother you again."

"How do you know?" Gage asked looking up at him. 

"Because you know what they are now. They are no longer just shadows and images. You know who did it to you. You know and you confronted him. You put an end to your misery. It no longer has any hold on you. And if those memories do surface you can look them straight in the eye and tell them to go to hell because you're not afraid any more. You are no longer in the dark Gage," Walker said softly. "He can't ever hurt you again."

"I'm so thankful for that," Sydney said as she walked up to the bed. "I'm glad he's dead."

"I don't think anyone in the city would argue with you," Walker said firmly. 

"The other guys…how are they?" Gage asked softly.

"They are calling you a hero," Walker smiled. 

"Just doing my job," Gage said firmly. 

"Now I know you've won!" Walker said with a firm smile. Walker stayed until Alex arrived and together the four of them had a brief supper and then it was time for Gage to get some more rest. The rest of the week was much the same as Gage continued to show great progress in healing. The catheter finally came out allowing Gage to use a cane to help himself to the bathroom and down to the showers to keep clean. 

"I can't believe I'm finally going home," Gage sighed as he stood beside the bed and packed some clothes and stuff up."

"About time," Sydney teased. "Are you going to meet with Ian again?"

"I talked to him yesterday," Gage sighed. "He said I could talk about my brief stay with Captain Reynolds seeing as he did um touch me and…" Gage started and stopped.

"Gage what is it?" Sydney asked in concern.

"I just never thought I'd have to talk about stuff like this," he said softly. "I mean what happened before…I just never thought…man it's just strange."

"Strange for me too," Sydney said firmly. "But we got through the first part together…the second should be a walk in the park."

"And speaking of a walk in the park," Gage smiled as he walked up to her and held her in his arms. "Want to take a walk in the park with me? Say in about two weeks?"

"What are you talking about?" Sydney asked looking into his blue eyes. 

"Wear white," he smiled as he brought his lips to hers and kissed her firmly. "Sydney Cook will you marry me?" He whispered as he continued to kiss her passionately in the middle of the hospital room.

"Yes," she whispered back as she took lengthened the kiss. She felt warm happiness cover her as his strong arms held her firmly against him. A feeling that she never thought she'd enjoy after he was taken the second time. We're getting married she said inside. My dreams are coming true, she told herself. 

**Dear readers, sorry I lied, this is not the ending chapter. I wanted to show a bit of his stay and recovery in the hospital. So I guess there's a bit more yet. Thanks for all the reviews and support so far. I truly appreciate them!**


	16. Today I Will Marry My Best Friend

Title: A Cry in the Dark  

**Chapter 16 – Today I Marry my Best Friend  
***Lyrics – 'When you come back to me' Belong to Garth Brooks

Sydney lay in Gage's arms that night in bed, leaning against his chest. 

"How come you're so quiet?" Gage asked softly as he stroked her head. "Are you upset because we couldn't make love tonight?" He asked in a soft tone.

"Not at all," she said warmly. "I love just being here with you like this. I was thinking about the fact that we are actually getting married in two weeks at Walker's ranch, just like we had planned," she said with a happy smile.

"I know," he said with a slight frown. "I was almost afraid it would never happen."

"Me too," she whispered. "But it is," she said looking down at the ring on her finger.

"And believe me there won't be any distractions or interference that night," Gage said firmly making her laugh. 

"Trust me there won't be," she added. She heard him yawn and knew he needed his rest. "Let's get some sleep okay? We have a lot to plan for in the coming days."

"Sounds good to me," he said as she gently moved off him. "So glad the arm cast is gone. This leg brace is not bad but man I can't wait until it's gone. Doc thinks it should be gone for the wedding," he said with a smile. 

"I think it gives you character," she teased. 

"Very funny," he sighed. He turned off the light and felt her snuggle close to him, making his body temperature rise even further. Gage's mind was a mix of strange dreams throughout the night as it had been the past week or so. 

"How did you sleep?" Sydney asked softly as they sat at the kitchen table the following morning.

"Still having nightmares," Gage sighed. "Ian said it was normal and that they will go away because the source of them has been destroyed."

"Gage that day…remember when you got into the car in such a panic…" Sydney started softly. "You knew then who it was right? That it was Captain Reynolds?"

"Yes," Gage sighed as he leaned back in his chair. 

"How?" She asked softly.

"The last time I bumped into him at the hospital I…" Gage started as he looked down. "It was something in his voice. The way he asked if I knew something different. Then he reached his hand out and…I stepped back and said it was habit…"

"Habit?"

"Habit from stepping back from him," Gage said seriously. "Then I knew. Then my mind flashed me back into the hotel room and I saw Captain Reynolds touching me," he said softly. "Then I knew. I didn't say anything because…Syd I had to be the one to stop him," Gage said firmly as he looked back up at her. "It had to be me…or I'd never be free and…Sydney I'm so sorry I put you through all that," he said softly.

"There is nothing to be sorry for," she said gently touching his face. "You're right about it having to be you to be the one to stop him but…well I wish it had been a different way," she sighed. "I was really scared there for a bit.

"Me too," he smiled as he took her hand and held it. "Man Sydney I was so scared that night."

"But you managed to fight back," she said firmly.

"No," Gage said meeting her gaze. "That first night…in the hotel as a rookie…I was so scared…if not for my partner then…I was scared," he said in a whisper.

"Gage that is nothing to be ashamed of," Sydney said firmly. 

"But I…"

"Gage," Sydney said touching his lips gently. "You did nothing wrong."

"It was the power Syd," Gage said firmly. "I think it was all the power. Captain Reynolds wanted to be in control and I think it bugged him that he wasn't…he couldn't control me or himself…I remember the way he looked at me…Sydney it was scary…it was like…" he said as his voice trailed off as he looked out the window. "Like the way I look at you," he said turning back. "I never experienced that before from a man…it was…I was scared…"

"I kno…"

"Sydney he touched me again in the hotel," Gage said looking down. "He…"

"Gage's it's over right? You don't have to be ashamed of anything," she said firmly. 

"I know," he huffed. "Just still feels so real…I was helpless and…Sydney I was scared…I thought I'd never see you again…our wedding…I remember telling him the first time I was getting married…Sydney he said not any more. Those words…they…they haunted me…I…I was just so scared."

"I would be too," she admitted softly. "He obviously had a problem that went beyond control. It was desire…obsession…it was twisted Gage…Captain Reynolds had a problem that he should have gotten help for long ago. But he chose not to and…Gage he's the one to blame…you're not at fault in any way."

"I know that now," Gage said softly. "Took a long time but I finally know that."

"Think of all the ones that weren't able to stand up to him over…" she started and then stopped. 

"What is it?" Gage asked quickly.

"I was just wondering how long he felt that way," she said softly. "I mean for him wanting to…okay that thought really scares me too," she said looking up at him with a frown. "It's over now…he can never hurt you or anyone else ever again," she said firmly. "That's all that really counts."

"And we are getting married," Gage smiled as he kissed her hand. "That's what really counts."

"Yes I agree," Sydney said with a large smile. "I was starting to wonder if it would ever happen."

"Baby even if we had to get married in Vegas," he teased. "It would have happened."

Sydney laughed at his facial expressions and was so thankful that they were able just to sit and laugh together without the fear of Captain Reynolds coming to destroy that in some way. 

"You know I think it's so great that you were able to visit the others and tell them in person the good news that Captain Reynolds was the one that raped them and that he is now dead," Sydney said firmly.

"I know," Gage said. "It was hard but I'm glad I was able to give them all a bit of closure. I know it would have killed me not knowing, even after it was over."

"I'm just so glad your instincts took over this time and allowed you to conquer your fear and fight him," Sydney said with a firm smile.

"I was still scared Sydney," he admitted sheepishly. "But I think I just…you know it was when he said it was my fault…"

"He said that?" Sydney asked in surprise.

"Yeah," Gage sighed. "Said I flaunted myself in front of him and other stuff. That's when I got mad…but…but then I froze again Syd…" he sighed once more. He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his sleepy eyes a bit. "That's when he was able to gag me and touch me…it was…damn Syd it was pure hell…but I…I just couldn't do nothing…I had to try right…I mean…" he said and then stopped. "Sydney I knew it might kill me and…and I was willing to take that risk."

"Well at the time that's all you could see. I'm sure Ian would tell you it's quite normal."

"I guess," Gage sighed. "I mean I didn't want to…then when we were fighting…oh man Syd," he said with a slight nervous laugh. "The fight…it was…it was a fight to the death," he admitted softly. "It would be either me or him."

"Glad it was him," Sydney frowned. "But for a bit there…Gage when I didn't hear your voice after the fall…then Walker…oh man Gage I honestly thought you died," she said sadly as she felt her eyes immediately water at the thought of remembering how they found him. 

"Come here," Gage said softly. He took her hand and pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms firmly around her. "It's all over now," he said as he felt her body lightly trembling. 

"I know," she said looking into his blue eyes. "I love you so much," she whispered as she took his face in her hands and kissed him firmly on the lips. "So much."

"Keep that up and we'll never get anything done today," he teased, making her laugh. 

"You're right," she said pulling away. 

They finally finished breakfast and then hurried to get ready for the day. The two weeks past by very fast as they all busied themselves with wedding preparation and finishing up paperwork so they would be able to leave for two weeks without anything hanging over their heads.

********

Finally the big day had arrived.

********

"Wow I can't believe how nervous I am," Sydney said as Alex helped her put her dress gently over her head.

"I know," Alex smiled. "I'm nervous for you."

"Thanks," Sydney said dryly. "You're supposed to be my voice of confidence.

"Sorry," she laughed. 

Sydney finally got her dress over her head and stood in front of the full length mirror and smiled.

"Wow," Alex said softly. "Sydney you look so beautiful."

"I can't believe today is actually happening," Sydney said softly.

"If you start crying now you'll be in big trouble," Alex warned with a slight laugh. "I mean it."

"Okay sorry," Sydney laughed as she wiped her eyes dry. "Can't help it…I'm just so happy."

"Me too sweetie," Alex said hugging her. "Come on let's get your hair done," she said letting the hair dresser into the large open room.

"I wonder if Gage is as nervous as I am?" Sydney asked as sat down in the chair to allow her hair to be done.

"Trust me he's more nervous," Alex laughed. "He has Walker and Trivette helping him," she said making Sydney laugh with her.

"True," she smiled. 

********

"Walker you're not helping," Gage sighed as he tried to tie his bow tie on.

"You're doing it wrong," Walker smiled.

"Well it's because…" Gage said as he looked over at Trivette. "How come his is perfect?"

"Because I'm the master," Trivette boasted.

"Yeah right," Walker sighed as he rolled his eyes. "It's a clip on."

"A what?" Gage asked in shock.

"Walker…" Trivette moaned.

"Is it really?" Gage asked quickly.

"Yes it is," Trivette huffed.

"Can I have one?" Gage asked making them all laugh.

"See told you I was the master," Trivette boasted again. "I can easily sway men's minds."

"I thought you liked women," Gage teased.

"Funny," Trivette said dryly. "Be nice to me or I won't let you have my extra one."

"Trivette today he's getting married. He's allowed to be any way he wants," Walker smiled at his partner.

"Yeah now give me the phoney bow," Gage said firmly.

"Phoney," Trivette huffed as he slapped into Gage's hand. 

Gage just laughed as he clipped the bow tie in place and then stepped back and smiled. "Can't believe I'm getting married today," he said softly.

"No one has earned it more," Walker said gently touching him on the back. "I'm proud of you Gage," Walker said firmly. "You never gave up and when it counted the most you knew what to do."

"I honestly thought at the beginning this day would never come," Gage said with a sigh. "I was so scared Walker."

"We all were Gage," Walker said firmly. "For both of you. You could have easily given up like the others, but didn't. Be proud of that fact."

"I am," Gage said with a smile. "Very proud."

"Now let's finish up and get outside," Walker smiled.

"Do you think she'll be late?" Gage asked with a frown.

"She's a bride right?" Walker countered.

Gage turned back to the mirror and stared at his reflection. He only had slight bruises left on his face and he wasn't going to use the cane today. His leg was healing much better and he'd only have a slight limp. He tried to look for traces of a different man on the outside but found none. All that stared back at him was the same reflection that had everyday since he was born. He was different though, on the inside. The part no one sees, he sighed to himself. That was the part that was still a bit unsure and apprehensive. But he knew with his friends and Sydney's love that he would be able to push the tragic event to the back of his mind where it belonged. Not because he couldn't deal with it or face it, but because he had already and won. He no longer needed to face those demons to know he could. That battle was over, new ones lay ahead. As he felt Walker touch his shoulder, signalling him to head outside he knew he would never be alone.

"Let's go," Gage said softly as he slowly followed after Walker. "I wonder if she's this nervous?"

Walker just laughed and looked at Trivette. It was so good to finally have Gage wondering about things that were really important and not hovering around fears he couldn't control. The events with Captain Reynolds would haunt him for some time but as they would lessen Gage would forget, not what he endured by the reason for it. For in the end that was the true fear, the not knowing. 

Gage reached outside and stared at the small group of his friends before him and felt some of his tension leaving. They were smiling at him, not out of pity or worry for what happened, but because he was about to get married. They were proud and happy that he faced his fears and won. Now the real test began, that of providing for a family and taking on a new role. That's the real challenge, Gage told himself. The other stuff was just part of the job. And as he told himself that over and over again, Captain Reynolds ugliness started to diminish. He turned and looked up the road as the white limousine started to slowly drive down the driveway and felt his heart start to race. Sydney hadn't even exited the car and he was already smiling broadly. I can't believe I'm getting married today, he said happily. Wow.

********

Sydney felt her nervousness starting to grow as the white limo neared Walker's front porch. "I can't believe how nervous I am," Sydney said softly. "Wow. Were you nervous?"

"Honey every bride is nervous," Alex smiled warmly. "But once you say, 'I do', you'll feel immediately more relieved."

"I hope so," she said with a slight frown. She looked at Gage's bike and smiled to herself. I'm finally getting married, she said inside. To the man I knew the minute I met him. The limo came to a stop outside the front door and Sydney slowly climbed out of the car and smiled at Trivette who was waiting to waiting to walk her down the isle.

"Sydney…" he said with a smile. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks," Sydney said with a smile. "I wish I wasn't so nervous."

"Well just hold onto my arm and I'll try not to let you fall," Trivette teased as he held out his arm for her.

"Funny," she said dryly. 

Sydney took his arm and they started to walk slowly after Alex who had already headed for the pathway to the alter. Sydney heard the music start up and immediately felt her heart start to beat a bit faster. She watched Alex walk ahead of her and then took her position at the end to wait to walk. She looked up at Gage and smiled at him. He was the most handsome man she ever knew. Strong and brave and he loved her. She loved the way his black tux complimented his blond hair and hugged the right parts of his body. But most of all she loved the fact that he had faced his fears and wanted to assume his normal life again. She looked at his face and locked eyes with him and actually felt a small measure of tension lifted from her body as she started to walk towards him. 

********

Gage heard the music start up and immediately felt his heart start to race and his system display nervous features as he balled up his fists at his sides. He tried to relax his breathing and felt his chest start to breathe a bit more slowly. He watched Alex slowly walking towards them and knew Sydney was next. He caught a glimpse of white as she rounded the corner and felt his heart stop when she came into view. Oh…my…god…he said in happiness. Wow, she's beautiful.

"Wow," he whispered, making Walker look at him sideways and smile.

Gage, however, did not look back. His eyes were transfixed on the beautiful woman that started to slowly walk his way. The woman I knew I loved the minute I locked eyes with hers, he told himself. He watched Sydney walk towards him and knew his smile was taking up most of his face, but he didn't care. He had more than earned it and the small gathering of his friends knew that. 

Sydney and Trivette walked up to Gage and Trivette kissed her on the cheek, shook Gage's hand and then went and took his seat behind Gage. Gage took Sydney's hand and held it while they turned to face the minister. Neither could hear a word the man before them was saying as the beating of their hearts was drowning out anything audible. They sat through his sermon, the vows and the ring exchange. It was finally time to kiss the bride.

Gage gently cupped Sydney's face in his and tasted her lips. "I love you," he whispered as he kissed her firmly but passionately. 

Sydney heard his words and smiled as she whispered back, "I love you too."

After they had signed the papers to make it all legal and the pictures were taken there was a quick break before they would sit down to supper. Gage took Sydney by the hand and led her to Walker's small garden gazebo. 

Gage took Sydney by the hand and led her to a small, secluded terrace. "Something wrong?" Sydney asked quickly as he turned to face her.

"Sydney I just had to say…" he started with a frown. "I mean I have seen you looking beautiful before but…" he said making her really blush. "You look amazing…I…man words can't describe how amazing you look right now."

"You look pretty good yourself," she smiled back.

"I just never thought this day possible for me," he said looking out the window. "Even today I didn't even believe it. Captain Reynolds…and what he said…I just never thought…But when the music started…and then you started to walk down the isle…" Gage said turning to her. "Sydney I felt my world stop and then start again and I realized that my dream has finally come true." He picked up her hand in his and brought it to his lips. "I love you Sydney Cook-Gage. Always."

"Gage when I was driving over it too seemed very surreal for me. I never thought I'd feel such happiness ever again, especially after what happened with you and all…but when I looked up and saw your face at the end of the isle…waiting…I realized that dreams do come true. I love you Francis Gage," she said kissing him back. 

Always."

"Hey you two," Alex said walking up to them. "Time to start supper."

"Okay you can both breath easy now," Trivette said as the MC when they were seated for supper. Gage and Sydney listened to Trivette's light jokes and then chatted casually during the wonderful romantic dinner the caterer's put on. After the dinner it was time for a few speeches and the dance. Alex said a few heart-felt words and so did a few others Then much to their surprise Gage watched as Walker got up from his chair and headed for the podium. 

"Was he scheduled to say something?" Gage whispered to Sydney.

"No, he said it would be too hard," Sydney smiled warmly. "But I'm sure he'll do fine."

"Gage I have known you for some time. You have been more than a friend to me, sometimes closer than a brother. I love you like you were my own. Sydney there is no one in the world that I would want to marry Gage and together I know the two of you will be able to meet any challenge head on and win. There is nothing the two of you can't accomplish together."

Gage and Sydney held hands and listened and both of them felt their eyes water watching Walker attempt to get through his small dedication. 

"I am usually not the kind of person who does this but when I heard this song I immediately thought of the two of you. You have both faced so much in your lives and yet to be able to come together and love one another is the living proof that dreams do come true. Although it took a lot of hard work and perseverance you have both shown that with hard work comes fulfilment. You both weathered life's rocky storms and were the lighthouse in the dark guiding each other back to safety. And I know at times you both probably wanted to just walk away and call it quits but didn't, demonstrates that whatever tests you'll face in the future you'll face them together and be stronger for it. This song I dedicate to my best friend and the woman who has made his life complete. Sydney, Gage this is for you," Walker said warmly. 

Walker looked at Alex and smiled as he gave the signal to the DJ who put the song on. Walker walked back to his seat and looked at Alex.  "Whew, glad that's over," he said with a frown. 

"You did great," Alex said kissing him on the cheek. 

"Well they deserve happiness," Walker said firmly.

"And speaking of happiness," Alex said taking Walker's hand and placing it on her tummy. "I have some happy news of my own."

Walker looked down and then back up at her with a stunned look. "Are you…I mean…we…are we…"

"We are going to have a baby," she smiled happily.

"Alex," Walker said hugging her tightly. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said happily. Walker took his wife's hand after kissing her once more and together they watched Gage and Sydney walk hand in hand onto the makeshift dance floor.

********

Gage took Sydney by the hand and led them to the small dance floor that was laid out under the tent on Walker's ranch. They both heard Walker's warm words and waited in anticipation for the song to start. When it did the lyrics played with their memories from when they first started to draw together during this ordeal and knew everything Walker had stated had been heartfelt and the truth. Gage held Sydney firmly against him as the music started to sway.

_There's a ship out  
On the ocean  
At the mercy of the sea  
It's been tossed about  
Lost and broken  
Wandering aimlessly  
And God somehow  
You know that ship is me  
'Cause there's a lighthouse  
In the harbor  
Shining faithfully  
Pouring its light out  
Across the water  
For this sinking soul to see  
That someone out there  
Still believes in me_

"You know there was a time I believed that none of the would happen. I honestly thought that this kind of happiness wasn't meant for someone like me," Gage said softly.  "Especially after what happened to me. The blame, the guilt…I honestly thought you'd leave."

"I had just as many doubts Gage," Sydney said softly. "Maybe more. That you would turn away…that wouldn't' love me like before."

"I mean all the things I have gone through and…well I wouldn't have survived if you weren't there to help me through, guiding me to the other side. The right side. By you," he said warmly. "All the way. You never left my side and I can't thank you enough."

"And if not for your courage and love I never would have thought a second chance possible for us," Sydney smiled.

_ On a prayer, in a song  
I hear your voice and  
It keeps me hanging on  
Raining down  
Against the wind  
I'm reaching out till  
We reach the circle's end  
When you come  
Back to me again_

_There's a moment  
We all come to  
In our own time and  
Our own space  
Where all that we've done  
We can undo  
If our heart's  
In the right place_

"I keep thinking back to the time I first encountered Captain Reynolds," Gage said softly. "I told myself then that I would be alone forever and that the mistakes I made then would one day come back to haunt me the rest of my life."

"We all make mistakes Gage. I have too," Sydney said softly. "We both have and both will yet. But as long as we can work through them together then we will be able to make it. We won't fail, we can't. Walker's right…together we can do anything."

"I thought for sure Captain Reynolds's had ended my dreams of a happy future. And then when he attacked me again and the fight at the end and…I honestly thought this day was just a dream for me."

"It is a dream Gage," Sydney smiled. "And it just came true. For both of us."

_On a prayer, in a song  
I hear your voice and  
It keeps me hanging on  
Raining down  
Against the wind  
I'm reaching out till  
We reach the circle's end  
When you come  
Back to me again  
And again I see  
My yesterday's in front of me  
Unfolding like a mystery  
You're changing all that is  
And used to be_

_On a prayer, in a song  
I hear your voice and  
It keeps me hanging on  
Raining down  
Against the wind  
I'm reaching out till  
We reach the circle's end  
When you come  
Back to me again  
  
When you come  
Back to me again_

"I love you Sydney," Gage whispered as he tenderly kissed her lips as he held her around the waist, close to him. "No matter what you never gave up on me. Your love and your strength made this day possible."

"I love you too Gage," Sydney said kissing him back. She felt his strong arm around her waist and smiled as the song continued to play. "And I never will give up on you because I know you'd do the same for me. Your love and your courage made this day possible."

"No matter what happens Sydney I promise you now we'll get through it together."

"No more going it alone," she whispered back. 

"No more being alone," he whispered to her. 

"Together," they both said at the same time. "Now and forever."

********

Sydney and Gage enjoyed the rest of their intimate wedding with their close friends until it was time to leave, not soon enough by their standards. They had laughed and cried with family members and friends, shared stories and tears, and drank enough to last two lifetimes. Now it was time to finally leave and enjoy the love of each other. 

They sat in each other's arms on the ride back to Dallas, towards the hotel they would spend the weekend in. After they were settled in and put a few things way both stood in the middle of the hotel room in front of the modest fireplace just lookin at each other with happy smiles.

"I don't know why but for some reason I'm a little nervous," Sydney said softly.

"Whew," Gage laughed. "I thought I was the only one. I mean shesh it actually feels like my wedding night," Gage said firmly. He watched Sydney frown and immediately knew he said something wrong. "Oh man I mean…Sydney I didn't mean it like that," he said in a panic. "It's just well…you and me…I mean dressed like this and…" he said in a fluster and then completely stopped. "I'm just going to stop now," he said firmly. 

"Good," she said softly. "Just relax and be yourself okay?" Sydney said softly.

Gage looked at her with a serious face. "I love you so much," he whispered firmly. "You have made today possible. Not Dr. Adams, not counselling, not Walker, not even luck. It's you Sydney, you helped me through it all. I owe you my life," he said leaning in and kissing her on the lips. 

Sydney wrapped her arms around his neck and started to respond in full. Soon they were slowly undressing each other from their formal wedding attire. Gage slowly unzipped the back of Sydney's dress while she started to unbutton his shirt, exposing his muscled chest. 

"Man my heart is racing," he whispered as he continued to gently devour her neck and then moved lower. He lowered them to the floor in front of the warmth from the fire and gazed lustfully as the warm glow started to temp him with the curves of her body. Sydney looked up and sighed happily as Gage's muscled flexed as his body moved closer to hers. He kissed her once more and then pulled himself back up. "Wow," he said softly.

"What?" Sydney asked with a slight smile.

"Tonight I get to make love to my _wife_, still amazes me," he said with a large grin. 

Sydney wrapped her arm around his neck and pulled him back down to her. "So come here and show me what it's like already," she teased. "_Husband_."

Gage moved himself into position over her and did indeed show her much he loved her. In fact it wasn't until the wee hours of the morning that they finally made it to the warm bed and were sleeping, wrapped in each other's embrace. 

A peaceful calm washed over them both. Embracing them in its endless arms. Wrapping them in serenity. And watching over them with a careful eye making sure they got the rest they both needed and deserved. And tomorrow would come. The future was theirs to share together. But for now it would have to wait.

**_~~Today I married my best friend, my love, my life~~_**

**THE END!**

**Dear readers. Male rape is a thing that is becoming more and more prevalent in the world today. 1 in 4 rapes committed is on a man. And only a very small percentage of those incidents occur in jail (common misconception) and not all are homosexual rapes. This topic while sensitive and disturbing at times is one that needs to thought about more as more people realize it's not just a crime that happens against women. I want to thank everyone for the wonderful support and even more for those that left reviews. Your open support means more than you'll know with a story like this. I firmly believe in happy endings for fanfic (although in real life it happens less and less). I hope you all liked the ending and please review if you did and for the overall story. Thanks again everyone!!**


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